What Is Forever
by Wooleywews
Summary: Bella's soul was damaged from sorrow. Edward's suffocates from loneliness. Hope for eternal love never dies. "I understood what was meant by forever. To love someone so completely that you are willing to do anything to bring them with you into eternity."
1. Chapter 1—Sorrow Too Soon

**_A/N: So, this is my second FanFic story. Thank you soooooo much for reading!_**

**_Hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings about the lives and loves of the Twilight characters. PLZ NOTE that they of course belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... However, the plot for "What Is Forever" is mine. _**

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><p>"<em>Ah, nothing comes to us too soon but sorrow." Bailey<br>_

CHAPTER 1: SORROW TOO SOON

Forever.

It was a difficult word for me to think about. I knew, more than anyone else around me, how fleeting it could be.

Two words not normally connected—forever and fleeting…

_Confusing_. That's the word that best described what forever meant to me at the time of my college graduation.

As I got ready, I mulled over all the things that had happened to me that had brought me to this specific point in my life.

One minute everything's going along pretty well; you even think you understand living a little bit. Life may even have seemed a little boring.

_Boring. _I snorted. _Boring would have been pretty great. _I sighed. I definitely would have taken boring over frustration, loss, anger, depression…

Just over five years had passed since Jacob's death. _It seems like forever ago…_ I snickered at my sick joke. _I shouldn't be so morbid. _I shook my head at myself. I had _a lot _to be thankful for. My college graduation was happening _because_ of him. Because he'd cared enough about me to worry about our future together if it ended… Badly.

And it had. He'd been a soothsayer in that regard. I smiled grimly as I thought of his sister, Leah. Not a word _she_ would have used to describe Jacob. Then again, it wasn't one he would have picked for himself either. Being a member of a small Native American tribe that had been located in a small coastal section of Washington State for… Well… A long time...

_Wow. I needed to stop with this dark sense of humor-thing I'd picked up. _I pursed my lips and gave a small shake of my head.

Jacob, being not only a member but the only son of the Chief of said tribe, would have many responsibilities coming his way. He hadn't thought about them seriously throughout high school, though. After we'd started officially dating in our sophomore and junior years, respectively (I was one year older than Jake), he started telling me some of the more sacred stories of his tribe. He was sort-of breaking the rules but he hadn't taken many of the tribe's Storytellers very seriously as he'd grown up on the reservation.

Until his senior year.

Everything seemed to morph and change at that point. He became reserved, a little more serious. It was a side of him I'd never seen; and we'd been best friends since before I had turned five years old…

A long, relaxed friendship was what we had; that had started shortly after he'd come on the scene after my mother died. My dad, Charlie, and his dad, Chief Billy Black, were best friends and Billy would be up at the house a lot to help my dad through one of the most difficult periods of his life. He would sometimes even bring his obnoxious son with him. I grinned at the memory in spite of myself.

Jake and his dad had been there when my last grandma, my maternal grandmother, had passed away just two years after my mother. Charlie's parents had both died before I was even born... Jacob was there when we made mud patties in the dirt by the river behind my dad's house, and subsequently rubbed the dirt in my hair. He was there when I went skinny dipping, on a dare from _him_… Was there when I discovered I loved reading and when I knew I could write better than anyone else we knew. He was there when my first crush made me cry.

He was always there when I really wanted him to be and, of course, I was always there for him. It was inevitable really that we'd end up together. We fit together, like those puzzle pieces for young children. No rough edges. Easy. It was natural for us—effortless.

When he was 17 and I was 18 we graduated from high school and got engaged. When he turned 18, we took a road trip to Las Vegas, Nevada and eloped. Our families weren't surprised.

His sister Leah was not amused when we took over the family's small cabin only ten minutes from their father's house on the reservation. She had liked to hang out there with her friends and to have somewhere to go to get away from Jake and Billy.

I laughed at the memory of the look on her face when Jake had painted the tiny kitchen a bright yellow just because I'd called him my own personal sun. That's just the way he was—spontaneous—we were like that together. Even though we seemed impulsive to the people around us—his family, my dad—life moved along at an easygoing pace for us. Surprisingly, or not so much, since we'd both lost our mothers at very early ages, we were both pretty mature, however.

We both had aspirations and lofty goals.

Jake wanted to go to an automotive technical school to get certification as a mechanic and open his own repair shop, as well as continue to help his dad and sister manage their small but profitable commercial fishing family business.

I of course had wanted to go to college but we couldn't afford the tuition for the school's I _really_ wanted to attend...

I had always had a real fascination with reading and literature in general. Especially the American and English classics. Since the school's that had any kind of worthwhile English Lit programs were outrageously expensive—at least for a newly married under 20-year old—I'd dismissed the idea quickly.

Instead, with Jake's enthusiastic support, I started taking evening classes at the community college in Port Angeles, which wasn't that far from our little home and my dad's place in Forks, Washington. I'd started thinking excitedly about just getting my Associate's Degree and then a teaching certification in elementary education to teach at the reservation's small school. But that all changed when Jake… _Don't cry… Don't cry…_ A few tears escaped before I could pull myself together.

I took deep breath.

After I turned 21 we had begun talking about starting a family; his responsibilities to the tribe had increased tremendously and it seemed a natural next step for us.

And then, one Sunday morning, he passed out without warning while helping his dad with their fishing boat. A quick trip to the hospital, a CT Scan… And our world was turned upside-down. Grade three. Malignant. Anaplastic Astrocytoma. A brain tumor. Surgery was not an option.

Several months of radiation therapy, followed up with chemo… The treatments had no real affect. Jacob stayed optimistic all the way to the end—for both us, his family, even the doctors. But… It really had been hopeless from the start. And because the chemo made him feel so sick, we never even contemplated trying to get pregnant during his seemingly endless rounds of treatments.

It seemed as if I made the mistake of looking away from him for only a moment and... He was gone.

I closed my eyes to keep the tears in. I needed to be strong for his family.

Charlie had always called me brave and resourceful. Billy called me stubborn and clever. Both of them were right up to a certain point, I suppose.

I was glad they had decided come to my graduation.

Four years and five months after I'd lost my husband—I was a college graduate. Oh, there had been times I didn't think I could do it... And then I would remember _how_ I'd gotten into Arizona State University in the first place.

I felt a tear escape from behind one of my closed eyelids. I let out a shuddering breath.

Before we'd left to go to Vegas to get married, Jake had taken out a life insurance policy without telling me, in case something happened to him. It was really, really cheap since he was so young. It ended up being enough to cover four years at almost any college or university I would want to attend.

Now, here I was, 26 years old, graduating with a Bachelor's Degree from ASU. I'd majored in English Literature, with a Minor in Technical Communication. Amazing. I'd made it.

If I'd wanted to still believe in the real meaning of forever, this would be why: So I could believe that Jacob would be happy for me, proud of me, from wherever he was now. That, perhaps, forever did exist on _that_ side of the hereafter even if it couldn't on this side.

That thought helped me to pull myself together again. I went to the bathroom of my off-campus apartment to look myself over in the mirror above the sink. I quickly splashed some water on my face, drying myself off with my hands since I'd already packed all my towels and attempted to smooth out my hair a bit. _Well, here goes… Everything._

~~:::~~

As I closed the door to my apartment for the last time, I did get a little sad. But honestly, I was ready. Ready to move on with my life, to try and find some meaning to everything that had already happened to me.

I was moving to San Francisco the very next day and Jake's family was not happy about it. Even though I had come home from college every holiday break and for the summers, they'd hoped I would come back to Forks and stay with Charlie for a bit before I made any job decisions. But I had already decided I wouldn't be going back. My dad supported my decision knowing, I think, it was what I needed. Change, a fresh start. I'd started to feel my independence grow as I'd attended college away from my family. Away from Jake's family. Of course, San Fran was a lot closer to Washington State than Phoenix, but it still wasn't close enough for his family.

Sometimes Jacob's family made me feel… Smothered. They couldn't help it. I was a tangible connection to Jake in a way. But I couldn't be that for them anymore. I _had_ to move forward. I needed to learn how to be completely on my own.

I'd taken a job as a copy editor for a very small publishing company, Libellus Publishing (their name even means 'little book' in Latin), which was actually owned by a much larger Canadian firm. As my new boss had explained it to me, they made all their money off of the 'fluff' works of fiction and they had a few small firms like hers to handle their 'important' authors. Sort-of like controlling their business losses while still appearing to be a 'serious' publishing house. I laughed a little at the memory.

That was a rude awakening. Discovering that everything I'd spent my entire college education learning about regarding significant pieces of literature was considered a business loss. Nice. I smiled involuntarily again… _Well, time to go…_

I turned my back on my apartment, my 'home' for the last four years to meet my dad at the graduation ceremony. I was ready.

~~:::~~

I thought my dad was going to have a stroke from excitement and pride when everyone threw their caps into the air. I could just barely see him and Jake's family in the huge crowd. Afterward, Leah and Charlie found me as I was saying goodbye to some of my school buddies. We all excitedly talked about staying in touch. However, I knew, and I think Charlie did too, that I was only being polite. I wouldn't stay in touch with anyone from college. It just wasn't my way. And I was so, so ready to start my new life. To move forward.

However, I felt old. Too old. I could tell that Charlie could see it in my eyes.

We managed to only have to spend a few hours with Jacob's family since they were heading back to Washington early the next morning. My dad was staying overnight in a hotel with me, since he was helping me drive the small moving van I'd rented. He would also be helping me move into my new apartment.

I was glad he'd been able to get the time off of work. My dad was Forks' Sheriff but had a dependable Deputy who promised he would keep things under control while my dad was visiting with me. _How difficult could it be anyway to 'manage things' in a place as small as Forks?_ I gave a little snort.

Luckily with my new job also came a new, single floor apartment. Well, not really _new_… It was upstairs from the offices that were on the first two floors, which was extremely convenient _and_ inexpensive. It was apparently a perk of being able to work day-to-day in one of the 'Painted Ladies' that were the architectural icons of San Francisco. They were in the Victorian/Edwardian style, with many painted in varying hues of pastels; the one I would be calling 'home' soon had been built in 1855 and was in deep blues and maroons.

Since someone would be living in the home and no one actually came to buy anything like they would if it had been a book store, it apparently wasn't a problem with the city's ordinance codes that there was actually a publishing company inside of what most people considered to be a historical monument. It was a win-win for the publishing company _and_ the city; since the company saved money from not having an expensive office building downtown, and the city knew that someone owned it that had the financial ability to take care of a historic building that was over a hundred years old—apparently a rather costly pursuit for the average home owner. At least that's how it had been explained to me.

Ultimately it really didn't matter, since all I knew for sure was that I had a light and airy place to live for only the cost of the utilities. I was extremely lucky in the first-job department. And the pay was _great_. I mean, what else do you call a $42k a year, straight out of college job?

I'd decided to sell my old but beloved Chevy truck, since I didn't need to travel at all to get to work and the Bay Area was well known for its easily accessible public transportation. I hadn't driven it much while I was at college anyway. _I'm really going to miss that old beast..._ I'd thought wistfully.

The next morning, as we were getting ready to head out, I thought about how much I was looking forward to starting my new life. The city was incredibly energetic. Beautiful and busy. I giggled. I was happy. The happiest I'd been in… Well, quite awhile. I heard Charlie laugh at me behind my back as he headed for the van.

Moving to San Francisco and taking this opportunity had definitely been one of my best decisions; and had the potential to be one of the most successful.

My dad was proud of me and I was really thankful for that, but I was also really proud of myself.

~~:::~~

I settled into my new place quickly, which surprised me a little. And then I remembered something Charlie had told me as we had set the last boxes down in my new apartment.

"Hun, you've done _real_ well. I'm so proud of you." He was grinning from ear to ear. My normally stoic father was beaming, he was that happy for me. We'd both always had difficulty expressing our emotions with each other. When I was little, it seemed easier to not call attention to deep emotions since it had the potential to make him sad. I always tried my best to be supportive and happy for him, even if I wasn't really feeling that way myself. He of course overcompensated by not telling me how he was really feeling so as not to burden me with his own sadness. But time moved forward and we both healed. Perhaps the silence was good for us, perhaps it brought peace into lives that had been so touched by grief that there were no words to make it better anyway…

"I want to tell you something."

_Uh-oh_. "Hey, dad, no mushy speeches, o.k.?" I tried to turn and move one of the boxes quickly, so I wouldn't have to watch him struggle to share something with me that he'd obviously been thinking about for a while.

"No, no, I just wanted to tell you that I know that things, obviously, haven't been easy for you…" I turned to look at him and realized my mistake too late. When I saw the look of tenderness on his face, the tears automatically began flowing down my face.

"Aww, dad… You don't have to tell me how much you love me, I already know…"

He stopped me by walking over and placing his hands on my shoulders. "Let me get this out before I… Before I can't." I looked up into his eyes and could see that there was something vitally important to him that he wanted to share with me. So, I stayed quiet so he could get it out more quickly. _No reason to torture him._ Even though it appeared to be of great consequence, it was still a struggle for him. I nodded up at him silently to continue as I attempted to dry my eyes with my fingers.

"Look, sometimes… No. Not _sometimes_." I could see resolve suddenly settle into his features. "Bella, things _always_ happen for a reason. Even if, at the time, we don't understand… Couldn't possibly understand what that reason might be."

I stared at him for a few more seconds, not knowing how to respond, as he dropped his arms from me. He searched my eyes for something… I think he wanted to make sure I understood. I'm not sure that I did at that precise moment but he seemed to find whatever it was he'd been looking for in my eyes. "That's… That's it really. I just thought it was really, really important that you know that." He turned from me then, to start getting his things ready for his departure. I could just make out the moisture on his cheeks as he turned away.

We were fairly quiet during the remainder of his time with me, only getting a little emotional as I saw him off the next morning. I wasn't able to tell him then but I knew in my heart that I would miss him.

~~:::~~

Time passed at a nice, even pace. My life found a pattern that suited me. I had a great job, good friends, and family that loved me.

My dad and I became closer than we'd ever been at any other point in my life. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and that was definitely the case with us. We talked on the phone with each other almost every Sunday evening; never for very long but it was enough.

He had been right. Even with all the memories I had of my pain, in spite of everything that had happened to me, I felt at peace. I knew that I was where I was supposed to be.

My job with Libellus Publishing was a little tedious but exciting at the same time. The drama, the suspense, the romance… It was all varying shades of absorption for me. So many different ideas, cultures… And levels of writing ability. Some were so much better than others, while I had to turn to my boss on occasion to work out what to do with some the more mediocre works.

My boss, the managing editor Angela Cheney, lived with her husband Ben and their three children only a few blocks away from the office. Ben worked from home as a video game development artist for a gaming company in Palo Alto. The office manager, Carolyn Rodgers, lived with her daughter about fifteen minutes away. They shared a floor of one of the Chateau-style mansions that had been converted into several apartments in the exclusive Pacific Heights neighborhood. Carolyn's daughter, Misty, who was only five years older than me, was an art teacher at one of the elite private schools in the same neighborhood. Both Angela and Carolyn were very nice ladies; it was like working with a good friend and an extremely observant aunt—not nosy mind you, just really observant.

Angela was pretty and kind, only a few years older than me. She'd also married her high school sweetheart. They'd both gone to college right out of school and managed to start a family at the same time. She was truly amazing.

Carolyn was a clever and quiet lady, always listening and only speaking when she had something rather dramatic to announce to us. But she loved books, her job, and her daughter. She was the glue that kept the office running smoothly while Angela and I worked on proofreading and editing manuscripts for publication. Angela also had the formidable task of dealing with some of our rather eccentric authors. I loved it all.

My 27th birthday had fallen on an unusually warm Saturday (for September). It had not been thrilling in any way. I was so glad. It had been really _relaxing_, however.

My dad had flown down for the day from Forks and we'd done the usual site-seeing around the Bay. We had an early dinner with Angela, her family, and Carolyn at one of the intimate bistro's in Pacific Heights. We had ended up talking and laughing for hours about some of our more eccentric authors, about some of the stranger and sillier manuscripts we'd read, the craziness but also the vibrancy of the city… But nothing about my past. It was probably the best birthday I'd ever had. At that moment, I really couldn't imagine things getting any better. I was… Content.

~~:::~~

Having breakfast everyday next to a double-window with large, white lacy curtains, with a breathtaking view out over San Francisco, in a house that oozed character from another time (namely the Victorian Era), tended to help your mind be in tune for editing stories that were dramatic or romantic in nature. I sighed as I finished my orange juice and got up to rinse my glass out in my miniature but very cute and functional kitchen.

Even though the house had been brought into the current century so that we had all the modern conveniences, it still maintained its Victorian charms. My loft apartment, which had been the attic over 50 years ago, was decorated very girlishly. Which I was o.k. with—it fit the charm of the home perfectly. The Laura Ashley-style wall paper that covered every wall surface except for the ceiling, with its bright white background and tiny bunches of pink and lavender flowers geometrically placed every ten inches or so, actually helped to brighten the already cheerful space.

Since it had previously been the attic, the walls followed the slope and shape of the roof of the house, with the ceiling at the center of the room being about twelve feet high and the lowest parts of the ceiling being in the corners of the room at about five feet. At least I hadn't hit my head on any of the sharp angles yet. There were two dormers, one with a bay window full of glass shelves above the kitchen sink and the other, directly across the room from the first, overlooked a seating area just to the right of the stairs. To the left of the stairs was a tiny bathroom with a Victorian-styled pedestal sink and elegant mirrored medicine cabinet directly above it. The toilet was even Victorian-looking, even though it had been purchased at one of the large home improvement stores only a couple of years previously. There was no tub, only a white-tiled corner stall shower that had a wonderful rain-type shower head.

The bedroom was just barely big enough for the full-size white enamel and brass bed with its big, fluffy down comforter, situated at an angle in the middle of the room. There was a small antique white dresser, which sat next to a large picture window. I also had one the smallest "walk-in" closets I'd ever seen. The bedroom wall was shared with the kitchen, which was in an L-shape configuration with a dorm-sized refrigerator and stove on the wall it shared with the bedroom, and the sink and diminutive dish washer on the outside wall.

There were two corner storage spaces on either side of the main window, which faced out over the street. In the middle of the main room was a cushy love seat with tons of decorative pillows and a TV on a small stand by the door that led into the bathroom. Right next to the front windows I had a three-foot long kitchen table with two comfy arm chairs angled at each end so I could sit like I had this morning, like I did every morning, and read whatever novel I was currently engrossed in while I enjoyed my O.J. after my cornflakes.

I walked down the staircase from my attic 'home' to my office space, taking in the sheer splendor of all the shelves of books that surrounded our work area. What were once two bedrooms with a shared bathroom and a sitting area were now two offices and a large open space with two desks. I occupied the desk closest to the windows, while Angela and Carolyn each had one of the offices. The bathroom hadn't been altered much except to move the door to face out to the main room instead of off of the bedrooms exclusively, to have it easier to be used by three women.

There was an organized sense of chaos to the room, with piles and piles of books and manuscripts everywhere. One of the scariest things about Carolyn was that she knew what was in each stack and what it's importance to the whole was. She could be intimidating but chose not be. She was fully aware of her own abilities but was always able to pull the best out of other people, rather than make them feel inadequate.

Apparently, she was the reason the girl before me hadn't work out. She had just been _too_ intimidated. I respected Carolyn's position and never tried to do her job. I simply kept my nose to my own tasks and only helped her when she asked. Which seemed to suit Carolyn just fine. In fact, I think she liked me _because _I wasn't intimidated by her but did greatly respect her.

Since the only windows in the room faced out the front looking out over the Bay, all the other walls in the room were covered in bookcases. From floor to ceiling, the shelves were filled with old manuscripts, books and magazines.

The first floor was a large parlor maintained in its original Victorian splendor and the three of us would have afternoon tea every Wednesday there, just because we could. The kitchen was on the first floor situated at the back of the house and had been completely remodeled in the 90's. It didn't match the front room but it was very clean and simple, so it didn't exactly clash, either. The single car garage hadn't had a car stored in it since the 60's and now served as storage for manuscripts that no longer needed to be at Carolyn's or Angela's fingertips.

_Speaking of fingertips…_ "Ouch!" I'd managed to stab myself with a staple remover and was sucking on my finger when the telephone rang. Angela was out of the office at a meeting and Carolyn was picking up supplies for the office on her way in that morning. In trying to make my finger feel better and awkwardly answer the phone at the same time, I'd accidentally knocked over part of a stack of papers that were next to my desk. _Oops…_

When I'd finished with the phone call, the paperwork that was now suddenly at the top of the drastically shortened stack caught my eye. It was a handwritten manuscript, with lettering so elegant that I couldn't help but pick it up to look at it more closely. I started reading... And couldn't stop. It was a short story, only about forty or so pages long. It was extremely romantic and suspenseful. I was entranced. When I finished it, I immediately started looking for the author's name but couldn't find it. I felt my eyebrows pull together in frustration.

"Hey ho. Any phone calls, Bella?" Carolyn came in and headed straight for her office. When I didn't respond like I had every morning since I'd started working with her, she slowly came back out into the room. Her eyes shifted from me to the altered stack and back again. "Umm, what are you doing?" She sounded curious but I knew that she was worried about the 'new' order of that stack.

"Well, I'd stabbed myself while answering the phone this morning, and accidentally knocked this stack over by my desk… You know what's in this stack, right?" I didn't want to sound inconsiderate about the stack I'd 'rearranged' but I had to know who this author was.

Carolyn cocked her head to the side and placed her left hand on her chin. "Hummm. Those are old manuscripts from authors that we now have long-term contracts with. Why? You weren't going to try and put that back in some kind of order were you?" Her hand moved from her chin to wave in the air in front of her as she quickly moved to the stack to take a look for herself.

"No! Of course not… I just found this one manuscript of a short story that must have been in the middle of the stack and… Well, I read it and I really, really want to know who the author is." I sounded like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar. As I was confessing my crime, she glanced at the manuscript that I'd just finished reading and had left on my desk, separated from the rest of the stack.

"Oh! That's easy." She bent down at the knees and quickly organized the stack back into its proper order, reaching up to my desk and taking back the one I'd read. She glanced at several of the other manuscripts and smiled up at me. "That was written by Elizabeth 'Lizzie' Masen."

"When you say that we have a long term contract with someone, does that mean she's writing new material?" _Please say yes, please say yes…_

"Yeah. Actually she's written _a lot_." She got back up and walked over to one of the bookcases. "Hummmm. Yep. Here it is. This was a novel she wrote about three years ago." She came back to my desk and handed it to me.

I took it from here hesitatingly. "Is it o.k. if I take this upstairs to read on my own time?"

"Of course!" She grinned at me. "She's really good, isn't she?" She winked as she headed back to her office.

For the first time since I had started working there, the day dragged for me. It seemed like 4:00 p.m. couldn't come fast enough.

That evening, as I settled into my bed with my hot cocoa and Lizzie's book, I was captivated by the first page and couldn't stop reading until two-thirds of the way through it. I had to force myself to stop—since it was 3:00 a.m. and my normal office start time was 7:00 a.m. _Thank God I don't have to go far to get to work…_ I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

The next night, I finished the book and got to sleep by midnight.

Carolyn helped me find most of Lizzie's other works over the next few weeks. I read them all—from the romance to the scary (she had several Gothic-like short stories that gave me goose bumps)… And I just couldn't get enough.

The middle of October came and I was caught off guard as to how much time had passed since I'd starting obsessing over Lizzie's writings. Angela knew I'd been reading everything of Lizzie's that I could find; all her manuscripts, both published and unpublished short stories and two novels.

"Hey Bella." She came in to the office early and I wasn't surprised. She'd been really busy the last couple of weeks. "You're still reading Lizzie Masen's writings, correct?" She smiled knowingly at me.

"Of course." I looked up at her curiously.

"I'm actually very sorry to say that I've been expecting a new manuscript from her for a new novel… For… Well, awhile now." Angela looked embarrassed. "Her first draft of the first couple of chapters were due almost a month ago." She sighed sadly.

"I'm actually worried about her. It's not like her to miss a deadline. So _not_ like her, in fact, that's she's never even been late before…" Angela's eyes now looked very worried. "I've been working with her for over six years and, even though we've never actually met, I feel like… Well, she's very… Grandmotherly."

Angela pursed her lips and she looked at me enquiringly. I wondered why and then she explained. "Bella, I've tried to contact her and even tried to reach her personal assistant and caretaker… With no luck. I know how you feel about her writing… Would you be willing to travel to her home town and attempt to find out what's happened?"

I was taken aback. I knew some copy editors would sometimes travel to do research… But… "Well, yeah. I could do that." _What made me say that?_ I knew why I was o.k. with it. Because I really felt like I had connected to this author on a personal level.

"O.k.! That's great!" Angela looked so relieved. "You don't mind flying, do you? She lives in Connecticut, on the coast. From some of her descriptions in letters I've received from her, it sounds really beautiful." She smiled at me encouragingly.

"No. I've got no aversion to traveling." My lower lip had suddenly found its way between my teeth.

Carolyn had come into the room by this point. "Hey, to make things easier for you, I'll give you one of the company credit cards we use to wine and dine our authors."

"Oh! That would be great." I was actually starting to get excited. "Um, when do you want me to go?"

"Well, as soon as possible, I would think…" Angela looked over at Carolyn thoughtfully. "Could you make the flight arrangements for her? We should probably set her up with an open ticket."

"I guess I'd better pack for colder weather, huh?" I was nervous but thrilled at the same time.

And so, after all the arrangements had been made, I was ready to go to Old Lyme, Connecticut two days later, to help discover what had happened to who had become one of my very favorite authors.

~~:::~~

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><p><strong><em>AN: Wow. My first Chap of my second story. Next Chap as well as all subsequent Chaps will be up later this week, since this story is already complete. Thx for reading and please let me know what you think about my writing via a Review. I can't tell you how much it matters that folks review what they've read. :)_**


	2. Chapter 2—Loneliness of Love

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

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><p>"<em>Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for,<br>great enough to die for."  
><em>_Daq Hammarskjold  
><em>

CHAPTER 2: LONELINESS OF LOVE

_Come on Edward… You've got to get some sleep! _I taunted myself. I sighed, again thinking over what had brought me to this point.

My 29th birthday had 'happened' four months previously. June 20th to be exact, and I felt so, so much older than that number indicated.

_Happened._ How does a birthday _happen_ instead of being an event? I sighed. _Thank God for Rosalie and Alice._

It was supposed to have been a nice, family gathering at my parents home in London. With the only other revelers being my girlfriend Lauren—_ex-girlfriend now_—my sister Alice and her family, consisting of her husband Jasper Whitlock, their twin children Susanna and Joseph, and my two best friends who happened to be dating each other; Rosalie Hale and Emmett McCarty. It ended up being very different than what we had planned for originally.

_I should feel sad…_ With my head now falling back against the sofa cushion, I realized that I just couldn't come up with the right amount of anger, frustration, or outrage over Lauren's betrayal. I just couldn't feel it. I felt so… Disconnected. We had dated for almost the entire three years that I'd been home from my second stint at University; strange I couldn't even feel annoyed about it all.

_You'd think I'd feel bitter, when all I really feel is disregard._ I shook my head slightly and sighed a little more loudly. I was too keyed up, thinking about too many things at once… But I couldn't quite grasp any one particular thought in my head.

I looked up at the grandfather clock in my sister's front room for what seemed like the hundredth time. _2:00 a.m. _I blew my breath out loudly. _Great._ I was very grateful to Alice and Jasper—they were, as usual, lifesavers. I smirked thinking of how excited my niece and nephew had been to have their uncle staying with them for an extended period of time.

They were great kids. I hadn't realized how much I'd been missing of them growing up, how much I'd been missing _them_ because of Lauren. She had always been possessive. I'd stupidly written it off as part of the odd way she seemed to love me… _Ignorant—that's you Cullen._ I grimaced. And yet…

I looked back on that particular birthday as a fateful event. That had been when I'd decided to completely change the direction of my life.

I'd be leaving in a few weeks to visit my grandmother in America, and it was for these and other reasons I couldn't sleep. The future seemed promising and frightening all at once.

As I ran my hands through my hair, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and tilted my head down leaving my hands at the back of my head. _I wish I could sleep… _I'd been so restless in their guest bedroom that I'd come downstairs to see if I could relax on Alice's sectional sofa. _I Guess not…_

I should have probably stopped thinking over the events of the past few months and try a little harder to get some sleep but of course... I didn't.

~~:::~~

Rosalie and I had been best friends since grade school. We'd always, for as long as I could remember, watched each other's backs. She was very attractive—long, wavy blonde hair, high cheekbones, large, deep blue eyes, and a gorgeous smile. But she found it to be a curse rather than a blessing.

I was relatively good looking but I'd always thought of myself as too gangly, too lean. I was also rather shy. I didn't exactly ooze charm but did fairly well to obtain dates for school events and special occasions. However, Rose seemed to be able to sense when girls were being insincere, when they were using me for attention, or, as we got older, were only hoping to get to my family's money. I was oblivious. But I was not ignorant of how boys, and later men, would look at _her_. For some reason, we'd never been attracted to each other… It was as if I had another sister, one my age rather than two years younger than me as Alice was.

A couple of days before the party we had planned on having at my parents home to celebrate my birthday, Rose had decided to come up from West Sussex to visit with Alice and do some shopping.

On that infamous morning several days before my birthday, Rose had been out at the local street market picking up some flowers for my mother, when she caught sight of Lauren…

Kissing someone other than me.

Not just a little peck on the cheek, mind you—quite passionately.

Rosalie now _knew_ that Lauren was cheating on me. She had always suspected but never had proof. Now that she did she was absolutely livid.

She went back to Alice's to tell her about it and figure out what she should do. Tell me right away? Confront Lauren? She told Alice she wasn't even sure how 'in love' I was with Lauren.

Alice was stoic about the news. She told her that she was actually _glad_, since she had never trusted Lauren and didn't believe that we were even remotely in love with each other, to the point that I seemed to Alice to be extremely detached from the relationship. After Rosalie mulled over what Alice had just told her and what she'd observed, she agreed with her. They decided to tell me about Lauren's infidelity right away.

As I had looked down at my cell phone that auspicious day, I had a strange premonition… As if my life was going to be taking a sudden, wide curve but that I would somehow be better off for it. It was a rather strange feeling.

Alice and Rosalie asked nervously if I could come to Alice's place right away. Without Lauren. I told them that wouldn't be hard; I hadn't seen her for several days. They got rather quiet over the phone and I realized they had something to tell me _about _Lauren.

When I got to Alice's, they were both sitting on the sectional sofa in the front living room, with pensive looks on both their faces. Both of them had their legs crossed at the ankle and their hands folded in their laps. I didn't even say anything to them, I just slowly sat down on the edge of the sectional opposite them.

"Look, Edward," Rosalie began first, I assumed later it was because she had been the one to witness the betrayal. "I saw Lauren today." She stared into my eyes and I could see the worry there for me. _Oh-oh, where's this going?_ I wanted to feel concerned but… Somehow, I just couldn't.

"I saw Lauren at the open market this morning. She was very _clearly_ romantically involved with someone. And, since you've already said that you haven't seen her today… Well, I _obviously_ don't need to get my eyes checked, since I _know_ it was her and you've confirmed that it wasn't _you_." Rosalie's way had always been the direct approach. I smiled slightly in spite of her news.

Alice fidgeted next to her. My hyper, cute, and omniscient sister. She was basically a faerie sprite. Or, as Rose liked to call her, a pixie. Even though she was blonde like our father, she choose to die her hair jet black and I couldn't honestly imagine it any other way. It was spiky, with a few pieces always hanging down into her eyes. Her eyes were large and ice blue, also like our father's. But she was very petite like our mother. As she sat on her couch, still slightly bouncing and without making eye contact, she began to tell me what she thought of the situation.

"Look Edward, I know that this is really, really rotten timing, what with your birthday party happening in _two days_ and everything… But we decided that you needed to know right away." She then looked at me slightly askance. "_Are_ you o.k.?" She had a glint in her eyes that I recognized as her going into overprotective-mode, but this was one instance I was glad of this tendency in her character.

"Yeah, actually I am." I placed my hands on my knees and tapped my fingers lightly against my kneecaps. "I'm actually not surprised." I stopped tapping my fingers and nodded at them both. "I've suspected something wasn't right for awhile now." I suddenly wondered in my head if things had _ever_ been 'right' between Lauren and myself.

They exchanged glances and appeared to take in a deep breath at the same time. "O.k., well, I'm really glad you're not too distraught about this revelation. I would never want to interfere in your life, but I won't stand by and watch you be _humiliated._" Rosalie had crossed her arms in front of her and gotten a very steely look in her eyes. I was thankful I'd never been on the receiving end of her wrath.

Both Alice and Rose seemed to almost need more comforting than I did... I raised my eyebrows at them both and tried to smile.

Since they were both rather strong-willed, I needed to make sure they wouldn't try to take matters into their own hands, however.

"Look, I'd appreciate it if you both would _not_ say anything to mum and dad." I let my breath out loudly. "I'm going to go over there… Well, right now, actually. I don't want them to be taken by surprise with this." I looked at them both with my head tilted, through my eyelashes, trying to give them both a stern look.

Of course my sister laughed at me. "O.k. No problem."

"Yes, well, that's fine but you're going to be breaking up with Lauren _today_, right?" Rosalie's eyebrows were scrunched together, as if she were afraid my answer wasn't going to please her. This was one of the few instances that she was going to be wrong.

My answer would please her immensely.

I got very quiet for a minute. They _both_ started to fidget. I brought my hands down on my knees with a slight slap as I got up from the sofa. "I'll be breaking up with her as I'm on my way to mum and dad's. Unless she doesn't answer her cell…" I frowned at that thought.

Rosalie exhaled loudly and Alice jumped up with her hands clasped together as she gave a little shout of "Yay!"

She got a little embarrassed by her own reaction and walked me to the front door with her hand on my back. "I'm sorry, Edward. Even though I never trusted her, this can't be enjoyable for you in any way."

She pouted a little, so I reached down and kissed her cheek. "It's o.k., Alice. I know you're only concerned about my happiness."

She rubbed my back and then gave me a hug. "See you."

"Yep."

Rosalie slowly walked to the front door and came up to me with her hand outstretched to reach out and touch my cheek. "We love you, Edward. Be happy, that's all we really want for you."

"I know. Thank you for watching out for me, for _both_ of you being my sisters." I smiled down at them still trying, in an odd way, to comfort them.

~~:::~~

I did end up reaching Lauren via her cell. She tried to deny what Rosalie had witnessed. Tried to use _guilt, _incredibly, and then threats to get me to not break up with her. I explained that I'd known in my heart for quite a long time that she had been completely indifferent to our relationship, to my feelings, to me. That she had always been _taking_ from me but had never, ever _given_ any of herself to the relationship. I could tell as her tone changed that she realized that I'd never loved her either, not really. That it had been familiarity that had kept us together for so long.

I stopped speaking after a little while. It seemed I was beginning to repeat myself. She got very quiet. "I did try to be decent to you, Edward." She said suddenly.

_What an odd thing to say…_ I felt my eyebrows come together of their own accord. It was as if she was admitting that she'd never loved me either. Which, I suppose, added up in my head a little too easily. I recognized that all I had ever been to her was what she perceived to be a link to a life of ease. I felt my frown deepen.

I had already decided in my head as she'd spoken that I would move out of my flat the next day, since she and I had spent so much time there together. I knew how uncomfortable I would now feel to be there.

I told her that I wished her well but that I didn't want her to try and see me again, that it would be best that we make a clean break from each other. However, I let her know that she was welcome to stay at my flat until the end of September since I had already paid for it that far in advance. _Way to be practical, Cullen._ We hung up and I assumed that we would never speak to each other again. I felt... Baffled. _Why were we ever together?_ I sifted through our relationship in my mind…

Had it just been her incessant attention of me when I'd come home from University the first time; was that the main motivation for why I'd started dating her in the first place? I recognized that we must have stayed together for the simple reason that neither of us wanted to be alone. But that seemed… Wrong, on so many different levels.

_Was_ I only afraid of being alone? No, not really.

I wondered if why I hadn't broken up with Lauren before, why I hadn't even cared that she'd cheated on me, was if I was actually either a coward or heartless. A gave a snort. Then I felt my head tilt slightly of its own accord.

Either I was lying to myself and I was actually _terrified_ of being alone, which didn't fit my personality, or…

My heart was as cold as stone.

_That's a pretty horrible thought, mate._ I thought to myself chidingly. True love wouldn't be like a simple pairing of two strangers. _I_ didn't want it to be like that. There should be passion, respect, need, sharing, giving, even romance.

I felt my eyebrows knit together. I slowly came to the realization that I didn't really know what love was supposed to be like _for me_. I'd seen it grow and evolve with my grandparents, my parents, Alice and her husband, Jasper, who was one of my best friends, and now with Rosalie and Emmett.

_I'll never find someone that could love me like that. _All I felt as I headed to my parents home was pathetic.

As dejected as I felt, it was time to go and explain what had happened—without the gory details of course—so they wouldn't be wondering why Lauren wasn't around anymore.

After I told them I had broken things off with Lauren, explaining that I didn't expect _them_ to treat her any differently, they didn't really react. They just sat at the dining room table, holding hands, vacillating from staring at me to glancing at one another every few minutes.

My mother finally spoke. "Edward… We love you. We're both so sorry that you didn't find what you were looking for with Lauren." She smiled at me softly. She was so beautiful—inside and out. I had her hair, her eyes and, until a few years ago, her optimism. I abruptly felt sad.

"Son, you _will_ find what you're looking for. You _deserve_ happiness. This will probably seem like an odd time to tell you this but… We're so proud of you." My father was the best example I'd ever seen of how to treat people with respect and sincerity.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me." I put my fist to my mouth and coughed a little nervously. "Look, I'd like to discuss something else with both of you…" My hand fell to my lap and I felt my leg begin to bounce nervously. I don't know why I felt nervous—they'd never been anything other than supportive of me my entire life.

I'd been thinking all afternoon about motivation and providence. I now had an unexpected vision of my future in my mind.

"This whole situation with Lauren… With me about to turn 29…" I looked at each of them in turn, holding their gaze for a few moments before I continued. _Better just spit it out, mate. _"I've decided to move out of London and down to Coates Castle to handle the management of our family's estate."

My mother looked slightly surprised but extremely pleased and my father, well… "Edward, it would be an honor to have my oldest child and only son take care of our family's inheritance." I fought back the moisture in my eyes and stood up as my father did, as he came towards me to shake my hand.

"Thanks, dad." As he reached for my hand to shake it, he pulled me into a hug with his other arm. "Well done Edward, well done." I smiled hugely.

Since I'd gotten my Bachelors degree in Biological Sciences and my Masters in Veterinary Science from Cambridge, I hadn't really known what I was going to do next, exactly. After spending four years at Cambridge completing my Bachelors, my friends were aghast when I decided to go back after a short break and start work on my Masters. My goal wasn't really to go all the way through to receive a PhD but I wanted some practical experience… I just didn't know exactly why. Now, after everything that had transpired, I understood what direction my subconscious had always been heading in.

I'd always had a great appreciation for our family's ancestral home; I loved it there. Even though it was called a 'castle,' it really wasn't. It was a rather large, stately manor house, surrounded by over 600 acres of parkland, forest, farmland, as well as pastoral and grazing land. It was located in West Sussex, south of London by a few hours, southeast of the 16th Century town of Petworth.

My father, Carlisle Anthony David Cullen, in addition to Alice and I, were the last living relatives of the Duchess that had the home built in the mid 1800's. Of course, the estate's history went much, much farther back than that, but the manor house that stood currently was still basically the same since the Duchess had had it built; except for renovations over the years to keep it updated with contemporary conveniences like forced-air heating and a modernized kitchen.

In the 1890's the Duchess' grandson Albert, Carlisle's grandfather and my great-grandfather, left home to go find his fortune. Before he'd left, however, he had met and married my paternal great-grandmother, leaving her pregnant and alone. Her daughter, my grandmother, lived on the estate her entire life, even marrying the estate manager Edward Anthony Cullen, my namesake. When _my_ father was a teenager, he moved to London to attend school and never looked back. He had never shown much interest in what had become, by default, the Cullen family estate.

After my impromptu pronouncement of my future to my parents, the next day we had a family council in order to include Alice and Jasper into the discussion, since it was their home too. Alice was very excited and Jasper had no problem at all with my plans. In fact, he jokingly asked what had taken me so long. _He'd_ always known it was what I was meant to do.

Since the estate was rather large and I was planning on taking it over at the beginning of the following year, it didn't make sense to release the current estate manager right away. He had always done an excellent job of running the estate.

Of course, there was another reason we made that decision. He was Lauren's father, James Mallory. He had been running the estate since I was very little. He'd always come across to me as a harsh man, and I could now clearly see his selfishness and callousness reflected in Lauren.

Little did we realize then that he had a dark and deeply sinister aspect to his personality…

Alice took me out of my abstraction by telling the family that she and Jasper had decided to visit our grandmother in America for Christmas. _That sounds nice._ _I should think about going…_

My mother, Esme Susanna Masen-Cullen was American, born and raised in Connecticut on the east coast of the United States. My father had met her while working on his doctorate at the Lyme Academy College of Fine Arts, at which my mother was a student at the time.

They always described their courtship as rather brief and would always smile together about it. They had only known each other for two months when my father asked for her hand in marriage. When my father had gone to my maternal grandfather to ask for her hand, he was so taken aback that he had said no.

Then Gran took matters into her hands, seeing immediately that my mother's heart would be broken beyond repair without Carlisle. She told my grandfather that she could not understand how he couldn't see how much my father adored their daughter and that he would make a fine addition to the family. My grandfather immediately changed his mind and, well, the rest became history.

My mother's mother has always been a very unique individual. All of us have always been very close with Elizabeth "Lizzie" Masen, Gran to us. My grandfather had passed away almost ten years previously and she had continued to live in the home that they'd built together in the 1940's. But I'd avoided talking to Gran very much over the past few years.

Of course the reason seemed obvious to me now. I'd been avoiding her, unconsciously aware that she would be able to pick up on the insincerity of Lauren's and my relationship and our indifference to each other, my unhappiness…

Something about the news that Alice had delivered about our Gran kept gnawing at me. I didn't figure it out until my birthday party.

My birthday wasn't what it had originally been planned to be but everyone had a great time nonetheless. Rosalie had informed Emmett before they arrived that Lauren was no longer part of my life. He seemed more relaxed around me than I'd seen him in a long time. Rosalie told me later that he had felt that Lauren had been slowly killing my soul. I was a bit taken aback by that; Emmett always came across as a big jokester, but he was really quite loyal and caring. He was pleased I'd ended things with her. Rosalie never told him about Lauren's cheating. She figured his temper would have gotten the better of him if he'd known that. Jasper was also very happy about my new single status.

My father hinted around about my decision regarding the estate, so I ended up telling everyone over dinner about it. They were all very supportive and enthusiastic of my decision. Of course, my parents, Alice and Jasper already knew but they were still thrilled I was being more official about it. Emmett was very excited since he had moved back to his family home the previous year, which was located in Barlavington, West Sussex, only a few minutes' drive from the Cullen estate.

While he and Alice were talking animatedly about the estate, I suddenly realized who I _really_ needed to talk to about this sudden change in direction my life had taken.

"I'd like to make a toast to Gran," I lifted my champagne glass to everyone and they all lifted there's brightly. "May she be found in good spirits and even better health." There were plenty of 'here-here's' said and that's when I told them that I would be taking a trip to see her, to check up on her and do some catching up, as soon as I could.

~~:::~~

Mid-September apparently was as soon as I could get away. It ended up being fortuitous, since Alice had received a phone call from Gran's doctor telling her that she had been quite unwell but was now doing wonderfully, and he expected her to be heading home in a few weeks. Alice told us we needn't worry since she'd already spoken with Gran's caretaker, George, and he was looking forward to having her come home.

I decided to go over and see Gran towards the end of October, so she'd have plenty of time to be settled back in at home after her hospital stay. I called George to let him know my plans so that he'd be able to prepare things without alerting my Gran about it. That way she couldn't blow me off as if she didn't need any attention.

Which, admittedly, she hadn't ever needed our help with anything before but I had other reasons to see her. I wanted her advice, her thoughts, and hopefully her support of my decision.

And, I think, I wanted her guidance on how I was ever going to find true love. _Talk about fortuitous…_ I smiled at the absurdity of the memory.

~~:::~~

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><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like... Getting a warm and fuzzy feeling 'cause you've comforted Edward. Awwww... Please review!_**


	3. Chapter 3—Confusion

**_DISCLAIMER: Same as the previous two Chaps and all following Chaps. Nothing but the storyline belongs to me... Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer._**

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><p><em>"Love is so holy, so confusing. It makes a man anxious, tormented.<br>Love, how can I define it?"  
><em>_Gao Xingjian  
><em>

CHAPTER 3: CONFUSION

Once Carolyn had dropped me off at the airport, I had started feeling slightly apprehensive about making this trip to somewhere I'd never even thought about going to before, to see someone that didn't even know I was coming. I hoped that Ms. Masen, or 'Lizzie,' would welcome it—this intrusion into her life from her far away publisher.

Angela had convinced me with what she'd told me about Lizzie already; otherwise I could never have gotten up the nerve to make the trip. I didn't mind traveling by myself, I was just unsure of how I would approach Ms. Masen. _Hi. I'm an editor with your publisher and we were wondering what in the world has happened to you._ I rolled my eyes. _Good grief._ I'd just be honest. I'd do my best to find out what had happened and let my boss know as soon as possible.

As the plane starting coming into Hartford, I thought of Angela fondly. She was a really, really good person. This wasn't about contracts or money or even the promised book. It was concern for a person, a lady that had brought joy and excitement to so many people with her writing.

I hadn't realized until I'd picked up my rental car that all the stories about Connecticut in October were true. The grand autumn foliage was already beginning to be displayed. The trees had already begun to turn yellow, gold and orange, with every shade of each of those colors shimmering on all the trees except the pines. There was still a lot of green but that only enhanced the effect of the warmer colors. It was truly an amazing sight.

I had of course taken my laptop and I had plenty of maps. I'd also done research before I left California about the area Lizzie lived in. Old Lyme was a small town located off the Connecticut River, not far from Long Island Sound. The town itself had been in existence since approximately 1665 but hadn't been incorporated until 1855. It was quite diverse; there was a Fine Arts College and my dad would be excited to know that Callaway Cars was headquartered there (purveyors of fine Chevy Corvettes). I had to laugh at that. _I'd better go by and take a picture of the building or something_…

There had been a plethora of prominent American Impressionist painters that lived in an art colony in the town in the early part of the 20th century. I would definitely make some time to go to Griswold House and the Lyme Academy College of Fine Arts… But, I reminded myself sternly, this was not a site-seeing trip. I was there to find out what was going on with Lizzie.

When I reached the town and had secured a hotel room, I immediately went to the library. I wanted to check the local newspapers for any news of Lizzie, in case… Well, in case something awful had happened to her. When that thankfully didn't bring me any information, and originally being from a small town myself, I asked the librarian if she knew Ms. Masen. She didn't know her personally but she told me that the local Post Master knew her fairly well. _Pay dirt!_ I was so excited I could hardly stand it. _This is too easy…_ I suddenly felt like I _was_ getting paid to be on vacation.

I went to the post office to speak with the Post Master. Apparently a lot of people in the town knew that Lizzie was a published author, which helped my cause tremendously. After getting past his suspicions by showing him several of Lizzie's original manuscripts and my business card from the Libellus Publishing Company, he let me know what had happened. He was actually very impressed that we would send someone to check on her.

She'd gotten very, very sick a month or so before, with what he didn't know exactly. But she was finally improved enough that her doctor was letting her go home in a few days. I thanked him and told him that I would tell Lizzie he had said hello and headed over to the convalescence hospital that was in town.

After going through something similar with the head nurse like I had with the Post Master, she had a junior nurse go and ask Lizzie if she was accepting any visitors and took one of my business cards to give to her.

I'd had the good sense to pick up some flowers on my way from the post office. I was rearranging them for what seemed like the hundredth time, when the nurse came back to the reception area to have me follow her back.

I smoothed my hair and walked brusquely, following the nurse to a room that faced out to the back of the sanatorium, with large picture windows that looked out on its beautiful central garden.

Standing in front of one of the windows, with her hands folded loosely behind her back, was Lizzie.

She stood straight and tall. She looked slightly taller than me in actual height but the way she was standing by the window made her appear much taller. She had her gray hair in a loose bun at the crown of her head and was dressed in white linen pants with a denim, sleeveless shirt on. Her arms were not flabby like my grandmothers had been. She was obviously used to working hard and I could imagine that she wouldn't suffer fools. I gulped a little as she turned around to meet me…

She smiled warmly while she reached out with her right hand, "Hello. I'm so pleased to meet you, Isabella." She had a strong voice, a little gravelly, like what I would anticipate Demi Moore sounding like when she reached her 70's. I said hello in return a little late because I was taken aback by the color of her eyes; they were deep green and very sharp. I could tell that there wasn't much that this formidable lady would miss.

I shook her hand sincerely. "I can't tell you how honored I feel to meet you." I let go of her hand and handed her the flowers I'd brought. She looked surprised, and then…

She set them on the small table that was by the bed and turned around and held her arms out to me. "Well, the deliverer of these beautiful flowers deserves a hug!" I reached up hesitatingly and she gave me an immediate and tight hug. "My goodness! You need some good, home cooked food! You seem rather slight."

If anyone else had said that to me I probably would have been mortified. But it was so obvious that she wasn't being critical, she just said what she thought and she clearly thought that I was a little too thin. Which, in actuality I was… Mainly because as I'd started reading everything I could find of her writings, I hadn't really been concentrating on my eating habits.

I blushed and giggled in response. "I don't think my hotel has that great of a restaurant but since you're the local, maybe you could pick somewhere for me to take you."

She laughed heartily. "Oh, no, dear. My handyman 'slash' caretaker will be here in about twenty minutes to pick me up and take me back home to Sandy Beach." She patted me on the shoulder. "I'm inviting you to dinner with me and George."

"Oh! Goodness! I couldn't do that! You're just getting out of the hospital and I'm sure you want to get settled back into your home for a little bit, and…"

She cut me off with a look. "You've come all the way across the country to see if I'm alright and you think I'm going to send you back to some crappy hotel, all alone, until I decide you can come visit?" She shook her head sadly at me. "I don't think so. In fact, once George gets here, we're going to swing by your hotel and pick up your stuff and check you out of there."

She narrowed her eyes at me and nodded her head. "You'll come stay with us at Sandy Beach. Not to brag but I have a very, very nice home on the coast."

I realized that arguing with her was pointless. And, really, it made sense. "Um, o.k." I sounded like I was asking a question.

She laughed kindheartedly. "I like you, girlie. You've got an honest face and heart."

I didn't know what to say to that.

After George arrived and we were introduced, he treated me like I was a long-lost relative. It was a little bewildering but also really nice. He helped her with the paperwork that the sanatorium required before they would let her leave and then we were on our way. I followed them all the way to her home on Sandy Beach.

Her home was really part of an estate. It was actually situated on a slight peninsula east of Hawks Nest Beach and south of an area called Point O'Woods. It was off a private drive, through dense trees… The trees opened up to show me a view of a rambling, large, single story residence, all white clapboard. Water surrounded it on two sides in the distance so there were gorgeous panoramic views of the Atlantic Ocean.

As we exited the vehicles, I was speechless. George took Lizzie's things into the house, through the dark, wooden front double-doors, and she came back to link my arm with hers and began regaling me with stories of when she and her husband had first started building their home in the 40's.

She sounded like she was still just as in love with him as she had been then. I was enthralled. It was like having her read her stories out loud to me. She was, simply, an incredible story-teller.

We ended up in a sitting room off the kitchen, in large, denim-blue love seats that sat across from each other. We didn't really have any kind of a dinner, we just snacked on cheese and crackers with big glasses of ice cold milk. We stayed up until 2:00 a.m.

I told her about my job, my friends and coworkers Angela and Carolyn, my dad, some of my college experiences, and, of course, Jacob. She grew quiet when I told her what had happened to my husband and that I was, like her, now a widow.

Without saying a word, she reached over to me and placed her hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze. "I'm so sorry, dear. I know this doesn't even begin to cover it but I do understand what it's like to lose someone you loved that dearly." I nodded my head but didn't say anything more.

"Well, I think we'd better get you off to bed. You must be bushed!" She was right, I was.

"Oh! I'll need to call Angela first thing in the morning to let her know that you're o.k. I'd better not call her now…"

"No! Of course not. George will probably have breakfast ready at about 10:00 a.m. since we've been up past our bedtimes tonight." She gave me a smile that lit up the room and then laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh along with her. "O.k. Well, again, thank you so, so much for inviting me to come stay with you here at your beautiful home." I suddenly felt a little embarrassed, so of course I could feel my cheeks get a little flushed.

"Oh! Look at that blush!" She laughed again. "Aren't you a cutie! Well, I figured you'd want to start on my manuscript right away for this book I've been makin' you all wait on me for."

"Oh? Oh! Of course! I'd be happy to help you get anything you've already started sent to Angela tomorrow." I smiled encouragingly at her.

She got quiet and then looked up at me with some chagrin in her eyes. "Well, here's the thing…" She seemed to be struggling with something suddenly.

"I haven't been able to start it, you see. I stopped hand-writing my manuscripts years ago but I've never gotten one of those computer-thingy's, and my wrists aren't what they once were, so my old manual typewriter isn't very helpful to me any more…"

I waited for her to tell me what she was really trying to get across to me. "See, I was hoping that you'd be able to stay and help me get the manuscript written." She smiled shyly at me.

"I… I'd be honored, Mrs. Masen." I felt very insignificant.

"You listen here, missy," she got a bit stern. "You don't call me anything but Lizzie from now on, o.k.? And you're the one doing _me_ the huge favor, alright?" She grinned at me.

"O.k." I felt like I was in over my head but I trusted Lizzie. She simply wouldn't let me fail at this. I just knew it.

~~:::~~

The very next day, after I'd spoken with Angela for what seemed like hours, Lizzie and I got to work on her manuscript. The three of us decided that I would stay as long as it took to help Lizzie finish her novel, since she actually had pages and pages of notes and a well written outline already.

We agreed I would stay for two weeks at a time, sending what we had at the end of each two-week period to Angela via e-mail and overnight post.

After our second day of working on the large, marble kitchen island she looked over at me mischievously. "You got your Bachelors in English Lit, right? With emphasis on classic American and English authors?"

"Yeah. I really love English classics especially." I grinned at her.

"Well, I think it's time we moved this party into the correct venue, then." She got up from the island and beckoned me to follow her and bring my laptop and all our notes.

We headed out of the kitchen and to a doorway that was not very far down the hall. As she opened the door, I gasped.

It was a very large, French colonial style library. It even had several large, light green leather chairs and ottomans. There was a French gaming table, with four fancy petite armchairs around it. There were two love seats, also in the Louis XV style. There was an off-white, baby grand piano and a dark red harpsichord. Everything, even the wood on the walls, was in varying shades of white. And, of course, there were _hundreds_ of bookshelves…

I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. The joy I was feeling was all over my face. Lizzie clapped and laughed. "I KNEW you'd love it." As I walked along the wall that had the most book cases, I caught glimpses of first editions of Emma and Sense and Sensibility. I was awe-struck. My fingers carefully trailed along the spines, mesmerized.

In between periods of actually working on her novel, we would take walks along her beach, talking. Always talking. Angela had been absolutely correct. Lizzie was like a long lost grandmother. She was, as she'd put it, smart as a whip. Strong willed. Courageous. Loving. We connected like I never really had to another woman before. Growing up without a motherly influence in my life, without grandparents, spending time with Lizzie was like someone had thrown me a life vest I didn't even know I'd needed.

One afternoon several days after my sudden arrival in her home, as I was on my way from the library to the veranda that was on the side of the house that faced towards the ocean, I stopped to look over all her photographs that lined the hallway. Most were in thick, black frames, with a few in gold-toned ones. As I slowly walked down the hall, I noticed there was a pattern to the way the photos were displayed.

At the start of the hall, there were several photos that appeared to be from the very early 1900's. Next were photos from probably around the 20's, then the 40's, and so on. There were pictures of Lizzie's daughter riding her first bike, her first year of college, her wedding, and several pictures of a pixie-like girl and a lanky boy.

By the time I'd reached the end, the photos seemed to be from only the past few years. There were pictures of who I thought was the pixie girl all grown up, with her husband and their two small children, who I assumed were Lizzie's great-grandchildren.

I didn't see any recent pictures of the tall boy but I didn't think too much about that.

Looking back, I probably _should_ have asked Lizzie about it so I would have had some warning…

~~:::~~

We had begun our second two-week period; I'd been with her for not quite three weeks when she received an unexpected visitor.

"Oh my! It's so wonderful to see you dear!" I heard Lizzie exclaim. I headed into the hall from her library to find out who she was so excited to see.

I gave a small gasp, so low that neither of them heard me. Her visitor was unbelievably handsome. His bone structure was even attractive, for goodness sake… Slightly chiseled. He was tall, standing at just over six feet I guessed. He had the most amazing hair—not auburn but not brown, either. Sort of bronze-colored. Even though he looked very clean cut his hair was sort of messy… But in a sexy way. I blushed at my own assessment. He had an endearing smile, slightly off, as if his mouth and lips needed to go a little crooked when he smiled just to prove that he wasn't perfect… Even though his teeth were flawlessly straight. His eyebrows were a little darker than his hair, so they framed his eyes nicely. His eyes... They made him the male model that he must be… They were the deep green of the ocean, off of an enchanting, tropical island… I couldn't take _my_ eyes off of him. I blushed deeper…

"Isabella!" Lizzie exclaimed. "I'm so glad you decided to take yourself away from my silly little hobby and come join us!" She had a smirk on her face, as though she knew what thoughts had just been going through my mind regarding her guest.

"Hi." I said a little weakly. She waved me over to meet him.

"This is my grandson, Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen." She smiled warmly at him and then back at me. "He's come all the way across the Pond to check up on his 'ol Gran!" She laughed.

"Um, across the… Pond?" I asked, confused.

"From England. I live a few hours south of London." He answered for her in his soft English accent. His voice. My God. I thought he looked great but his voice… It was not particularly deep but sort-of musical. Soft, like… Velvet. Yes, that's what it sounded like. The sound of velvet or silk in movement. And there was that crooked smile again…

"Wow. That's… That's a long way." I said rather late, feeling a little silly that this strangely attractive man was staring at me. No wonder. It had taken me too long to respond.

"Yes, remember, I told you I'm the last Masen left in the New World." She laughed again. She was so happy to see him; I could see it in her eyes—all over her face.

Edward gave a little sigh and looked over at his grandmother with his eyes alight. "Gran, you are simply too independent for your own good," shaking his head he added, "but that's why you're happier staying in America than coming to live with us in England."

Lizzie laughed and pointed to me. "Now you get to meet a very, very dear friend of mine." She paused looking at Edward with her head slightly to one side, a little bit of seriousness entering into her voice. She quietly introduced me. "This is Isabella Marie Swan."

I wasn't sure why she'd said my name that way. It sounded so… Formal. So unlike how we'd been to each other since almost the first moment I'd arrived. She seemed to be trying to convey something to Edward that I simply wasn't picking up on. I decided to lighten the mood back up, laughing and reaching out with my hand to shake his. He took it warmly. His hand was smooth and strong. It was nice.

"Right! I'm sorry I seem so…" I blushed. Again. Ugh.

"Out of it?" Lizzie asked. "That's o.k. You've been working too hard on my hobby."

"Hobby…?" Edward asked, puzzled.

"Well, you haven't exactly been speaking to me on a regular basis, now, have you son?" She asked him a little reprovingly.

"She's a writer. Well, really, she's a published author." I answered proudly.

Our hands had already dropped of their own accord from each other and he turned to me suddenly. "Why are you here, exactly?" His eyes narrowed at me. I felt confused and a little offended.

"Edward!" Lizzie looked shocked. "Again, you would know this if you called more often!" She had raised her voice simply from the astonishment of having his mood change so abruptly. She calmed herself down. "Look, I have a publisher in San Francisco. Isabella works for said publisher." She sighed. "I wasn't well, they were expecting some new material from me… So they sent Isabella to check on me." She tried to smile at him to see if he understood what she was telling him, as if she was asking for his permission, which didn't exactly make sense because how could he not know…

"You're _still_ trying to write?" He turned his hostile gaze on her. "Well, why is she still here if you're doing so well?" He turned his gaze back to me, still with narrowed eyes, as if he didn't trust me. I stood up a little straighter and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Now, look, I'm sorry if you were unaware of your Grandmother's aspirations but she is a wonderful writer, has many published works, and I don't see…" Lizzie quickly cut me off.

"Don't you get that tone with me, young man." She now had her eyes narrowed at him. He didn't seem to like that much. He started backing down. She apparently had that ability with everyone. I smiled a little, thinking of how she was with the folks in town, with George. She really was an old battle-ax.

"I don't know how you lost your manners on a simple plane ride across the _Pond_," she gave extra emphasis on the Pond part, "but Isabella is a guest and you will treat her with respect. Even if you don't respect my wishes to write." She shook her head. "This is no way to start an evening." Lizzie sighed and walked towards the kitchen. "George, I know you're listening. Come in here so we can get something going for dinner!" She had practically yelled.

Well. This was awkward. She'd left me standing in the foyer with a man I didn't know but who seemed to have decided he knew all about me and didn't like me.

I crossed my arms in front of myself and then uncrossed them. As he stood in front of me like a scolded school-boy, he shuffled from one leg to the other. He seemed to have been truly taken aback by Lizzie's little speech.

I was sort-of relieved. I'd been truly confused by his sudden change in demeanor. He looked at me at the same time I was trying to look anywhere in the room but at him. I failed; I just couldn't help it. His eyes were so captivating.

"I'm sorry, Isabella." He stated matter-of-factly. "She's right, of course." He sighed, reached up and ran his fingers through his unruly hair. He dropped his arm and looked at me. "I shouldn't be such an ass…" He gave a short laugh. "I just worry about her. Even though we don't talk as much as we used to…"

He sounded so sincere that I stopped him by raising my hand as if to swat away his guilt. "No. I sort-of understand." He looked at me and raised one eyebrow.

"Well," I gave a little smile, "I don't know how I'd feel if I went to visit my grandmother and some strange girl was acting like she was her long, lost granddaughter or something."

"You're not, are you?" He suddenly asked, his eyes bright with the laughter I could see in them.

"God, no!" I was totally embarrassed. "I was just saying…"

He cut me off with a laugh. "I was kidding. I didn't really think you meant that literally." He smiled at me. That crooked, beautiful smile of his.

"All right, kids. Soup's on." Lizzie came back down the hall from the kitchen with the wooden spoon she'd been using still in her hand. "It's something easy. BLT sandwiches and tomato soup." She smiled at us, winking at me. "Ah. I see he's turned back into the gentleman I've always known him to be."

I certainly hoped so... Otherwise, this was going to be an awkward dinner. And an even more awkward stay for him and for me.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like... Meeting BxE for the first time. Again. LOL Please review!_**


	4. Chapter 4—Frustration

_"Frustration, although quite painful at times,  
>is a very positive and essential part of success."<br>__Bo Bennett_

CHAPTER 4: FRUSTRATION

_Thank God._ I thought to myself. _I'm almost there._ I'd always disliked driving in America. It was so different from England. I laughed at myself. Different? It was completely opposite.

Why Gran wouldn't come and live with my mother and father in London was a mystery to me. She was very stubborn. I understood THAT all too well. So different… My mother and Gran. But Gran and myself? Oh, we were 'cut from the same cloth' as she would say.

As I drove up the gravel road to her sprawling home I could admit that it wasn't a _complete _mystery to me why she stayed. It was beautiful. It was her home. She had built it with her own two hands with my grandfather. They were both pretty amazing people. Of course, my grandfather had passed away almost ten years previously…

I also knew that she stayed because she was very, very independent, she had help from the villagers and from George, her handyman/caretaker, and of course my parents and sister with her family would visit at least twice a year.

_Ah yes. Heel that I am…_ I, however, hadn't been to visit her for almost three years. I shook my head. _And now you come crawling back to get, what? Her advice?_ Yes. That's exactly why I was here. That and Alice, my sister, had gotten a call from her doctor saying that she'd been quite ill but was now so much better that he worried about his staff at the hospital. I shook my head at the memory. _So much for Gran getting less bossy as she's gotten older._

Since I'd decided that I needed some time to think away from my family, I was the perfect person to come and visit with her, to make sure she was o.k.

As I parked my rental car at the north end of the property, next to the house, I felt a little nervous. I of course wouldn't show up without some kind of warning. I'd spoken to George to make sure everything would be o.k. for me to give a surprise visit to my Gran. He was very happy I was making the trip. But…

Now, here I was, ready to barge into her home and demand—being honest with myself, _beg_ was more appropriate—for her to forgive my absence and hope she'd help me out with…

Wow. I didn't even know how I was going to even talk to her about my recent decisions. I knew she'd completely support my decision to break up with my long-time girlfriend. But the other decision? Well, I'd just have to wait a few moments and I'd find out what she thought about all of it. I sighed and shook my head at myself as I knocked on her door. _Well, here goes everything._

I heard footsteps coming down the long hallway towards the foyer and then stop at the front door. I heard a familiar gasp and then the doors were thrown wide open.

"Oh my! It's so wonderful to see you, dear!" Gran exclaimed.

I smiled down at her and marveled at how truly well she looked. I was relieved and so, so thankful. Then I noticed a young woman step into the hall from the library.

I'm sure my eyes grew wide but Gran didn't seem to notice. The girl was beautiful. Slender build but graceful… Yes, very graceful. She had the richest chestnut-colored hair I had ever seen, with just a little bit of red highlighting. From where I stood in the foyer, it looked like it went down to the middle of her back; not curly but not completely straight either. Very natural but very fetching. Her face was slightly heart shaped and part of her bottom lip was now between her teeth… Fascinating… She had porcelain skin, like a fragile china doll, it was almost translucent. I imagined running my fingers gently down her cheekbone… I smiled involuntarily. I'm sure Gran thought I was smiling at her but… God. She was so beautiful… Her eyes were… Amazing. The deepest brown I'd ever looked into, almost like pools of deep, dark chocolate. They were shining… I couldn't take my eyes off her.

Who was she? Why was she here with my Gran? She was saying something but I wasn't catching what it was exactly… I was mesmerized by her voice. Even though she was slight, her voice didn't exactly match her body type. If pressed, I would guess she was a contralto. She was… Breathtaking.

When Gran introduced her to me she had an amazing deep blush on her checks. Was she shy? Embarrassed? I wondered how to decipher her blush, her little smile… The way she'd barely gnaw on her bottom lip… Was she nervous or anxious? I kept rolling her name around in my head like I'd never heard the name Isabella before. It certainly was a perfect name for her. Isabella… I could get used to saying that name…

I came out of my reverie when I heard something about 'hobby' and Gran 'writing, being an author.' _What? _I was dumbfounded. I thought Gran had stopped all that nonsense about telling perfect strangers private stories about our family! I was livid. I narrowed my eyes at the beautiful creature that stood in front of me. Why did my Gran trust her? Who was this person she was telling these 'stories' too? I said as much.

I should have thought a little more about what I was saying and how it would sound before I spoke to someone I didn't even know like that. I thought Gran was going to go look for her belt! _I'm 29 years old! She can't yell at me like that!_

Then I remembered who I was dealing with. Yes, yes she could talk to me like that. I'd been rude to a very beautiful girl. Not a good start to my stay.

Gran left us to go and talk to George about dinner. I really felt awful. Just because I'd recently come out of a bad relationship didn't mean I could judge all young women like that. I needed to get a grip. This was one of the main reasons I needed my grandmother's advice.

I seemed to be looking at everyone suspiciously, as if everyone was 'out to get me.' Which was of course ridiculous.

I had a wonderful family and fantastic friends at home. I just didn't have anyone… _Go on, say it you git. _I didn't have anyone in my life that wasn't family or close friends that treated me like anything other than an object, something to possess, to own. I wasn't stupid. I knew I wasn't exactly ugly. But it seemed to be its own curse.

I was never completely sure if a woman was interested in _me_ or just wanted to use me to show off to her friends. If they were only interested in me because of my family's wealth. Dating seemed somewhat tedious to me, especially when what I really wanted was to find someone down to earth, someone to sort-of 'hang-out' with. Of course, I'd thought that Lauren was that person. I had been quite wrong about her…

I looked down at this beautiful angel in front of me. _Could you see me for who I am? Who I really am, inside?_ I shook my head slightly. Lauren really had scarred me. I hadn't realized how deeply until now.

I did my best to apologize, to act as if I'd only been concerned for my Gran's welfare. Which was part of it, of course. I also tried to make a joke out of my rudeness. She gave me a smile that almost took my breath away.

Gran was calling us in for dinner and I hadn't seen George yet. As I was getting the latest local gossip from him I noticed that my Gran and Isabella had disappeared into the library. _I wonder what Gran's telling her…_

They were actually only gone for about five minutes but when my Gran and Isabella came back into the kitchen, I was stunned. When Isabella laughed it was as if the whole room lit up. I was in awe. And, from what I'd witnessed so far, so was my grandmother.

That got me thinking again—well, more like worrying—_Why does Gran trust her so completely?_ I would have to keep an eye on this situation whether my Gran liked it or not. The last thing I wanted was to see my grandmother hurt.

Though the thought of Isabella hurting anyone seemed a rather remote possibility to me.

~~:::~~

Edward went into the kitchen assuming like I did that Lizzie was going straight back in there too. She didn't.

She let him go first then tapped me on the arm. "Follow me." She said with a grim smile. I looked back at where Edward had walked through into the kitchen, and as I turned and followed Lizzie into her library, he was talking animatedly with George.

"Now look," she closed the door behind her and began a little nervously. "Edward has never been exactly…" she looked up at the ceiling, "_excited_ 'bout my writing." She looked back down, not at me, but at the floor. "I've never completely understood why. He tried to explain once, of course." She looked at me then, straight in the eye, the way she would when she wanted to make a point that wouldn't be forgotten.

"You see, he's a very giving person but doesn't like giving away… Well, secrets, family secrets, I guess you could say. And he feels that my stories are sometimes a little too close to home. Too personal. He… Well, he doesn't really like to dwell on the past."

I looked at her a little stunned. "Are you trying to tell me," I could hear the surprise in my own voice, "that your stories are based on _reality_?" I was dumbfounded. They seemed so surreal… So beautiful yet haunting.

"Yes." Was all she said in reply.

The wheels starting turning in my head. Edward must be the reason why she always called it her "hobby," as though what she was doing wasn't that important. I couldn't believe it. She was one of the best author's our little company had. She was almost as good as Bronte when she wrote her Gothic horror short stories, as good as Austen when she wrote romance. I told her as much.

"No!" She gave a sad little smile. "It really is just a hobby." She suddenly brightened. "But I do love it. And I love having you here."

"I'm glad. Because I love being here and helping you. You really are an excellent author, no matter what your grandson thinks." I said it as a statement, no room for argument. She seemed to agree.

"He doesn't mean to be an ass." She shook her head as we started back to the kitchen together. I laughed out loud. She'd said it in the same tone Edward had just moments before.

This was why I loved Lizzie, why I'd stayed to help her, why I'd stay with her until it was finished. No matter how her grandson acted towards me or whether or not he approved of her 'hobby.'

She leaned in conspiratorially towards me as we came into the kitchen but didn't bother to lower her voice. "Not all my stories are true. Just the really juicy ones." She winked. I laughed again.

She had said it loud enough that Edward was sure to have heard her.

~~:::~~

Late the next morning I was reading in the library when Edward came in. He casually walked over and bent down to see what I was reading. I saw a little shake of his head as he stood back up. I don't know what he expected me to be reading but apparently 'The Art of War' wasn't it.

"Wow. I didn't even know that book was still in print." He tried to look indifferent but I knew he was really amazed by my choice of reading material.

I put the book down, spine up, in my lap. I was sitting in my favorite chair in Lizzie's library. It was one of those traditional, big, leather ones, the ones that you expect to find Sherlock Holmes sitting in while smoking a pipe.

"It's one of those books that you think you've read, but in reality, you really haven't." I stated matter-of-factly.

"I see." He had a little smile playing around his lips as he said this. He was gorgeous, no doubts there. But he seemed so smug, so sure of himself. Out of nowhere I got annoyed. Not something that's good for me. I usually end up saying things that I regret later but I just couldn't help myself.

"Why in the world do you have a problem with your grandmother writing?" I was a little exasperated. "I mean, so what if some of the things she writes are true? It's not like anyone reads her stories and novels and thinks 'oh, hey, this must be one of those Masen family secrets'!" I crossed my arms again, like I had the night before but didn't uncross them this time.

He stared at me as if I were from another planet. "You just don't get it, do you?" He started pacing. "I don't want her to get all caught up reliving some of the things that she writes about—or getting depressed about the subject of some of those things—that, yes, are true."

He had me there. I hadn't thought about that. But he'd really ticked me off so I continued my little rant anyway. "Look. She's the most level-headed person I've ever met. I don't think she'd get depressed just by remembering experiences that were, and probably still are, important to her." I replied curtly.

He stopped pacing and turned to look at me. I couldn't quite read his expression… He almost looked mad. But he looked mad at himself, for not thinking of something like that, of thinking her less strong than she actually was.

He simply stated "You're right, Isabella." And abruptly left the room.

After a few moments I absentmindedly picked the book back up from my lap. He'd been gone for… Well, honestly, I'd lost track of time by that point.

I didn't know exactly how long I had continued sitting there after he'd walked away, playing our conversation over and over in my head.

He cared deeply for his grandmother, that was obvious. He seemed to _want_ her to be happy. Why was it that he seemed… Distrustful was the word that came to my mind. What had Gran said to me yesterday?

He wasn't thrilled about her writing… He was a giving person but… Didn't like giving away… Giving away what?

It came to me then. It dawned on me what her words and his actions added up to. _He didn't like giving pieces of himself away._ I realized suddenly that I'd been given a small glimpse into who Edward really, truly was.

Why did I care?

It hurt to even think that. I _did_ care. Too much… I'd be leaving to go 'home' at some point. I needed to get over my sudden infatuation with Edward Cullen before it got out of hand.

I sighed. Leaving and never seeing his deep, dark-green, appealing eyes ever again… My heart raced a little bit and I was surprised to find that I was feeling anxious about never seeing him again.

_Ridiculous. _I got resettled back into my comfortable chair and to reading the book I'd picked out.

I needed to stay and help Lizzie finish her lovely novel. That was the thing I needed to concentrate on now. I tried to block Edward out of my thoughts.

_Yeah, right…_ I sighed again, shook my head and attempted to get back to my reading.

~~:::~~

_God I'm tired... Maybe I'm getting too old to be a member of the jet-set._

Flying from London Heathrow Airport to Hartford, Connecticut via First Class was great but there was nothing that could be done to make the trip take any less than twelve hours, because there was always a stopover in Chicago or New York. It was, simply put, a rather tedious journey. Perhaps if they'd still had the Concorde flying… But of course, British Airways no longer flew it across the 'Pond.' Ah yes—my Gran was fond of calling the great expanse of ocean between her and the rest of her family as the 'Pond.' I smiled when I remembered the scolding Gran had given me earlier that evening.

I'd deserved it, especially the part about treating her guest with more respect. _Even though I know very little about her..._ I thought petulantly, and then rolled my eyes at myself, punching my pillow once again to try and get more comfortable. I _really_ needed to get some sleep; my mind just wouldn't shut off, however_. If only I could stop thinking about her face, her hair, her eyes. I might be able to fall asleep... _I shook off those thoughts. _I must really be overly tired—I'm just not thinking clearly._ I tried once again to reach a state of slumber.

Gran's guest… I had no idea that anyone was staying with Gran after her illness. Not someone from the local village of Old Lyme, certainly. _Wait… Gran had said something about…_ San Francisco? Her publisher? I guess I'd find out more once I was awake again in the morning.

I ended up sleeping in late—no surprise there—and it was almost 10:30 a.m. when I finally woke up the next morning. I was usually always up before 6:00 a.m., without fail. I shrugged. _Jetlag._ That was inconvenient. I'd been hoping to go for a run along the beach at six. I sighed. _Oh well. I guess I'll go see if I can find Gran to talk to her._ It was one of the main reasons I'd come after all. _Guess I'd better clean myself up and get going._

I hit the library first assuming I'd find Gran there. As I walked in, the first thing I saw was Isabella sitting in my favorite chair. It had always been my favorite. It smelled of old leather and my grandfather's cigars. I smiled, remembering him sitting comfortably and quizzing me endlessly about some of the more obscure books he had in his and Gran's library. _Speaking of obscure…_ I was sure I recognized the cover of the book she was reading.

I went to her and bent over slightly to read the title. "Wow. I didn't even know that book was still in print." I became thoughtful. Who is this strange creature? Why does she intrigue me so, with her beauty, her obvious sincerity and openness? I smiled a little at her interesting answer, it was almost as intriguing as her eyes.

Something about my manner seemed to spark something in her.

I stood up awkwardly after her tirade. The way she'd crossed her arms across her chest... As if I'd personally affronted her in some way. I answered her question with a question of my own.

"You just don't get it, do you?" I became irritated. Who was this girl to question my advocacy of my grandmother? I started pacing and explained my concern over my grandmother's writing aspirations.

_It wasn't her writing I particularly objected to. It was the possibility of her becoming depressed, or sad, or… Missing my grandfather too much. Or her remembering how much she had lost over the years... _Honestly there was a part, admittedly a rather small part, regarding her writing about her and our family's past that I just didn't think were… Appropriate. The Cullen's were very private people. My Gran however, wasn't. 'I wear my heart on my sleeve, son.' She'd told me _that_ often enough.

Isabella's tone changed. She sounded thoughtful instead of angry. "Look. She's the most level-headed person I've ever met." That simple statement brought me up short. She was right.

My Gran wasn't just an independent spirit. She was a strong individual. Something that I'd forgotten how to be.

How could Isabella know my grandmother better than me? She got right to the heart of it, without even realizing that my grandmother's strengths had become my weaknesses. I had to find and speak with my Gran right away. I needed her to help me rediscover my true self. What I'd become after being with Lauren for so long… I knew now that I certainly hadn't been true to myself in _that_ relationship.

My mind suddenly shifted back to Isabella. I abruptly looked over at her and told her that she was right and immediately left the room. How could she possibly be able to hold a mirror up to my soul? It was as if there were some sort of sudden and irrevocable connection between us. It was disconcerting. _She makes me want to believe in love at first sight._

I came to a sudden stop in the hall outside the library. _WHAT?_ Ridiculous. Ludicrous. I snorted. Where had _that_ absurd thought come from?

~~:::~~


	5. Chapter 5—Unintentional Pain

_"All pain is a punishment,  
>and every punishment is inflicted for love as much as for justice."<br>__Marie Maistre_

CHAPTER 5: UNINTENTIONAL PAIN

The next three weeks were rather lazy. Lizzie and I tried to do some writing but would get sidetracked by George, or one of her neighbors, or even Edward. Many late afternoons were spent with the three of us taking walks on the beach together laughing and looking for sea shells. In the evenings, we'd play scrabble or cards. Edward was always polite, not really saying much about himself, not really talking directly to me very often at all.

On several other occasions Edward found me reading quietly in Lizzie's grand library. He would come in, glance at me, sit in one of the other leather chairs in the room and begin reading a book that he had brought in with him.

I had finished the 'The Art of War' and had moved on to a book about Napoleon Bonaparte's battlefield strategies and battlefield experiences, mainly because I wondered if I could pick up on the tactics spoken of in the other book. I'm not sure why, exactly… I just wanted to know more about the subject and Napoleon seemed to be a good place to start.

When Edward noticed what I was reading, I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head. I didn't think I was supposed to notice him staring at me—he was trying to be discrete. But I caught him gazing at me intently one afternoon as I was reading my chosen subject.

"Yes, Edward? Is there something I can help you with?" I asked him very quietly but very politely.

"I honestly can't figure out why you're reading that. It just seems…" He tore his eyes away from me, shaking his head and chuckling to himself.

"I'm glad I amuse you." I gave a little huff and went back to my reading.

Several minutes later I swore I heard him say, "Fascinating…" under his breath. I looked over at him through my curtain of hair, which had fallen forward along my chin, to see if I would pick up on anything else he might say, but he was quiet from that point on.

Even though I enjoyed Lizzie's company immensely and shockingly, occasionally Edward's, I ended up taking a few walks by myself. I'd always found that I could think clearly when I was alone. It had never really bothered me to be alone. I enjoyed the peace, the quiet; not having to always carry a conversation. Of walking just for the joy of walking.

It was so charming at Sandy Beach... Sometimes I would just walk out Lizzie's double front doors and see where my feet would end up taking me. Since Lizzie had a rather large piece of property, I had to be careful not to get lost, however.

Twice I found myself at the Masen family cemetery. It was strangely serene—with a low stone wall surrounding the few tombstones that were still standing. There were six very large trees that surrounded the wall. Two had huge branches that went right over the wall. I would sit on the wall, with my back propped up against one of the thick branches thinking over Lizzie's novel, my father, my life in San Francisco… And puzzling over Edward. Since he wasn't very talkative about himself, I was having some difficulty deciphering his personality, the meanings behind his little quirks… _What makes him tick, exactly?_ I walked back to the house slowly and ended up on the back veranda, in one of the large rocking chairs.

Thinking over some of our conversations, however, I started picking out certain comments he'd made, specific ways he'd answered some of his Gran's questions to 'flesh out' his character.

He was thoughtful, extremely careful. Edward was very intelligent. He had an engaging, clever sense of humor. Lizzie called it his 'dry, English wit.' I smiled wistfully as I thought of his amazing smile, his gorgeous eyes…

_Stop thinking like that!_ I scolded myself. And then I let a quiet little sigh escape my lips. Because, I had to be honest with myself; he _was_ rather captivating. He was strong, even brave—someone I could respect. Someone I could… _Ugh! Stop it, stop it, stop it!_ I really needed to get a grip.

I had noticed several quiet conversations held in the kitchen between Lizzie and her grandson and I didn't intrude. He had really come to see her for a reason. To check on her, yes, but also something was troubling him deeply. He needed his Gran, it was as simple as that. Even I could see it.

However, it made me wish my grandparents, any of them, really, were still alive. I was glad I had my dad but growing up without a mom had been hard. And my last living grandmother had passed away when I was just six, just two years after my mother had died.

Lizzie was like having a mom, grandmother and best friend all rolled into one.

I guess I was a little jealous of Edward. I hoped he would keep in touch with her better. Especially since, at some point, I would be leaving to go back home to California.

That depressed me almost instantly. I was sort of wallowing in self-pity and didn't see Edward come out onto the veranda until it was too late. He'd seen the expression on my face. "What is it, Isabella?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing, really." I tried to smile to make him forget about the look he must have seen on my face. It didn't work.

"No. I saw a look on your face that seemed very… Sad." He cocked his head to one side and asked me again, "What is it?" as he sat down in one of the rocking chairs that was directly across from mine. He leaned forward, placing his arms across his knees with his hands lightly together. The sincerity of his question and the look of concern in his eyes made my heart skip a beat.

I sighed and took a deep breath, attempting to ignore the look on _his_ face and concentrated on how to answer his question honestly. I didn't want to prove him right about Lizzie's stories being depressing; which wasn't really the case. They were magical, beautiful, haunting… But not depressing.

I was depressed about leaving.

Certainly _not_ about my time spent with her or her wonderful stories. I ended up telling him as much.

He got a strange look on his face, like he had just tasted something bitter. "I really hope you're right and she doesn't have any trouble adjusting to you not being here anymore after you're gone, with only the memories of her past to keep her company."

"I hope so, too. I know we'll stay in touch, though." I leaned my head back against the rocking chair and looked at him with one eye closed and my nose scrunched up. "There's just no way I could not talk to her at _least_ once a week." I felt relieved. I'd managed to not cry as I'd answered him and I'd been honest—I felt there was great importance in being honest with him.

He looked over at me and gave a little nod. "Yeah. I know how you feel." He stood up abruptly from the other rocker and went back into the house without saying another word.

This was now twice that had happened, where he'd suddenly walked away from me. It only seemed to happen when we were having a conversation without Lizzie present, though. The conversations between Edward and I seemed to make him anxious and then he'd become almost irritated. With me or something else, I couldn't discern. However, when Lizzie or even George was around we would have an almost playful banter going on between us.

I felt like the difference in his attitude towards me when we were alone compared to when others were present was almost giving me whiplash.

It was actually very annoying. _I really am thinking about him way, way too much… _

I sat up suddenly in my chair, my hand had involuntarily gone to my mouth and I gasped. He knew… He knew that I was interested in him and he didn't want me to think there was any chance. At all.

I felt crushed. A tear slowly found its way down my face to my chin. I slowly wiped it away. Too late to wipe away my inexplicable feelings for him… Too late to realize I was falling _hard_ for Edward.

That thought just brought more silent tears. Soon I would be leaving to go back to San Francisco, where I lived—but my home no longer. I now knew what home felt like, thanks to Lizzie. I hadn't felt this way since…

Since Jacob and I had been married.

I quietly cried as I watched the sun set.

~~:::~~

Things were relaxed around the house. We—Myself, Gran, Isabella, even George—got into a routine. A comfortable existence.

I had even discovered her on several occasions reading in the library again. Her choices were… Interesting.

_She_ was interesting. Fascinating. _Enchanting_. I sighed. I at least knew more about her…

I had of course spoken to Gran about all the where's and why's of Isabella ending up staying with her over the last month. It actually made perfect sense. My Gran had a contractual obligation with the publishing company that she would fulfill. However, it was quickly obvious to me that she would have continued to work on her last, great novel with or without that contract. I smiled to myself.

Of course Isabella was a huge part of her finishing the novel—even I could bear witness to her insightfulness and intelligence. There was no doubt in my mind; I firmly believed that my Gran certainly wouldn't have been able to finish it without Bella having been there.

_Bella... I like the sound of that._ Hummm. Italian for beautiful… I always called her 'Isabella' when speaking directly to her out of respect but I began calling her 'Bella' in my mind. It sounded endearing. Casual. Intimate. _Stop right there, Cullen!_

No. I couldn't afford to get in any deeper… She would be leaving to go back to her home in California in a few weeks. I would be leaving to go back home to England around the same time. We were acquaintances. That was all.

_Really?_ That last thought made me pause…

I blinked. Even though we'd spent less than a month together and I'd done my best to stay out of her's and Gran's way—she was there to help my grandmother after all—the time we'd spent together made me feel… Well, happy. I grinned at myself but only for a moment.

I could feel the smile slide off my face as I realized I would never hear her laugh again, never see her radiant smile, never see the flash of mischievousness in her eyes that would appear at random moments…

Never have the opportunity to move my fingers along her exquisite skin, over her cheekbone, along her jaw… _Why torture yourself? She isn't interested in you. _I winced. I probably just came across as some rich playboy type, which of course I was not.

But, what if she had feelings for me…?

_Maybe you should just leave now, avoid the inevitable disappointment._ I had an involuntary intake of breath. That thought was actually… Painful. An ache in my chest that I'd never felt before. I looked out across the back tennis court to the ocean.

I thought over the conversation I'd finally been able to have with my grandmother several days before.

I'd told her about my plans for taking over the family estate in West Sussex. She'd only been there once, many years ago, and thought that my idea was fantastic. I wasn't exactly surprised by her enthusiastic support but it still meant a lot to me. Her support bolstered my decision.

She knew that I'd gotten my Cambridge degree in Biological Sciences, with an emphasis on modern farm techniques. It actually made all the sense in the world to her. Of course it would mean moving several hours south of London. Which, she reminded me, was exactly how I'd explained where I lived to Bella already. I smiled inwardly. Of course I'd already subconsciously made up my mind.

I'd also explained to her all about Lauren.

My Gran... Ahh yes. I shook my head gently. Even though I'd been very careful and exact with my description of the situation, she immediately picked up on the fact that I wasn't heartbroken—not even a bit sad. A bit confused, yes. But not sad.

I should have known. Even though we hadn't been talking a lot over the last few years, she had sensed through our few telephone conversations that I had been unhappy.

I explained to my grandmother that I'd felt like Lauren and I were only together for the simple reason that neither of us wanted to be alone. That, even though I had thought that I loved her, I had felt so completely detached about the relationship. I told her what my friend Rosalie had discovered. What my sister and Rosalie had ended up telling me about her.

Lauren was seeing someone else behind my back. I told her that when they'd explained it all to me I didn't even act startled, certainly not distraught in any way. I'd actually suspected as much. I also knew then that I didn't love her, that I probably never had. I broke up with her that very same day without even a backwards glance.

I told my Gran that I didn't really know what love was supposed to be like. I had of course watched it grow and evolve with her and my grandfather, with my parents, Alice and Jasper, and now my best friends, Rosalie and Emmett. I honestly didn't think I would ever be able to find someone that could love me like that—unconditionally. Completely.

That's when things with Gran got a bit uncomfortable.

"Edward…" she looked completely bewildered as she spoke to me. "How do you not _see_ it?"

I looked at her over the large kitchen island, still stirring my iced tea. "What do I not see?" I was totally confused. "This is why I wanted to talk to you so badly, to pour out my soul to you a little bit." I felt a little frustrated. "I was hoping you could help me…"

She gently cut me off, putting a hand up in the air. "Edward. I _am_ helping you. _But I can't bring you to a place that you're already at_." Her hand dropped back to the counter to make a muffled thwak sound against one of her tea towels.

She looked up at me with an almost heartbroken look in her eyes. "You _completely_ understand love. Deep in your soul you thoroughly know how to _express_ love. _It's time for you to open yourself up to it._"

She quickly wiped some tears away and I saw her eyebrows pull together. "You've known since almost the very _moment_ you walked into this house." She finally whispered.

I stared at her. I felt—frozen. I couldn't admit to myself what she was trying to tell me. What I _did _already know but was desperately keeping my distance from mentally. I suppose looking back I'd been trying to somehow protect myself... I know at that precise moment the emotion that coursed through me suddenly was denial.

For just a moment, I know that Gran could see the realization streak across my features. But she also watched my face change, first torn and then alter to an impenetrable mask.

"Well. There's no point in continuing to talk to you if you're just going to speak in riddles." I walked out of the kitchen leaving my iced tea on the counter and my Gran saddened to the point of slow, fat tears dropping from her eyes onto that same counter.

I went straight to my room, got changed, and went out for a long run. _As if I could have ever truly succeeded in running from myself. _I thought later.

Little did I realize at the time exactly how _much_ emotion and passion I was running from. Something Gran had been trying to help me see within myself for many weeks...

Almost an entire additional week would pass before I would finally, completely figure it out.

I ended up being devastatingly successful in protecting _myself._

But I would be much, much too late to avoid hurting someone else.

~~:::~~

I ended up helping Lizzie with the novel after breakfast on my fortieth day of being with her. It had actually been almost a month and a half that I'd been away from San Francisco. I knew that I'd probably be leaving soon but I also knew that Edward would be staying a week or so past my departure date. I felt a bit melancholy about that fact.

Lizzie had been really happy that he came to see her but I still couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't trust me. And then, of course, there were my own feelings about him to contend with… I did my best to ignore those.

We spent five hours that morning going over her notes, with me typing away on my laptop, editing as I went. She was such a fantastic story-teller. It was mesmerizing to listen to her.

"Well," she had stopped dictating and tapped my arm, "I think it's time for lunch don't you?"

I continued to type. "Umm hum… That sounds great."

She put her hands over mine on the keyboard and stated very quietly, "We need to go have our lunch now."

"But we're almost done…" I started to sound a little whiny even to myself. I looked up at her and noticed that she had a very serious expression on her face. I couldn't place it. Then I took stock of what I had just said.

We both abruptly started to laugh almost uncontrollably. She started dancing around her library saying things like, "We ARE almost done! Yippee!" and "Woohoo!" I clapped my hands and cheered her on.

She slowed and stopped after just a few minutes. "Holy Toledo, that tired me out." She laughed again. "Come on, Miss Swan, it's time to go eat!"

I saved where I was on her novel, backed it up to the flash drive, sent an email with the last chapter and some additional notes to Angela, turned the computer off, and got up from the couch.

I put my arm through hers. We tramped off to the kitchen together very pleased with ourselves and all that we'd done, all the work we'd accomplished.

I felt relief and happiness wash through me and then… Sadness. Complete, utter sadness.

It was over. She didn't need my help anymore.

_I would never see Edward again…_

I felt suddenly sick to my stomach. Lizzie had already poured some milk into two glasses and had started making our sandwiches. She looked up and saw my changed expression.

"Oh, my dear, what is it?" She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I think after seeing my expression she too realized that our time together was coming to an end. She came around the kitchen island and took both my hands in hers.

"Sweetie, we'll stay in touch. Don't be sad."

But I was. Very quietly I said, "But I'll miss you so much…" She stopped me from going any farther. She didn't want to see me cry.

"You are a wonderful, vibrant young lady. You have so much to look forward to. You can't stay here with me forever." She shook her head. "Nor should you."

I didn't know. As much as I missed San Francisco, my dad, my friends at work, I knew I'd miss this place more. I couldn't explain it. She was right, but…

"I'm not very hungry right now. I think I'm going to go take a walk along the beach." I dropped my hands from hers and looked up into her worried eyes. "I'll be fine. You're right, of course." I rolled my eyes at her and gave her a little smile. "As usual."

She smiled back at me and gave a little knowing nod. "You'll be al'right girlie."

~~:::~~

I went to my room to change into something warmer. It seemed that clouds had come in while we'd been working that morning and it had gotten rather cold out. No rain, just cloudy and cold. I put on my boots, left my same jeans on and changed into a v-neck sweater and a windbreaker.

I had just stepped out the front doors but hadn't quite closed it yet when I heard quick but heavy footsteps behind me. I turned to see Edward flying towards me, obviously very angry about something. I actually took several steps back as he reached me. He stopped, almost panting, and gave a nod in my direction. "I hope you're happy!" He almost spit the words at me. "Gran's in the kitchen right now crying her eyes out!"

He'd assumed that she was crying over something I'd said to her, when in fact she was crying for the same reason I was. Sadness. But not the kind that Edward assumed it was.

"You think I'd just walk away from her, leaving her in some state of anxiety over something I'd said or something she'd told me that had upset her?" I asked him very quietly. He still hadn't noticed the tears on my face.

He ran his hand through his hair as he spoke to me. "How can you not see what all this writing business has done to her!" He glared at me. "She's reliving memories that should. Be. Forgotten!" He actually shouted the last part at me.

I was speechless, dumbfounded. He was still convinced that her writing was somehow a bad thing. He had one hand on his hip and the other hung stiffly at his side. Then he pointed at me.

"_You_ obviously have NEVER experienced any REAL loss." He shook his head condescendingly at me. "_That's_ why it's so _easy_ for you to act like your 'helping' her and then leave! You won't be here to watch her heart break into pieces!" He actually did quotation marks in the air when he had said 'helping.' I was too shocked to even respond.

Then he said something so quietly that I just couldn't believe I'd heard him correctly. "How can you do it? Be so… Cruel?"

I jerked my head up to look into his face, aghast, to be further assaulted by the bitterness in his eyes.

That did it. I started to cry again, in real earnest now.

I turned and ran. As fast as my legs would carry me. Away from Lizzie's beautiful home, away from Lizzie…

And her heartless grandson.

~~:::~~

"Edward..." Very quietly Gran came up behind me in the foyer.

After my cataclysmal temper-tantrum, Bella had run out the doors away from me as if the very devil himself were after her. Suddenly it dawned on me that she had been crying _before_ I had found her. What had I accused her of?

My Gran made it quite clear. "_You_ are the cruel one."

I hastily turned to face her, with all the agony and confusion I felt clearly on my face and I finally asked her, "_Why?_"

I was asking why Gran had been upset, why was Bella crying before I'd even spoken a word... Why had I been so _angry_?

Gran ended up answering only the first of my internal mental barrage of questions.

She shook her head sadly. "Because I wasn't crying over something Bella had said or done wrong. I wasn't crying over old memories or lost yesteryear's." She sighed deeply. "I was crying because _I will miss her_."

I was starting to feel sick. _What had I done?_ With true horror in my voice I told Gran something I had been denying since the moment I'd seen her beautiful face and heard her breathtaking voice almost two months previous for the first time. Several moments ago might have become my last...

"I'm in love with her…" I whispered. It hit me like lightning from heaven.

I knew now why I'd been angry.

I was angry she would be leaving soon to go…

Away from me.

"Yep. You sure are, boy." She gave me that steady, Masen stare. "And you couldn't have screwed things up any worse." She gently touched my arm.

"Listen to me, Edward. I know you've been trying desperately to protect yourself, trying not to have feelings for someone you think you may never have the chance to be with. But you _must_ go after her! What you said…"

She shook her head again, closing her eyes as she told me the next, horribly agonizing part. "She lost her mother before the age of five and her last grandparent shortly thereafter. And… She's a widow. She lost her husband after only three years of marriage. To cancer, of all things."

Heartless. Cruel. Unfeeling… _Monster._ I couldn't come up with enough adjectives to describe myself.

Then I thought of what my mother would think of my behavior. In my mind's eye, I could also see my father's disapproving stare. If my sister had been a witness to my shame, she would have simply cried.

I had to find her. Try to… What? Apologize? I could attempt to _beg_ her for forgiveness.

Yes, I could find it in my heart to do _that_ quite easily.

_Tell her you love her._ Could I tell her that? Yes. Would she listen? Would she care? My chest grew tight…

I turned away from my grandmother and headed straight out the doors running at top speed. I heard Gran shout after me: "She's probably by the old cemetery!" That would be the first place I would look for her.

~~:::~~


	6. Chapter 6—Beginning to Hope

"_Hope is the dream of a soul awake."  
><em>_French Proverb_

CHAPTER 6: BEGINNING TO HOPE

It had taken only a few minutes… Just two agonizing minutes for Edward to break my heart. I hadn't thought that I would ever have to experience that kind of pain again.

Apparently, I'd been wrong.

I cried. Of course, I cried. And I kept running. And running. I ran until my legs ached. My chest burned.

I ended up finding myself at the cemetery. How ironic. I'd come here to think before. Now that was the last thing I wanted to do. Think. Remember… His anger. What he'd _said_… But I couldn't help it. I had to work it out in my mind so I could attempt to figure out what to do now.

I sat down on the wall, leaning back against the biggest tree branch, pulling my knees up to my chest and encircling them with my arms. I shut my eyes tightly. Inevitably my crying slowed. I could breathe easier now…

It was a misunderstanding. I knew that. I also knew that I'd have to face him again at some point, since all my belongings were at Lizzie's house.

_His_ grandmother's house.

This realization brought on more tears. How do you walk back into a house that you felt so much love in, felt so at _home_ in… Face someone that was obviously never going to trust you… Never going to… Would never...

_Would never love you._

I cried harder than I'd cried in a long, long time and admitted to myself that this was no crush, no infatuation.

I loved him.

This thought brought on heavy gasps for air. However, I wasn't going to make excuses for him. What he'd said was indefensible. _Even though he couldn't possibly have known how much loss I had endured in my life already._ I thought miserably.

I also knew deep in my heart that he had only been so angry because he was trying to protect his grandmother. He may not trust me but I did not, _would_ _not_ believe that he hated me. That he had been _intentionally_ vicious. That didn't make sense to me at all. But… What he'd _said_… It hurt. Badly.

I mulled over my thought of it being a misunderstanding… Yes. I could head back to the house under that pretense. Mumble something about needing to get back home… A lump formed in my throat at the thought of 'home'.

I would always feel that this had been the first real home to my heart.

I had to be able to say goodbye to Lizzie. Hopefully I wouldn't even have to see him…

This thought brought on a new wave of tears.

What a mess. I put my hands up to my eyes and pressed my palms against them. _I shouldn't have run away._ It was going to be so much more difficult to leave Lizzie now, with this 'misunderstanding' hanging in the air. God. I just wanted to become part of the tree, the wall, the ground.

That's when I heard the quickening footsteps on the gravel path that lead up to the modest cemetery. I dropped my hands into my lap. I held my breath. I knew this couldn't possibly be Lizzie… Perhaps George?

_NO! _

There was just enough late afternoon light for me to see Edward heading straight for me. Oh God. I couldn't do this. I couldn't face him.

Before I could bolt, before I could even open my mouth to say _anything_, whether cruel and angry or loving and kind, he moved quickly along the wall to the place where I sat.

As he was moving towards me, he was saying something in a low and fervent tone. I couldn't quite make it out.

As he reached a spot on the ground that was roughly two feet from me he dropped to his knees, his hands falling to his thighs and his glorious eyes dropping from my view. He was averting them from my face.

I simply stared at him.

"Oh, Bella!" There were tears on his face. _Wait, what?_ What was happening? I was confused… He wasn't angry, he wasn't yelling, he actually appeared anxious and refused to even look into my eyes.

He had said my name… Differently. The way I actually preferred being called. It was the first time he had ever done so. He'd always remained so… Formal.

Until now.

He was anything but formal; he seemed… Desperate. _But that's how I'm feeling…_

"Please, please…" He was… Begging? _For what?_ I needed get less confused and listen to what he was actually saying if I expected to make sense of what was happening.

He continued speaking to the ground but in a now slightly stronger voice, "PLEASE find it somewhere in your beautiful, kind, and compassionate heart to forgive me."

I took a sudden intake of breath and my left hand flew to my face, my right hand partially extended out to him. Apparently he heard me but hadn't looked up yet to see my somewhat outstretched hand.

I saw his hands tense on his thighs, the tendons were actually visible to me. He had closed his eyes. He was—holding his breath it seemed—and waiting for a response.

Instead of saying anything I carefully stepped down and away from the wall. I still had my one hand extended out; now towards the top of his head. I tentatively stepped towards him, until I reached out and gently touched his hair. He slowly lifted his face to mine and opened his eyes again.

I was finally touching his hair. His messy but appealing hair… Looking into his deep-as-the-ocean green eyes, staring at his exquisite lips, his masculine jaw line…

Something sparked between us, instantly and fiercely, like lightning.

He fluidly stood up in front of me, with his left hand drifting quickly up my arm, to my shoulder, to the back of my neck; until he was gently threading his fingers through the hair at the base of my neck. His right hand rested on my hip for a few seconds, then drifted around to stop at the small of my back. I felt his fingers splay out, felt him pull me towards him.

I hadn't been idle while he was doing this.

My left hand moved to his face while my right moved down from his hair and rested on his cheek. I traced his eyebrows feather-light with my fingers, over his cheekbones, along his jaw, to his lips… His mouth parted slightly and his eyes closed again. I moved my hand back up to his eyes and brushed over them with my fingers.

"You're so beautiful… I… I love you." I told him so quietly I was surprised he heard me.

"Bella…" He gave a small sigh and brought his sweet lips down on mine. I thought I would pass out from the tenderness and depth of passion that was contained in that one kiss.

Time passed slowly and I felt the tip of his tongue trace my lower lip. I trembled and moaned softly, allowing him entrance. He didn't push into my mouth, he just barely touched his tongue to mine, almost tentatively, only tangling ours together for a few moments, before withdrawing and then continuing to kiss me earnestly.

We continued to kiss deeply as we wrapped our arms around each other. I never, ever wanted him to let go of me.

He broke the kiss first, breathing a little heavily. He placed his hands at my lower back, reaching back up with his right palm and holding it to the side of my face, whispering as he then trailed his fingers across my cheek. "I love you so much, Bella."

We stood there and stared at each other, smiling softly for… I don't really know how long. Definitely long enough for both of our breathing patterns to slow back down to normal. My arms slowly unwrapped from him and fell reflexively to his waist. We continued to stare at each other with our eyes roaming over each others faces, breathing in each others scent.

I finally took note that the light was failing. I reached up with one hand and touched his face again with just my fingertips, keeping my other hand on his waist. I whispered—I didn't want to break the magic of the moment we'd shared—as I looked unblinkingly into his eyes. He seemed to be doing the same thing to me, reading straight into my soul by looking deeply into mine. "We need to go back…"

He suddenly gave me a huge smile, flashing me his perfect teeth and laughed. Loudly. "Yes, I suppose we do."

He pulled me close to him for a moment, giving me a tight hug, then grabbed me behind my shoulders and the backs of my knees, sweeping me bodily off the ground abruptly.

I gasped loudly. "Edward!" He only laughed again—it was so musical, so contagious. I started to giggle along with him.

He carried me close to his chest almost the entire way back to Lizzie's house, periodically kissing my nose or my forehead lightly. We didn't speak. There would have been nothing either of us could say that would have enhanced our mood or our new understanding of each other.

Both of us seemed to be so in tune to the other that every time one of us attempted to steal a glance, the other would look at that exact moment. It was disconcerting at first. But then we were laughing again—at the impossibility—the sheer wonder of what we had found in each other.

As I rested my head against his shoulder, I started to hum a melody that he seemed to recognize. He started humming along with me. We both grinned at each other.

He bent his head down and kissed me tenderly and chastely. "You're so beautiful." He stated matter-of-factly.

I blushed and gave him a little kiss on the part of his jaw that I could reach with my lips. "So are you."

He laughed again. "I don't know. That doesn't sound very _masculine_."

I swatted his arm. "You're handsome. Very, very, VERY handsome."

He gave a little nod. "That's better."

Lizzie's house was in sight now. He slowed slightly and I realized I needed to get his attention before he walked too much farther. "Edward," he stopped and put me down but immediately placed his hands on either side of my waist, curling his fingers around me while rubbing my hipbone on each side with this thumbs. He looked down at me curiously. He must have picked up on the tentative tone of my voice.

"Edward, I never answered your question from a little bit ago. And I believe… No, I _know_ that it's very important that I do so." I had no idea why I was being so formal but I felt that what I was about to tell him was vitally important say—something that had the potential to define our relationship.

"I do forgive you." I cautiously smiled up at him.

The look on his face froze in place. Before he could react, I quickly added, "I just wanted you to know that. So that you wouldn't ever wonder or doubt yourself." I became suddenly shy and blushed.

He tentatively reached one hand up from my waist to touch my cheek, oh so gently… I sighed as I closed my eyes, reaching up and placing both of my hands over his. "Thank you." I told him fervently.

I felt him shake his head and then he whispered, "No, thank _you_." He cleared his throat before adding, "Thank you for telling me… For letting me know that I haven't irreparably damaged our friendship and that..." His voice became rough with emotion as he continued. "That you are willing to allow me close to you, to attempt to form a more... Intimate bond with you."

I opened my eyes and gazed into his for a few seconds. "I never want you to worry or wonder, you know?" I reached up and ran my index finger slowly down his nose. He now looked so peaceful. There wasn't any other word I could find to describe the look in his eyes.

He nodded and whispered carefully to me. "Alright." He grew thoughtful and his eyes suddenly showed some internal turmoil. "But, I _am_ truly sorry for the terrible things I said to you. I... I didn't mean it. I will do everything I can to _show_ you how I didn't mean those things I said... I..." He closed his eyes tightly as he finished his declaration. "I was simply afraid."

I removed my hand from off of his face as he dropped his hand from mine. We both reached for each others hands at the same time… My right to his left. We smiled at the same time… Started walking towards his grandmother's house at the same time… Which made us both laugh again.

With our fingers intertwined, he playfully swung our arms as we walked. He now seemed to be over his melancholy state from a few moments ago. "You're an amazing person." He picked up his pace a bit. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "You're rather cute, too." He looked back straight ahead, with a slightly silly expression on his face. I laughed.

In fact, I was still laughing as we reached the front doors.

Which, as he was reaching for one of the door handles, opened suddenly in front of us. Before either of us could react, Lizzie had both doors open and was shouting over her shoulder. "GEORGE! They're back!"

She turned back to us. "Thank goodness! I didn't want to have to send a search party out after you two!" She turned back to the foyer as she'd finished speaking. She turned her head back to us and motioned for us to follow her. She went straight to the door of the library.

She stopped just short of the door and ushered us in ahead of her. She quietly followed us and as she came through behind us, she put her hand on the doorknob and yelled out, "George, I'm going to be in the library for a little bit…" as she was closing it.

Edward and I, still hand in hand, cautiously walked towards the center of the room and turned to face her together. Neither of us was quite sure what she would say. She had turned from the door slowly and had placed her hands in front of her, folding them together carefully. For some reason I had expected her to place her hands on her hips… She didn't do that, however.

She looked down at the oriental rug that we were all standing on, seeming to study the intricate pattern carefully. She tenderly looked up at us. "I want you both to know, that no matter which way things had gone, I would have loved you both just as much as I always have." Edward grasped my hand a little more tightly. I squeezed back.

Lizzie paused, as if unsure of her next words. I'd never seen her uncertain. It made me feel a little apprehensive.

I shouldn't have. She wasn't _uncertain_ about anything. It was like when the wind dies down just before a storm hits.

"But I'll tell you what, if you _hadn't_ gotten this worked out today, I would have given you both such a whooppin'!" As she spoke her voice had risen in volume.

I could feel Edward's consternation radiating off of him. He glanced over at me and I looked up to see the same apprehensiveness I'd been feeling reflected in his eyes.

With her voice at its normal volume she continued. "You don't realize…" She stopped and blew out her breath loudly. She gave a little shake of her head before she continued.

"I want you both to listen to me very carefully." We were. Very carefully. She seemed satisfied, so she continued.

She looked directly at Edward first as she spoke. "When Bella came to stay here with me Edward, and help me with what will be my last novel," she hesitated but just for a split second. "I knew I had discovered a rare and timeless soul. I knew that she would _always_ be a part of my life. When you first arrived, when Bella came out of this room and you _saw her_…" She pressed her lips together.

She turned to look directly at me. "Edward has always been a comfort to me—we've always been close. He is a remarkable individual that has my utmost respect. He is the most unselfish and sincere person I know. When Edward came to visit unexpectedly, when he looked up to see you coming out of this very room, when _you_ saw _him_…" She looked between Edward and me.

"You didn't see, weren't aware of it… It was as if the hall had disappeared, the house wasn't standing, the world had suddenly stopped turning… I watched both of you take stock of each other, connect in a way that was so _tangible_, that I could feel it in the air." She paused but for only a moment.

"In over 78 years of life, I've never seen anything like it. It was as if time had simply stopped for you both..." Her voice trailed off.

She looked up at the ceiling and I saw a single tear move down her wizened, lovely cheek. "Somehow you both missed the fact that you instantly connected, recognizing in each other that you were and are kindred spirits." Her voice became strong again. "Now you must remember to _never_ forget this, for the _rest of your lives_."

Her tears came unbidden now. She smiled at us and reached out for us. We walked over to where she was and each took one of her hands in ours, though Edward and I never let go of each other.

That's when I felt it. She was right. It _was_ tangible. Our love. Edward looked over at me penetratingly. He could feel it too. He looked over at his Gran. "Gran, there is no possible way I can ever repay you for what you've shown me."

He suddenly looked back over to me. "I don't know how I will ever fully deserve you but I will do everything in my power to do so." He gave a little nod, as if him speaking it would make it so. And I realized because he _had_ spoken it, it probably would be. He was that kind of a man. Sincere. What a wonderful word to describe Edward.

I timidly spoke then. I could feel my blush creep up my cheeks to reach almost to my hairline. "I love you both more than you'll ever know, more than I'll ever be able to show you." I shyly looked back down to the floor. "But I'll try anyway."

We all smiled and… Hesitated. We didn't want to let go of each other, afraid that the spell that was floating throughout the room around us would be broken.

But as with all magical moments in life, if they don't end, you can never really appreciate them when, and _if_, they happen again.

So, we let go. Of each other. Of our perfect moment.

"Well," Lizzie said very quietly. "I think I'm going to head off to bed early tonight. I'm quite tired." She gave us each a little smile, squeezed each of our hands as she let us go and turned from Edward and me and left the room. She closed the door after herself.

~~:::~~

Edward stood next to me for a few more moments in silence.

He was thoughtful. So was I.

We knew that we loved each other.

And, honestly, I couldn't imagine what life would be like without him now but…

We had been going about our lives, living, before the last month and a half had passed. _What happens now?_ I wasn't sure.

He pulled on my hand, the one that he hadn't let go of since we'd walked back from the cemetery, and walked over to the leather chair he'd found me in… _When was that? _A week ago? Three weeks ago? It could have been a century ago for all that had happened between us since then. He sat down in the chair and slowly spun me around so I could sit in his lap while still being able to see my face.

He spoke then, taking me out of my reverie. "I can't imagine not looking into your face for any length of time," he paused. "And we definitely have enough to discuss for several hours, at least." He looked at me with his chin slightly down so he was looking up through his hair a little bit. He absentmindedly pushed his fingers through it.

I let a small giggle escape. "I love your hair—it's sexy."

"Don't distract me." He smiled his best crooked smile at me while he attempted to get serious. He gave me a small kiss on my neck and let out a slow breath against it. "Ummm... But you do smell so, so good..." I shivered in desire and leaned into his shoulder.

He leaned back away from my neck slightly and then sighed. "I know you said you've forgiven me for my absolutely appalling behavior towards you… And I believe you have. Completely."

I fidgeted slightly in his lap. I didn't know if I liked the direction this was taking. However, I quickly realized and appreciated why he would need more information from me. He needed to understand for himself what had happened to me, beyond the small bit of background that Lizzie must have revealed to him earlier.

He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. "But you'll have to give me some details about your past. You don't have to tell me anything that makes you feel uncomfortable but I really need to _know_ _you._" With the end of his statement he gave me a little squeeze as he gazed steadily into my eyes.

The seconds lengthened and I realized he was waiting for some kind of a response from me before he would say any more.

"Edward, I know. I totally agree with you. And, I will tell you whatever you want to know... But right now I need to know what your plans are. What I need, and want, to tell you isn't exactly a five minute conversation. And I really, really need to know where you think we should go from here... And, just so you are fully aware of the situation, I was only going to be here with your Gran for a few more days." I puckered my lips together and blew out a long breath before I continued.

"In reality, she only needs my help with the novel for another afternoon." I wanted so badly to reach over and touch his lips but I couldn't distract us. This conversation was too vital. "So, I guess what I'm asking…"

He gently cut me off. "I want you to spend the next two weeks at my family's estate in southern England with me." Apparently he'd already been thinking about this and had made his own decision. I sighed.

He took my chin in his hand, gazing into my eyes, roaming over my face. He put some of my hair delicately behind my ear and placed his hand back on my leg. "I want you to be happy, to feel loved, to feel that you can do anything, go anywhere… But I'd really, really like for you to do all those things… _With me._"

He had one arm behind my shoulders so he gathered my hands up from my lap and held them both tightly for a moment in his other hand, and then began lightly playing with my fingers. He looked down at our entwined hands as he continued.

"I know your family is in Washington state, your job and friends are in California…" He became acquiescent. "I don't want to influence your decision of where you want to live but you seem to be… Unattached to those places. Am I asking too much for you to come and spend two weeks with me?"

He was asking for my consent. He didn't want me to feel like I was following him around like a lost puppy. He wanted us to make the decision together, to be a couple. But what he was _really_ asking me to consider, what he really wanted me to make the choice of, was where I wanted to make my _home_.

He wasn't just asking me to stay for two weeks. Not really.

I opened my mouth to speak… But I didn't know what to say. He was right. I was unattached to Washington _and_ California. I'd spoken to my father more since I'd moved to San Francisco than the entire time I'd lived with him before I'd married Jacob.

"You're right." A tear slid down my cheek. I was so happy. But also sad. I looked back into his gorgeous eyes and there was concern there because of my tears, because of what he perceived to be my indecision. His brows knit together. He was actually worried about me making a choice that would make it almost impossible for us to be together. Intolerable. Unacceptable. I felt the tears in my eyes being replaced by my resolve.

I took one of my hands out of his and traced my fingers around his eyes. "I love you, Edward. I will go wherever you are. You're right. I don't have any real connection to either of those places—they aren't _home_ to me. I have more of a connection to your grandmother and _this_ place..." As I spoke the last part I abstractly waved my hand through the air around us. "Than I do to anywhere else."

I sadly shook my head. "Since I'm a rather independent-thinking woman I can understand your hesitation in asking me to go with you, as if you're asking me to give up my life somehow. You're not." I leaned in and gave him a fierce little kiss. He was completely taken aback. "You are my life now."

He nuzzled my cheek with his nose. "I do love you, Bella. I want you with me more than I can say… But I want you to think about this a little more. I want you to be sure."

"O.k." I gave a small little huff. He chuckled. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you laughing at me, Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen?"

"No ma'am." He was trying not to laugh again.

He took a deep breath and quickly gave me a tight squeeze. "Well, we need to get to bed. You must be exhausted."

I wasn't sure how to take what he'd just said. I thought being blunt would be best—the quickest way to get to the root of the matter, with hopefully the least amount of blushing on my part.

"Edward, you're not asking me to… To s_tay _with you tonight, are you?" I couldn't look into his eyes since I was a little afraid of what I'd find there.

Not afraid enough to not go with him, however, and that thought had me reeling. I felt a deep blush creep across my cheeks. _So much for not blushing…_

"Bella," He said my name softly, so softly in fact that I reluctantly looked up into his face. "I would never be so cavalier about such a thing."

Almost as softly, I responded. "O.k. Because, well… I've only ever been with one man, and that was my husband." My blush felt hot across my face. "I don't think I'm ready for... _That, _quite yet." I pulled some of my hair around my shoulder, putting it as a curtain between myself and the room and put my head back on his shoulder.

"Bella..." Edward hesitated. "Thank you for telling me that. Thank you for being yourself, for being honest with me. I love you too much to pressure you or have any unreasonable expectations."

He slowly helped me stand upright as he stood up, hesitatingly reaching with the hand that wasn't still holding one of mine and tenderly brushed his fingers along my jaw.

"You're so beautiful…" He bent down and kissed me.

This was not like our kiss from that afternoon. I knew he still felt that same passion but this kiss was incredibly light and sweet.

He let go of me slowly, stretching his arm out as he walked away from me towards the library door, until only our fingertips touched. As our fingers drifted apart, I slowly let my arm drop to my side. As he reached and opened the door, he turned back to me and gave me one of his crooked little smiles.

"Good night, my sweet Bella." He hesitated at the door, and then went to his own bedroom.

I did the same but not without thinking about how I suddenly felt as if it hadn't been me he was holding back _for_, but that he'd been holding back _on my behalf._ I suddenly didn't know if that's what I really wanted or not… For him to hold back. It did seem a bit too soon for us to share ourselves in the most intimate way possible physically. But I was deeply attracted to him on a visceral level now; which I suddenly found to be a little scary.

But it was a good, even an exciting, kind of scary.

As I got ready for bed I ran the day through my mind, as if I was watching a movie of someone else's life. I felt like I was a little unsure of the ending but I knew the journey would be worth it.

And isn't that the point of living?

I gave myself a little nod in the bathroom mirror after I'd brushed my hair. _I love him. And he loves me._ I happily went to bed that night knowing that I would dream of Edward. And also knowing that he was most likely going to be dreaming about me.

I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face. And with the hope in my heart that I would always feel this happy.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Reviews are like... Getting your first kiss from your soul mate. (Not really... But still, please review!)**_


	7. Chapter 7—Hope Springs Eternal

"_Hope springs eternal in the human breast:  
><em>_Man never is, but always  
><em>_To be Blest."  
><em>_Alexander Pope_

CHAPTER 7: HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

I have no idea how I managed to leave her in the library, alone.

It took everything I had to leave her there—remembering how I'd been raised to be a gentleman, thinking of what my mother would say, what my sister would think of me. There was no doubt in my mind; I would have been taking advantage of her if… Things had gone any farther. And I loved her too much to do that. I could wait. For as long as she needed me too.

I smiled to myself as I was getting ready for bed remembering her deep blush. Ahhh, she was so enchanting. I closed my eyes and thought of her hair, her lips, her hands running through _my_ hair…

I exhaled noisily and got into bed knowing that I would dream of her. Hopefully all night. _I hope she dreams of me, too._ I placed my arms behind my head and drifted off to sleep, with a deep sense of satisfaction in my heart.

~~:::~~

I awoke in the morning feeling very refreshed. But since I'd never eaten anything for dinner or even lunch, I also felt very hungry. When Lizzie had poured those glasses of milk for us and started to make our sandwiches, I had felt so dejected about the prospect of my rapidly approaching departure date that I went for a walk instead of eating.

My mind immediately shied away from what had happened at that point in my afternoon. I mentality hit fast-forward and thought of Edward's goodnight kiss instead.

My left hand went straight to my lips of its own accord. He was so… Good. Not in a sexual way, though that was something to mull over… I shook my head slightly while feeling my cheeks begin to burn.

He was a good person.

I thought about how he'd handled my hesitation about intimacy. I knew that he'd wanted me but he had put what he _perceived_ to be my feelings first.

Sincere_._ _Yes._ That was the word I'd used to describe his personality, really his essence, last night.

My stomach grumbled and I quickly remembered why I'd woken up so early. It must have only been about 5:00 a.m. by that point. I didn't bother to change into anything from my P.J.'s, since I was only going to the kitchen and I was certain no one else would be up at this time. I thought of the strawberries I'd happened to see in the fridge the night before and my mouth started to water.

My bare feet on the aged wooden floors made no sound and I was glad. I didn't want to accidentally awaken anyone. I gave an involuntary yawn as I walked down the hallway.

Maybe I'd go back to bed after having a little snack. I wondered how Lizzie was... Perhaps she was still feeling pretty good and would want us to finish up the notes and ancillary items for her novel today.

As I reached the kitchen, my awareness of Edward in the house grew. Of course he'd been in the house for well over a month now but I'd never been so intensely conscious of it until this morning.

I stifled a giggle. I felt like I was a teenager again, wondering if he was dreaming about me, if he would be eager to see me today… _Don't be silly._ I grinned at myself.

I also felt… Complete. I felt my grin change into a more serene expression on my face. More so than at any other point in my life before, I felt complete.

Even with Jacob it hadn't quite felt like this. We had been best friends—they say that's how you're supposed to have a happy, long-lasting marriage, by marrying your best friend.

I would never know if that was true or not, since he had passed away before we'd even had the opportunity to have our fifth-year anniversary. I exhaled sadly.

I would _always_ miss him. But I knew that I could give myself fully to someone now. I didn't really believe that I could have done that before the amazing events of the last 24 hours.

As I reached the fridge and pulled the door open, my eyes brightened as they found the strawberries and my mouth started to water again. I took the bowl over to the kitchen sink and rinsed two handfuls off and placed them in one of the pretty china bowls that were on a shelf to my left.

As I turned back to the fridge to put the rest of the strawberries away, I thought I saw movement down the hall. I stopped and waited to see if someone was coming down the hall towards me. I didn't see anything else, so I shrugged and went to sit at the kitchen island facing the direction of the large back windows to look out at over the ocean. _It's so picturesque here._

As I slowly ate the strawberries one by one, I continued to think about all that had happened to me over the past five years.

For the first time I felt that I was in control of my own life.

Even if difficult things continued to plague me—and I had to admit it was very likely that there would be more difficulties coming my way—I felt I could face them without flinching. I felt… Empowered.

A slow smile slid onto my face. Yes. Empowered.

~~:::~~

My eyes had opened long before I'd really wanted them to. Apparently Bella and I had headed off to bed earlier than I'd thought. I gave a snort. _Figures. I'm an early riser but this is __ridiculous._ I looked over at my travel clock sitting on my nightstand. _Just after 5:00 a.m._ I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face. _I needed to shave… _

I got up, figuring I'd hit the fridge for a light snack before I changed to go for my usual early morning run. I headed for my door in my loose black boxers and t-shirt, which I usually slept in, not bothering to put anything else on. I assumed there would be no point since no one else could possibly be up this early.

I would still be careful and quiet, however. Bella had been through so much the day before and I didn't want to wake her. I reached for the door handle remembering how she'd looked as I'd left the library. _She's in love with you, mate._ I grinned. _Good thing too because I'm madly in love with her._

As I turned the doorknob I heard something… I wasn't sure what it was at first, so I carefully opened my door only a few inches. My eyes grew wide as I watched Bella walk right past my door, with her exquisite mouth formed into a yawn.

I was mesmerized by seeing her in such a different light. I'd never seen a woman this… Unprepared. They always seemed to sense when I was going to be around and were therefore always already 'made up.'

It was like getting a glimpse of a brand new creature. I was seeing a side to her I might never have been able to witness for myself if she'd known I was standing there watching her.

I kept very still and quiet as I continued to watch her walk to the kitchen. A smirk played across my face. Her hair looked tangled but still fetching. Her skin looked like it glowed. I'd never seen this much of her skin… I felt my eyebrows raise slightly. She was wearing an old t shirt that was slightly too big for her, similar to mine but white, and I could just barely make out some dark blue, silky shorts… _My God._ She was gorgeous even when not trying!

I started to think back over the past month and a half, picturing her in different outfits I'd seen her wearing. I couldn't honestly remember her ever wearing a lot of makeup, if any. She always dressed casually, which made sense when she was basically working around the house most of the time with my Gran. _What I wouldn't give to see her in something slinky…_ The smirk came back.

I felt drawn out of my room, pulled towards the kitchen and to her.

As I quietly came down the hall, my feet were bare so I wasn't making any noise as I walked. However, I still thought I saw her look down the hall for a few seconds. I stopped moving towards her until she had turned to sit at the kitchen island with her back to the door. I didn't want to frighten her but she seemed so relaxed, I figured I could get away with what I was planning.

As I came up behind her and reached her back, I carefully but swiftly moved my right arm so it encircled her waist. She immediately gasped and grabbed my arm with her left hand. "Good morning, my love." Before she could say anything in response to my greeting, I'd reached up with one finger to gently pull on the collar of her t-shirt, slowly moving it so that I could see the top of her shoulder. I stopped my movement as I reached the end of her shoulder blade, and I bent down and kissed her neck, where I'd exposed her skin. I even very gently ran my tongue in little circles at the top of her shoulder.

She gasped again and I even heard a small moan escape her lips. I smiled wide. "How are we this morning?" As I spoke, I let go of her shirt and moved my hand and arm around her front, so I was now holding her other shoulder, with my arm draped across her collarbones and my head lightly resting on the shoulder I'd just kissed.

"Oh Edward!" She let out a little puff of air between her teeth. "I thought I heard someone a few minutes ago!" She tried to sound annoyed but she did nothing to make me move my arms from around her body.

She'd already been grasping my arm around her waist with her left hand and, without warning, she reached up with her right, placed it at the back of my head while tangling her fingers into my hair. Now it was my turn to let a slight groan escape from between my teeth. "Bella…"

I was starting to feel intoxicated just from her mere presence.

She giggled. G_iggled?_ I had never heard her giggle before. It was charming—a sound I could get extremely used to hearing.

I laughed softly into her shoulder. "Um, will you share any of that with me?" Her strawberries looked really appetizing, but not as much as her shoulder had been, however.

I could hear my voice grow slightly rough. "You're so appetizing…" I closed my eyes as I breathed in her scent. It was like clean linen hung on a line after a spring shower. Like lavender, gardenias and freesia in a tightly bound bouquet. "Ummm."

She giggled again. "Edward! You're being silly. Of course I'll share." She removed her fingers from my hair and reached into her bowl with her other to hand feed me some her strawberries.

"These are _really_ good." I exclaimed after chewing for a few seconds. Again, not as good as her but still... I _had_ come to the kitchen for a little bit of a snack. I smirked at my own innuendo.

She suddenly seemed to tense. _God, I hope I hadn't said that last part out loud. _For a moment, I wondered if I'd crossed some line or other physically. But I hadn't done anything since kissing her shoulder except eat a strawberry or two from her hand.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I hesitatingly removed my arms from around her and stood up straight, putting only _one_ of my hands lightly on her back.

She had moved her arms so that she had them loosely crossed in front of her body. She slowly turned and stood so that she was blocking my view of her face. "Umm." She sounded embarrassed. I looked at her in confusion, until she spoke.

"I have to go change my clothes. I didn't _exactly_ come out here dressed… Umm, appropriately." She was blushing so hotly that I thought I'd be able to feel the heat on my hand if I'd reached out to touch her face.

I felt my eyebrows pull together. "I don't understand. Did I do something wrong…?"

She stopped me by looking over at me—without turning her body to face me, though. "NO. No, I'm just not… I don't have enough clothing on… Oh God. I'm so embarrassed." She gave a little shake of her head. "This is going to sound a little crazy to you, probably, but…" I could just make out that she now held her lower lip in her teeth. "Could you please turn around?"

I looked at her dumbfounded… And then I put two and two together. "Oh. Oh! I'm so sorry, Bella." I _immediately_ turned around. I had realized she didn't have a bra on. I was glad I hadn't picked up on that before, otherwise, while I'd been holding her, I might have…

_Don't go there Cullen._ I'd said I would give her as much time as she needed, and if I'd meant that promise to myself and to her, I would gladly turn around now if that's what she wanted.

She laughed nervously. "I'm so sorry… I'm being sort-of silly, I know, but…"

"Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for. Don't worry about it." I meant it. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me. Besides, I still had my dream of seeing her in something silky and sexy. _I'm going to call Alice today and have her start making arrangements for a dinner party at the estate._ I smiled. Hugely.

I couldn't wait to get her to my ancestral home and lavish her with all the attention she deserved. _My darling girl, what have you done to me?_ I thought wryly.

Bella had definitely changed me. Permanently. _For the better._

~~:::~~

So that Bella wouldn't overhear my plans for her, I did call Alice later that day when I knew that Bella would be working with my Gran. My sister sounded rather surprised that I'd be bringing, as I'd put it to her, 'one of Gran's best friends' back with me to visit the estate and the rest of the family.

I smiled wickedly as I realized that I'd finally be able to surprise Alice. An almost impossible thing to do. I quickly muffled my laugh. _No reason to make Bella suspicious._ Her liquid dark brown eyes seemed to see everything. I had to watch myself around her if I expected to pull off any surprises now or in the future.

That made me go over my conversation with Alice again…

"Look, I just want to have the family, a few friends, and a few of the neighbors over for a formal dinner, Alice." I was starting to get frustrated with my sister. She was trying to make this into _the_ event of the autumn season.

"Come ON, Edward. You've hardly had any events at ALL at the estate since you graduated from college." I could see her little brows knit together from memory. I rolled my eyes.

"Look, I would like this to be an intimate affair, if that's alright with you." I told her in an exasperated tone. Then I heard Jasper in the background. "Alice, leave your brother alone. He's apparently got designs on impressing this friend of your grandmother's."

I grinned as I listened to one of my best friends get through to my sister in a way I never had been able to. I sighed.

"O.k., well, I've got to go now but you've got all the critical details, right?" Alice told me she did and that she would be at the airport to pick us up. "Good. That'll help. Thanks, Alice. Give my love to everyone."

As I hung up, I thought I'd better give Rosalie a call too. I'd need her help in taking Bella shopping for a formal dress.

I knew that they had one major item in common: Rosalie had a degree in Comparative Literature and Bella's degree was in English Literature. I hoped that would help them bond a little bit.

I was aware that Rosalie was worried about me, especially since everything that had happened with Lauren. I also trusted Rosalie more than Alice to not turn Bella into a runway model. _Not that she couldn't pull that off…_ I grinned to myself, then grew contemplative. I just wanted her natural beauty to be accentuated, not hidden under ridiculous and overly frivolous high fashion.

I slowly smiled at the thought of her natural beauty. _Oh, man… Did you get lucky Cullen._ I ran my hand through my hair as I pictured her in different formal gowns. Then I remembered how she'd looked in just a t shirt and those petite, dark blue silk shorts… I shook my head to clear it a little bit. _Call Rosalie, yeah, that's what I'm supposed to be doing._ Not daydreaming about my girlfriend.

That made me pause.

Is that what she was? No. Not even close.

She was much, much more than that.

But could I consider marriage now? Most definitely. The thought of going through any part of my life without Bella… It made my heart ache excruciatingly.

But I didn't think I could tell her yet how deeply I was in love with her. I didn't want her to feel uneasy around me, I wanted her to be free to be herself—I worried that I would make her feel too self-conscious if she knew just how besotted I was with her.

"Hi Rose! Yeah, it's been great here. I got an amazing number of things worked out by spending this time with my grandmother." She was very pleased for me. I listened to her tell me about Emmett's latest cricket team predictions and then shared a little more with her. "Look, I'm going to be bringing one of my Gran's best friends back with me to visit. I've already spoken with Alice and you know how she gets… I wanted to have a quiet dinner party and I was hoping you could take Isabella with you shopping, since she won't really have any formal dress wear." She agreed and I relaxed a little bit.

_Good day's work, Cullen._ I grinned at my own ingenuity.

~~:::~~

I was helping Lizzie with the finishing touches on her novel when my mind drifted back to the early morning hours of the same day…

_Good grief._ I was so embarrassed that I'd gotten all weird with Edward about not having a bra on. It's not like I'm exactly, well, a double-D or anything but still… It seemed _inappropriate_ to have him hugging me like he had been when I was in a state of undress. That and he was so gorgeous and I had looked… Well, morning-ish. I hadn't brushed my hair or even my teeth yet. _Ugh._ I rolled my eyes at myself.

I got back to the task at hand since there wasn't any point in worrying about this morning any longer. It was now midday and that was past history.

I had a sudden intake of breath and had a small smile on my lips. I was proud of myself—I'd managed to not get worked up about it and move on. _I guess there's hope for me after all._ It was all because of Edward. He was definitely bringing out the best in me.

"O.k. Quit daydreaming about Edward. We're done. You can send these last files to Angela, eat some lunch, and then you can go hang out with him ALL afternoon if you want." Lizzie was scolding me while trying not to laugh at me. I laughed first instead, which then got her going.

"Goodness though, I _am_ going to miss you. Both of you, really." She got a little melancholy. Then she got a really mischievous look in her eyes. "But I tell you what, I'm gonna miss you more." She came over to me on the sofa and gave me a big hug around my shoulders.

I reached up and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to miss you so much. But I'll be back in a few weeks."

Being asked on a trip to a European locale was rather romantic. But you needed a passport to travel to those kinds of places. I'd never been out of the country before but luckily when I was in my sophomore year of college, a bunch of the girls from one of my English Lit classes wanted to go to England, to see some of the sites that the authors we were spending so much time studying about would describe in so much detail. I'd gone ahead and gotten my passport even though we never did go. Another good omen for the trip was that since I always took it with me whenever I traveled, I had it with me at Lizzie's.

We'd figured that I would be able to stop at Lizzie's on my way back to San Francisco. I didn't dwell on what that meant, since I knew neither Edward nor I wanted to be apart. However, I didn't want to invite myself into his home as a permanent fixture, either.

After the two weeks he'd asked me to stay with him, I supposed that I'd see where things went from there. I figured I would talk to Angela about working temporarily from England… Just in case.

Edward had already changed his own ticket and bought mine. We were leaving in just a few days and we'd be in London right before the end of November.

I wouldn't be home for Thanksgiving and honestly my dad wouldn't have expected me to come visit him in Forks, but I thought I'd better give him a call anyway. Something told me he needed to be semi-prepared for the possible changes my life could be taking.

We spoke for only fifteen minutes. But he knew. He knew something was going on with me. I had never really been able to keep things from him. I was just too easy to read.

"Char… Dad, I'm fine." I huffed at him.

"Look, I can tell that… You're… Well, you sound really happy, Bells. I'm glad you've been able to do some traveling with your job. I think it's a great thing for you. Expand your horizons and all that."

I smiled involuntarily. I'd called him after I'd arrived in Connecticut to let him know I wouldn't be at the office but would be working back east for a while. _If only he knew how far I'd be traveling shortly…_ And then I thought, why not?

"Look dad, I'm actually going to be visiting Mrs. Masen's family for a few weeks." I'd e-mailed him about Lizzie a few times, so I knew he was basically aware of who she was and that she was an important author for the company I worked for. But I hadn't said much about her family. "Um, yeah, I'll be in England."

Silence. And then… "Wow, Bells… That's… Wow."

I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. "I'll call you as soon as I get back, o.k.? I'll be back in San Fran before Christmas. So don't worry about me. I'm really, really excited about this trip, dad. I'm definitely expanding my horizons." I laughed nervously. He didn't seem to pick up on my nervousness, however. _Thank God._

"That's great, Bells. Well, I guess I'll talk to you as soon as you get back, alright? But, you know… Your cell phone will work over there so don't hesitate to call me."

I rolled my eyes dramatically. "O.k., dad. I gotta go now. I'll talk to you soon. Love you." I heard a mumbled 'love you' in response. As I hung up I swept my hair away from face nervously.

I'd known Edward for just over one and a half months.

And now he was taking me to meet his family.

In England.

And we were… _Say it. You believe it, so it's o.k. to say it._ Deeply in love. I almost immediately felt calm.

I may have had doubts about how his family and close friends would take to me, I may have worried about where our future together was headed, but doubt regarding his love for me? Absolutely not.

The most important thing in my world—Edward's love for me. I smiled widely as I thought of that.

~~:::~~

Lizzie had said her goodbyes to us before we left the house and when George dropped us off at the airport, he coughed roughly to cover a few tears that he was almost able to completely hide.

As we moved through the airport hand-in-hand, and especially when we reached the 'special' seating area that served _complimentary _cocktails, I started getting a little suspicious about exactly which section our seats were located in on the plane.

I had assumed after spending so much time with Lizzie, that the Masen's and the Cullen's were fairly well off.

And then I had to wonder exactly how well off they were as Edward sat next to me in the aisle seat to my window one in first class. I was a little uncomfortable, since he hadn't given me any warning of this fact. I got paid fairly well for my job but I could never have afforded first class plane tickets to anywhere in Europe. I didn't really worry about it… At first.

I guess my brows were pulled together in a worried expression as we were flying somewhere over the Atlantic after our plane change in New York, when Edward reached over and gently rubbed his thumb on my forehead above my eyebrows. "Don't worry. I love you, so they're sure to love you too." He smiled encouragingly at me.

"Actually, that's not what I was thinking about, but thanks for reminding me about something _else_ I have to be nervous about." I said this a little too sharp and now he was truly concerned.

He turned in his seat to look at me more easily. "Bella, please, what happened to you being completely honest with me?" He was very serious now. And he was right. I was holding back… And I wasn't completely sure why.

I blushed. Would I ever be able to speak to him about something I had concerns about without blushing? I doubted it. I sighed and reached for his hand. He squeezed it gently and starting rubbing small circles into the back of it and then raised one eyebrow at me. I still hadn't told him what was really bothering me.

I decided to go the blunt route again. "Edward. I… I can't afford to pay you back for this airline ticket." He stared at me. Waiting for more of an explanation, I guessed. "Look, I don't expect you to pay for everything, I make pretty decent money myself but you need to give me some warning if you're going to do something so… _Extravagant_."

He coughed. Then he started to fidget.

That's when I realized my mistake.

This wasn't extravagant to him.

This was _normal_.

"Oh my God." I started to hyperventilate slightly. "You're very, very wealthy, aren't you?" I was starting to feel too hot, too confined in my seat and I realized I wanted to bolt.

But he realized that too and he certainly wasn't going to have any of that. "Listen to me," He picked my hand back up, bringing it to his lips and started kissing my fingers one by one, before he told me what I'd suddenly guessed. "Yes. My family is rather well off. But it doesn't matter. I know for a _fact_ that you don't look at me that way."

I must have looked more confused, because he tilted his head down and added, "You don't look at me as anything other than a good person. Does it really matter that I can take care of you in a manner that you're perhaps a little bit unaccustomed to?"

My fears calmed. He was right. It didn't matter. I'd fallen in love with _him_, not his money. I hadn't even known he'd had a lot of money. It shouldn't matter.

But I had my pride. "But, how can I contribute to our finances if it's… Unnecessary?" I said this to him a little too fretfully.

He barked off a laugh. "Bella… One of the first things I fell in love with about you was your sincerity and openness. You never disappoint on those counts."

He took a deep breath and gave me a sideways glance. "And, apparently, you have a rather well-placed sense of pride." He gave me one of his crooked smiles but it faded, and his brows knit together slightly. He whispered, "I can't even think about a life without you in it."

He shook his head a little and grew thoughtful. "…I wonder if it would distress you…"

I titled my head to look across our seats at him, narrowing my eyes a bit. "You have an older brother chained up in a tower in one of your castles, don't you?"

I thought he was going to choke he laughed so hard. One of the stewardesses walked by and gave him a stern look and he quieted down. "Oh my God, Bella. I love you so much." He was still laughing, though a little more quietly, while shaking his head at me.

"No, that's not it." He gave another chuckle. "I… I want to… I need to know…" He was struggling with his words. He'd never done that before and I looked at him a little more closely.

He'd stopped chuckling.

"I want you to be my wife, Bella." He said this with the most serious and tender look on his face, leaning his head back against his seat as if he were suddenly tired.

It was my turn to choke a little bit. "Edward… We've known each other for just barely over a month and…" I was feeling a little panicked but I completely stopped speaking when I looked up at his face again.

His eyes, for the first time since I'd met him—even when he'd been so, so angry with me that one fateful afternoon—had never looked as cold as they did now.

"I see." He let go of my hand and turned back in his seat to face the front of the airplane, lacing his fingers together and resting them across his stomach.

I felt sick. He'd taken it completely wrong. I wasn't rejecting him or our feelings for each other, I was just feeling very scared.

I felt tears begin to quietly slide down my cheeks. "Please, Edward, it's not that I don't _want_ to be your wife, it's just… That's so incredible. That you'd want to… Be my husband. It's a little scary for me, you know. It's just that… I've been married befo…"

He had abruptly turned his body back towards me and placed his thumb over my lips, with the rest of the fingers of his left hand curled around my neck below my jaw. His right hand was suddenly tightly holding onto my forearm.

He didn't let me finish what I was about to say.

That I'd been married before and look how that had turned out… He knew _exactly_ what I had been about to say. It had been written all over my face. The look of contrition in his eyes when I met them with my own took my breath away.

He almost had tears in _his_ eyes. "My Bella…" His voice caught as he said my name. He brought his hand up, now in a fist, up to his mouth and gave a little cough. He nervously placed his fist back into his lap, relaxing his hand, slowly spreading his fingers out on top of his thigh.

"I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what possessed me just now. That was… I'm sorry." He reached over and wiped the tears from my face, placing one hand back on my arm and with the other he curled it around my neck and pulled me towards him. He then leaned over hastily and kissed me deeply.

I felt his tongue on my lips and I parted mine so he could reach _my_ tongue with his. It was… Exquisite. He was practically leaning over on top of me by this point and I couldn't have been happier.

I accidentally let a small moan escape. I felt him pull his tongue back and chuckle deeply against my mouth as he moved slowly away from me, pressing himself back into his own seat. One of his hands was still possessively wrapped around my arm, however. "Well, that's probably not a good idea, for me to attack you like that… Since we're on an airplane… With all these other people… Which means we're not _actually_ alone."

I giggled and he grew somber. I immediately sobered. "I'm sorry, Bella. I thought… I thought you were discounting the depth of our feelings for each other, that you didn't look on us as being in a rather serious relationship." I started to attempt to explain to him what I'd been thinking but he placed one of his fingers back over my lips.

"I know. I saw it flicker across your face. You weren't rejecting me." He moved his hand to curve back under my jaw, running his thumb over my lower lip. He leaned in and kissed me gently. "I know this is strange for you, with us only knowing each other for what seems to be such a short period of time. I'm fairly astounded myself. But I know that what has happened between us is _meant to be_."

I sighed, leaned forward, and placed my forehead against his. After several minutes of us resting our heads together, I leaned back in my seat and I gave him my answer to his unusually worded marriage proposal.

"Yes." I looked as deeply as I could into the green pools of adoration that were his eyes. He smiled, showing me his perfectly straight teeth—his smile lit up his whole face, his eyes, even his cheekbones. For the first time, I noticed he has a slight dimple in his chin when he smiled so blissfully.

"Good." Then he added, "But I hadn't actually proposed just now. I just wondered if you'd _accept_ me as your husband. I don't even have a ring for you yet." He looked away rather sheepishly, then looked back at me and moved his right hand across his chest to soothingly stroke the hair on the opposite side of my face from him.

I could see that this was going to be a very interesting two weeks. I put my head back against the headrest, wrapped my fingers around his and closed my eyes—to try and get some sleep before we arrived in his homeland, to meet his family.

And seal my fate.

Because I knew, without any doubt now, I wouldn't be going back to California.

~~:::~~


	8. Chapter 8—Discoveries

"_The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love  
>and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it,<br>you will discover that for you the world is transformed."  
><em>_Jiddu Krishnamurti_

CHAPTER 8: DISCOVERIES

On our long flight, he told me all about his family and friends.

His mother Esme and his father, Carlisle, had always loved living in London and, with their passion for music and money being a non-issue, they had begun a rare and antique musical instrument workshop on the top floor of their home.

Edward's pride was quite evident in his mother's musical talent and her eye for finding rare and important instruments. His father's detail-oriented and patient nature had settled him into the role of 'repairman' for the beautiful instruments with ease. They only worked on items by consignment and their clientele was, of course, exclusive. Edward became slightly apologetic and I smiled encouragingly for him to continue.

It was just so enthralling to listen to him talk—I loved his voice. I shyly told him this and he looked a little embarrassed, rolling his eyes at me. He kept talking but his embarrassment did not abate.

He told me that he had almost immediately shown musical talent. He shook his head and admitted that he had always taken great pleasure in playing the grand piano that had been one of the family's first acquired musical instruments. Alice also had shown great promise with her singing abilities but, as with Edward, choose not to pursue a career in music—it was something they enjoyed doing immensely as a family but strictly for their own entertainment.

He told me more about his sister, Alice. She was three years younger than him, making her the same age as me. She was married and living in London with her husband, Jasper Whitlock, and their two young children. Twins, in fact.

They had met in Switzerland while she was attending school and he was there on a month-long skiing trip from Texas with his family. They almost instantly fell in love and never looked back.

Jasper wanted to stay in England to be close to her, so he decided to attend the School of Clinical Medicine at the University of Cambridge. He had always planned on becoming a Psychologist to help people with uncommon mental disorders and their program was world-renowned. It worked out that he would be attending Cambridge at the same time that Edward would be starting. They were the same age and of course both knew Alice. They got along so well that they ended up becoming roommates.

While at University, they met Emmett McCarty, a burly but fun-loving young man who happened to have grown up not far from the Cullen's estate in West Sussex. Edward, Jasper and Emmett became almost inseparable.

After graduation, Edward introduced Emmett and his grade-school best friend, Rosalie Hale. They hit it off amazingly well. They'd all become the closest of friends and it had seemed like everything was going their way. The only problem was Lauren, Edward's old girlfriend.

I knew that he must have had someone in his past, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know about this part of his life. But I really _did_ want to know everything that he would tell me about himself. Even the difficult or uncomfortable things; even if it was uncomfortable to just me.

I gave a sad little sigh and he looked down at me with his eyes slightly crinkled. I nodded for him to continue. "I want to know everything, Edward. Please tell me." I looked at him reproachfully. "Don't edit, either."

His eyes got slightly deeper and then… He told me everything about her. About his and apparently her indifference. About how they'd seemed to stay together simply for convenience. About her betrayal…

Then he told me something that made us stare at each other in a way that made the air crackle around us with its intensity.

Very quietly, almost in a whisper, he bared his soul to me. "Bella, until I met you, I had no idea what love was _supposed_ to be for _me_. I've seen it work in the lives of those around me but I never imagined…" He was holding one of my hands and he slowly closed his eyes while lifting my hand to his lips, slowly kissing it and speaking against it. "I could never have _imagined_ anything this… Intense, beautiful, sweet… Anything this_ magnificent_."

If we had been alone at that moment, I had no doubt that I would have fallen upon him, kissing him everywhere my lips could reach.

I would have given myself completely to him right then and there.

However, we were on a plane with other people all around us and he wasn't telling me these things to stir up my passion for him. He had told me this so that I would know that he'd completely opened himself up to me.

The feeling of electricity hummed around us perceptibly.

I tentatively reached my hand out to his face, gently tracing my fingers around his eyes and his mouth. I tried to speak as low as he had just moments before. "Edward, I don't have anything to give you other than my whole heart and my entire soul."

He shuddered and kissed my hand more ardently. In tandem, we told each other how much we loved the other. I giggled and he grinned, opening his eyes to look at me and roam over my face. "My love…" He sighed and so did I. "We'll be landing soon."

I was suddenly nervous again. He must have felt me tense and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. "Silly girl." He gave me my favorite crooked smile. "No matter what they think, no matter how shocked they may be, even if they love you as quickly as I did… I will be there with you, to explain how impossibly my life has changed for the better because of you."

I smiled at him and gave another small giggle. "O.k." I knew that he would always love me, no matter what. Our love was our glue. "I like being stuck with you."

He laughed his musical, beautiful laugh. "Your mind is so… Fascinating." He blew his breath out in a frustrated but happy sigh.

We both looked up at the seat-belt sign going off and we realized it was almost going to be time to disembark. After the plane stopped, he got my small carry-on bag and our raincoats down from the overhead compartment, holding my hand all the way out to the waiting area by our gate. I stopped and let go of his hand for just long enough to put on the raincoat, to make it easier to walk and hold his hand as we went to get our cases.

I was really here.

In London.

With the most gorgeous man I'd ever set eyes on.

Of course we went through customs separately since this was his homeland and I was the visitor. I felt empty without him next to me.

When we met each other on the other side of customs, without even thinking about where we were, we kissed. Apparently a little too passionately, since we both heard an older couple pass us and mumble something about 'getting a room.'

I was mortified. Edward just laughed.

As we headed to the baggage area, he would glance over at me every few minutes, I think wondering what _I_ was thinking. I gave him the biggest smile I could muster as he laughed again. He returned my smile with one of his own as he spoke. "You're wonderful, you know that?"

I looked down, saw one of our pieces of luggage, and stepped over quickly to grab it off the carousel. "I'm just so… Happy!" As I said this to him one of the wheels caught on the edge of the still moving conveyor and I fell in a heap on the floor next to it.

"Oh! Oops." I giggled and he quickly came over to rescue me.

"Are you alright?" Other than my pride being dented, I was fine. Shaking his head at me, Edward motioned for me to stay with the first piece of luggage that I'd managed to get and he retrieved our last piece. "You're wonderful but a little clumsy." He tried not to laugh.

I narrowed my eyes at him and gave a little huff. He stifled another chuckle at my expense, and I tried very hard to tamp-down on thoughts of 'accidentally' ramming my wheeled case into his shin. Turning and seeing his smiling and happy face, however, made me feel chagrined. _He wasn't trying to be mean and it's certainly not his fault your clumsy._ I scolded myself. We headed downstairs and out towards the group travel area and taxi line.

As I wheeled my one case towards one of the open sliding doors that led to the outside, I told him a little too loudly, "It's really _your_ fault. You distracted me with those big, green eyes of yours."

As I made it through the doors I almost ran down… His sister.

She had apparently heard me describe Edward's rather unique eyes and had immediately turned to see if it was her brother someone was talking about.

"Oh! You're… One of my grandmother's best friends?" I heard a high, musical voice squeak. I suddenly felt self-conscious.

Edward quickly stepped between us. "Alice! You're already here to pick us up! This is great!" He smiled a huge smile at her and she was so disarmed she forgot about me for a few minutes.

They quickly hugged. "Edward! Fantastic! Jasper won't have to pay a small fortune at the short-stay parking now." We headed quickly in the direction Alice was rapidly walking.

After about a ten minute walk, she turned and waved at an attractive blonde haired man sitting behind the wheel of a shiny black Range Rover.

As we walked up to their vehicle, those moments of forgetfulness that Alice had experienced at greeting her brother had apparently passed.

"Edward?" As she was raising one of her eyebrows at Edward, she was staring at me. I started to feel a little uncomfortable, until he spoke.

"This is Isabella Marie Swan, the love of my life." As he smiled his best crooked grin at her, he stood very tall as he placed his free hand around my waist. I watched her eyes brighten perceptively in response.

A small smile played around her lips and she came towards me with her hand outstretched. "It is very nice to meet you, Isabella."

Edward quickly corrected her. "She prefers to be called Bella, however." He turned back to me, "Bella, this is my crazy but loving sister, Alice." He was so excited that we were meeting he was almost bouncing.

"Hello. It's so, so nice to meet you." I blushed slightly as I shook her hand.

"Um, thank you." She gave a look to Edward that even I could read. _You WILL tell me everything, my DEAR brother! _Was written all over her face. Later Edward told me about the violently whispered conversation that they'd had at the back of their car, while he'd pretended to struggle with the luggage and I'd gone around to meet Jasper.

"_Oh… My… GOD, Edward. She's so pretty and... So… Obviously in LOVE with you!" I was quickly exasperated with her. "ALICE, keep your voice down! I'll tell you everything later…" Apparently, in the moment that I glanced up at my Bella talking to Jasper, Alice noticed the gleam that came into my eyes as I stared at her. She rapidly whispered in my ear, "Edward… You're looking at her like a blind man that's miraculously received his sight for the first time… I feel like I'm seeing YOU clearly for the first time!" She gave me a tight hug. "I'm soooo happy for you." As she walked over to the other side of the car to get in, I was sure I saw a tear on her cheek…_

Almost the entire way to their home, Alice barraged us—well, mainly me—with questions about Lizzie, her book, my job, my dad, California… She told us about Rosalie and Emmett, their parents and of course their children, Susanna and Joseph.

She was so proud and it was so evident that even Jasper laughed at her. "My darling Alice, Bella is probably exhausted, especially if she's never been on a flight that long before. Notwithstanding the time change…?" He had a slight Texas drawl that was charming. He looked over at her with one of the most loving looks I'd ever seen bestowed on another human being.

She visibly calmed. "Sorry Bella. I'm just so happy … For you both." She seemed to edit whatever it was she'd been about to say and I felt Edward tense slightly next to me for a few seconds… Then it passed.

Until Jasper had said it, I hadn't realized that I _was_ pretty tired. We reached their home in under an hour. It was about 11:00 a.m. London time, Saturday, and we'd left Connecticut the day before… _I can't sleep now… It's the middle of the day, for crying out loud!_ I felt Edward sense my slight frustration and he squeezed my hand.

Alice suddenly spoke and she sounded a little embarrassed. "Hey guys, I um, thought that Bella was going to be someone… Er, a little _older…_ So I sent the kids over to our parents for the day." She smiled sheepishly at Edward.

He laughed loudly. "I cannot _begin_ to tell you the satisfaction I feel right now in finally being able to spring something on _you_, Alice." We all laughed at his statement, much to Alice's chagrin.

They lived in West Kensington, on a very British-sounding street name called 'Dewhurst Road.' When we got out of the car and walked up to their beautiful home, it reminded me a little bit of San Francisco. It wasn't painted as dramatically and there were no spaces between the homes but it still made me think of San Fran.

These, however, were true 'row houses,' just with the dramatic effect of Victorian embellishments on the outside of the home; which I found a little overwhelming. I didn't exactly feel homesick, it was just a reminder of what I might be leaving behind me.

I sighed and leaned into Edward. He looked down at me with a slightly concerned look on his face, and then I smiled reassuringly up at him. "Love you… But… Oh, so tired…" He laughed again. That gorgeous, melodious sound I was beginning to want to hear all the time.

I quickly came out of my spell when we were all finally inside their home and I caught a slight conflict occurring between Jasper and Alice. I heard Alice whisper something frantically to Jasper. "He's _in love with her_, Jazz! They should share the guest room."

He responded with almost the same whispered tone. "You do _not_ know what… _Level,_ their relationship is at and that would be extremely presumptuous."

Edward hadn't heard this exchange, since he'd headed straight upstairs when we'd walked inside to use the bathroom. I awkwardly went into their front living room as they took their whispered argument into the kitchen.

I eyed their couch carefully, deciding that it looked pretty darn comfortable suddenly from this angle. As I was contemplating crashing out on it, I felt Edward's arm snake around my waist from behind.

"My love," I felt him shake his head in a 'no' motion against the back of my head and then I could feel his lips in my hair. "I don't think so. Come with me." He deftly whisked me up in his arms and headed upstairs.

"I… I think I might have already caused some trouble…" I told him worriedly.

He kissed my cheek. "I think it's just Alice trying not to jump you and treat you like a long, lost sister." I felt him smile against my face. "Come on. You're dead on your feet."

He took me to the last room down the long hallway, opening the door with his foot so he wouldn't have to let go of me to open it. He deftly closed the door behind us. I started to get a little nervous, wondering if he'd somehow been able to read my mind on the plane just before we'd landed.

He gently placed me on top of the covers of the full-size bed that was in the middle of the room. He then turned to the small wardrobe that was in the corner, opened one of the mirrored doors and pulled out a lightweight blanket for me.

As he turned back to me I caught my reflection in the mirror, staring at _him_ with a look I don't think I'd _ever_ seen in my own eyes—_Wantonly sensual. _To an incredibly extreme degree. It was almost... Predatory. I gasped a little bit and he mistook it for concern over his actions.

He slowly placed the blanket over me. "I just brought you up here to tuck you in myself. I didn't have an ulterior motive, Bella." He looked a little offended, like I'd questioned his honor or something. _Little did he know that it was me that had 'ulterior motives.'_

Before he could say anything else stupid I sat up suddenly to take my boots off violently. "Listen up, Edward." I felt a little thrill saying his name like that but I tried to stay focused. "That is _not_ what I was thinking." _At least not about you... I apparently want to have my way with you, you obliviously darling man. _I was still sitting up in the bed and I blew out my breath loudly.

And then I hesitated. Should I tell him exactly what I'd thought as I'd caught my own reflection in the mirror? Was I ready for this? I realized that I wasn't, but I would tell him that too.

I patted a spot right next to me on the cover of the bed. "Come here, honey." I said very quietly. I'd never used any kind of term of endearment with him before, so I completely caught him off guard. He immediately sat down next to me with his hands loosely folded in his lap, and his knees slightly turned in my direction.

I blushed and took a deep breath. "I love you." He started to say something and I held my hand up to stop him. "Don't. This is difficult for me to say, but I promised myself that I would always be completely honest with you. So…" I had his complete attention now.

"When you opened the wardrobe, I caught my reflection in the mirror on the door." I decided I did not like the distance between us. I shifted my legs so I had them tucked under me, so that I was sitting on my knees next to him. I scooted over closer to him and he moved is hands from his lap to one behind him to hold himself up as he leaned slightly back on the bed, with the other on my right arm, slowly drifting up and down it. "What is it?" He tried very hard to not sound concerned but just curious.

I did not look up into his eyes. I did however reach my left hand up and place it on the middle of his chest, spreading my fingers out and keeping my eyes focused on them instead of his lovely face. "I was looking at you with complete, unadulterated, burning _lust_ in my eyes. I don't want to look at you like that, to _objectify_ you like that." I heard his sudden intake of breath and his hand swiftly tighten and then release on my arm.

Before he could say or do anything, I looked up into his eyes and continued. "You were right about me. I'm not _quite_ ready for the more _physical_ aspects of our relationship right at this particular moment. But I want you to understand that I'm not in _any way_ afraid and that I'm certainly not _fragile._ I think I need to remove some apprehension on your part." I watched his face as his eyes widened and his curiosity turned into almost astonishment.

"Edward… Jacob and I did _not_ wait until we were married to have sex. You should be made aware of that right now. But you should also know that I regretted it. Especially after…" I closed my eyes again. "After he was gone. I think it was because I felt it had been too soon _for us_, if I'd only waited, if we'd taken more time, perhaps… Things wouldn't have gone the way they did, with us practically not having any time _at all_ together." I took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly while I fisted his shirt in my hand and continued. "I know that our actions had absolutely nothing to do with what ended up happening to him but I still feel that now, looking back... That maybe we were too casual and laid-back about some things."

I let go of his shirt and smoothed it back out with my fingers. "So, I'd like to take that part of our relationship a little slower than the rest… _For a little while_." I already knew that he supported me in that decision but I wanted him to understand my reservedness wasn't due to inability or a lack of interest. I was, in fact, interested in moving that part of our relationship forward sooner rather than later.

I felt the blush return. With a vengeance. My bravado after seeing my reflection had worn off but I hadn't removed my hand from off of his chest.

Edward looked at me with some sparkle in his lustrous green eyes that I couldn't quite make out. Was he surprised, entertained… Appraising me? I couldn't tell.

He simply removed his hand from my arm and nodded his head at me. "Well, thank you, again, for being yourself and being so…" He tried very, very hard not to grin at me. "Um… Honest with me."

I could feel my face start to crack. We started to laugh almost uncontrollably at each other.

"_Honey_? You _really_ wanted my attention, didn't you?" If I hadn't been laughing without being able to catch my breath, I would have hit him. "_Not_ that I minded. It was very nice."

Our laughter slowed and I realized I could hardly keep my eyes open. "O.k. That's it for confessions for one day, love." He gently pushed me back onto the bed and gave me one of his sweet little kisses. But he couldn't stop himself from licking my lower lip with the flat of his tongue right before he spoke again.

"Just in case you forget how much you drive me crazy… In _that_ way, too, my love." He whispered.

His eyes now had a sudden look of passion in them that I would not have been able to resist if he hadn't then immediately looked away and gotten up to leave.

I sighed, laid down with the blanket he'd retrieved for me draped across my torso, and almost immediately fell asleep… Dreaming of Edward in a way I never had before. I felt a sly smile steal across my face.

~~:::~~

I awoke with someone's—_Edward's_, I sighed—hand lightly tracing patterns on my stomach. "I'm sorry, but Alice reminded me that it's really not going to help your jet-lag if I let you sleep too long now… I'll need to keep you awake until at least 6:00 p.m. tonight." He told me apologetically.

I sighed again, "O.k." And then yawned. It got caught in my throat when I realized that he must have come back into the room after I'd drifted off and stayed with me while I slept. "Um, how long was I asleep…?"

He had a strange look in his eyes when he answered me. "Just shy of two hours." _Oh my God… Just long enough…_

I sat up suddenly, so much so that he sat up with me alarmed. "What is it?" He looked confused again. I didn't answer him right away.

I knew that I occasionally talked in my sleep. Jacob had complained to me about it a few times after we'd gotten married. Since my dad had never complained, probably because he'd always slept so soundly, I'd had no idea. It seemed to usually happen when I'd been dreaming of…

"Oh!" I heard my voice squeak similarly to Alice's. My hands were now over my face while I'd processed all of this.

He gently removed both my hands. "Sweetheart, you didn't say anything that I wouldn't have _wanted_ you to say." He leaned in and gave me a small kiss.

"I should have warned you… Or something." I was embarrassed to the degree that I was sure I was going to spontaneously combust I was blushing so deeply. I barely got the words out. "What… What did I… _Say_?" I looked up at the ceiling while he reached over and caressed my face with one hand, with his other resting on my thigh.

He moved his hand around to the back of my neck as he leaned in and put his lips to my ear. His breath tickled. "That you loved me and that you didn't want me to stop… Loving you." He was smiling against the side of my face and then I felt his teeth graze my earlobe. "I think you were referring to a rather... Physical form of me loving you, however."

_Wow. O.k._ I wasn't sure how to avoid my sudden and overwhelming _need _ for him balanced against my extreme embarrassment.

Then a small, unwelcome thought came to me. I knew how I felt about sex too soon... I'd told him about those fears just a short while ago. However, maybe he had his own reservations regarding it.

I sure hoped not. If he wasn't ready when I was, that would be simply tragic, since he was the sexiest man I'd ever met in person. His sexiness wasn't obvious, even though he was very attractive, he seemed to exude a passion and fire that went far beyond his mere looks. I think the term 'bedroom eyes' applied in _spades_ to him...

All those thoughts left my head as soon as he turned his face closer to mine. I sucked in a deep breath and turned to receive the kiss that I knew was coming. However, he didn't try to reach my tongue; for which I was thankful. It was as if he knew that it would have pushed me over the edge to the point that I would have jumped him right then there, my previous reservations flying out the window.

He stopped kissing _me_ before I'd stopped kissing _him_, resting his forehead against mine. "Love you." He said simply.

"Ummm-humm." I couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

He chuckled at me. "Well, I guess we should go downstairs, so my family doesn't think you're anti-social or something."

I giggled. "Yeah, give me a second, though… Where's the bathroom?" I asked him a little confused.

"Just down the hall to the left. You go ahead, I'll meet you downstairs." We both got up and starting going our respective directions.

When I came out a few minutes later he was still standing in the hallway, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He reached out and took one of my hands in his.

"Bella, I know you're probably not up for this but, I'd really, really like to take you to meet my parents this afternoon. Is… Is that alright?" He seemed unsure. As if he thought I wouldn't want to meet them.

I felt my eyebrows knit a little bit. "Edward, of course. I'd love to meet your parents."

He beamed at me. "Good! I'm glad. I wasn't sure if you were going to go all shy on me or something."

I gave a snort. "After what you heard me say in my sleep in the last hour…?" I looked at him with raised eyebrows. He laughed and it was contagious.

We were laughing together all the way down the stairs. I caught sight of Alice and Jasper staring unabashedly at us. They looked really, really surprised to see us so comfortable together.

I had to admit, it was probably awfully strange for them that we connected on such an obviously deep level. We were acting as if we'd know each other all our lives.

All I wanted at that moment was to be able to love him for the _rest_ of my life.

I was so content that I wasn't even nervous to meet his parents… Much.

~~:::~~


	9. Chapter 9—Impossible Love

"_There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved.  
>It is God's finger on man's shoulder."<br>__Charles Morgan_

CHAPTER 9: IMPOSSIBLE LOVE

Since Edward wasn't going to bother with picking up his car until we were actually heading down to their family estate on Wednesday, Jasper drove us over to Edward's and Alice's parents home.

He was also going to be picking up their twins from 'Grandma and Grandpa's' place. I was excited to meet their children. I'd always really, really enjoyed being around kids. I remembered my unfulfilled dream of being a teacher and felt a little downhearted for a moment.

Luckily Edward didn't notice, since he and Jasper were excitedly going over cricket team rosters. _Man, they love their cricket around here. _I absently ran my fingers though the hair at the back of his neck. _Boys and sports…_ I mused silently. Edward and my dad would get along famously, I was sure.

It only took fifteen minutes to drive over to the other side of Holland Park, to the Cullen's family home. It was the home that Carlisle had brought his new bride home to after they'd gotten married. The street name was even Cullen-ish sounding—Observatory Gardens.

It was a very large, row-house style home, with each being basically identical to the next. But these were no ordinary row houses. They looked four stories tall, with red brick and white stone facades surrounding the curved first-floor windows and front doors. The second floor windows were bay-window styled, with the third floor appearing less ornate. The very top floor had four small dormer windows, with curved roofs, reminding me of pictures I'd seen of French row houses. Very, very expensive French row houses… They were magnificent. We were only about ten minutes away from Kensington Gardens, which I was very excited about seeing.

Edward had promised that we would do some sight-seeing around London before we headed out to 'the country,' as he called it. I gave an involuntary smirk.

I was learning all kinds of new terms. Lift for elevator, boot for trunk, postbox for mail box… I suddenly remembered a quote that I had heard once in school, "Great Britain and America; two nations separated by a common language." I had to laugh at that now, especially since I was dating a 'Brit.'

Dating? That didn't seem nearly strong enough of a word to describe our relationship. Especially since on the flight over he'd practically proposed marriage. He hadn't said anything else about it and I certainly wasn't going to bring it up.

If he really wanted that, he would come to it again when he was ready. I was ready, I knew that. I think that was why I wasn't super nervous about meeting his parents. As illogical as it seemed, it just felt right to take this next step. It didn't hurt that he'd told me so much about them on the plane ride over that I felt like I already knew them a little bit too.

As we walked up to their front door, it opened and two small children shot out. They looked to be about four years old, both blond and happy. They looked only a year older than they had in the picture I had spied on Lizzie's wall.

They saw their father first, who had his arms open wide to catch them as they came down the steps towards him. Edward and I were hand-in-hand and Jasper turned with both of his little cherubs in his arms, one perched on each. They had grown quiet and were staring at me. The little girl, Susanna, I remembered, pointed at me and asked rather loudly "Who's dat, papa?"

Jasper had taken a hold of her hand to gently push it back down. "Now darlin', it's not nice to point..." Then I saw a beautiful, graceful lady come down the stairs. She looked like a movie star from an earlier time. She had her mother Lizzie's eyes and apparently Edward had inherited _his_ eyes and hair from this dazzling woman.

It was shorter than mine but much thicker. She had full, happy looking lips—I thought of them that way because I couldn't imagine her ever having a frown on her face. When she spoke just a few seconds later I realized why she had so quickly settled into a life surrounded by music—her voice had a sweet melody to it that was simply delightful.

"Susanna, do not be rude to your uncle's guest." Susanna closed her tiny mouth and lifted the arm that Jasper wasn't holding and waved to me. "Hellooo, predy lady." She said very clearly.

I was immediately smitten. I let go of Edward's hand and went straight to Jasper. I could feel my face was completely aglow by this point. "Hi, sweetheart, _you're_ the pretty one." I reached up to her tiny outstretched hand and gave it a little shake. As I let go, she smiled hugely at me, clapped her hands together and laughed.

Her brother, not liking being left out from this 'strange lady's' attention, began to pout. I knew I only had seconds to impress him before he started to cry.

I don't know what made me do it but I looked him the eyes and gave a little salute, lowering my voice a little. "Hello, kind sir, it is a pleasure to meet you." He clapped his hands and reached out to me, as if he wanted me to take him from Jasper.

Jasper was stunned. So were Edward and his mother. Remembering his name was Joseph, I took him in my arms and started telling him one of my favorite stories as we walked back to the Range Rover, so that Jasper could take them home for their afternoon nap.

As I helped Jasper get them settled in their car seats that he'd pulled from the back of the car, the children both seemed to realize at the same time that I wasn't going with them. They started to scrunch up their eyes a little, as if they were deciding whether or not to cry. I kissed the ends of my fingers and reached in to give them both finger-kisses on each of their tender cheeks. "I'll see you both later sweethearts." I smiled brightly at them. They both became quiet and smiled back at me.

As I walked back to the front door, I was sure I saw Esme suddenly letting go of Edward's arm as she saw me heading back to them. I caught Edward's reply to whatever she'd said to him. "She's the most amazing woman I _have_ ever or _will_ ever meet." He was looking at me with an almost wistful expression on his face.

When I reached him and we'd started heading through the front door, we all turned to wave goodbye to Esme's angelic grandchildren and Jasper.

I felt him take my hand, caressing it lovingly, as he bent over and whispered breathily into my left ear. "You are so, so amazing. I really, _really_ hope you want children…" I thought I heard his voice catch with his next words. "Because I definitely want you to be the mother of my children."

I got goose bumps all over my arms as he said this. It was said so compassionately that I had no way of responding. He hadn't given me time to since he'd already swept me into his childhood home and was introducing me to his mother and father.

Edward's arm was draped around my shoulders, tightly holding the top of my right arm and imperceptibly pressing me into his side. He was so… _Proud._ There really was no other word to describe how he sounded as he introduced me first to his mother and then his father.

His father appeared young, with a smooth, light complexion and almost white-blond hair. He had a regal smile and ice blue eyes. His eyes seemed to see everything… I started to feel a tiny bit nervous but they were both so gracious and such genuinely warm, loving individuals, that the feeling just simply evaporated.

As we had passed into their home, I took note of my surroundings. There was an ornate staircase to my right, with an enormous round, glass table in the open area just beyond the foyer, with one of the largest Chinese urns I had ever seen sitting on it, overflowing with what appeared to be a giant shower of wildflowers. To our left was a single step down into an open and plush looking front living room, with a huge stone fireplace dominating the space.

The mantel held dozens and dozens of photographs; of trips they'd taken as a family, of their children, their grandchildren… I also noticed that there was an empty spot, and I wondered what those frames had contained. Edward sheepishly told me later that right after he'd told his parents about their breakup, his mother had apparently quickly removed any pictures they had of himself and Lauren. Esme was apparently quite thrilled to do it, too, which just made me feel even more enamored with his mom.

There was an enormous gilded mirror directly above the mantel that was so high I couldn't see my reflection in it, but I could see the upper part of the staircase and several spectacular examples of impressionist paintings that were hanging on the wall there.

They asked about my trip, how I was feeling, if I thought it was too cold… I answered them with enthusiasm. I had enjoyed the trip and was very excited to be there. I also told them that the cold felt practically the same to me as it had in San Francisco. I mentioned that I thought London fog was overrated and couldn't possibly beat the Bay Area's since I hadn't even seen any yet. They both laughed in Edward's melodic tone. It was mesmerizing to listen to all of them talk and laugh together.

As we had been standing there talking in their front living room, I noticed that there was a second part to the room. There were two wide, carpeted steps going up that were framed with two white columns on each side. It possibly at one time had been a formal dining room but now it was lined with white wooden bookshelves. Musical instruments peaked out from some of the shelves, lots of sheet music neatly stacked on others, with hundreds of leather bound books in between.

But what sat in the middle of this space started to make me feel a little out of my league with Edward.

It was truly a _grand_ piano. It was a Steinway Concert Grand and it was simply stunning. The shiniest black lacquer I'd ever seen on any piece of furniture. The pedals were a rich brass and the keys shone in the light from the large front window behind me. I must have been staring for longer than appropriate, because I suddenly realized that Edward and his parents had stopped talking.

His mother came over to me to take my arm lightly. "My dear, do you play?"

I shyly looked into her eyes, deep green like Edward's. "No, Mrs. Cullen, I wish I did though. It's absolutely stunning."

She smiled at me, with a knowing twinkle in her eyes. "Sweetheart, please call me Esme." She turned to Edward still holding my arm. "My dear, haven't you played for her yet? I know Mother has a wonderful piano in the library... You two were there together for weeks and _weeks,_ and you never played for her?" She chided him.

I saw him roll his eyes slightly. "Mother. I haven't played in quite a long time and I didn't want to embarrass myself."

I felt her stiffen slightly next to me. She actually narrowed her eyes at him. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you must play for Bella. It would be rude not to after seeing how she must love the piano." She was right, the piano _was_ my favorite classical instrument.

I looked over at Carlisle to see if I could decipher what he thought of their exchange. I hadn't realized that he'd been gazing at _me_ while Edward and his mother had bantered.

He smiled warmly at me while he spoke. "Esme, why don't _you_ play? I haven't heard you play in so long…"

She quickly dismissed the idea. "Pfft, no! Besides, I have to go prepare lunch for us all." She sighed appreciatively. "Why don't you come and help me, my love."

As she left the room with Carlisle, she looked back over her shoulder at Edward. "Play for her." She'd said it as a friendly command.

Esme appeared to me to be a graceful and elegant version of Lizzie, there was no doubt. I wondered if Carlisle hadn't suggested she play knowing that she wouldn't, needing to start lunch for us all, just so that Edward would be more likely to play for me if we were alone.

He took my hand and led me over to the piano, indicating I should sit next to him on the bench. I felt a little thrill go through me as he sat down next to me on my right side, straightened his back, and began to run his fingers over the keys.

He turned his head slightly in my direction, looking down at me through his eyelashes. "Don't expect too much. I haven't played in a good long while." He smirked then and began to play while still gazing at my face.

After just a few seconds, he turned his head back to face forward and started to play in earnest. "Have you heard this before?" I thought that I recognized it but I wasn't sure. "It's a piano sonata by Alexander Scriabin, 'Fantasy'." He informed me.

His playing changed and morphed into something else, something other. After a minute or two of stunned silence on my part, I realized I actually recognized what he was playing. "_That's_ what I was humming to you after we started walking back to Lizzie's from the cemetery." I whispered.

He looked askance at me again for a few seconds. When he turned his head back, his voice was deeper than usual. "Yes. I thought you'd recognize it."

I felt my eyes go wide and I touched his arm with my fingertips. He finished the piece and turned on the bench to face me. "Did you like it? I made some small modifications."

"Small modifications…" A noticed that my voice had gotten rather small. It was Clair De Lune by Claude Debussy. He was absolutely a genius on the piano, there was no other way to describe it. "Edward, you're some kind of classical pianist _genius_, aren't you!"

He interpreted the look on my face as dismay. Really, it was almost terror that I felt right at that moment, of the gulf that, to me, had suddenly popped into existence between us.

He reached for my hands and got up from the bench. He towed me towards the sofa and pulled me onto his lap after he'd sat down. I felt pretty apprehensive about this move on his part, since I didn't want to embarrass either of us in front of his parents. Apparently, he wasn't concerned about them finding us in such an intimate position. I hoped he was right to assume that they wouldn't be coming back into the living room for a while...

He leaned his head deep into my hair. "My darling, beautiful and unnecessarily insecure girl…" With his right hand draped over my knees, he took his left hand and pushed my hair away from the side of my face that was closest to him. "You do things to me, deep in my soul, that I can't even put words to… Just by _breathing_."

I turned and looked into his eyes, hesitatingly touching his lips with my fingers. "Thank you. That was so beautiful, what you played. I'm sorry… I just feel… A little… _Unsure_ of myself right now. But what you just told me…" I felt a tear slide down my cheek and he leaned in and kissed the tear off of my face.

"Yes, my love?" He was smiling encouragingly at me.

"As long as you continue to tell me things like _that_, I think I'll be o.k. You're so… Sincere, Edward." I kissed the end of his nose.

"Well. I don't think I've ever been called that before by a beautiful woman." He wrapped both his arms around me giving me a tight squeeze. He became thoughtful. "You know, I meant what I said when Jasper left with my niece and nephew, too." He'd said the last part with a reverent tone to his voice.

The conversation had suddenly taken a swift turn and I wasn't sure how to respond. I'd been astonished at how he'd reacted to me when we'd arrived at his parents and I'd interacted with his niece and nephew. I started with how I'd felt at the time.

"Edward, I have to be honest, I didn't really understand why you reacted to me that way. I love kids but… Honestly, who doesn't?" I really was perplexed by not only his reaction to me but his mother's as well.

He moved one of his hands back to my face, gently running his fingers down my cheek, to my chin and back up, moving around to the back of my neck. He braided some of my hair through his fingers. "No, not everyone loves kids. But more importantly, not everyone is good with children. You are." His eyes moved around my face, as if he was looking for something. "You really don't realize it, do you? How truly amazing you are?"

I felt my eyebrows come together of their accord. "But, they were little cherubs, they're just so adorable. Who wouldn't love…"

He tenderly stopped my rambling. "You were just commenting on my reaction to you but _they_ have never reacted to anyone like that before." He shook his head. "I've always wanted children but I couldn't even find someone to love _me_ let alone want to have _children_ with me. You're going to be a fantastic mother and you actually love me." His eyes grew soft and as he gazed into mine, there was a spark of electricity similar to the one that we'd experienced between us on the plane.

He leaned forward and hesitated, not sure if he should kiss me, afraid that it might intensify the electrical current too much, as if that were a bad thing.

I leaned my face towards his, hesitated over his lips and reached my face up slightly to brush my lips along his forehead. "Of course I love you, what's not to love? And I do love children, very much." I gave a long sigh and he looked concerned as to where our conversation was about to lead. "_But_…"

I looked away from him sheepishly and suddenly felt the previous gulf that I'd imagined had popped into existence between us simply vanish. I leaned back from him slightly so he could see me clearly, with a look of mock concern on my face. He suddenly tensed, unsure of what I was about to say.

"Exactly _how many_ children do you want to have?" I'd placed my fist over my heart, pretending to clutch at my chest in mock pain.

I thought his beautiful eyes were going to bug out of his head. "YOU are unbelievable!" He held me tightly and his eyes went to slits. "I want ten, how about that?"

"Oh! Well, if _that's_ all." I suddenly took my hand off of my chest, waved it in the air and then placed it lazily on his. "I can handle that."

He barked a laugh, shaking his head at me. "That was not nice, Isabella Marie Swan. I had _no_ _idea_ what you were going to say for a moment."

Oops. "Using my complete name, now, huh? I must be in big trouble." My eyes went down and I felt him continue to laugh.

He heaved a sigh. "No, you're not in trouble. But I do want to know how many children you really _do_ want."

"Um… two or three?" I said rather sheepishly.

"_That_ can be arranged." His smile grew wide. "However, you're looking a little thin to me right now, so… Come on. Let's go see what my mum has fixed up for us for lunch. You're probably starving." He chuckled and, as if on cue, my stomach rumbled just as he finished speaking. We both laughed and got up to head into the kitchen, hand in hand.

~~:::~~

Lunch was… Very British. There were sandwiches on lightly buttered white bread with cucumber, and salmon with watercress, all with the crusts cut off and then cut into petite triangles. There was a mouthwatering salad with sliced pears, walnuts and tiny bay shrimp, with a creamy, rich salad dressing. There were even dainty little cakes for dessert. And of course there was tea.

It made me feel a little silly about our tea parties at the office. It was all splendid and very tasty. I was glad it was a light meal too, since I knew I'd be sleeping soon and didn't want to have a suddenly upset stomach from being too heavy and full.

Edward had already set things up with Jasper to pick us back up around 6:00 p.m. from his parents to take us back to their home. I was having an extremely hard time keeping my eyes open by this point but we'd had a wonderful afternoon with his parents. Even though their home was resplendent, they were so down to earth and friendly that I knew I'd discovered where Edward had gotten a lot of his charm from.

I was also fairly sure that they had taken notice of how we looked at each other all the time. It was sort-of embarrassing but we couldn't help ourselves.

If our eyes didn't meet at least once every two minutes or so, I'd start feeling anxious; and I could tell he felt the same way. We tended to sigh at the same time, would begin to laugh at the same time… We'd even reach for each others hands at regular intervals at the same time.

Right before Jasper arrived, I was in the music study with Esme while she was showing me a distinguished looking violin that she'd recently found at an auction, when I noticed that Edward wasn't standing by me any longer. She noticed my change in demeanor, as if I'd suddenly lost something and smiled knowingly at me. "He's talking to his father in the study, Bella. They'll be right out."

We walked over to the foyer and I felt a small bit of heat on my cheeks, wondering if his mother thought I was too silly for his wonderful son. But then he was suddenly standing next to me again, reaching for my hand and I felt… Relief. I sighed as I looked up at him.

He grinned at me and lifted one of his eyebrows. "Ready?"

Instead of answering him directly, I turned to his parents with my hand outstretched. "It was so very nice to meet you both. I now see where Edward gets his charming nature from." They both shook my hand and laughed. They walked us out to Jasper's waiting car holding hands and promised that we'd see them soon, probably in a week or so down at the estate.

As Edward was getting in the backseat so that I could have the front since the children's car seats were still in place, Esme touched my arm. I turned, surprised to find her so close to me. She reached out tentatively and gave me gentle hug and whispered in my ear. "You are the best thing that has _ever_ happened to him. Thank you."

I wasn't sure how to respond to her. I returned her hug and whispered back. "No, thank _you_. I've never felt so content in all my life."

I don't know what made me tell her that, since we'd only known each other for a few short hours, but she made me feel like I had a mother again. I tried not to let the moisture that was suddenly in my eyes spill over as I got into the car and we all waved to them as Jasper drove away.

After a few minutes of listening to them talk about Susanna and Joseph, I turned in my seat to face Edward. "Your parents are absolutely, one-hundred percent… Amazing."

He gave me a huge smile and hit Jasper on the arm. "Isn't she awesome!" We all loudly laughed together as we drove back to his sister's home.

~~:::~~

The next two days we'd planned on sightseeing. Well, really Edward planned everything, which I was fine with. It was surprisingly warm for late November. He told me it was pretty normal for London, though usually not this late in the month; I should still be prepared for rain. I just started carrying my rain coat around with me all the time, which seemed the safest thing to do.

The first day we visited the Charles Dickens' House, completed a Shakespearean walking tour that included touring Shakespeare's Globe Exhibition Theatre, and then ended our evening in the West End for an Opera, 'The Pearl Fishers.' It was absolutely enchanting. We took the underground, or the 'Tube', back to Alice and Jasper's. I went to bed exhausted.

I was having so much fun being with Edward and having him act as my own personal tour guide, that I didn't even notice until our second day of sightseeing that that he was actually absolutely _thrilled_ to be showing me around London.

We spent the morning of the second day walking around the northwest portion of Kensington Gardens. Since it was November, there obvious weren't any flowers present but it was still lovely. We then took the Tube from Bayswater to head over to the British Museum.

When we reached the Museum, Edward seemed to radiate happiness even more than usual. "Come on, I can't wait for you to see this." He had my hand held tightly within his own, and was almost dragging me to the first gallery, Room 1, 'The Enlightenment.'

I snickered at him. "I believe you, jeesh!"

He turned to me and got a rather sheepish grin on his face. "I'm sorry. I'm just so _happy_ to show you all these things and to be able to watch you enjoy them… It's exhilarating."

He stopped outside the main door to the gallery, walked over to the left of the entrance and pulled me into a quick embrace. "It's just making me enjoy them more because _you're_ enjoying it." He bent down and gave me a short kiss. "I love you, Bella Swan."

I looked up into his warm, happy face and had a feeling of intense contentment wash through me. "I love _you_, Edward Masen-Cullen." I told him this with a bit more intensity than I had previously.

I didn't think it could be possible but he actually looked even happier than he had just moments before. "Come on! You'll love this."

As we walked past some of the most important pieces of European history, Edward's face changed to a puzzled look. "Why did you call me 'Masen-Cullen' just now?"

I had to stop and think about that and then I remembered. "Because that's what Lizzie would always call you."

He looked down at me and I watched as his eyes changed from puzzlement to understanding. "Ah. Yes." He chuckled. "I'd forgotten you would have heard her do that. Would you like to know why?" I hadn't ever really thought about it but I curiously nodded yes to him anyway.

We'd left the first gallery behind us and we were now in the Prehistory and European section, since we had been breaking up our conversation between ogling at the exhibits. We happened to be passing an Irish religious relic and Edward stopped and pointed to the 'Kells crozier,' which looked like an ornate silver staff. It was magnificent.

"You may not know this but the English and the Irish haven't always been on the friendliest of terms." I raised one eyebrow at him. That was putting it mildly. He continued. "My mother's ancestry is Irish and Welsh, where my father's is obviously English. The only reason Gran says my name in that way is to remind me that I have a rich heritage that goes deeper than 'just' my English roots."

I looked at him knowingly and winked. "I've got a ton of Italian ancestry in my family tree, and my people are better than everybody else on this whole little island."

He stared open-mouthed at me and then gave a sharp laugh. Several people looked over at us only to find him kissing me. "YOU are incredibly entertaining." He laughed against my lips.

After spending almost the entire day touring the Museum, he promised that we would hit the National Gallery before heading out the next day to the estate.

When I woke up early on Wednesday morning, I noticed with satisfaction that I'd finally adjusted to the time difference between the East Coast of the U.S. and England. I also noted sadly that, again, Edward had not come into my room while I was sleeping like he had the first day.

I was sitting up in bed by this point with the covers loosely around me, when I saw the door open imperceptibly. I heard a velvet "Oh!" and then the door opened wider to give me a view of Edward in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt, carrying a tray with what looked like tea and toast on it with a small vase containing a single rose.

I didn't bother to cover myself up any further since he'd already seen me once like this in his Gran's kitchen, with my tattered white t-shirt and blue silk shorts… When was that? A couple of weeks ago? It seemed like we'd been together for _years_ already. I still couldn't get over the depths that our relationship had grown in such an incredibly short time.

"Um, hi. I didn't expect you to be awake yet." He smiled guiltily at me. He apparently hadn't expected to get caught.

I tilted my head at him, gave him an appraising smirk and a nod. "Now you know."

He stood at the end of the bed staring at me, still holding the tray out in front of him.

I scooted to the end of the bed, not caring that I was exposing myself to him and tugged lightly on the end of his shirt. "Come here, you incredibly sexy man." He went to the side of the bed that had the single nightstand and set the tray down. I'd sat back in the middle of the bed again with my legs crossed under me.

He sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, still staring. "Huh. You're… A little sassy in the morning, aren't you?" He raised one eyebrow at me.

"You have _no_ idea." I sat up, standing on my knees on the bed and put my arms around his shoulders. He smelled so good. Like green grass and cedar and honey. Before I realized what I was doing, I'd taken a deep breath and exhaled against his neck just to take in more of his delicious scent.

"Crap, Bella, you're going to give me a heart attack…" He took my arms off from around him and gently pushed me back on the bed. "You're rather _amorous_, too…" He looked a little unsettled.

I sat back, leaning into the headboard as I pulled the covers back over my legs and stomach and folded my arms over my chest like a petulant child. "Fine. It's not my fault I've finally adjusted to the stupid time change and I happen to be a morning person." I might even have pouted as I'd given my little rant.

He put his hand over his mouth to clamp down on a sudden laugh, since it was 6:00 a.m. by this point and we were in someone else's house. He lowered his voice. "You are too cute for your own good." He reached over and slowly ran his index finger across my cheekbone. I immediately relaxed. "You eat, I'll go get ready. Then it'll be your turn." He smiled lovingly at me and got up to go do just that.

I reached out and caught his hand in mine. "Thank you Edward. This was really sweet of you to try and sneak breakfast in to me."

"I'm just trying to take care of my sweetheart with all the attention that she deserves." He winked at me as he let go of my hand.

As he closed the door behind him, I remembered something he'd said to me on the plane. _"Does it really matter that I can take care of you in a manner that you're perhaps a little bit unaccustomed to?"_

I now knew that he hadn't been talking about his family's or his own money, he'd been talking about something much more important: His attention and his time.

I was all the more besotted with him because of it.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like... Listening to a true master play the piano. Ummmm... Sexy. Please review!_**


	10. Chapter 10—Learning Each Other

"_Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it,  
><em>_someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive of that gift."  
><em>_Kurt Langner_

CHAPTER 10: LEARNING EACH OTHER

I watched out the car window as the large, ancient bushes that lined most of the country lanes, called hedgerows, blurred past us. We were already out of the City and not quite halfway to his family's estate.

We'd only been able to spend about two hours at the National Gallery, so we'd decided to see it more fully while traveling through London on our way back to the states in a few weeks. I was glad. The little bit I'd been able to see was spectacular.

I was certainly glad that I'd recognized the night before what was really important to him; the time and attention he paid to me. Otherwise, I would have freaked out again about the whole money issue.

I sighed as I looked around the—cockpit would have been an apt description—interior of his car. An Aston Martin V12 Vantage. Carbon Black. Special Edition. _Of course._ I shook my head slightly. Then he hit another curve a little too fast for my taste and I exhaled loudly. He looked over at me and grinned.

"KEEP your eyes on the road, please!" I practically shouted at him.

"Bella, I drive this fast all the time and I know this road like the back of my hand."

With my hands wrapped around the door handle, I turned to him with narrowed eyes. "Well, I'd rather not have everypart of my body _end_ _up_ all over the road, if that's o.k. with you." He tried not to laugh at me, since he knew it was already pretty disconcerting for me being on the wrong side of the car, and the road, from the U.S.

He sighed as he slowed down just a bit. "O.k. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to scare you." I saw him shake his head slightly.

"_Please_ don't shake your head at me like that. My father's a cop and _I've_ never been through the English countryside before. It would be nice to actually _see_ some it without it being just a big, green blur." I sounded like I was begging.

He looked over at me and I could see he'd softened his stance a bit more. "You're right. I just want to get you there so badly. I guess I am sort-of showing off a bit." He slowed down a little more and my hands relaxed from off of the door handle and fell to my lap. "Thank you." I said rather curtly.

He reached over and took one of my hands from off of my leg, rubbing circles into the back of it. "I love you…" He looked at me for a few seconds very tenderly before looking back out through the windshield.

I sighed and it even sounded acquiescent to me. "I love you too, Edward."

He was looking back at the road but I could see the smile on his lips.

"What?" I smiled in response, wanting to know what he was smiling about exactly.

"I love the way you say my name."

I felt my cheeks slightly blush but they got much hotter after just a few seconds with his next words. "Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen. That sounds awfully formal. Bella Swan-Cullen…" He turned to me again. "What do you prefer?"

I stared at him. For too long. He started to look uneasy as his eyes flicked back and forth from me to the front of the car. Before he could misinterpret my silence for something insane like I didn't love the sound of his name as part of mine, I let go of his hand and reached up to stroke the side of his face gently.

"Actually, Mrs. Edward Cullen sounds nice to me." I said very quietly.

Without taking his eyes off the road, he turned his face into the palm of my hand and kissed it passionately. Delicately taking my hand down from his face, he held it tightly as he closed his eyes for just a second. When he opened them again, I could see wetness in them. "I love you more and more every moment that we're together. I didn't think that would even be _possible_." His voice sounded husky.

I didn't say anything more. What more could be said? Instead I played with his fingers and watched him instead of the beautiful English Countryside, as it rolled past us, virtually forgotten.

~~:::~~

During our country drive he told me all about the estate, it's caretaker James Mallory and the housekeeper, Mrs. Bailes, plus various other characters who had been working on the estate for as long as he could remember and, in some cases, had been there since Carlisle had been a boy.

He also told me about his love for the land, watching it grow and produce, being responsible for the care of the animals and the upkeep of the manor house itself. He became so animated and exhilarated while talking to me about the estate that I couldn't help but get energized about it along with him. His mood was contagious.

He was reluctant to say too much about James since he was Lauren's father and Edward would be replacing him as the estate manager, which he was currently unaware of. He explained that his parents would be handling the duty of retiring James and would be offering him the Gatehouse Cottage to live in for the rest of his life. The Cullen's were very generous, especially considering the way things had ended between Lauren and Edward.

He told me more about his friend Emmett, who he and Jasper had met at University. He explained that Emmett was a football star—to an American, he had been a soccer star—but was also a fierce competitor off the field. He had been captain of the debate team for three of the four years he'd attended college there. He explained that this was why he and Rosalie had sparked from almost their first meeting.

He spoke very kindly about Rosalie and I could hear in his voice that they had always been very close, like she was another sister to him. Even though he was somewhat vague with specific details about Rosalie, I got the impression that she was very attractive but did not use her looks to get ahead. She relied solely on her wits. She had graduated from the University of Kent with a Masters in Comparative Literature and he was pleased that we had something that was so important to both of us in common.

He did however seem a little nervous about us meeting, and told me that he was expecting Rosalie and Emmett to come by the same day we were arriving at the estate, at 'tea time,' which he explained would be around four o'clock.

"Edward," I looked over at him and could feel my eyebrows scrunch together. "Are you concerned that Rosalie won't like me?"

He gave an uneasy laugh and then got quiet for a few moments. "Not exactly..." He seemed to suddenly be choosing his words very carefully. "I think I'm more concerned with her _willingness_ in getting to know you. She's very... Protective of me, and the entire situation with Lauren really took her by surprise, which is not something that sits well with her."

He looked over at me and gave me a reassuring grin. "We just have to get you past her harsh exterior, that's all. She's a very loyal person and once she sees that in you, she'll be forever in your corner."

I wasn't sure if I felt any better about the situation after he'd attempted to explain it but I figured at least I'd be getting it over with quickly. "Um, you seem to be really rushing me through all the touristy-type things and meeting your family and your friends…"

He pushed his fingers through his unruly hair and looked over at me with an exasperated expression. "Bella, I just want to have you all to myself as soon as possible, that's all." He gave a short chuckle. "I'm actually a very selfish man, my love."

I giggled at his honesty. "Oh, well, that's alright then. Lock me up in your tower, my Lord." He gave a snort and shook his head at me. I shrugged my shoulders. "I think it would be really nice to be locked up somewhere with you all alone but what do I know? I'm just a silly American."

He slowly turned his head towards me and stared. "I hadn't thought of that…" He got very thoughtful and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

"Umm, the locking-me-up part, or that I'm silly?" I asked confusedly.

He snickered in response. "Locking you away from prying eyes, of course. Well, other than my own..." He again seemed to be thinking rather hard about something...

I started getting suspicious of what he could possibly be planning, when my attention was diverted by us turning off of the narrow lane we'd been following, and pulled onto what I assumed was the entrance road to the estate.

After traveling a few minutes down the tree-lined drive, we passed the Gatehouse Cottage, which looked tranquil and tidy. About 10 minutes further up the lane we were pulling up to the manor house itself, on one of those traditional half-circle gravel driveways.

Even though he'd told me it wasn't a castle, it appeared to have some castle-like characteristics. It was built from stone, with the tallest wing built to imitate a square tower with a parapet, including merlons and crenels. There were so many chimneys that I wondered how much wood it would take to keep them all burning in the winter.

There were two wings that had peaked roofs with slate tiles, which stood at each side of the central hall, entryway and foyer, which was slightly off-center. The enormous wooden front door was in the style of a portcullis, though it had never been used to protect its occupants from a siege. Many of the smaller windows were sets of leaded window panes with a single, enormous bay window in the larger of the two wings with the peaked roofs, with the majority of the remaining windows being stone mullioned but relatively modern.

It was all a little mismatched, as if some parts had been built in different eras from each other. It was romantic and grand. I loved it.

Edward leaned over to me and took my chin in his hand. "Well, what do you think?" I could see in his eyes how eager he was to hear my opinion.

I removed his hand and kissed his palm, intertwining our fingers. "It's amazing, Edward." I was so thrilled to be there with him. "Will you show me around the grounds before Rosalie and Emmett get here?" I must have really looked excited, because he couldn't get out of the car fast enough.

"Certainly!" He disentangled our fingers and laughed as he walked around the front of the car to come and get my door for me. I giggled thinking about what an amazing man he was—he gave new meaning to what being a gentleman meant.

He opened my door and bowed to me with a flourish. "Welcome to my humble abode, my sweet Lady Isabella."

I giggled again and took his hand so he could help me out of the car. After I'd climbed out, he draped it over his forearm and walked me to the front door regally.

He rang the bell pull once and then sauntered into his home. Mrs. Bailes was already at the bottom of the main staircase to greet us. "Mr. Cullen, welcome home. Ms. Swan, it's so very nice to have you with us." I would have felt like a princess, if I hadn't been in jeans and a t-shirt. Luckily, that's what Edward was wearing too.

He laughed merrily at Mrs. Bailes and asked if she would mind terribly if _he_ gave me the 'grand tour.' She smiled indulgently at his enthusiasm and told him our rooms were ready for us any time.

"I'll go get our luggage out of the car now, so I can take them up with us while I'm conducting your tour." He winked conspiratorially at me. I felt silly but I giggled yet again.

Mrs. Bailes had disappeared and I assumed she could be found quickly if the need arose. Edward was at my side again and he had me follow him up the grand rosewood-colored staircase. The foyer and entryway were all painted in a very light cream color, with the hardwood floors in a very light oak, which contrasted very nicely with the dark railings of the staircase. There was also a surprisingly large amount of light coming in from several different directions. For being an English Manor House, it had a surprisingly airy feel.

The first room we reached was to be mine. I came to the realization that he held no expectations for things to be anything other than cordial between us. The electricity was a constant presence but he was also ever the gentleman towards me. He simply refused to make the assumption that I would want to stay with him in his room. I could understand how it would have been extremely presumptuous on his part to assume anything different.

I just wasn't sure how I felt about being put in a room that he wouldn't be staying in too… My musings were cut short, however, when he opened the door and walked in ahead of me to set my case down.

The room was at least thirty by forty feet. There was a stunning, king-size white four poster bed with gold trim on the wall to the right of the door, with two large bedside tables that were really more like two dressers since the bed was so tall. In fact, it was so tall that there was a small step stool at the end and to one side. To my left, on the other side of the room from the wall with the bed, was a massive armoire, two small tables with a loveseat and two large arm chairs facing each other. Everything was done in shades of whites, creams and soft yellows. On the same wall as the entrance door was a stone fireplace with a mirror hanging above it that was similar to the one at his parent's home. On the opposite wall from the fireplace and the door, was a massive window made up of hundreds of diamond shapes with leading between them, with enormous, light yellow raw silk curtains. It was exquisite. "Oh, Edward…" I was speechless.

"This is the main guest room. It's the bedroom with the most light. I figured you'd like that."

"I LOVE it. Thank you so much for bringing me here." I started to get a little bit weepy.

He came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, gently placing my head against his shoulder. "Sweetheart, I'm just glad you're here with me."

I put my arms around his neck and reached up on my toes to kiss him. "Thank you." I whispered against his lips.

He seemed surprised and then he was kissing me back. "Ummm. You taste good."

I sighed against his lips. "You should at least finish showing me around your manor house, my Lord Tour Guide." He smiled against mine and laughed huskily.

"Alright then. Let's go!" He took my hand and led me out of my room and down the hall. He showed me his study, some of the other guest rooms, a cursory view of his bedroom, and of course where the guest bathroom was that I'd be using. There were apparently three others upstairs, as well as four other guest rooms besides the two he'd shown me on the way to his study and his own bedroom.

He took me back downstairs to show me the music room—it looked like it could be used as a ballroom it was so large. It was also much more ornate than the rest of the house I'd seen so far. It was all done in shades of white, with carvings and columns along the walls. Unlike the floors in the rest of the house, which had been all wood, the floor here was made up of enormous, white tiles, with tiny black squares interspersed throughout. There was a very ornate white and gold harp in one corner of the room with a small seat next to it, with two separate seating arrangements made up of loveseats and armchairs, with exquisite black rugs under them. The centerpiece of the room, however, was a gorgeous and rather large mahogany piano.

"Oh, Edward... I hope you're going to play for me at some point on that. It's gorgeous!" I exclaimed.

He put his arm around my waist and began moving me back towards the door to lead me out of the room. "Um, yes. But not right this second, love. I've got one more room you have to see before Rose and Em get here. Come on." He lead me back out towards the foyer.

I'll be honest, I was a bit disappointed at his refusal. But with his reminder of our impending visitors, I began to think more about them than where we just were or where he was leading me to next.

To the right of the foyer was a set of doors that were carved in a rather _unique_ pattern, one that I'd certainly never seen before on the interior door of someone's home. They were ornate carvings of dragons, dozens of them, all intertwined with each other and each with books held within their talons. Edward squeezed my hand. "Are you ready to see the most important room in the house?"

I started getting really excited since I was pretty sure I knew what this room was going to be. "Oh, yes, please!"

He let out a loud chuckle as he strode forward, sweeping the doors open away from himself. As he stood to one side, he extended his left arm out into the room like an old-fashioned showman. "The Cullen family library!"

It was incredible. It was one of those very traditional English libraries like you see in the movies, with the English oak paneling, brass ladders and several rich leather love seats and large wingback chairs. There was a fireplace with a small mantel and a large portrait of a 17th century garbed-man, with small, peach-colored armchairs at each side of the hearth. There was a game table with six heavy wooden chairs, with a magnificent Indian-style rug under it. There were knick-knacks that appeared to be from all over the world. There was one long table behind one of the love seats with one of the largest atlases I'd ever seen sitting open on a dragon-adorned wooden stand. _This_ apparently was the room with the enormous bay window that I saw as we pulled up, so the room was lit up comfortably.

I looked over at Edward with an eyebrow raised. "Um, it's not very good for these books to be exposed to all that light…" I'd only barely gotten my comment out when he'd raised his hand towards me and shook his head. "Oh, I know. But these windows are specially treated so that the UV light can't hurt the items in the room."

I nodded my head at him appreciatively. "Nice. Very, very nice."

He then took me to see the formal dining room, with a table that looked like it could seat at least twenty people and the kitchen, which was where we found Mrs. Bailes starting work on the afternoon tea. We sat at the sizable butcher-block island and chatted with her for a little while, 'sampling' some of her confections since we hadn't bothered to stop for lunch on the way down.

We ended up not having enough time for him to take me on a full tour of the grounds, so he opted to show me his apparently 'favorite part of living in the country' instead.

"So, do you ride?" He asked me abruptly.

"Um, ride what?" I had a sinking feeling I knew where this conversation was going. I was now a little worried about what he'd meant by his favorite part of living here, the part he'd been most looking forward to.

His eyebrows knit together slightly. "Horses, of course."

"Well, here's the thing…" I began to feel suddenly too hot. "Large animals sort-of frighten me." I looked over at him with a sheepish grin.

He smirked knowingly at me. "You just haven't been properly introduced. Come on, I'm sure we've got some Wellies in your size."

As he took me to the large mud room next to the kitchen, there were at least a dozen pairs of rubber boots. I gave him another confused look. "What are Wellies?"

He pointed to the rubber boots. "Those are."

I nodded my head. Apparently this was another aberration of the whole 'English/American' language difference thing again.

There was a pair that fit over my chucks and we were quickly on our way out the back, past the open garages and on to the stables. It was about a fifteen minute walk past the garages but we were happy to just be together.

As we walked, he told me all about the horses they kept, how many foals they'd had the year previous, and how he and Rosalie used to compete in local jumping tournaments.

As we reached the stables and walked up to one of the last stalls, he started telling me excitedly about his favorite horse, Alabaster, or Ali. As I looked into the stall, I could see that Ali was big and very black, with a single white mark on his forehead. He looked to be a splendid, if rather huge, animal.

Edward led him out of his stall and had me walk slowly up to his muzzle with my hand palm up, where several sugar cubes awaited him that Edward had given me right before we had left the house.

Because it was Edward asking me to do this, I wasn't as nervous. I trusted him completely. And honestly, Ali was a gorgeous and seemingly very calm animal.

He happily took them from my palm and nudged my hand for more. "I'm sorry, Ali, I don't have any more. Your daddy only gave me a couple." He whinnied and nodded his head up and down twice. He took a step towards me and sniffed my hair, and then brushed his muzzle against my head.

"My love, he likes you almost as much as I do."

I laughed as I slowly turned to Edward. "I hope you like me _a lot_ better than Ali does."

He laughed along with me as he put Ali back in his stall, walking in behind him with his hand on his rump. He turned and took a brush down from the top ledge of the stall and started brushing his sides. I could hear Edward talking softly to him but couldn't quite make out what he was saying… I wasn't brave enough to walk any farther into the stall.

"I've got a really peaceful, older mare that's not as tall as Ali here." He looked at me over his shoulder as he was still brushing Ali down. He had my favorite crooked smile showing. "I'd really, really like to show you how to ride. You'll love it, I promise." His voice was pleading.

"I'll… I'll try, Edward. But no promises on my part."

He sighed as he looked back at Ali. "If you're willing to try, then that's all I can ask of you."

We headed back to the house hand in hand. He was lazily swinging our arms back and forth, and I told him I'd want to freshen myself up a bit and change clothes before Rosalie and Emmett arrived. "Humm... O.k. Yeah, that sounds good."

I disentangled myself from his hand as we were walking through the foyer. "See you in a few minutes," I called after him, since he was now heading back towards the kitchen as I started up the stairs.

As I lightly traced my hand over the banister I got a little pensive thinking of all that we had done together since arriving in England. I thought about his family, his dreams for the estate… I wondered what his friends would think of me. I thought about what he'd said to me in the car on the way here…

Before I realized it, I was already back in my room. I took my toiletries into the bathroom with me, quickly stripped down and rinsed myself off in the tub. I put the same clothes back on since I'd been too absentminded to think of bringing a change of clothes in with me, brushed my teeth and my hair, and walked back to my room abstractedly.

I closed the door behind me and without thinking or even looking around the room, I swiftly took my t-shirt off and then walked out of my jeans as I moved farther into the room towards my luggage and glanced down at myself. I'd forgotten that I'd decided to wear my favorite, fanciest stuff. I had lacy, hip-hugger panties and a lace bra on, both in navy blue. As I reached my suitcase I slowed down again, thinking about things Edward and I had talked about and unhurriedly pulled out a royal blue, long-sleeved blouse and started to dig for my one skirt, a black crepe flounce-style one.

I gradually became aware of someone's breathing…

Other than my own.

I had put the blouse on by this point but hadn't buttoned it up yet, when I slowly turned and looked over towards the bed.

Edward was laying across it, leaning with his back against the headboard with his legs crossed at the ankles out in front of him, and it looked like he might have had his arms folded behind his head at one point…

His arms were now stiffly at his sides and his hands were partially balled into fists.

When our eyes met, I could feel that same intense form of electricity that had been present between us on the airplane.

I sucked in a sudden breath.

When we'd been at Lizzie's and he'd seen me in a ratty t-shirt and shorts, that was certainly_ not_ the same thing as seeing me as he was now, almost naked. Not by a long shot.

He was trying to breathe through his nose only, almost as if he were trying not to hyperventilate.

I felt my own breath catch when I saw the look on his face.

He wasn't looking at me as if he felt mischievous or embarrassed, or even lustful. He had a look on his face that reminded me of how a man is described when he has been lost in the desert for many, many days, and has sighted a miraculous oasis, with clear, clean water, and all he wants to do is to quench his parched lips, mouth and throat.

_That's_ how Edward was looking at _me_. As if I was that clear, clean water for him.

My breathing accelerated… And I didn't know what to do. Go to him on the bed? Quickly put the rest of my clothing on? Stare him down until he was forced to say or do something…? I was totally at a loss.

He decided to be the first to address the situation and his voice was truly throaty, as if he really did need to drink me in.

"Isabella…" He forced his eyes closed and cleared his throat before he continued. "I had no idea that you'd walk back in here like that."

He slowly reopened his eyes and they seemed to be shimmering in their intensity, a reflection of his emotions.

"But I would be lying to you if I told you I was sorry."

He took a shuddering breath and continued, as I placed one of my arms behind my back and the other I crossed over my stomach. "You… Are the most… Beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. But I can't be in here with you, with the atmosphere almost rippling with my need and want for you."

I swallowed. Loudly. He moved very slowly to the edge of the bed and got off, towards the side that was farthest away from me and closest to the door as he continued to speak to me in a low, husky voice.

"If I stay in here with you… Looking like… You do…" It was his turn to swallow hard. "If it weren't for people coming to visit us at any moment…" _Wait, what? _I couldn't understand what that would have to do with _anything_ that was transpiring in this room, at that exact moment. And then he made it _abundantly_ clear.

"You see, I want to make love to you very, very slowly." I felt my eyes grow wide.

His voice grew stronger as he continued.

"It was not my plan to do so right now; I just came in to see you and walk you downstairs. I can't… Do anything… _properly_ right now. I basically can't take the time you deserve. So, I'm going to leave now… And I hope you can forgive me for this extreme lapse in gentlemanliness on my part." He tried to smile but he couldn't quite manage it.

"I assure you I will make this up to you." He told me this as a promise and I gave him an encouraging smile in response.

As his back reached the door, since, he had never turned around or taken his eyes off of me since getting off the bed, he placed his hand behind himself to open the door.

I reached hesitatingly for him, and instead of trying to draw him to me, I gave him a small and slow half-hearted wave. "I love you, Edward." I told him gently.

"I love you too, Bella, more than I can possibly express at this moment. I won't expect you down for a few minutes, at the very least." He swallowed hard again. "If you choose not to come down this evening, I'll understand that too. But I left something for you on the bed that you might want to look at before you come down… If you decide to do so."

I nodded my head to indicate that I had understood him. "O.k." I told him in a very small voice.

And then, he was gone.

The sheer feeling of emptiness that fell on me at his departure was almost overwhelming.

I hurriedly put my skirt on and then stumbled over to the bed to see what he had left for me. There in the middle of the bed, was a small photo album. I climbed up on the bed and picked it up carefully. As I looked through the pages, I thought at first they were pictures of him and his sister before she'd started dying and cutting her hair short. But I realized the girl in the photos was too tall to be Alice. It slowly dawned on me that these must be pictures of him and… _Rosalie?_

There were pictures of them as very young children both covered in mud. Pictures of her in pigtails and Edward laughing at her. Photos of their arms around each other, with huge grins on their faces, in full riding regalia and covered in... More mud.

Then I realized what it was he'd wanted me to see.

He wanted me to know that she was just as down to earth as he was, as his family was. I felt my face light up with my own smile. He wanted to alleviate any possible feelings of insecurity or inadequacy from me that I may have had.

He knew me inside and out.

And, he _apparently_ had plans to know me much, _much_ better.

I would have to think about his actions just now in more depth at a later time, since I didn't want to dwell on it when there were guests waiting to meet me. I found it pretty intriguing that he seemed to be as affected by me as I was by him, however. I also found it rather interesting that how I was dressed could affect him so deeply...

I sighed with satisfaction and got ready to head downstairs, to meet his other 'sister', confident again that the only thing that really mattered was his love for me. I caught myself humming our song.

_I really must be the luckiest girl on the planet._ I thought to myself, as I headed down the stairs to be with my true love.

~~:::~~

The only shoes I'd brought with me were my chucks, some black flats, and a pair of black leather calf-high boots. I figured since Edward had planned on entertaining his friends in the library, I'd just wear my flats.

When I got to the library door I only opened it partway and peaked in to see where Emmett and Rosalie were located in the room in relationship to Edward. I took note that he and Emmett were seated across from each other at the gaming table, apparently just starting a game of chess. Rosalie had her back to the door, staring at the books on the shelves in front of her.

She was wearing a black, straight skirt with a silk, apricot-colored cap sleeved blouse, with ruffled cuffs and a short stand collar with a long bow tied loosely at her collarbone. Her hair was a deep, honey-blonde and it was very wavy as it cascaded down her back. She had on black calf-high boots and I wistfully wished that I'd worn mine.

I caught the end of what sounded a little bit like an argument between her and Edward. It sounded like it was something about music, especially song lyrics... Something about lyrics not being able to compete with poetry.

As I shyly came through the door, Edward caught sight of me and his face immediately lit up, his conversation with Rosalie suddenly forgotten.

He fluidly rose from his seat. "Sweetheart! I'm so glad you were feeling well enough to come down and meet two of my closest friends." He came to me with his arms outstretched and when he reached me, he slid them around my waist clasping his hands in front of my abdomen, standing behind me while pulling me back into his chest as he turned us to face his friends. I rested my hands and forearms along the tops of his arms against my stomach.

"Rose, Em, this is Bella Swan. The love of my life."

Emmett got up and came over to me to shake my hand in greeting. He was huge, at least six foot five and 260 pounds. He had very short, dark hair and penetrating, deep blue eyes. He had a contagious grin. "Hello! It's great to meet you." He shook my hand enthusiastically.

Rosalie turned around unhurriedly and placed her hands gracefully in front of her, clasped together lightly. "Hello. We've heard _a lot_ about you… " Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, as if she wanted to lift any hidden motives she thought I might have straight out of my head. "In _just_ the last few days."

I was suddenly _very_ thankful that Edward had thought to lend me his childhood photo album.

"Yes! I'm so excited to meet you both. I've been hearing a lot about you, too." I smiled at her but not too friendly. I wanted to make it clear with my body language that I didn't care what she thought about me, my only concern was for Edward and his happiness.

With that thought in mind, I realized that I shouldn't continue to press into Edward's chest with my back or grasp his hands or arms. I could have reached back and stroked his face but that too would have been sending the wrong message.

Instead, I let go of Edward's arms and stepped out from his embrace to walk forward and reach for Rosalie's hand to shake it. She hesitated for just a single moment, but it was enough for me to note that I had made the right move. Instead of appearing possessive of Edward, I came across as self confident.

Tension suddenly permeated the room and I decided that _I_ would be the one to diffuse it, rather than make it appear that I would want Edward to fight my battles for me. I didn't think Rosalie was the kind of person that would have much respect for me if Edward was the one to do the diffusing.

"I only caught part of yours and Edward's conversation as I was coming into the room," I smiled at her congenially. "Am I to understand that you do not find music to be comparable in tenor to poetry?"

I'd caught her by surprise and, from Edward's and Emmett's faces, them as well. "Well, yes… It's actually an _old_ argument for us. Edward of course finds that music is very poetic. I just don't agree." I didn't miss the emphasis on 'old'. She wanted to make it clear to me that she had been a part of his life for much, much longer than I had and she was going to make sure I knew it too.

"What is it exactly that you don't find poetic about music? Or is more that you don't see the cadence in most modern music that would compare to classic poetry?" Edward had followed me as I'd come farther into the room, with his hand now lightly held at my lower back. We sat down on one of the loveseats by the gaming table. Rosalie was still standing not far from the bookcase after shaking my hand, but had now turned to face me as I sat down.

I sat down very casually, placing one of my legs under me. I wanted to send the message that I was very comfortable with Edward and that she wasn't going to change that.

She hesitated. She had not expected and, in fact, was rather taken aback by my seemingly aggressive stance. I really wasn't being aggressive in any way. I was speaking in a very friendly manner about something I knew quite a bit about. However, for Rosalie, it appeared to me that it was a shock to find someone that wasn't immediately intimidated by her. Her eyes were no longer narrowed at me and her voice betrayed her interest in what I was saying. "Well, yes. That's it exactly."

Excellent. I had her now. "Well, my laptop is here in the library. I'd like to show something to you and Edward… And Emmett too, of course." I purposely included Edward and Emmett so that she couldn't jump to the conclusion that I was ganging up on her, to try and make myself look superior to her. I doubted I could do that, anyway…

She nodded her head and sat down in the wing chair opposite of Edward. Emmett had moved one of the gaming table chairs over so he would be able to see the small screen on my computer as well.

As I got up to get my computer, I heard Edward murmur that he was curious where I was going with my line of reasoning. When I got back to my seat on the sofa next to him, I pulled up one of my favorite sets of song lyrics. "O.k., now, I want you both to tell me if this is a poem or a song, and if you can recognize what era it would be from, either way."

As I turned the screen to them, I could tell that Rosalie had already decided it must be song lyrics, since why else would I have seemingly argued in Edward's favor if it wasn't? She was right but I still wanted her to read the words.

_There's a moon over Bourbon Street tonight_

_I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight_

_I've no choice but to follow that call_

_The bright lights, the people, and the moon and all_

_I pray everyday to be strong_

_For I know what I do must be wrong_

_Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet_

_While there's a moon over Bourbon Street_

_It was many years ago that I became what I am_

_I was trapped in this life like an innocent lamb_

_Now I can only show my face at noon_

_And you'll only see me walking by the light of the moon_

_The brim of my hat hides the eye of a beast_

_I've the face of a sinner but the hands of a priest_

_Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet_

_While there's a moon over Bourbon Street_

_She walks everyday through the streets of New Orleans_

_She's innocent and young from a family of means_

_I have stood many times outside her window at night_

_To struggle with my instinct in the pale moon light_

_How could I be this way when I pray to God above_

_I must love what I destroy and destroy the thing I love_

_Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet_

_While there's a moon over Bourbon Street_

She and Edward grew quiet as they read the words. I saw Rose's eyebrows scrunch together ever so slightly as she reached the last few lines. Edward was entranced. I was pretty sure he'd probably never seen someone make Rosalie stop and think so immediately into a discussion. I tried not to get too eager since this could backfire on me at any moment… But I was pretty confident, anyway.

"That's… Very beautiful. I have to admit that I'm not absolutely sure if it's a poem or song lyrics." She sounded more and more thoughtful as she had spoken.

"I _think_ they're song lyrics… But I'm prejudiced. It's beautiful and haunting so it must be a song." Edward grinned at me and also at Rosalie.

"What era do you think it's from?" I looked at Edward as I said this.

"Um, the 1920's?" His brows knit together ever so gently. I stifled a giggle before it could start and turned to Rosalie expectantly.

She was looking at the words across the screen intently, trying to pull more information directly off the screen. "Well, I'm going to guess the late 1800's but I _do_ think I know what the subject matter is, anyway." She looked a little smug at this as she continued. "It's about a vampire, isn't it?"

"Yes. It is. It's song lyrics, also, by Gordon Summoner. However, it isn't more than twenty years old."

I looked at both of them in turn and Emmett chuckled loudly. "She got you both. Cool!"

Rosalie looked at me with a strange expression on her face. "Who in the world is Gordon Summoner? I've never heard of him and these are truly amazing song lyrics…"

"Oh, you've heard of him. He goes by 'Sting' and this was his first solo release after leaving the super successful rock band, The Police. The album was 'Dream of the Blue Turtles' and this is one of my all-time favorite songs by him."

Emmett roared with laughter and Rosalie had a slight smile on her lips. Edward leaned over and gave me a big, wet kiss on my cheek. "You're clever and gorgeous and I love you."

We all laughed together for a few more minutes and then our laughter slowed and we started all talking at once about favorite songs, favorite poets… Edward's decision to take over management of the estate for his family, Rosalie's continued interest in horses, Emmett's business enterprise, which he ran from his family's estate just a few minutes away from the Cullen's estate… We talked for hours.

Mrs. Bailes tea was scrumptious. Rosalie was mindful of their departure time but seemed a little reluctant to go. I could tell Emmett was for sure. He'd really enjoyed the spread we'd had for tea.

As we walked them out Emmett motioned Edward over to him, probably to talk about some cricket team or other, and I followed Rosalie as she slowly walked towards their car.

She turned to me and gave me another small smile. "Please call me Rose. And…" She seemed to become ill at ease. "I'm sorry I was a bit rude to you at first. It's just that… Edward's really important to me and I don't want to see him get hurt, you know?" She looked into my eyes pleadingly and I shook my head at her.

"Don't worry. I totally understand. I don't want anyone to hurt him either. I've taken it on as sort-of my mission in life."

She nodded to me in understanding. She knew that I was planning on taking the reins from her in that respect and she seemed o.k. with that. "I can see how thoroughly and completely in love he is with you, Bella. I've only ever seen this side of him a few times, for probably only a few moments at a time. It's nice to see it on such a consistent basis."

"Thank you. I hope I'm able to make him happy." I sighed a little as I told her this and she got a questioning look on her face, as if she thought I should be worried about my own happiness, too.

I couldn't explain to her that my happiness was intrinsically linked to Edward's and that it would be, as far as I was concerned, for the rest of my life.

~~:::~~


	11. Chapter 11—Difficulties Worth Having

"_Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm,  
>but to add color to my sunset sky."<br>__Rabindranath Tagore_

CHAPTER 11: DIFFICULTIES WORTH HAVING

I couldn't believe… Couldn't frame words for my embarrassment at catching Bella so unsuspecting. I felt truly terrible as I walked slowly down the stairs towards the front door. I shook my head disgustedly at myself. Catching her in such a vulnerable state was simply not gentlemanly. Not in any way, shape, or form. I stopped on the stairs, placing one hand on my hip and with other, grabbed tightly to the railing. _Idiot!_ I chanted at myself.

Rose and Emmett had already arrived and I could do nothing to alleviate her discomfort now. I felt quite infuriated with myself. But... _Had_ she actually looked uncomfortable with my sudden and unannounced presence in her room?

Then I started replaying the scene in my head.

She'd looked so… Gorgeous, alluring, tempting. I smiled sheepishly at myself.

Then I thought a little harder, picturing her face in detail, and remembered that she actually hadn't appeared to feel uncomfortable.

At all.

I felt my eyes widen in understanding.

She had been _surprised_ to see me already in her room of course, but not _distressed_ by my sudden, unexpected presence.

She wanted me as much as I wanted her. My smile morphed into something more primal. My steps quickened on the stairs.

I started trying to mentally find ways to get rid of Rose and Emmett without them becoming suspicious of anything untoward… Maybe I could tell them she was not feeling well… Perhaps I…

No.

It wasn't hers or my intention to practically assault each other. My steps slowed once again as I started moving through the foyer towards the library to greet Rose and Em.

What I'd told Bella was absolutely true; I wanted it to be romantic, passionate, special… And lovely.

I wanted her to never want anyone but _me_ touching her ever again.

That train of thought brought me back to the conversation I'd had with my father in his study on the Saturday we'd arrived. I'd already made up my mind during our plane ride, somewhere over the Atlantic, that I wanted Bella to be my wife and I would ask her officially once we got to the estate.

My only issue was that I wanted to give her my paternal grandmother's ring, and I had no idea if my father would consent to my wish. The ring was a family heirloom. It was also extremely monetarily valuable. Would my father agree to a match with someone I'd only known for not quite _two months_? Could he possibly understand my need and my _desperation_ for Bella to be with me, always?

Apparently, after watching us carefully for those few hours, how we interacted with each other, with them… He agreed with me. I had felt rather taken aback and shook my head again remembering.

"Dad, I want you to know that I'm deeply in love with Bella and that I've decided to ask her to marry me." I was standing in front of my father's large desk, stiffly looking at a spot over his left shoulder, as he walked around it to turn and stare at me. I hadn't even let him get completely into his office before I'd closed the door behind us and made this statement. I guess I was nervous…

"Son…" He smiled at me knowingly. "Your mother and I knew as soon as you stepped out of Jasper's car that something had drastically changed with you. However, it was watching Bella interact with you that convinced me that she belongs with you." He gave a short laugh as he shook his head lightly. "You belong together."

"Umm…" I hadn't been expecting that. "Well, the thing is, dad, I want to give her Grandmother Cullen's ring." I suddenly felt like I had started out on a much stronger note than what I'd just ended on.

He stared at me for what seemed like forever but I don't think even ten seconds had passed. He leaned forward, placing his hands on the surface of his desk, leaning into it. "Son, that would be… An honor. I believe she would have approved of your choice."

I grinned like a fool. "That's great, dad. Thank you."

He turned away from me and his desk, to walk over to the family safe. As he removed the ring that would soon be Bella's, he told me something that I hadn't even considered in my attempt to 'convince' him of Bella's and my inevitability.

"Edward, I'm very surprised that you've forgotten that your mother and I had only known each other for a few months before we got married." His eyebrows were raised at me in amazement as he handed me the most important of all black velvet boxes.

"Oh, right… I should have used that as part of my argument I suppose." I grinned at him.

"No, I don't think so." He chuckled. "I've never seen two people so in love. Well, other than when I was courting your mother, of course."

I was opening the door to head back out to the front living room, since Bella and I would be leaving soon, when I turned back to give my dad a tap on his arm. "When you were _courting_? You two are still like newlyweds." We laughed together as we headed to the front living room.

"You're right, of course." He was happy. For me, for himself. We were both very, very lucky and blessed indeed.

I suddenly grew concerned. "Dad, don't tell mom until after we've left and _please_ don't tell anyone else. I'm still working out the details of our engagement and Bella's exceptionally sharp. I don't want her guessing what I'm planning." I gave my dad my most serious look.

He laughed at me, holding his hands up in front of him. "O.k.! I promise."

"Thanks, dad. My plan is to announce our engagement at the party next Saturday, so I'm hoping to ask her Friday night."

He now looked concerned. "That's cutting it a little close, isn't it?"

"I'm not concerned about her _wanting_ to say yes, I'm worried about her doubt of the hold she has over me or that she'll hesitate…"

"Don't worry about it, son. She knows how much you love her." His eyes grew soft and I remembered again how truly brilliant my parents were.

I smiled as we reached the foyer and I immediately noticed that Bella looked a little lost. I secretly hoped it was because she had missed me while I'd been busy with my father.

I went up to her and automatically reached for her hand. She took it and seemed… Relieved. I felt my stomach give a little lurch and asked her if she was ready to go. Before she responded to me, she turned to my parents and told them how happy she had been to meet them and gave them, and me really, a very nice complement. _So, she thinks you're charming…_ I had to grin at that.

~~:::~~

The exquisite feeling of relief and joy I felt as I saw her come into the library to meet my friends… Made me sigh in absolute pleasure. Apparently, I was forgiven for my lapse in good sense. I went to meet her as she got about halfway across the room.

The next fifteen or so minutes, watching her performance in challenging Rose… Was priceless. I knew that Bella was exceptionally bright and intelligent but she was also cunning. I added that little fact to my list of innumerable traits that she possessed.

I remembered again how she'd looked when I'd accidentally become a stalker earlier in the evening. A smile grew slowly across my face. I could sense Rose staring at me, trying to decipher my mood, trying to understand the changes she could visibly see in me.

I decided to call her after Bella had retired to her room for the evening, to make sure there were no misunderstandings about my feelings or intentions when it came to Bella.

"Hi Rose. I guess you've figured out that I'm planning an eternal love affair with Bella." I heard her laugh like I hadn't heard her do so in quite a while. She was happy, even content with Emmett but she really worried about me. Especially after the fiasco with Lauren. I had started to wonder if she wasn't taking some of the blame on herself, which was of course ridiculous.

"Yes, Edward. I kind-of figured that out." She sounded irritated. "I'm sorry I was so rude to her at first… She truly loves you." I could now hear in her voice that her irritation was with herself, not me or Bella. "And I'm pleased to see you so happy." She did sound pleased. I was glad. I hadn't exactly been looking for permission but Rose's support was important to me.

"Thank you, Rose. You know that means a lot to me, right?" I thought she should know that. "Um, I do have a favor to ask though…"

She didn't let me finish. "Edward, you've already asked me to help you dress her up for the party on Saturday at the estate." She sounded a little exasperated.

"Yeah, well, I need to find a way to get her to go with you…"

She cut me off again. "You're not saying that she wouldn't _want_ to go with me, are you?"

"Rose, don't be daft. She's reluctant when it comes to spending my money and I really, _really_ want you to take her to Emmett's family's store." Emmett's family owned several department stores in London that were equivalent to Neiman Marcus'. "I just can't come up with a valid reason."

"Oh, jeez Edward. That's easy. There aren't any stores in the countryside that carry cocktail dresses, now are there?" As usual, when she'd thought of something I hadn't, she sounded smug.

I sighed. "Yes, I think you're right and that would work. I'm planning on taking her on a tour of the estate grounds tomorrow morning, could you come by after lunch tomorrow?" She insisted that she'd need more time than that and told me to have her ready to go by 11:00 a.m. I agreed and we hung up.

I decided it was too late to discuss the party with Bella that evening and I suddenly felt rather tired myself.

At some point in the night, I woke up after having had a dream about Bella that was disturbing to me. She appeared to be walking towards me but she did not seem able to actually reach me. She had the engagement ring on, so she must have said yes to me but I didn't seem to care… I managed to get back to sleep after about a half an hour of tossing and turning.

When I woke at 5:30 a.m. that Thursday, I immediately went to Bella's room and tentatively knocked on her door. "Bella, are you up?…. Bella?…" She hadn't answered and I was a little nervous opening her door without her giving me official permission to do so. I felt sort-of silly just standing outside her door with my hand hovering above the doorknob.

I decided to take a chance and open the door but I closed my eyes just in case. "Bella, sweetheart, are you awake?" Still nothing. I slowly opened one eye and looked uneasily towards her bed. She wasn't in it. _Where could she be? _Then I remembered one morning in particular at my Gran's…

I headed straight for the kitchen.

November and December in the countryside tends to be a little cold first thing in the morning, so this time I wasn't in a t-shirt and boxers—I actually had a long-sleeved pajama shirt, sleep pants, and even leather slippers on. As I came towards the kitchen I could see that the lights were on. I went in cautiously, whistling in case it was Mrs. Bailes and not Bella.

Bella was standing in front of the large gas stove, stirring something in a large frying pan. There were remnants of several different vegetables strewn over the butcher block countertop of the island, with the egg container sitting precariously next to a large glass of milk.

She turned to the sound of my whistling and the look that lit up her face… I thought my heart would explode in my chest. She was so happy to see me it was tangible. "Hi, honey! Would you like some breakfast?" _She cooks too?_ I was astounded. It smelled really good…

"Um, sure. Did you make enough to share?" I asked her teasingly. I looked her over appraisingly, since she was in a sweet little white cotton nightgown. It had some pretty lace trim around the neckline, accentuating her long neck and collarbones, just above her hinted at cleavage… It had cute little sleeves that ended just before her elbows and the hem fell just barely below her knees. She also had tiny but fuzzy, white slippers on her dainty feet.

She turned to me with a most mischievous look in her eyes. "Well, these aren't strawberries but we can't have everything, can we?" She actually batted her eyelashes at me.

I barked off a laugh. "YOU are an amazing creature." I came up behind her, placing my hands on her hips and bent down to put my chin lightly on her shoulder. "Omelets?" I guessed. It really did look quite scrumptious.

She laughed. _God, I love her laugh…_ "Yes. Could you get two plates out? This is ready."

I did as I had been instructed and she dished out what she called a Denver Omelet. We sat at the kitchen island, not talking, just enjoying the meal she had fixed for us both. It was fantastic. I shook my head, astounded.

"What? Don't you like it?" She sounded serious.

I snorted. "Are you kidding me? This is the best omelet I've ever had." I looked at her through my eyelashes. "You have everything going for you already, and yet… You can cook too?" I shook my head in mock astonishment.

"What, you didn't think I'd be able to cook?" She sounded slightly pouty.

I laughed at her. "You are absurd." She sighed and got up to clean her plate off in the sink.

I helped her clean up the kitchen in silence. After we'd gotten everything put away, I felt… Strange. Almost as if there was an electrical current humming between us. It was similar to how I'd felt on the plane for a few moments… I'd thought at the time that it had been my imagination but apparently it hadn't. The feeling was quite real, very unique and erotically enjoyable.

She was leaning against the island, with her hands on the surface and her elbows bent back behind her. She was standing with her legs slightly stretched out in front of her, with one ankle crossed over the other. She was so… Cute. Beautiful. Sexy…

I suddenly walked over to stand in front of her. She looked up into my face and smiled radiantly. I couldn't help myself… I put my hands on her waist and she moved her hands from the countertop to the tops of my forearms. I carefully lifted her up and sat her on the counter. Her nightgown rose up to the top of her thighs… We stared at each other for an intermittent period of time and I felt the electricity alter and intensify.

I leaned into her and placed my lips at the base of her neck, running them up and down, while giving her small kisses. I heard her sigh softly. I lightly traced the area right above her collarbone with the tip of my tongue. I now heard a tiny moan escape from her parted lips. She moved her hands from my arms to my hair, gently running her fingers through it. "I love your hair…" She whispered.

I immediately groaned, lifting my head to her face and lips and began kissing her in earnest. She gave me her tongue and we both moaned at the same time. My hands went around her as her legs wrapped around my waist. "Bella…" I murmured against her lips. I thought my skin was going to catch on fire with the intensity of our kissing.

I was starting to get short of breath when she broke the kiss. "Edward, we shouldn't be doing this… Here… _It's your kitchen._" She unwrapped her legs from around me and she was almost as breathless as I was. She also had that delicious blush across her cheeks that I loved so much.

"I. Don't. Care." I told her throatily. She rested her forehead against mine and we both tried to catch our breath. "I guess I do care… Sort-of." She laughed and I had to smile.

I carefully lifted her off of the counter and watched as her nightgown slid back down into place. I looked down into her beautiful face. "I love you, Bella. I want you to be mine. Forever." She placed part of her bottom lip behind her teeth and I thought I was going to melt.

She gazed into my eyes for a few seconds and then removed her lip from her teeth. "That sounds so wonderful, Edward." She had whispered my name.

I still had my hands on her waist from when I'd removed her from the countertop. She moved her hands slowly up my chest, to wrap them around my neck.

She had tears in her eyes and my breath caught in my throat. "I love you, Edward. Forever." She went up on her tiptoes to kiss me lightly on my lips. I wanted so badly to sweep her up and take her to my room… But something stopped me. I knew that she would go with me and I could even sense that she wouldn't regret it.

But I wanted to at least _propose_ to her before we were together completely, physically. I realized that the kissing had fogged my brain a bit.

If I was going to be completely honest with myself, however, I knew that wasn't true. I wanted to wait beyond just the proposal. Or _I_ would regret it. Waiting for her to be ready had placed a seed of an idea in my mind, and it was becoming clearer and clearer to me all the time.

I nodded my head as I held my lips to her forehead. "I'm glad. Because I honestly don't know what I would do if you decided you didn't want me." I looked down into the glorious chocolate brown pools of love that were her eyes and we stared at each for a few more moments. I let her go, except for one of her hands.

As we walked together to the staircase and our respective rooms, I filled her in on a few details about the upcoming day's events. "My love, we're going to be having a small dinner party at the house on Saturday evening. And I'm fairly certain you didn't pack any cocktail dresses."

She looked up at me expectantly, waiting for additional information, I guessed. I'm not sure she looked exactly thrilled, so I explained it all a little bit more. "It'll be my family, Rose, Emmett, some of the staff, and a few of our neighbors. Just a light buffet, some wine, and some music. Not a big deal."

She seemed satisfied with that description, so I told her that Rose would be taking her to look for dresses. "Listen to me very carefully." I got very stern. She giggled at me and I sighed. "I want you to buy _whatever you want_—I mean it. Don't give me that look."

She'd tried to roll her eyes at me. "Bella…" I spoke more quietly to her. "Please, do this for me. Let me spoil you a little bit. You've told me that you want to love me forever. You can't honestly expect me to not buy you anything for forever? That's just silly." At the end of my little speech, I was holding both of her hands in mine between us.

She grew subdued and I got a little anxious. I rubbed my thumbs gently into the backs of her hands. "Edward, I…" She changed whatever she had been planning on saying mid-sentence. "You know what, in this one instance you're right. I would never have planned on any kind of fancy parties, so I will let you buy me some things."

I grew suspicious and narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you just saying that?"

She shook her head slightly. "No, actually, I'm not. I just don't want you to send Alice to take me shopping, which is what you _would_ do if I didn't take you up on this now. I'll take the trip with Rose. I know she'll be sensible." She gave me my favorite glowing smile.

Apparently, after only a few phone calls and one dinner with my sister, Bella and Alice had become fast friends. And, Bella already had Alice's measure regarding her shopping customs.

As we reached her room, I fought the urge to kiss her again like I had in the kitchen and bent down and gave her a wet little kiss on her cheek. "Love you." I murmured against it.

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Love you."

She reopened her eyes and turned away from me, to get ready for the day… Alone. _I'll never leave you alone again as soon as you say yes to my marriage proposal…_ I thought to myself as I headed for my own, lonely room.

~~:::~~

As I reentered the guest bedroom, I held my hand up to my cheek, to feel the slight wetness that was still there from Edward's kiss. I was mesmerized… Obsessed… I never in my life would have suspected that someone like Edward existed.

Jacob and I had been best friends, we'd been in love, even soul mates. But this intense, almost _otherworldly_ love… Edward was dazzling me, there was no other way to put it. His love for me felt surreal but ironclad.

I gathered up my toiletries and a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day with Edward… And apparently Rose.

I wore jeans and a charcoal colored v-neck sweater, since it had finally gotten really cold—it was actually starting to feel like winter to me. I was very much enjoying it in the English countryside, even though it was the winter, and I wondered what his family's estate would look like in the Spring. Probably stunning. I smiled contentedly to myself as I walked down the staircase and back to the kitchen.

He met me at the backdoor and we headed hand in hand over to an older, slightly beat-up Land Rover 'Defender.' He opened my door for me and helped me in, since it was a slight climb up for me to get into it. After he'd gone around and gotten into the driver's seat, I asked him why it was so… Tall.

"Well, this is our main vehicle for getting around to the more remote parts of the estate and we don't want to get stuck, now do we?" He grinned at me as we drove away from the garage located at the back of the house, heading past the stables and out towards the fields in the distance.

"Nope. That would kind-of suck… Except… Then I wouldn't have to go shopping!" I sounded hopeful, even to me.

He laughed at me. Loudly. "There's no way that's happening." He shook his head with mock disappointment. "You promised, Bella, remember?" He looked at me like a disapproving father.

"Fine. But… What am I supposed to be getting, exactly? Just so I know what to look for." He'd laughed again but I'd been serious. He realized this quickly and gave me some additional information. However, when he got to the end of his 'list,' he accidentally let something very interesting slip, which I filed away for a more in-depth study of later.

"Well, you'll need a cocktail dress, preferably in black. You'll also need to get a second dress, something more neutral, lighter… Silk. Definitely silk. Oh! I'd like you to pick out some jewelry, too, especially some earrings. I've never seen you wear earrings… Do you have them pierced? Maybe you could get a bracelet, too. You have very nice wrists and hands, you should accentuate them. And perhaps you could also get some nice, silky, royal blue nightwear…" He tried to catch himself, but he didn't stop his ramble in time.

I let out a muted gasp.

"Edward… You've thought about this… A lot. Haven't you?" I turned in my seat to stare at him.

He looked really embarrassed. I mean, really, really embarrassed. "Yes?..." He answered me with a questioning tone, as if he was a small boy that had gotten caught pulling a little girls pigtails.

I sighed exasperatedly at him. "I will complete your list, oh Lord of the Manor." I giggled, and I could feel his relief radiating off of him. I'd let the very last part of his request go un-commented on, and he was oh-so grateful.

But I'd only done so because I was going to mull it over, trying to figure out what exactly his plans for me were.

He obviously had something planned other than the party on Saturday night. He hadn't said anything about Friday, except that his parents might come down in the afternoon. I paid extra attention to the little things he said throughout our tour of the grounds, to see if I could pick up any additional clues.

As we drove around the estate, stopping and talking with some of the estate workers, seeing some of the animals, and looking at some of the woodland, he would tell me details about each person, the animals and even some of the trees. There was one in particular that he got somewhat emotional about since it was an English Oak that his father had planted for his mother in commemoration of their wedding.

We were walking around the tree in circles, with our hands lightly trailing along the bark, following each other. "You love your parents very much, don't you?" It wasn't really a question.

"Yes. They've always been two of the best people I've ever known." He stated very quietly.

I stopped walking and so did he. I brushed my hands across my jeans to remove any debris that I might have picked up from the tree trunk, turned and stepped up to him. Reaching my arms up and running my hands through the hair at the back of his neck, I told him quietly, "You're very lucky…"

He looked at me with shining eyes and gave me a lovely hug. "No, I'm _very_ blessed." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I simply kept playing with his hair.

It was quiet between us on the drive back for awhile after that. Not as if we were uncomfortable or didn't have anything to say to each other, we were just reveling in each others company. It was nice to not have to fill the silence, that we could just _be_ together. He would occasionally glance over at me and smile crookedly, would reach over and run his fingers down my arm, to braid our fingers together. I was so happy I was having difficulty containing it. He chuckled and shook his head, as if I'd told him a silly joke.

He sped up a little bit heading back to the house, since he'd apparently promised Rose that he would have me ready to go with her by 11:00 a.m. and it was already quarter 'til.

I got somewhat pouty. "I don't want to go…" Before he could object again, I told him that it wasn't the shopping that I didn't want to do exactly, I just didn't want to be away from _him_.

We were walking back into the kitchen at this point, when he turned me around suddenly, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me noisily on the forehead. "I don't want to be away from you, either." He tilted his head so that it was resting on top of mine and sighed.

He held me tightly for a few minutes and then reluctantly let me go. "But, I really, really want to see you in something other than a t-shirt and jeans, my love." He held me out from him at arm's length as he said this, smiling brightly at me.

"Fine. I'll go and get something _fancy_ for this silly ball… Party… _Shindig_-thing that you're throwing." I tried to scowl up at him but I just couldn't disappoint that face. I gave a small huff and turned to head for the front door.

He caught my hand as I turned and while laughing, spun me around him, like we were dancing instead of walking through the house. "See, you can be reasonable when you put your mind to it."

He really was lovely and I wasn't about to dampen the look of happiness currently shining in his eyes. "Love you."

He grinned at me. "Love _you_."

I sighed as I headed out to Rose's car, to see what _she_ would think of his 'laundry list' of purchases… And steeled myself for an interesting afternoon.

~~:::~~


	12. Chapter 12—Differences

"_Between friends differences in taste or opinion  
><em>_are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality."  
><em>_W. H. Auden_

CHAPTER 12: DIFFERENCES

Rose drove almost as fast as Edward. _Almost_.

I didn't have to hang on quite as tightly to the door handle as I had with him. She had a deep blue BMW 650i. The blue was so dark, it was almost black, which was only emphasized further by the black leather interior and piano finish black trim.

We were on the M25 heading back towards London, and we were discussing horses, of all things. I told her about my experience with Edward's horse, Ali. She laughed. A clear, crystal tone. I tried to hide my surprise but she'd already picked up on it.

"Bella, I know I was really awful to you when we met for the first time the other day. But, really, you need to believe me when I tell you that I was being a jackass and I _am_ sorry."

"You were just trying to protect Edward…" I sounded slightly whiny.

She snorted. "I know. But I also know how in love he is with you. I've never, ever seen him _this_ happy." She gave a slight shake of her head. "And I'm sorry to tell you this, but you _ooze_ love. It'd be disgusting if it weren't for the fact that I'm one of his best friends, so I couldn't be happier for him."

I had to laugh at that. "Yeah, I've never felt this content." I sighed as I pictured his face in my mind.

"Earth to Bella… We're here." I hadn't even realized she'd parked the car… _I'm pathetic…_ I squared my shoulders after I'd gotten out, preparing myself for the worst.

"O.k. Bella, here's the deal. You've told me what was on Edward's 'list.' But I need you to be honest with me while we're looking at things, because if _you're_ not happy, it'll be obvious, no matter what he wants to see you in." She'd said the 'list' part with a sneer.

I giggled at her. "Sounds very sensible to me."

"Alight, let's go shopping!" She sounded so obnoxiously fake-happy that I laughed out loud. I was again so grateful it was Rose taking me shopping and not Alice. She was kind-of scary when she talked about shopping. She made it sound like it was some kind of religious experience.

"Well, you're fairly petite, so we should do well with the designer dresses." Apparently, with Rose, shopping was a military operation. I was thrilled. We'd probably be back in time for dinner at the estate.

We started with the cocktail dress, since she thought that might take the longest because there would be so many in black to choose from, it being the most popular color for evening wear. We lucked out after only a few tries, however.

"Oh! This is awesome. Go." She was rapidly shuffling dresses along the bar of the rack she was standing in front of. She barely even turned around, she just shoved the hanger and dress towards me.

As I stood in front of the full length mirror in the dressing room, I couldn't stop the grin from creeping across my face. It was fantastic. This was only the fifth dress I'd tried on, too. It was a Valentino one-shouldered, draped-bodice dress, with a low, sweetheart neckline and gathered pleats that cascaded from right to left. It had a slit on the right side that went up to just above my knee and a small train on the left side flowing down and around from the right hip.

I'd never realized how black brought out the creaminess of my skin color or that if I bothered to put makeup on, at least some lipstick, I might be able to pull off a fairly stunning look. I was truly surprised. Rosalie quickly brought me out of my abstract thoughts. "Well? Let's see it on you, Bella." She sounded really impatient.

As I stepped out of the dressing room in my bare feet, I stood on my tiptoes. She just gaped at me. I started to fidget, feeling self-conscious.

"Oh. Bella. That's fantastic." She looked really surprised, just like I had a few seconds before.

"I _know_, it's amazing. You're good at this, Rose."

She nodded her head. "Yep. Next item on the list?" She tilted her head slightly and crossed her arms in front of her chest, staring at me on my tiptoes. "You need shoes." She turned on her heels and started heading towards the shoe department.

"Wait! Rose, I have to change back into…" She was already gone. Maybe she was going to pick them out the same way she had the dress.

I changed back into my jeans and sweater… And thought of Edward. I giggled, remembering what he'd said about wanting to see me in something other than jeans and a t-shirt. And then I remembered something _else_ he'd requested. Something very _specific._

We'd passed the lingerie department on the way to the dresses and I figured I could get something silky and blue before I 'found' Rose. I'd just take a little bit of a circuitous route to the shoe department and maybe she'd be none the wiser. I just couldn't face doing lingerie shopping with someone that looked like Rose. And, really, this was something that I found rather personal.

I asked the salesclerk if they had anything in deep blue and silk. She walked me over to a rack that held slips with matching kimono wraps. They were simple and elegant, with an empire waist and spaghetti straps on the slip. Both the slip and the kimono were mid-thigh length. I got the slip and kimono in a deep, color-of-the-ocean blue. I also found a pair of really lacy hiphugger panties in black. _Perfect._

I still had no real idea what he had planned for me or why he'd listed off something so intimate, but I was determined to fulfill at least that one request of his flawlessly. _Be careful what you wish for, Edward. _I smirked at my own surreptitiousness.

~~:::~~

Before I could find Rose she'd found me wandering towards the shoes. "Oh! There you are, never mind on the shoes for right now. I picked out several pairs of black evening sandals and sling-backs but then I remembered that we needed to find you a second dress, in a natural, neutral color."

She grabbed my hand and started dragging me back to the dress section. "Hey, where'd you go after you changed? You kind of disappeared on me, there." She was looking at me over her shoulder, a slight layer of suspicion in her eyes.

"Oh, I was looking at…" I didn't even know what department I could make up so that she wouldn't figure out where I'd really been.

She looked down at the small bag I had clutched under my arm, and a huge grin spread across her face. "Ah. Yes. A nightie." I blushed crimson. I had totally forgotten that I'd told Rose _everything_ that he'd listed off to me.

"_Please_ don't tell him, Rosalie…" I begged. "I don't even know that I'll wear it." I must have sounded despondent when I'd said this, because she stopped and turned to look at me more closely.

"Bella, Edward is in love with you. Deeply. You'll get an opportunity at some point in the future to wear something sexy for him, even if it isn't this particular weekend."

I was shocked, so shocked, in fact, that I blurted out what had just run through my mind. "He TOLD you? That we haven't…" I was almost hyperventilating.

"Bella, no! No. Of COURSE he didn't…" She was mortified.

She looked ashamed and from the look she must have seen on _my_ face, she felt compelled to explain. "I sort-of guessed it. I was making fun of him, of how he looks at you, and he got uncomfortable. I made the mistake of suggesting... Well, something rather inappropriate. He got very angry with me, almost shouting at me that you were not that kind of girl, that he respected you too much to 'just have sex with you.' He wanted it to be special…" Her voice trailed off as she registered the look in my eyes.

I felt the tears slowly fall down my face. She became pale. "Bella… I'm… So sorry. I shouldn't have told you that… Please, don't tell him I said anything… I'm so, so sorry…" She was almost babbling.

I wiped the tears of indignation off of my face and held my hand up towards her. "It's fine Rose. I believe you. It's just… A shock to have someone else know about our… Intimacy status. Even if it was by accident." I shuddered.

She looked so forlorn and saddened that she had broken Edward's confidence and upset me, that I actually felt bad for her. I knew that Edward would never have willingly told her anything that personal. It really was an accident. I hesitantly reached out towards her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. "O.k.?"

She got somewhat cranky. "I can't _believe_ you're comforting _me_ now. That's… Just not right." She looked at me with the most belligerent look in her eyes and as soon as our eyes met, we started snickering.

We noticed that one of the sales clerks was staring at us, so we quieted down and headed over to the evening dress wear again. "I see why he loves you so much, Bella." She was shaking her head and still snickering a bit. Then she got really quiet.

"You're very selfless." She wasn't laughing now.

"Thanks, Rose."

We started looking for a more feminine than fancy dress. As we searched we talked about Emmett, some of the funny things he'd done to get her attention to get her to go out with him. I felt like I was finally getting to know her.

Maybe what had just happened was a good thing, because I finally felt like Rosalie had completely let her guard down towards me. It was a nice feeling; she was a good person, loyal to Edward to the core. He'd been right, of course. '_She's a very loyal person, and once she sees that in you, she'll be forever in your corner.'_

We were getting close to finding another dress but not close enough. "He didn't tell you what this other dress was for? He's so cryptic sometimes. Freakin' weasel." Rose was starting to get annoyed. I gave a snort and placed my hand over my chin, one finger over my lips, staring at her. She glanced at me and then chuckled.

As we talked about different things while we were searching for his 'neutral and in silk' dress, I found out she loved cars, horses, living in the country with Emmett, and was closer to Edward's parents that her own. I told her about my mother, my dad, and of course, Jake. She was a little taken back by that information but she gently patted my shoulder as if to say, 'That's really sad, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.' I guess I'd gotten to the 'forever in my corner' part of Rosalie's personality.

As I was telling her about my apartment in San Francisco, I got an idea. I walked over to one of the sales clerks and asked if they had anything in Victorian-era colors or styles. She said that indeed they did; it was a new arrival from Aquilano Rimondi. The name didn't mean anything to me but it sparked something in Rose.

"Oh!" She followed the clerk closely and I saw Rose nodding her head at the lady as she pulled a small dress away from the rack. "Ideal. Thank you. This is exactly what we were looking for." The sales lady walked away and Rose turned to me with a pleased expression on her face. "Try _this_ on."

I took the dress and headed for the dressing room again.

This time when I looked in the mirror, I was speechless. It was gorgeous. The silk was a beautiful shade of desert sand or the color of deep champagne. It wasn't exactly strapless but it was sleeveless and it had a sheer yoke creating the illusion of being strapless. There was a small ruffled panel at the center of the bodice that fanned out slightly on top. It had a banded empire waist with a smocked panel that opened to a pleated panel that cascaded down into a mid-leg tulip skirt, falling just below my knees. The hem had frayed trim that was the same material as the sheer yoke at the neckline. The back had a low zipper with an opening at the top with a small pearl button. I felt very feminine in it.

I didn't wait for Rose to come and get me, I walked out proudly to show her, even giving a little pirouette. She gasped. "Oh, Bella. Edward will love it." She paid for both dresses and I tried not to choke when I saw the amount flash across the register's screen. I remembered that the dollar was worth about half what the English pound was worth, so the amount I'd seen would be almost double that in the U.S. for the same items. Almost $18,000 dollars. _Holy crap… _I started to sputter, "Rose… This is crazy…"

She cut me off. "What did he tell you about him buying you things and the term 'forever'?" She had one eyebrow raised at me and her arms were crossed over her chest.

I felt my cheeks get warm. "O.k. Fine." I huffed and crossed my own arms. She stared me down for a few more seconds and then we moved on. "O.k. Time for shoes."

Luckily she'd already found several black pairs of shoes so that was relatively easy. Since the cocktail dress was long and had a small train, they did need to be rather high. I ended up with a pair of sandals with four inch heels, three straps around the toes, with one around the ankle. Down the front were three circles of rhinestones.

I ended up finding shoes to match the beige silk number we'd found, a simple pair of pumps with an open toe. They were almost an exact match in color, they had three inch heels and very simple styling, with a pretty, two inch rose flower over the toes. Rosalie was impressed.

"O.k., we're doing good. It's been just over two hours so far, and we've gotten all the really hard stuff done already." She was excited about our progress and honestly, so was I.

"O.k., earrings. This really will be easy with these dresses we've gotten. He loves pearls…" Rose was already moving on to the non-costume, fine jewelry department. If I'd had a problem with what the dresses cost, I was about to have a major heart attack.

Rose was talking to the sales clerk, telling her she was interested in finding two pairs of drop earrings with pearls and showing the sales lady the dresses Rose was trying to match them to so they would have a better idea of what she was looking for. I had wandered down the counter a little bit, absentmindedly thinking of Edward and his opinion of my wrists and hands… I touched my fingers to the inside of my wrist and happened to look through the case at the same time.

There was a stunning white gold diamond bracelet just beneath the glass. It was made up of oddly-shaped rectangular links, each link being slightly larger or smaller than the next. On one of the links, there was a delicate, yellow-gold heart shaped charm attached that held imbedded within it a single, heart-shaped diamond. It looked to be about 2 carats in size. It was absolutely spectacular.

I didn't have a clue that Rose was standing next to me, watching me stare at the bracelet in the case.

"Miss, we'd like this bracelet added to our purchase." Rose tapped the glass. I'm sure that my heart stopped. I was so taken aback that I couldn't even get enough air in my lungs to tell her no. It was removed from the case and placed into a special, long black velvet box before I'd even been able to take a single, halting breath.

"Rose, that's… I don't think Edward meant for you to buy out the entire store!" I sputtered and hissed at her. I was so mad, I didn't even notice the glint she had in her eye.

"Isabella, behave. It's fine. Edward is going to be so happy you actually did what he asked." She suddenly sounded very knowing. I knew she was right… But I still felt sick to my stomach, physically _ill_, thinking of the amount of his money she'd spent this afternoon.

We were back in her BMW by this point, flying back to the Cullen's estate and my stomach was still lurching. I dug through my purse and found two antacids and immediately took them.

Exquisite. Beautiful. _Too expensive. _I started to think that I really might throw up… Rose saw the look of almost sickness that came over me and told me that I'd better toughen up quickly, otherwise Edward's feelings would be greatly injured by refusing his gifts.

She told me that she'd found perfect sets of diamond and pearl drop-style earrings. One pair was white gold, with one-inch drops of diamonds from locking posts, with symmetrically round, golden pearls at the ends. They were a perfect match to the 'other' dress, with a deep golden glow to them.

The pair that was to be a match to the cocktail dress were one and half inch, d-shaped rings, with a perfect white round pearl at the end of each, with the backs of the rings curving up and under the pearls to form three pronged leaves of diamonds at the front.

I shifted in my seat, exhausted from our afternoon of heavy shopping. And even heavier spending. I knew in my heart that what he'd told me, about _wanting_ to spend money on me and that I shouldn't have a problem with it if I truly wanted to be with him forever, was accurate. What difference did it make, really? I thought of the old adage 'you can't take it with you'.

But I couldn't help it. I felt really awful about him spending this kind of money on me. It was unnecessary, since all I really wanted was _him_… I closed my eyes to dream of Edward, as we practically flew back to his beautiful estate.

~~:::~~

Assuming that all women shopped the way Alice did, I wasn't at the house when Bella and Rose returned. I had wrongly assumed they would be gone past dinner time. So, late that afternoon, I'd gone out to check on some of the outer fields to see how some of the new sheep pens were being set up.

When I did get back, Bella was already upstairs resting. She had ended up with a bit of a headache and was taking a nap before dinner.

I learned from Rose that Bella was definitely _not_ a shopper. As she handed me back my black credit card, which she was only able to use without me being there because Emmett owned the store, she made one simple observation about Bella.

"You've got your hands full with that one, Edward." She shook her head and sighed. "I'm glad she's already bonded with Alice, because the fact that she detests spending money is really going to be an issue between them." I just nodded. Leave it to me to find someone who would fight me on spending money on them.

Rose and I talked in the kitchen for a little while before she left to go have dinner with Emmett, enjoying some tea. I got the distinct impression that something had occurred between them but that it had ended well. Rose was actually sounding like she'd really enjoyed her time with Bella.

I walked her out and reminded her that the party on Saturday would be starting at 6:00 p.m. She just rolled her eyes at me as she headed out the door. I laughed at her, trying one more time to pry some inside information out of her—to no avail.

She wouldn't tell me anything about their purchases other than they had taken care of, as she put it, my _'entire_ list', which I found rather annoying. I'd really thought that Rose would spill but she apparently had truly bonded with Bella, just as I had hoped. _That's inconvenient timing._ I sighed in frustration. I wasn't sure what to expect for our 'dates.' I smiled as I imagined what I _might_ see Bella wearing…

As I was walking back through the foyer from the front door, I felt my eyebrows pull together. I still hadn't worked out all the details for the following night with Bella. Inspiration hit me like a jolt. I think I even hit my head with the palm of my hand, with my other hand automatically ending up on my hip. _Of course!_

My parents were planning on coming down for lunch the next day, which was Friday, and I'd told my father my plan was to propose to Bella that night. I felt a wide grin spread across my face as I took my cell out of my pocket while heading straight for the music room. I knew if Bella came down any time soon, she would automatically head for the kitchen and then the library. I probably had about ten or fifteen minutes…

I talked with my father for a few minutes and then asked him to get mum for me. When she came on the line, I could hear her excitement about the next day and I started to feel a little guilty. I pressed ahead, however, since my happiness and future with Bella depended on my mother now.

I told her what I was planning, trying not to get too specific about some the finer points. It seemed to have gotten very quiet on the other end of the line.

"Mum, is that o.k.? Can you help me with this? I honestly don't think what I'm planning would even be possible without your help. I'm sorry we'll miss out on having lunch with you and dad, but…" I listened as my mother chastised me for being silly. Of course she would help me.

I told her that I was certain that she had just made me the happiest man in England.

~~:::~~

I awoke to the sound of classical music drifting up to me, I assumed from the music room. It was dark outside and I glanced at the clock on my beside table to note that it was almost 8:00 p.m. I stretched out like a cat and rose to put my jeans back on and head downstairs. Something stopped me, however, and I went back to check myself in the mirror above the small writing desk that sat not far from the door. _Jeesh!_ Good thing, too—my hair was all tangled and I looked a little worse for wear. I headed to the bathroom with an additional piece of clothing to change into, my white oxford shirt.

After I'd brushed my teeth and hair, I quickly rinsed my face off. The cold water felt nice and removed my last bit of sleepiness. I put the shirt on with the same v-neck sweater over the top of it. I left the shirt and sweater un-tucked from my jeans. I stopped back at my room and put my sneakers back on and figured I was ready to head back downstairs.

I wondered if Rose was staying for dinner but I dismissed that idea since I figured she'd want to have dinner with Emmett, and he wasn't due back from London for another hour or so. I couldn't remember what she'd told me he'd been up to but it was probably something to do with their family's business.

The store Rose had taken me to was actually owned by them. It had been a unique experience, shopping at a fancy department store like that. I grimaced thinking about some of our purchases and then I felt my face pull into a gentle smile as I remembered my one, solitary acquisition.

Maybe… tonight? Sure that Rose was gone and still able to hear the music playing, I almost ran down the stairs in my eagerness to see him—my gloriously attractive, kind, sincere, loving other half.

As I entered the music room, my excitement stilled. It wasn't music that was playing, it was music that was _being_ _played_.

Edward sat at the grand piano, this one being in a very dark, very rich mahogany color, quite different from the piano at his parent's home. But his playing was… Heavenly. Now that I was closer, I could hear more clearly what he was playing. I didn't recognize the specific composer but it was in the Baroque style, whatever piece it was.

He was facing towards the door slightly so he saw me and suddenly stopped playing, rising fluidly from the bench and coming quickly to me. I hadn't made it very far into the room, since I'd been stilled by my awe of his playing.

"Oh, Edward, you didn't need to stop playing, I was on my way to you…" I told him fretfully as he reached me.

"Sweetheart, you've been out of my arms almost all day. I couldn't stand it for another second." He chuckled lightly as he wrapped his arms around me tightly, placing his cheek against the top of my head like he had that morning.

I had a sudden feeling of liberation, as if I'd been held captive, simply by our distance from each other. As if we'd been reunited after a horribly long separation. I felt safe, extremely at ease, and loved.

I turned my head to put my lips on his chest. His crisp, white dress shirt had the top two buttons undone and I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. It was so… Clean, with hints of the woods and honey. I put my arms around his chest, reaching my hands up to rest them on his upper back. I laid my head against his chest, and closing my eyes to listen to his heart and his breathing.

He very gently put his hands on my shoulders, slowly running them down my back on either side of my spine, stopping at my waist. He held me tightly and I could hear his breathing change and deepen.

"Bella," He bent down to kiss me, reaching up from my waist with one of his hands, lifting my face by my chin to meet his lips. It was so sweet and tender, I almost cried. I held my eyelids tightly closed. He felt me tense and so he tensed. "My love, what's wrong?" He brushed his fingers along my cheekbone. He looked confused and I felt… Goofy.

"You're going to laugh at me but you kissed me so tenderly that I almost cried." I let out a puff of air from between my lips and rolled my eyes.

I saw surprise, incredulousness, curiosity, and then tenderness flit through his deep green eyes. "You're so lovely." He smiled at me, not quite wide enough for me to see his teeth, just sort-of smirking. "But, you're also very interesting. Why would you want to cry?" His incredulousness was winning the fight against all the other emotions I'd seen on his face.

I let out a slow, deliberate breath. I felt my face begin to warm from my sudden blush. I became shy… "Because I never could have imagined that someone like you could even exist in this world, let alone that you'd want to be with me." I told him this in barely a whisper and I couldn't look up into his eyes anymore.

He didn't respond, didn't say a word, he just wrapped his arms around me again and held me tightly. I thought I even heard him stifle a groan. I peaked up to see him with his eyes as tightly closed as I'd had mine just moments before. I felt a little confused at first but then figured that I'd probably just touched a nerve. I knew how much he loved me but I very rarely had opened up to him as to just how passionately in love with him I was.

He gained his composure after several minutes, let out a long breath and kissed my forehead loudly. "Are you hungry? I thought perhaps we could go down to the village pub tonight, since you haven't been to a proper English pub yet, and it's kind of late to ask Mrs. Bailes to make us dinner."

That sounded really, really good. I told him so. He looked happy and carefree again.

As we drove the few miles that were necessary to get us to the pub, he told me that his parents wouldn't be able to make it the next day for lunch after all. I was disappointed by this news since I had really been looking forward to seeing them again.

He told me that he thought this would be a good time to see some of the countryside and he wanted to take me to the nearby stately home, Petworth House, and then maybe to Chichester to see their over 900 year old Cathedral. It all sounded great to me.

We didn't get back from the pub that late at all, but I was still pretty tired, which seemed ridiculous to me when I'd had over a two hour's nap after I'd gotten back from my adventures with Rose. He said goodnight to me at my door, lightly kissing me. He tasted a little of beer—well, ale to be more accurate—and I giggled.

"What?" He had that curious look in his eyes again.

"You taste good." I put my hand over my lips and giggled again. He shook his head disapprovingly at me and told me to get some sleep.

I let him walk away, to his own room. I rapidly felt sad, dejected, and lonely. For just a second, I thought about getting the slip, kimono and panties I'd bought out, putting them on and just going straight to his room.

But I didn't.

Instead, I pondered what Rosalie told me Edward had said to her. _She's not that kind of girl… He respected me… He wants it to be special…_ I _still _didn't know what he had planned for me but it was obviously going to be ruined if I broke down now and assaulted him tonight.

I went to bed, alone, instead.

~~:::~~


	13. Chapter 13—Expectations of Intimacy

"_It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness;  
>it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it."<br>__Christian Nevell Bovee_

CHAPTER 13: EXPECTATIONS OF INTIMACY

Friday dawned cold but clear. I wore a white, cashmere turtleneck sweater with my jeans and my black leather boots. I of course had my raincoat too, just in case.

Edward hadn't realized that Petworth House would be closed already for winter, so we didn't get to see the collection of paintings that were held there. But the grounds and their restaurant were open. We had breakfast and then walked the parts of the grounds that held the Estate's sculpture collection. It was amazing.

While we'd been having breakfast, as we walked, when were just standing and appreciating the sculptures... Edward had been touching me in some manner. His hand on the small of my back, trailing a finger along my arm, holding my hand. He'd always been attentive but somehow his awareness of me seemed to be intensifying.

On the way to Chichester, we told each other our favorite jokes, our most embarrassing moments, places we wanted to visit, our craziest family member… We laughed and laughed… And laughed. I didn't think it would be possible for me to fall any further in love with him but I still did.

As we were just outside of the city center, he surprised me and took me to the Pallant House Gallery. I think he felt bad that we'd missed the gallery at Petworth House.

The Pallant House Gallery had been a historically important town house, built originally in the late 1600's. In the early part of the 20th century it was used as Council offices for the City. In 1985, almost ten years after the Dean of the Chichester Cathedral had left his personal art collection to the City, an independent trust was formed to manage the collection. They in turn expanded the Gallery to include community activities and exhibitions and a new, additional building as a new wing. It was a showcase of Modern British art. It was incredible. The Kearley collection proved to be my favorite.

The Cathedral was our next stop. It was truly magnificent. It had been the center of the town, both figuratively and literally, for almost 1,000 years. The Cathedral was begun in the year 1076. But modern art was commissioned during the late 20th century with stained glass windows, tapestries, and paintings. Sharing space with 12th century reliefs and paintings, it was a study in contradictions and the intemperance and exceptional strength of the human spirit. The architecture was of course incredible. With its stonework, vaulting, and external flying buttresses, the huge spire… It was truly awe-inspiring.

We ate dinner at an intimate bistro not far from the Cathedral. We sat by one of their large front windows and, as dusk settled, we watched the lights come on to illuminate the outside walls. It was truly breathtaking.

"Edward, thank you so much for today. You're a wonderful man." I looked at him with adoring eyes, and with a smile that I thought might split my face. I couldn't help it. He'd made me so, so happy.

His hands were on the table top, the waiter had just taken away our now empty plates, and he reached across the table to take both of my hands in his. "Bella, you're an amazing woman. I have no idea, nor do I ever wish to discover after finding you, what my life would be like without your continued presence within it."

Of course I blushed, looked down at the table, and couldn't bring myself to look back up into his eyes. Luckily, the waiter came to bring us our bill and Edward already had the money to pay for it in his hand. He gracefully rose from his seat still holding my hands and helped me up. He kept one of my hands held to his chest and his other arm curved around my waist, guiding me out of the restaurant and back to his car.

As we headed back to the estate, I couldn't imagine how things could get any better between us. And then I remembered my previous days' purchase… And why I'd bought it. He had wanted me to buy some _'royal blue nightwear'. _I felt my face flush. And then I began to get nervous. What if he had plans for us, for this very evening?

My cheeks became hotter. I wanted him, there was absolutely no doubt about that fact. But I had only ever been with one other man. Could I… Please him? I wanted to, so badly, but I was sure he was more experienced than I was. I felt stupid worrying about something like this, especially when I didn't even know if he… If we… _Jeez I'm embarrassing myself._ I started biting my lower lip.

We were waiting for the traffic to clear so we could turn down the country lane that would take us back home, when Edward reached over to take my right hand from off my lap, placing it against his lips and nose, breathing in my scent. His voice was husky. "Do you know that you smell like a wonderful mix of lavender, gardenias and freesia?"

I turned back from staring out my passenger side window and away from all my self-conscious thoughts that I'd been having. His eyes had closed involuntarily and I intertwined my fingers with his.

"No, I didn't." That's all I could manage to say in response. I had wanted to tell him how he smelled so wonderful to me, like the woods and honey, green grass, slightly musky and very masculine. But I couldn't. I knew that we wouldn't make it out of the car before I attacked him. I did give a shuddering breath, however.

His eyes opened and he carefully placed my hand back on my thigh with my palm up and his down, so that the tips of his fingers could reach my leg. He did not let go of my hand. As he turned onto the lane, he lightly traced circles with his fingertips onto my leg, moving down to my knee, giving it a little squeeze.

Maybe he _did_ have something, intimate, planned for this evening. I stopped myself from hyperventilating so he wouldn't stop touching me so… fervently.

His fingers were still caressing my knee with our hands still interlocked when we came up to the front of his home and stopped. With his right hand still on the steering wheel—I could see the tension in his knuckles, as if he were squeezing it with all his strength—he turned to me.

"Bella, did you end up getting two dresses? One for the cocktail party and one... In a light color, in silk?" His voice was still very husky and I was afraid to answer. Not because I thought he was going to do anything scary, but I was afraid of where this was all leading.

It was stunning to me, my fear of displeasing him, even though I knew that since I'd met him, I hadn't in any way. I sighed. Yet…

I wanted him happy… Forever. I would do everything I could to make him happy.

"Yes." I looked expectantly into the deep pools of desire that were his eyes.

"I have to get something from the library, could you… Go and put that dress on for me?" I was surprised by his request but since I'd just made the decision that I would do whatever I could to make him happy, this seemed a small request.

"Of course, Edward." I looked deeper into his eyes and gave him a gentle smile.

He smiled back. "Good. I'll come up to your room and knock in a little bit. Is that alright?"

"Of course." I had wanted to add 'my beloved' but it didn't sound right to me. As I headed up the stairs, I watched him in my peripheral vision, heading straight for the library.

I ran to the bathroom quickly to just splash myself off with some water and brush my teeth. I nervously checked my legs to make sure I didn't need to shave them again, and then headed back to my room.

I brought out the smaller of the two protective dress bags and unzipped it carefully. It would _not_ do to get the silk caught in the zipper at this point. I checked that I was indeed wearing white panties, since it also simply would not do to wear a dark pair and then have them show through the dress. I shook my head at myself. _The things you worry about…_

I put the dress on and stood in front of the mirror by the door to check that I still looked pretty in it. I gave a little huff and nodded my head at myself. _Not bad, Bells. _I did up the zipper without breaking my arm, which was impressive, and then leaned over to put the earrings on. I'd never worn anything so expensive in my life. They were so beautiful they almost glowed. And so did I, I had to admit.

While I'd still been in the bathroom, I had quickly put on some black mascara and sand colored glossy lipstick. I turned my head back and forth in the mirror in my bedroom and just wasn't satisfied. Since my hair was fairly wavy, I decided to put it up loosely, with a hair clip that would be hidden in my hair, with pieces randomly pulled out to frame my face. I put on my rose flower shoes, went and sat up on the bed… And waited.

Luckily I didn't have to wait long. His hesitant knock made my heart jump. "Bella, love, are you dressed?" I practically jumped off the bed, unfortunately forgetting that I had three-inch heels on, and almost fell flat on my face. "Omph. Argh, yes… Coming! Be right there." _Nice and graceful, Swan._ I rolled my eyes at myself.

When I opened the door, he was standing slightly askance with one hand loosely at his side and the other in one of his pants pockets, and he looked… Well, I gasped, he was that gorgeous. He had on ivory-colored linen pants with a matching jacket that was unbuttoned, which showed a snug v-neck sweater in light gray underneath. I felt my smile almost crack my face it went so wide. "Hi, gorgeous." I had said this before I could stop myself. I hadn't meant to say it out loud.

He processed what I'd just said, smirked, and ran his fingers through his hair with his free hand. "Bella..." He looked down at me and his hand dropped back to his side. His smirk changed, morphing into his crooked smile. His voice was low and seductive. "You are… Well, there isn't a word I can think of that would do you justice right now." His smile grew wide, showing me his perfectly straight teeth. His eyes were the brightest green I'd ever seen them and he reached out his free hand to me.

"Would you accompany me on a rather unusual date this evening?" He actually looked a little nervous, as if there were any chance in the universe that I would say no. I almost said that but I knew it would come out sounding snarky. And that was the _last_ thing I wanted to sound like, with him looking at me the way he was.

"Of course, Edward." I smiled at him as wide as I could manage, showing him my recently cleaned and hopefully now shiny teeth, and gave him my right hand. He chuckled and took it warmly, squeezing it gently. He then moved my hand and arm so that we were intertwined, as if he were taking me out on a dance floor.

I then jumped to the conclusion that we were heading to the music room. Perhaps he would play more of the classical music I'd heard earlier. A concert for two. _How romantic!_

I blushed and looked down at the floor, to watch that my feet were traveling in a straight line. I was relieved. I'd always been terribly uncoordinated when I was younger but as I'd matured, my awkwardness with flat surfaces had become less of a battle. But still… I certainly didn't want to trip and fall now.

And then… I wondered. What if I did? He would have to catch me with his strong arms around my body... Maybe I could tilt my neck back just right to entice him to reach down with his soft, warm lips and kiss my neck. I could reach up and run my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck… He seemed to really like that.

I came out of my daydreaming quickly when I realized we weren't heading for the stairs, therefore we obviously weren't heading for the music room. I felt my eyebrows scrunch together a little bit and wondered where on earth he could be taking me. Since if I was totally off base, and he wasn't planning on seducing me this evening because he was taking me out, we'd still have to go down the stairs to get to the front door…

Then I realized he was taking me down the hallway that led to his bedroom.

I tried not to noticeably react to this new information. I didn't want him to think I was hesitant about being alone with him in his room. I was nervous but not hesitant. I tried to sneakily reach up with my free hand and check my hair, that way I could try to hide my nervousness by doing something other than flinching or tensing my body.

He still caught the movement, of course, and looked at me sideways without turning his head. He had the strangest expression on his face, as if he was concerned about something. If this was the moment we would be together completely, I was not about to chicken out now. No way. I became determined to make him feel at ease, and in turn, myself.

I very slowly dropped my hand, carefully running it down my side as if to straighten my dress, provocatively caressing my hip as we walked. As I finally dropped my hand to my side I didn't look over at him, I just held my head higher, straightening my back a little.

His hand tightened on mine and he pulled our arms closer into his side. Our hips almost touched and I thought I'd be undone. I wanted him so badly now it was tangible. I could feel the electricity again, building noticeably between us. His steps quickened and I was sure I heard his breathing speed up ever so slightly.

As we reached his door he gently untangled our arms, placing his left hand on the small of my back as he reached for the doorknob with his right. "Bella, I hope you don't think this too forward of me, but I thought we could listen to some music in my room instead of downstairs this evening. I thought you might want me to show you some dance steps before the party tomorrow." He didn't look down at me and his voice sounded controlled, as if he'd mastered some strong emotion. The electricity suddenly wavered but it didn't completely disappear.

I concentrated very hard on not letting my voice catch. I didn't want him to pick up on my disappointment. And he _could_ still be planning something seductive…

I concentrated on that while I answered, my voice sounding thankfully even and strong. "That's fine, Edward." I smiled but still didn't look up into his eyes.

I was worried about what he would see in mine.

I knew from our tour a few days earlier that his room was very large, with a huge, four-poster bed, with its deep olive green canopy taking up the center of the room. The canopy actually dropped from the ceiling and draped down to cascade at each post to the floor. The wood of the bed itself was the darkest color I'd seen in the home; I assumed it must have been made from walnut. The other pieces of furniture, an armoire larger than mine against the wall to the right of the bed, two enormous bedside tables, and several shorter round tables with comfortable looking armchairs next to each of them in front of the large window to the left of the bed were all in a lighter color wood. The enormous stone mullioned window was framed by heavy olive green curtains in the same style fabric as the canopy. The walls were all paneled, in honey-colored English oak. There were two corded-fabric wingback chairs in the same deep olive green as the canopy, with matching ottomans and a side table in between, which sat on top of an exotic looking Persian rug in deep reds and greens facing towards the fireplace. The fireplace had a massive wooden chimneypiece that matched the wall paneling and went all the way up to the ceiling, with the hearth having intricately carved columns and cream colored tiles surrounding it.

As he opened the door, his room appeared to be glowing. I felt surprise flit across my face. I realized that the fireplace had a roaring fire contained within it but this didn't completely explain the glow I was seeing. As he ushered me through with his hand still on the small of my back, he turned and closed the door behind us. As there was no longer any light coming in from the hallway, I could now see that the glow was emanating from candles… On every conceivable surface except for his bed. It was, without any shred of doubt, the most romantic room I'd ever walked into.

Before I could say anything, he moved his hand around from my back and took my own hand within it, walking me over to the fireplace in front of the two wingback chairs. It looked like he had moved them back about ten more feet than they'd been previously from the fire.

"If you could just wait here for a moment..." He held my hand for just a little longer, giving it a tight squeeze and then let go. "Don't move."

He headed over to his armoire, which was several feet to the left of the fireplace, and opened both doors. There was a very expensive and fancy looking stereo system contained in it, with row after row of CDs, and he hit what must have been the 'on' button. Music began pouring out from speakers all around the room that I couldn't see, and I immediately recognized the song that was playing. It was 'our' song. Clare De Lune.

Before he turned back to me I noticed that there was an intricate silver champagne bucket sitting on the table between the wingback chairs, filled with ice and what I assumed was a bottle of champagne, with two crystal fluted glasses. There was also a platter of food with an assortment of cheeses, cold cut meats, fancy crackers and… A large bowl of strawberries. I grinned widely and looked up to see him watching me intently.

He came back towards me slowly, his eyes were burning with their intensity. I felt my stomach try to do a somersault and I felt my grin change to a gentle smile. I reached my hands out in front of me to encourage him to walk faster to me. He obliged, taking both my hands in his but he didn't come any closer.

"Bella, I have something to ask you before we practice our dancing for tomorrow night." He let go of my hands and was suddenly reaching over to the table to pick something up that I hadn't noticed sitting behind the champagne bucket.

_What?_ I had no idea what he was about to say. He couldn't be asking me for my _permission_ to make love to me… That was just crazy. I could feel my confusion heading straight for my face so I concentrated on something else. I started picturing what I wanted to be doing right now with him. Feeding him the strawberries, one at a time, with him laying on the floor in front of the fireplace, his jacket off, with his head in my lap… I felt my lips curve into a seductive little smile. Thankfully, he didn't notice the range of emotions that had just coursed through me.

He turned back to me with what looked like a small, velvet box in his hand. He reached over to me hesitatingly, taking my left hand in his. He lowered himself gracefully to one knee…

"Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love and cherish you forever. Will you do me the utmost honor and become my wife?" He then held the small box up to me, for me to take from him.

Incredibly, I _still_ wasn't fully aware of what was happening. I had done such an exceptional job of convincing myself that tonight was all about seduction, when in fact…

I automatically opened the box and my hand flew to my face to cover my mouth and nose. I gasped. It was the most incredible ring I had ever seen. It was white gold, or possibly even platinum, with a thin band covered in small diamonds at the sides. At the top of the band was what I would guess to be a _three carat _square blue stone, with a fringe around it of perfectly matched round diamonds that looked about a quarter carat each.

The large stone in the center was confusing me a bit. It was not a blue topaz, because it was too dark. And it couldn't be a sapphire, there were too many facets cut into the stone... It was an exquisite shade of deep blue—the color of the ocean off the coast of his grandmother's home, it was the color of the sky at just before twilight from our airplane window, it was the color of the clouds when we'd been roaming around his estate right before it rained… It was a rare, blue diamond. I almost dropped it. Unthinkingly, I fell to my knees in front of him.

"Oh," I started crying. And then I couldn't catch my breath.

"Sweetheart, are you o.k.?" I was frightening him. I hadn't even said yes to him yet.

I held the engagement ring box tightly in my left hand and threw myself forward and into his arms. "Oh, Edward. Yes. Yes." I was practically sobbing now.

He hesitated for only a few seconds, unsure if he'd heard me correctly. And then he hugged me to his chest and reached back behind himself to pull my left arm back forward. He gently pried the box from out of my hand, opened it and took the ring out.

I had moved my hands and arms to rest on his chest by this point and I'd stopped sobbing at least. There were still tears falling down my cheeks but I knew my eyes were shining at him now.

Without saying a word, staring deeper than he ever had previously into my eyes, he took my left hand from off of his chest. Never breaking eye contact with me, he placed the ring on my third finger. It was a perfect fit.

I shyly reached up to tenderly touch his face, tracing his cheekbones with my fingertips and then his lips. My eyes were drinking him in and they rested on his lips at the same moment my fingertips had hesitated over them. I collided into him, kissing him feverishly. I couldn't get close enough to him.

His arms went around me and he held me so tight I thought I'd break. I gasped and he said my name in a way that I'd been longing for. I greedily took his tongue into my mouth and pulled my fingers through his lovely hair. I _thought_ I felt him trying to undo the zipper of my dress at my back and I moaned into his mouth… Loudly.

He stopped kissing me and pulled back just slightly. It was enough of a change that I immediately felt my eyes snap open and my breathing became less ragged. I held completely still, I think I even held my breath.

"Bella, we… I can't…" He looked torn, even confused… But still oh so lovely. His breathing had almost become even again. "Bella, I need to get you a cold cloth for your face, you look a little... Overwrought."

I felt immediately and horribly mortified.

I just wanted to die. I'd completely forgotten about my mascara. I probably looked terrible. I quickly removed my hands from his hair and chest and wiped them across my face and under my eyes. "Oh. Ummm. Yes, that would be very nice of you to get… To do that for me."

He tenderly kissed my forehead, stood up, and reached down to help me up from the floor. He carefully picked the black velvet box up off the floor where it had been dropped and placed it gently on the table. He took my hands again and turned my body so he could place me in one of the chairs. "I'll be right back. I'll get it from your bathroom my love." He looked into my eyes for a few seconds longer than necessary, and apparently found whatever it was he'd been looking for. He went to the door and left his bedroom.

I _tried_ not to feel abandoned. I knew he was just trying to take care of me. But something in the back of my mind started to nag at me. He hadn't been worried about my appearance ever before. In fact, he hadn't had any trouble watching me sob into his chest. He had only pulled away when things got physically intense.

I wondered if he was nervous. I scoffed at that—he'd just proposed marriage to me, that would have to be more nerve-wracking than making love to me.

_Didn't it?_ I suddenly felt my eyes narrow. I wanted him. Desperately. And he was going to be forced into recognizing that fact. I was surprised at myself but not so surprised that I stopped my suddenly decided course of action.

I got up from the chair and looked around his room for a mirror. There wasn't one like I had in my room but he did have a small decorative mirror next to a small door in the wall by the armoire. I hurriedly walked over to it and I actually didn't look bad at all. Which made me grow more suspicious. And definitely more determined.

I methodically walked around his room blowing out all of the candles in the room except for the ones right next to his bed. _Maximum effect_. I took my shoes off and carried them back over to the chairs by the fireplace. I set them under the chair I'd been sitting in, reached over and took a strawberry and shoved it in my mouth. I took the hair clip out and placed it on the table. I fluffed my hair out between my fingers.

As I chewed the strawberry vigorously, I reached back and undid the zipper of my dress, letting an over $5,000 dollar dress fall to the ground. Since I wasn't particularly well endowed in the chest department, there had been no reason to wear a bra with the dress, which I was suddenly very glad about.

I then stiffly walked over to his bed in nothing but his engagement ring, my silk white panties and the golden pearl earrings and got in it. I folded the comforter down and luckily he had white sheets on his bed. I smirked. It was perfect. I covered myself with his sheet up and under my arms, and waited.

He had already been gone longer than I anticipated. I started to get worried… I laid back against his fluffy white pillows and turned my face into one of them. I groaned… They smelled like _him_. I started to breathe in deeply and hold each breath for a few seconds to calm myself. It worked almost too well… I started to feel sleepy.

Then I heard his door open and his footsteps take him over to the wingback chair he'd placed me in before he'd left. I sat up in his bed with his sheets still draped around me.

I could see him in silhouette, since the fire was still rather intense. He held a washcloth absentmindedly in his hand and he seemed to be processing the fact that I wasn't in the chair but my dress was in a small pile in front of it, with my shoes under it.

He very slowly lifted his head to look towards his bed. I heard his sharp intake of breath.

I smiled at him encouragingly and leaned slightly forward, my hair dropping forward rather sexily. "My beloved…" I murmured and reached my arms and hands out to him.

He came to his bed like the man I'd envisioned several days previously, who had sighted that miraculous oasis, looking on me as the water he needed to quench his thirst.

But he did not get onto the bed with me. He came right up to it, leaning into the mattress slightly, and I watched as he shook slightly with desire.

"Bella. What… What are you doing?" He almost looked concerned for my sanity, as if I'd lost my mind or something. I immediately felt bewildered and got defensive.

"Edward, I'm sitting here naked, except for my beautiful engagement ring, my silk panties and the pearl earrings Rose got for me on your behalf, wanting you to be with me so badly that I'm worried I'm going to burst with desire, because you're now my fiancé and I love you more than anything else in this world, and I want you to make love to me before I go insane." I think it was the longest discourse I'd ever given him.

His eyes grew round and large but he still made no move towards me. I started to feel uncomfortable. Perhaps there was something wrong with me… Dropping my arms back down to the mattress, I felt the tears begin to fall. "You don't want me physically but you want me to marry you?" The confusion and hurt was clear as a bell in my voice.

He abruptly looked apologetic and ashamed. "God, Bella! NO! No, that's not it _at all_… It's… More complicated than that…" His hands went up to his hair and he rubbed vigorously before stopping and simply leaving them on top of his head. "I love you almost more than I'm able to handle."

He let out a loud breath. "Don't you remember what I told you when you'd caught me in your room? That I wanted our first time together to be special, I wanted to be able to take my time with you." He dropped his hands from his head to the top of the mattress and stared pleadingly into my eyes.

"But… But you said you'd make it up to me… Not being able to… To do those things then." I sounded small and abandoned, even to me.

He closed his eyes and got the most painful look on his face. "Bella… I want to make love to you in a way that you'll _never_ want anyone but _me_ touching you ever again…"

He opened his eyes and several tears of frustration fell down his face. "I want it to be romantic, passionate… Lovely. The best way I can think to do that, to make it that permanent and beautiful is to wait… Until after we're married."

He blew out a ragged breath, lifting his hands back to his face and rubbed his slight scruff quickly with his hands before dropping them heavily back on the bed next to me. He could almost reach me with his fingertips…

If he'd wanted to.

_O.k., that's not fair._ I suddenly felt guilty. He'd just told me that he wanted to make it so special, that I would never want anyone else, ever... "But… I already want you more than anyone else in whole world…" I still sounded sad.

He tilted his head back and stared at the canopy of his bed for a few moments. He took a deep breath and blew it out at the ceiling. He was trying to calm himself, not say anything to make the situation worse. I was starting to frustrate him.

"Edward, please… I don't understand what you're telling me." A small sob broke from my chest. "I want you completely…" I closed my eyes and the tears fell in earnest.

"My love…" He stood up, took his shoes and jacket off, and started pulling his sweater off as he turned and headed for the small door I'd seen next to his armoire. He pulled the door open and I realized it must have been his closet. He stepped in for only a few moments and I thought I heard him take his pants off. He came out from the closet in just a pair of pajama pants, with a white dress shirt in his hands.

He came around his bed and I was afraid to move. My body was still turned towards where he'd been standing moments before, so my back was to him slightly as he came to the window side of the bed.

My back was completely uncovered; I only had the sheet wrapped around my front. He delicately placed his shirt around my shoulders, hesitatingly leaving his hands on it, waiting for me to put my arms through the sleeves. I obediently did so. His hands drifted down my arms, to move to my back, which he caressingly rubbed with the palms of his hands before he drifted back up to my shoulders, holding me tightly with his fingers.

He came onto the bed with me, still behind me, and I wrapped his shirt around me and scooted over on his bed so I was now in the very middle of it. I did not turn around, however. I was still feeling hurt and unwanted and he knew it. He knelt behind me and I could feel him lean into me with his bare, leanly muscled chest. He bent his face down and with one of his hands, carefully moved my hair from the left side of my face and body. He tentatively leaned his head forward and placed his lips to my ear.

"I remember what you told me about Jacob." I let out a small gasp but he continued, "And, I need you to understand, that Lauren and I had sex less than a week after we started dating. I do not want us to have sex, Bella. _I want to make love to you_."

I thought that he would not have said any more. What more could he say? We'd both been broken, me with death, him with betrayal… But not beyond repair. We had experienced things that a lot of people have. But now, we had each other and our almost _ethereal_ love. Something that most people could only dream about. We needed each other almost more than we needed food or air. We truly, desperately, _needed_ each other.

We were each other's perfect halves.

He still hadn't moved. Apparently, he did have more to tell me.

"The reason we need to wait, my precious love, is because someday we'll be busier than we are now, with our lives, our children, the difficulties of living… I want it to be so special, so magnificent, that we will always strive to reach that pinnacle again, knowing that it was perfect. We'll always have that most flawless of moments to carry us through all the trying times that will come our way."

I silently cried, reaching behind me and rolling over towards him to wrap my arms around him. He willingly took me into his arms, kissing me passionately but not too intensely. He laid down in his bed with me in his arms and we proceeded to fall asleep together.

My fiancé. But not my lover.

At least not yet.

~~:::~~

I awoke with the most beautiful creature God had ever created in my arms. Well, at least she was that to me.

She was lying in the crook of my left arm and she looked so peaceful. Nothing like last night. I sighed deeply. I'd hurt her in trying to make her feel special and our love unique. It _was_ unique and I wanted it to be that way, always. But I could have handled it better the night before…

I hadn't meant to make her feel anything but special. Loved. _Cherished_.

I quietly sighed as I thought over the events of the night previous.

When I'd realized that each of us was on a different page, so to speak, I didn't know what to do. I tried to begin to explain but then I froze. I didn't want to make her feel unwanted or worse, so I desperately threw out that I needed to get her a cloth for her face. She actually looked magnificent but I needed time and space to figure out how I was going handle the situation. I made sure she was alright before I left my room and then headed for her bathroom.

I honestly was rather confused by her reaction. I walked towards the guest bath like a man adrift. _Why?_ Why had she reacted like that to my marriage proposal? She'd been so strangely overwhelmed.

I felt my eyebrows crinkle. It just didn't make sense. How could she not have seen where the evening had been heading? How could she not have seen that I wanted to make her mine? Make her… Mine… Oh.

Then of course it had _all_ come crashing into my psyche. The look in her eyes of adoration, devotion, deep love and...

Lust. Pure, unadulterated lust.

By this point I was standing in front of her bathroom sink with one of her washcloths held in one hand and my other hand frozen on one of the faucets.

It wouldn't have surprised me to learn that my sudden mental realization had had an actual, audible click.

I dropped the cloth into the sink, turned the water on, and moved my hands slowly. I actually stood in front of her bathroom mirror with my hands tightly grasping each side of the basin. With the water continuing to run down the drain, I looked from there up to my reflection to see if my idiocy was evident on my face. Because I felt truly, utterly stupid.

I began to reevaluate the entire day we'd spent together.

The way she'd stared at me with so much love and trust in her eyes at dinner. The way she would look over at me shyly in the car on the way home. The way she'd trembled at my declaration of how her scent was so powerful and wonderful to me. How hopeful she'd looked when I'd collected her from her room after she'd changed into her silk dress... The almost visible sparks that had erupted between us as we'd walked closely side-by-side on the way to my bedroom for our 'date.'

She had obviously been convinced that the evening was all about me having designs on seducing her. It was quite apparent to me now that the thought of me proposing marriage to her, of _that_ being the main event for the evening, hadn't even entered into her head.

I stood up straight and immediately removed my hands from the sink to run them roughly through my hair. I interlocked my fingers at the back of my head and gave a short bark of a laugh. What the hell was I going to do now? How could explain to her that I wanted to wait until we were married before we made love for the first time, without her feeling like I was rejecting her?

Tell her the truth, obviously. Simple! Until I'd gone back to our room and found her missing from where I'd left her. To find her, in my bed... Like _that_—so gorgeous, enchanting—so very, very tempting. _God._

Then there was her little rant. It would have been comical except for the direness of the situation. I carefully told her my reasoning for waiting. I did everything I could to make her feel assured that she was loved absolutely. _Treasured_, in fact. She seemed to have accepted my explanation.

And she _had_ said yes. She _wanted_ to be my wife, my partner, my mate.

Coming back to the present mentally, I reached over and lightly brushed her hair away from her face, gazing at her. My eyes caught the engagement ring I'd placed on her finger, sparkling in the early morning light.

I lightly kissed the top of her head, breathing her scent in deeply. She was my oxygen.

Frankly, she had become my life.

As I continued to gaze over her supine form, I noticed that the fire had completely died down but it still felt relatively warm in my… No. That's not right. In _our_ room. I smiled, thinking of what she might want to change about the room. Anything. She could do anything she wished.

I frowned, realizing that I had just lied to myself.

I had denied her last night. That's how she felt, that I'd taken her ability to choose away from her, her choice of being with me physically. Of course that's why I'd stayed. I knew if I hadn't, the damage might have been permanent. It was so difficult, to not… Touch her in the night. But I'd made a commitment to myself and, I'd thought, to her.

It had made perfect sense to me. I'd already made my mind up to wait for her. To me marriage wasn't a convenience or a contract, it was a sacred thing. And since our relationship was already so different, I wanted to maintain that… Uniqueness.

I didn't want it to be _anything_ like what it had been with Lauren.

I felt a pang of sadness that what I wanted _was_ unique—shouldn't it be normal to have the most intimate thing that can happen between two people, be a part of their marriage covenant and not just an act of lust or seducement?

She stirred in my arms and I held very still. I didn't want to wake her. I actually really wanted her to able to sleep in late after all that had transpired between us the night before. But I knew that she wouldn't. She was like me, an early riser. She was so _perfect_ for me.

But I apparently had not been perfect for her last night.

I should have known, should have realized that she thought the evening was about us being together… Completely. I had no idea how I could make this up to her.

I hadn't realized that she already felt so bound to me physically.

As I continued to watch her sleep, a random thought popped into my head, that perhaps there _was_ something I could do to make things speed up a bit for us, for her. Honestly, I wanted her so badly it hurt, so, maybe…

I got up as carefully as I could to not wake her and found my cell phone. I very quietly opened the bedroom door and stepped out, gently closing it behind me but only walking a few paces away from it. I wanted to be able to hear her in case she woke up.

I called my parents. I knew they'd be up already and my father answered after only three rings, which was a huge relief. "Hi dad. Yes, mum's assistance this morning was a fantastic help... No, everything's fine…" I ran my hand through my hair absentmindedly. "Well, actually, it's not _completely_ fine. I… Well, I proposed, and she said yes… Thank you, dad. Yes, I couldn't be happier. But… I don't want to make her wait. We… Don't want to wait for a big wedding. We'll have one later or something but I need to marry her… Soon." I paused for a few seconds, "Um, now, actually."

My father's silence was disconcerting. "Son, what happened?"

"Dad, trust me when I tell you that it's not something I can discuss with you. It's… Strictly between Bella and me. I'm sorry. You'll have to trust me on this."

More silence. But I could almost hear him nodding his head. "O.k., I'll respect your wishes and not pry… But, why are you telling me this? What can I do to… Oh. I understand. You want me to act as Lord of the Coates Castle Estate and wed you." He sounded… Resigned.

That didn't sound good to me. "Dad, I… I'm not trying to put you in a difficult spot, I just…"

"No, it's not that, son. I'm fine with it. It's just that you _do_ understand this won't be official in any form or capacity? In the eyes of the courts anyway you won't actually _be_ husband and wife? This is strictly a dignitary function of being a Lord of the Coates Estate, for appearances sake? You will need to perform the marriage ceremony in front of a Registrar or a Vicar to be a _legally_ recognized marriage in Great Britain."

"Yes. I do understand that. But… It's important to Bella, dad. It's important to _us_, as a couple. We _will_ be having a full civil wedding at a later date, with you and mom, our families and all our friends in attendance. I can assure you of that." I sighed loudly. "This is just something that Bella and I need to do now, for just us."

"Alright then. Your mother and I will come down this morning and…"

"NO, dad. Um, can you not tell anyone? This has to be between you, me and Bella ONLY. Can you do that?"

"Honestly Edward, no I can't. I've never kept anything from your mother and I'm not going to start now. Not even for you." He sounded a little angry, not something I had heard from him often. I felt ashamed for asking that of him.

"I'm sorry, dad. Of course, tell her. But… Can _you_ just be the one to be there to marry us? Mom _cannot_ tell Alice or anyone else, you can agree to that, can't you?" My voice sounding pleading.

"Yes, I'm sure she'll agree to that." He cleared his throat. "Well, I guess I'll go get dressed and come down right away. We'll be there in less than two hours."

"Thank you, dad. Thank you so much." We hung up and I carefully reentered our bedroom, afraid I might have missed her awakening. But when I went back to the bed, she was still asleep.

However… She had moved. She was now sprawled across it, with her hair spread out over the pillows and with her arms slightly above her head. The shirt that I'd given her last night was partially open since she'd never buttoned it up. I could just barely see a hint of the curves of her upper body. She was truly tantalizing… I felt a seductive smile begin to spread across my face.

My smile disappeared as I snapped my mind away from those thoughts rather quickly. _You denied her. You should NOT be staring at her like this._ I felt ashamed for the second time that morning.

Not a good start to my day.

I got back into bed with my back to her so I wouldn't be tempted to steal another look. I crossed my arms across my chest but didn't close my eyes. I just waited. Waited for her to wake up, so I could make what happened last night up to her. So that I could make her, and me, completely, gloriously, happy without breaking my promise to myself or her.

The ceremony that my father would be performing was of course _not_ the same thing as a civil wedding but it _would_ link us together sacredly. It would also link us to my family's estate in a very tangible way, in a way like no other.

I knew that Bella would be appreciative of my plan. She hopefully would find it to be quite the romantic and endearing gesture as well.

I smiled again, truly thankful for her. And our love.

~~:::~~


	14. Chapter 14—Spirituality of Marriage

**_A/N: You MUST listen to Dave Mathew Band's "You & Me" while reading this Chap. On repeat. Seriously. :)_**

* * *

><p>"<em>Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate,<br>but through being the right mate."  
><em>_Barnett R. Brickner_

CHAPTER 14: SPIRITUALITY OF MARRIAGE

I awoke with my arms feeling strangely stiff. Which didn't make sense to me, since I was fairly certain I'd fallen asleep in Edward's arms last night.

Then I realized I must have moved a bit during the night.

As I confusedly moved my arms back down from their position above my head to rest them on my stomach, I noticed how his shirt was _barely_ covering me. I frantically pulled at his shirt as I glanced over at him, only to find that his back was to me. I rolled my eyes at myself, realizing I had almost panicked about him seeing me nearly naked.

I felt my eyes scrunch with chagrin as I wrapped his shirt around me more tightly, remembering my rather extreme emotional display the night before for the opposite reason.

I stretched out my legs and yawned. I felt… Spent. Tired. Even a little sad. But then I caught a glint of light shinning off of his ring on my finger and I smiled widely, since we were at least engaged now.

_At least?_

That was ungrateful. He had made it very clear that he wanted me to be his wife for everyone to know and see that I was his soul mate. He wanted me to be_ his alone_.

I was a sex-crazed maniac, that was the only explanation I could come up with for my behavior towards the him the night before.

As I thought over the events of the previous evening, I could now see all the little markers that were there, telling me what he'd been _actually_ planning; to propose to me. I recognized now that I'd been too preoccupied with my own wants and urges to notice. However, I certainly wished that he'd been more candid about his plans for waiting until after marriage for us to take that next, most intimate of steps in our relationship.

Since he had told me how he felt about me on the plane, it sort-of felt inevitable that we would be taking that next step _sooner_ rather than _later_. Honestly, it hadn't even entered into my head that he'd want to wait for the actual _ceremony_ to tie us together physically.

But I knew now that all he was really asking of me was that we take our time, to make it so special that we'd always have that perfect union to work towards later, that we'd know that _we had never settled for ordinary_.

It sounded romantic to me now that I could think over everything he'd told me the night before with a clear head. It was actually extremely romantic. But… He definitely hadn't handled my reaction to his declaration well at all.

I would not make any excuses for him. I had felt utterly rejected by his reaction. We definitely needed to discuss what had transpired. I needed to apologize and so did he.

However, it meant so much to me that even under those circumstances and after explaining to me how he felt about sex, marriage and us, he had stayed with me all night anyway.

I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow and hesitatingly reached out to touch the back of his head, tenderly fingering his hair. He stirred and then rolled over towards me. "Bella…" He was still a bit sleepy but he automatically put his arms out as he rolled over, to wrap me in his embrace and hold me to his body tightly.

We laid like that for several minutes, with him rocking us gently back and forth. I was certain that neither one of us _wanted_ to jump right in to discuss the events of the night before, but it had to be done.

I reached back from holding his head tightly to the crook of my neck, to run my fingers around his ears to place my hands on either side of his face. "Edward… My beloved." He immediately stopped moving us in tandem and his eyes were instantly wide and staring at my face. I'd forgotten I'd said that to him last night, right before our first official fight as a couple.

I put my fingers over his lips to stop whatever he'd been about to say because, honestly, I wanted to go first. "I'm sorry, I should have said 'sweetheart.' I wasn't trying to bring up last night… Well, I was, but not exactly like that." I smiled lovingly at him and moved my fingers from off of his face.

He reached out and stroked my jaw. "I've already figured out a way to make last night up to you, my love." His eyes held a compelling light within them as he'd spoken and I almost lost my train of thought.

But not quite.

I sighed and pulled away from him as I sat up carefully, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I did so.

"Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, you have made enough plans already without consulting me first. You will not do that again. Ever."

He quickly sat up, putting his legs in a crossed position under him. "My darling fiancé, if I want to surprise you, I will." He now had his arms casually behind his body and was leaning against them.

He cocked his head to one side. "God, you are so cute when you're mad." He was grinning at me as he'd spoken.

I huffed in indignation. "Well, I'm glad you find me humorous, Edward." I drew my arms more tightly to my body and gave him my best stink-eye. I of course wasn't really mad. We seemed to both be trying to lighten the heavy mood that we had woken up to.

Suddenly, his entire body appeared to tense, and his eyes became very focused, with a mischievous glint showing in them too. He sensuously changed his position on the bed so that he was now on his hands and knees. He reminded me of a large jungle cat that was about to pounce. The look on his face changed too, and he was now looking at me almost as if I was something to eat. I felt my own eyes narrow back at him. "You wouldn't…"

Sure enough, he made a serious attempt to lunge for me, but I grabbed his arms and rolled so that he ended up on top of me. I giggled at his predicament. "Bella…" He sounded disapproving and then…

He placed his hands on either side of my shoulders, holding himself up so that he wouldn't put all of his weight on me, and bent down to kiss me rather passionately. After only a few moments, I felt his tongue run along my lower lip. "Um, Edward, I thought you said…" My voice sounded nervous.

He continued to stare into my eyes but dropped his arms down so he was using his elbows to hold himself up. He began moving his hands, very slowly, down my shoulders, to my sides, barely missing my breasts with his thumbs. He then repositioned himself so he could run his hands down to my waist, where he gripped me tightly and rolled onto his back, taking me with him.

"You seem to be the one being aggressive now, my love." As he chuckled at our playfulness, he had the most sinful look on his face.

I gave him a stern look while I tapped my finger on the end of his nose. "Edward, we _do_ need to talk about what happened last night. I want to be the first to apologize for wanting to assault you. That wasn't very nice. I almost ruined the lovely evening you'd planned for us." I let out a huff of indignation for good measure.

He didn't look very happy and our playful banter seemed to suddenly be over.

"Bella, I… I denied you last night. Without any warning. I watched you throughout the day, I even realized what you thought I'd planned when we were walking down the hall to our room. I should have told you how I felt, long before we reached that point."

He reached up tentatively with one hand, still grasping my waist tightly with his other, and placed it soothingly against my cheek. "I'm so sorry, my love. I didn't mean to make you feel unwanted." He shook his head but now his eyes were boring into me. "You couldn't possibly have ruined anything. Please don't think that. You said, _yes_, remember? If you'd said no… THAT would have ruined everything."

I closed my eyes and I felt a few tears escape from under my lids. "I'm so sorry, too. I love you so much." I laid down on top of him, resting my head against his neck just under his jaw. He moved me so that I was laying next to him, moving his arms so that they were wrapped around my shoulders and my stomach.

I lifted my left hand up and wiggled my fingers at him. "Well, you definitely don't do anything _marginally_, do you?" I smirked at him.

"You like it, don't you?" He actually sounded worried.

I snorted. "You're kidding, right? What girl doesn't like diamonds, and a rare one at that?"

He sighed and squeezed me tightly. "O.k. I'm glad. It's actually a Cullen family heirloom. So it holds great value in our family."

I sat up next to him. "Edward, it's not its value monetarily or its age that matters to me, it's important because _you gave it to me_."

He looked at me with increased interest in his eyes. "Only you could come up with something so wonderful to describe that ring. Something that makes it _ours_."

He sat up next to me, moved closer to my body, and took my face in his hand to move me closer to him so he could kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. I gave a little moan when he touched my tongue with his. He didn't immediately let me go as he had the night before, if anything, he actually moved deeper into my mouth, slowly, fervently. He incrementally removed his tongue, finishing with a gentle kiss to my nose and each of my eye lids.

"Bella, I want to make up for the part last night where you felt… I'd forsaken you." I started to protest but he cut me off with a quick kiss. "No, don't. This is important to me. But, I will make a deal with you." He kissed me again, a little more slowly this time, before he spoke again. "I will abide by your demand that I do _not_ make any major plans regarding us and our relationship without consulting you first. Is that agreeable?"

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the nose. "Yes, that's agreeable. So, what are you planning now Mr. Cullen?"

"To make you Mrs. Cullen _today_, so I can have you _completely_ to myself this afternoon." He'd said this without skipping a beat.

I was so astonished that I started to sputter. "But you… Can't… What? HOW?" He laughed his glorious, musical laughter. And I blushed.

"My dearest soon-to-be wife, sometimes having a father that's Lord of a manor house can be quite useful."

I felt my eyes grow a little large. "You didn't tell him… About… What happ…"

He looked aghast. "Oh my God, no! Of _course_ I didn't. That was between you and me _alone._ I would never do that Bella!" He roughly ran his hand through his disheveled hair. "I would _never_ talk about our intimate and private state of affairs with _anyone else_. O.k.? "

He suddenly looked uneasy. He let go of my face and leaned back a little, letting his other arm drop from my side. "Um, Bella…"

I knew what he was going to tell me. But I couldn't break Rosalie's confidence. I didn't know what to do… But I thought I should be as encouraging as possible. "Yes?" I smiled reassuringly at him.

He looked into my face, searching for… Something. Then he let out a long breath. "I… I accidentally told Rose something before you went shopping with her." He ran his hand through his hair again and I reached up to gently touch his face, to let him know I was listening and wouldn't shut him down.

He looked at me nervously and then finished his confession. "She was… Taunting me about you. I got, well, I got very angry and told her that… That I wasn't rushing you in regards to us being together… Physically." He looked at me sheepishly and then he realized that I wasn't freaked out about it. He looked at me with wonderment in his eyes but with determination too. "I'm… I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have let her get to me like that, let myself get… So angry."

"Edward," I leaned towards him, placing my hands on his shoulders. "As long as you were defending my honor, how can that be a bad thing?" I tilted my head at him knowingly.

"Ah… I hadn't thought of it like that." He leaned in the few inches that we were apart and gave me a big kiss. "Thank you, sweetheart. I love you."

"And I love you." After staring into his eyes for a few seconds, I leaned away from him and fell backwards on the bed. "So, when are we doing it?"

He almost choked. "Bella… !"

"Oh good grief! And I thought _I_ had a dirty mind. I meant the Lord of the Manor-sponsored wedding today, goofball."

He laughed harder than I'd seen him laugh in days. He had tears in his eyes. "Oh, Bella. You're _incredible_." He managed to stop laughing uncontrollably to tell me what the plan was.

It sounded like a really good idea. We wouldn't have to wait to 'be together' but we could still have a 'normal' wedding at a later date. That way, his whole family, his friends and mine could come and share it with us.

As we laid in his bed and discussed our plans for the day, I still felt that the previous night had some unresolved issues associated with it. I wanted to get them completely cleared out of my head so I wouldn't wonder about it at some distant point in the future.

He was lying next to me while lazily rubbing circles into my shoulder. I very carefully sat up next to him, making sure his shirt was around me properly. I pulled my legs up to my chest with my arms around them, moving my hand off my leg and touched his arm gently. "Edward, there's a few questions I have for you regarding last night. I just don't want them to come up later, seeming more important than they really are. Is that o.k.?"

The arm that wasn't touching me he had behind his head, and he turned a little to see me better. "Yes. If you have questions, about anything, ever, just ask me. I don't want there to ever be any barriers between us. Ever."

I gave him a tight smile and he grinned in response, encouraging me with a nod of his head to continue. "Well, my first question is why did you tell me to buy a nightie if you didn't have plans to seduce me?"

He turned his head back a little, staring up on the canopy as he answered thoughtfully. "Well, I meant for that to be something… For later. But your instincts are correct. I shouldn't have asked that of you unless I planned on following through." He smiled at me apologetically and I tapped my index finger against his arm.

"See, that right there…" I shook my head at him, "You don't need to apologize. I think I understand how much you want me, I just wondered if you understood the significance of a request like that."

He had a slight frown but only for a few seconds. "No, I didn't think of it that way, as if it were an invitation." He looked over at me mischievously. "I guess it'll be o.k. for me to ask for those kinds of things in the future, though, right?" He had a huge grin on his face now.

I rolled my eyes at him dramatically. "You're being goofy. Cute but goofy... And, yes, it will be o.k." I let my breath out loudly and gave him my best stern-looking face. He just chuckled.

O.k. So far, so good. Now for the really hard one, mainly because it was more about my fears than anything he'd done or said. I hesitated and he picked up on it.

He rolled over on his side to face me and moved his hand from my shoulder to my hip. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? You can ask me anything, I promise." He said this in a very solemn tone.

"O.k., well… One of the main things that was driving me all day yesterday and into the evening, the reason it didn't register like it should have that you were proposing to me…" I stretched my legs out in front of me with my hands trapped under my legs, and his hand never moved from off of my leg. I didn't think I could look at him. I wanted to, so badly, but this was so… Deeply personal. I felt tears begin to pool up in my eyes and I tried not to shed them… To no avail.

"Bella, what is it?" He was concerned now.

I laid down, stretching myself out next to him on the bed, putting one hand at the back of his head to play with his hair and the other lightly resting on his chest. I leaned into his face but didn't make eye contact. I kept my eyes focused on his lips instead. "I'm concerned about being able to… To please you… Because I haven't been with…" He kissed me intensely to interrupt me, abruptly bringing me tightly to his chest.

"Bella, don't. It's not about pleasing _me_. It's about us being together uninhibited, completing each other." He pointed at himself and then at me and back again. "You and me _together_, that's all that matters and that alone will make it wonderful."

I snuggled in closer to him. "O.k. Thank you, Edward." I reached up with my lips and placed kisses all along his jaw. "Alright. One more. And this isn't a question as much as I just want to point out the most amazing thing you said to me last night, the one thing that I will _never_ forget you telling me." I blushed deeply at him. "Well, the second most amazing thing. The first was when you asked me to be your wife and you gave me this ring."

He dazzled me with his radiant smile. It never failed to amaze me that when he smiled like that, his whole face lit up, as if there would be no way he could possibly get any happier. "Yes, my love?" His smile changed into something more somber. I leaned forward placing my head next to his shoulder, so that I was nestled into his neck and could whisper into his ear more easily.

"When you told me… When you said you wanted to make love to me, in… In a way that I'll never want anyone but you touching me… Ever again. That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever told me."

The room suddenly felt electric, almost as strong as it had right before he'd brought me into his room the night before. I gave a gasp in surprise realizing he was already moving, rolling over carefully on top of me. He was holding himself above with me with his elbows again and he placed his hands on either side of my face and my own hands, of their own accord, went high to his ribcage, by his heart. It was beating so hard…

"Bella…" His voice was deep and rich. "I never, in my entire life, have _ever_ meant something so absolutely, so solidly, as when I asked you to marry me. I want you to know, that I want you so badly that it physically hurts." His eyes became compelling and I felt myself getting lost in his intense gaze.

He bent his face down and ever, ever so delicately, brushed his lips across mine. He moved back less than an inch from my face and ran his tongue quickly around his own lips, with his liquid verdant eyes roaming over my face. I also felt _other_ parts of him pressing into me. I started to see his resolve that he'd shown me the night before begin to waiver. I realized that he was becoming conflicted in his mind about waiting.

This I could not allow. I knew how much it meant to him. And it had begun to mean so much to me that I was surprised at myself. Before he could go any further, before he broke his promise to himself and me, I had to stop him from possibly going to far. He'd made waiting until after we were married seem like the most glorious thing we could do, that it would only be more intense, more extraordinary than I ever could have possibly imagined.

I reached up and placed my fingers over his mouth and cheek. "No. Stop, Edward. I _want_ to wait. I want you to make it as exquisite as you've made it sound. I want to go through with the ceremony today but we're going to wait until after the party. That way…" I felt my face grow hot and noticed his eyebrows knit ever so slightly. My voice became lower than a whisper. "That way, we'll have all night and the next morning for you to _show_ me _exactly_ what you've asked me to wait for."

A strangled groan left his lips and he dipped his head down so it was in the pillow next to my head. "Bella, I love you so much. But if we stay in our room like this for even a moment longer, I am not going to be able to stop myself." His words were a little muffled but I got the gist of it.

I giggled at him. "O.k., lover boy. We should probably get up and get ready for the day anyway, don't you think? I'd hate for your mom and dad to find us like _this."_ Luckily my words had their desired affect, and the mood was lightened between us significantly with my words.

I exhaled loudly as he rolled off of me and went to a sitting position next to me on the bed. He stared longingly at me but sighed and nodded his head. "You're right." I thought I heard an expletive leave his lips under his breath but I couldn't be sure.

As he started to get off the bed, part of what he'd just said clicked in my head. "Edward…"

He stopped and turned back around from heading to his closet. "Ummm?"

"You just said 'our' room?" His eyes grew innocent. However, he knew me well enough to know that what I was really asking for was an explanation of that comment.

"Yes. This is _our_ room now. I want you to move all your things from the guest room to this one as soon as possible. Today, actually. And, you need to tell me what you'd like changed to make this room as much yours as it is mine." It was apparent he'd been thinking about this for awhile already.

He crossed his arms over his chest. "And we'll have to work out the details of moving your belongings from California to here. Do you want to make it a vacation? We could stay in San Francisco for a few weeks and _you_ could play the tourist guide… Wait! We haven't even discussed where you'd like to take our honeymoon! Where's somewhere you've never been, that would be romantic enough for…" I raised both my arms in front of me, as if trying to protect myself from his barrage of words.

"Edward," I sounded exasperated. "Take a breath. Let's get married first? Remember that you told me this was a functionary ceremony, we won't _legally_ be husband and wife, and I'm not going on a honeymoon with you until we are, o.k.? What would all our friends and family say?" I sounded like I'd just scolded him.

He looked crestfallen. "O.k."

I couldn't help myself, I laughed at him. "Good grief, you look like I just killed your favorite pet." I shook my head at him. "You know I'm right." It was his turn to look exasperated.

"Of _course_ you're right." He ran his hands through his hair. "O.k. We'll get through today and worry about those things tomorrow. But I still want you to move in here with me _today_, Mrs. Almost-Cullen." He looked a little fierce as he said this.

"Yes sir." I looked down at the bed and it was his turn to laugh at me.

"Silly girl." He was shaking his head at me as he walked away.

As he entered his closet, I raised my voice so he would be sure to hear me. "Edward, what should I wear for the ceremony today? I don't have a wedding dress and it sounds like that wouldn't really be appropriate anyway…"

He spoke from out of his closet and I could just barely hear him. "Wear the dress from last night, please." _Oh, that makes sense._ After all, I wouldn't be wearing white anyway since I'd been married before and it was a very feminine, very pretty dress.

I was thinking about the dress, and the day, and Edward… And wasn't paying attention to myself as I got up from the bed. I slowly walked over to the window to look out over the front garden. I stared out across his estate with one leg crossed in front of the other, one hand tentatively on the curtain, and I became vaguely aware that it had gotten very quiet behind me. I turned around, automatically pulling his shirt around myself and took in Edward standing by the end of the bed, casually leaning against the bedpost closest to me with his arms casually crossed over his no longer bare chest.

"Um, love, just so you know, most people that work on the estate have already been up and about for several hours… And you're practically naked, standing in front of a large window at the front of the house." He raised one eyebrow at me and I groaned. "Not that I mind, since I'm sure no one saw you. But just so you're aware…" His eyes crinkled up a little bit and he gave me his sexiest crooked smile and winked at me. "Oh, and by the way, you really look incredibly sexy in my shirt."

"Oh!" I ran back to him and he opened his arms wide to catch me, with a huge grin spread across his face laughing cheerfully at me. He buried his face in my hair, finding my neck and nuzzled it. "I love you, my Bella."

"I'm sorry Edward, I'm just so… At ease and happy." I stood on my toes quickly and kissed him softly. "Love you." We wrapped our arms around each other and stared into each other's eyes for several minutes. We both sighed at the same time and laughed at ourselves.

"This is crazy, we've _got_ to get ready!" As I made this statement, I let go of him and walked away to get my dress and shoes from off of the floor, when it dawned on me that I didn't know where to go. Back to my room to change, stay here with Edward…? Didn't he have an in-suite bathroom?

He must have read the confusion on my face because he started heading towards the door. "Bella, I'm going to go get some breakfast going for us, why don't you get ready in your _former_ room this morning?" I took note of his emphasis on the word 'former' and smirked. But I was curious…

"Um, Edward, if this is the master bedroom, why don't you have your own bathroom?"

His forehead wrinkled a little bit between his eyebrows. "I do. But I know all your things are back in your old room."

"O.k., I hate to seem imperceptive but _where_ is your bathroom?"

He tried not to laugh. He pointed towards the wall to the left side of the bed where there was another small door identical to the one on the right side, which was his walk-in closet.

I felt rather sheepish. "I didn't notice that."

I placed my hands on my hips, giving him my best disgruntled face. "You distracted me with all the candles, and your gorgeousness, and the marriage proposal stuff."

He stifled a chuckle and headed out his door. As he got halfway through it he looked at me over his shoulder, giving me a look that almost made me melt. "My darling soon-to-be wife, please, _please_ move your things to our bedroom, after you've gotten ready this morning? I can't stand the thought of us ever having to sleep apart again."

He then slowly turned completely around from the door to face me, and his eyes changed—he looked at me with a contemplative glint. "Actually, I'd like to make a decision between us, if that's alright." He waited for me to nod in acquiescence. "That we will _never_ sleep apart, for _any_ reason, for the rest of our lives. Do you agree, my love?"

I smiled hugely at him. "Yes! Definitely."

He grinned at me. "Good. Now go get ready before my father gets here, please." He tried to sound indignant. I felt my eyes narrow at him and I went to throw my shoe but he ducked out quickly. I could hear him laughing all the way down the hall.

~~:::~~


	15. Chapter 15—Sanctity of Marriage

_"He is more myself than I am.  
>Whatever our two souls are made of, his and mine are the same."<br>__Emily Bronte_

CHAPTER 15: SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE

I went to my old bedroom shortly after he'd left to go get my toiletries and take a nice, hot bath. Edward had commented that he didn't expect his parents for another hour and a half, so I knew I had time to really pamper myself. The guest bathroom was rather large, so I had taken all my things in with me to finish getting ready without having to go back to my room. _Well, it's not really your room any longer, is it? _

As I soaked in the tub, I thought over the ceremony his father would be performing and was rather surprised to discover that I didn't feel nervous. I was feeling happy, content, blissful… I marveled at the fact that I'd been given another chance at happiness and one that was rather staggering in its perfection.

I sighed and got out of the tub wrapping myself and my hair in big fluffy towels. I dried off, meticulously dried my hair and put on a little more makeup than the day before. I still used the mascara and the same lipstick but now added some smoky eyeliner and even a little eye shadow. I felt like I was as ready as I'd ever be. I decided to leave my hair down in its semi-wavy natural state. I suddenly realized that I still had the earrings in and felt a little silly. _Oops_. I'd have to remember to take better care of the things he had given me.

I slipped my shoes on and packed up all my things, heading out the guest bathroom to head to my new bedroom. I felt my eyes scrunch minutely and decided that I would need to discuss having my own space somewhere in the house, like a small personal office or something.

As I reached _our_ door, I became hesitant. I knew that as soon as I crossed this threshold, my life would change irrevocably. Was I giving up too much to be with him?

No. I knew that he would do anything for me. He would take care of me, always. My happiness was his utmost concern. I knew if I asked to be a part of managing the estate in some trivial way, he would not only welcome it but would take personal pride in my involvement. As far as he was concerned, we were now partners. I was no trophy wife.

I giggled at my own assessment, realizing that I did sort-of think of him as a trophy husband—he _was_ gorgeous, after all…

He caught me like that, standing in front of the door to our bedroom with one hand over my mouth, giggling quietly. I jumped as I noticed him.

He looked down at me with his head slightly cocked to one side, as if deciding whether or not to have me committed. I noticed that he was already dressed, in a black jacket and slacks with a cream colored, silk shirt and a tie the same color as my dress. His shoes were a shiny black, as if he'd just finished polishing them. He was, as usual, dazzling.

I looked at him up through my eyelashes. "Humm... You surprised me. I was just thinking about the significance of going through this door. My life will never be the same and I don't think I could be happier." I grinned up at him as I gave him my little speech, with my carry-on bag and small suitcase sitting beside me.

He was holding a tray of food and he turned to set it on one of the hall tables. He came towards me hesitatingly. "Bella, I'd like to do something right now, if that's o.k."

I became suspicious. "It depends on what you want to do…"

"I want to carry you across the threshold of our bedroom."

How could I say no to that? "Oh, Edward, that would be wonderful." I felt my eyes shining at him.

He came to me, picking me up as he had by his family's cemetery in Connecticut and opened the door carefully with one hand. I had my arms around his neck and my head laid against his shoulder. He paused, and as he crossed over, he whispered into my forehead, gently brushing his lips across it as he spoke. "You're so beautiful, I can't believe how happy, content, blissful I feel right now. Thank you, so much, for agreeing to marry me."

He crossed the threshold and the electricity between us changed, becoming deeper and more powerful.

I gave a little gasp. He had been busy while I'd been lazily getting ready. The candles had been replaced by winter flowers—Mahonia, Honeysuckle, Jasmine, Primula—hundreds of them.

I tried not to cry but it was almost impossible. "Oh, Edward. What did I do to deserve you?"

The tears began falling and he kissed them off of my cheeks, cradling me in his arms. "Everything. There is nothing more important to me than your love for me, Bella. Nothing."

I gave a slight sob. "Oh! My makeup! Please, put me down Edward." He obliged but clung to me, walking me over to his… To _our_ bathroom. If I'd thought the guest bathroom was large, I apparently didn't know what large was. It was incredible.

The countertops were made from the deepest reddish-brown colored marble, the floors were done in white-gray-gold marble. The walls were a bright white, so bright in fact, that I wondered if there'd been ground seashells added to the paint before it had been applied to the walls. I found out later that they had. There was a huge shower with floating glass doors and several shower heads. "Oh, Edward, this is so pretty…"

He gave a short laugh. "Um, it's a bathroom, Bella. I don't know that 'pretty' would be the right descriptive word to use for it."

I felt some embarrassment creep across my face and of course he picked up on it. "Well, I guess you could call it that…"

"It's o.k., Edward, you're right. It just took me by surprise, that's all." He looked like he was about to protest and I cut him off. "Look, I live in an apartment that's almost the same size as your… As _our_ bathroom, Edward. It's just going to take some getting used to, that's all."

I walked over to where he stood by the door and placed my hand on his chest. "It's o.k. I'm sure I can find a way to suffer through all this torture."

He laughed then. "O.k. But please remember, _anything_ in the house that you don't like can be changed, Bella."

"Edward," I became a little cross at this point and my hand dropped from his chest and I backed up a step or two. "Your family's _ancestral home_ is perfect just the way it is. The only request I have is for some space somewhere to set up a small office. Would that be possible?" I looked up into his lovely green eyes and saw them brighten perceptively.

"Bella, there are five other guest rooms besides the one you were staying in. Why don't we turn the one you just left into your office!" He was so excited I thought he might hug me.

"Let's think about that a little bit, o.k.? Thank you for being so open to finding a space for me, though." I smiled encouragingly up at him.

I could see the annoyance he was suddenly feeling shadow across his face.

"Bella, _please..._ I mean it when I tell you that you can do anything, change _anything_ about the house or the grounds to your heart's content." He ran his fingers though his hair quickly. "My feelings are little hurt that you still sound like you're a _guest_ here. You're going to be my _wife_, and therefore will be the Lady of the estate. I want us to be a partnership, an alliance, to work together for the betterment of the estate." He was really irritated.

"Edward, I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like that. But you must understand that this is all so different for me, it's like…" I got a little weepy and his face changed to an apologetic one. "It's like a fairytale." After I'd whispered out the last part I looked at him pleadingly, and he immediately crossed over the few steps to reach me and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry, my love. I just don't want you to feel that you're giving up anything, or that you're just my trophy wife or something. I want us to work _together_. To be a joint endeavor, if you will. I'm sorry…"

"It's o.k. I guess we need to give each other some space on the differences between us, though. I'll try to remember that I'm a part of your life so therefore I'm a part of the estate now, o.k.? Does that sound right?"

"Yes. That's exactly how I want you to feel." He kissed the top of my head noisily.

"And, actually, I would love to have that room as my office. It's actually perfect."

I felt him sigh against my hair. "See, I know we're different in some ways but we also work together so well, my dearest Bella."

"Yes, we do. I love you, Edward but your father's probably going to be here any time now… And I really need to re-clean myself up."

He chuckled. "I'll wait for you on the bed." He eyed me meaningfully and I swatted his arm. "Edward!" He grinned roguishly at me as he left the bathroom.

I'd actually lucked out, since my mascara was waterproof and even the eye shadow hadn't really smudged at all. I only needed to dab a little around my eyes and I was ready to go again.

As I came out of the bathroom, I looked up to see him leaning against the side of the bed facing the window with his arms crossed, waiting for me patiently. We both stared at each other and each let out a big breath. We grinned at each other and he seemed ready to go. I knew I was. "Alright, you'll be Mrs. Cullen in a little while. Do you think I can handle it?"

I felt taken aback by his question, since I'd been sure that what he was saying was going to end in something like '_do you think you can handle it?_' and instead, he directed the doubt towards himself.

"Of course, I'm pretty easy to deal with, really. Just don't ask me to clean the floors. This Lady is really a princess, and my hands are too delicate for that kind of work." I batted my eyelashes at him.

He let out a bark of a laugh. "Oh, my. You've already gone all haughty on me, huh?"

"Come on." I sighed. "Let's head downstairs."

He suddenly smacked his forehead. "Crap! I totally forgot about our breakfast and left it out in the hallway. Your beauty and princess-ness is apparently just too much for me."

I giggled at him and followed him out so I could bring my cases in. We decided to eat quickly in our room before we went downstairs. He'd fixed granola and strawberries with fresh milk. It was simple and very delicious.

He brought the tray with us as we headed out, carrying all the other things down to the kitchen from the night before that we never ate. I carried the champagne bucket down.

"Um, Edward, other than trying to jump you last night, I had also really, _really_ wanted to hand feed you the strawberries. Could we do that tonight?" I knew I was blushing but I tried to ignore it.

He didn't. "Look at you blush. I don't think I'll ever get used to how enchanting that makes you look…" He shook his head slightly. "Yes, we can do that—there's just enough strawberries left to share."

As we headed towards the kitchen, I glanced down at what I had assumed would be a very expensive bottle of champagne. But, it wasn't champagne at all. It was sparkling cider. "Edward, why is this a sparkling drink and not champagne?"

He became visibly uncomfortable. "I didn't want you to think I was going to try and get you drunk and take advantage of you, so I figured a lack of alcoholic beverages would sort-of prove that." We'd reached the kitchen by this point and he was setting the tray down on the kitchen island.

"Little did I know that _I_ needed to worry about _you_ trying to seduce _me_. Shameful." I was giggling at the look on his face as he'd spoken.

I heard a small cough from behind us. We both turned around cautiously, to find his mother and father coming in from the back of the house through the mud room. I was embarrassed that they might have heard our exchange but they quickly recovered and acted as though they hadn't heard a thing. I really, _really_ liked his parents.

"Mum and dad! You're here! Fantastic." He was beaming at them and they really looked _proud_ of him, as if being with me really was one of the best decisions he'd ever made. I started to feel my eyes get watery but I was determined to not cry again. They hugged and while his father was talking to him about something to do with the estate, his mother came up to me.

She took my hands in hers and looked so happy, I couldn't help but smile widely at her. "Hello, Mrs. Cullen. It's so nice…"

"Bella, please, you _must_ call me Esme. Especially now, or people will get confused. You'll be a Mrs. Cullen too in a little bit." She laughed in her musical tone. I giggled.

"I hadn't thought of that. Alright… Esme." I told her shyly. She gave me a big hug. "Thank you so much, Bella. He's always been so alone… We've never seen him so happy. Thank you." She whispered to me fervently. A few tears did escape me then but I recovered quickly.

We were talking quietly about Edward's wish that I feel comfortable changing things around at the estate, and I told her how uncomfortable _I_ was with that. "Bella, you can change things without knocking out walls or getting rid of all the furniture to make it yours and Edward's. I can help you, if you'd like."

I was dumbfounded. "Oh. Well… My gosh, that would great. Thank you so much. I would love to walk the house with you, to have you explain the history of some of the pieces." Edward heard me and came over to place his arm around my waist.

"Perhaps not today, though." He raised his eyebrows at me and he looked nervous. I laughed at him. I couldn't help it… "Oh, Edward, don't be silly." I playfully smacked his arm. He smiled and didn't look quite as nervous after that.

His father came up to me then. "Bella," He reached out for me and I left Edward's arms and went into his. He gave me a tight hug and told me almost exactly the same thing that Esme had. I giggled into his shoulder and whispered. "Esme beat you to it. Thank _you_ for having such a wonderful son. It would be impossible for me to be any happier right now."

He released me, smiling widely, and I felt Edward's arm around me again only a little tighter now. Maybe he was still a _little_ nervous…

"Bella, I want to make sure that you understand that this ceremony isn't legally binding in any way. It is an ancient custom, one that has been changed and altered over the centuries. It's beginnings are rather unpleasant but you should be made aware of them anyway." Carlisle's expression became very serious and I felt Edward now holding me with an iron grip. Carlisle continued his narrative for me.

"In twelfth century England, there developed a new form of social cooperation, which rose from the ashes of the Roman Empire. It was called manorialism or serfdom, and marked the beginning of peasantry and a class of laborers to support the feudal lords that controlled each medieval manor."

"The serf knew his place in medieval society and readily accepted it. So too did the medieval nobility and clergy. The medieval manor therefore sustained the three orders of medieval society: Those who prayed, the clergy of the Church, those who fought, the knights, and those who worked, the serfs."

"They owned nothing themselves, but in exchange for their cooperation in running the lord's estate, they held small farms for themselves to grow food for their families, and they received protection from the lord and his knights."

"However, they were still almost slaves, and could not move to another estate if they wished or marry whoever they wanted. Before a serf could marry, he had to gain the consent of the lord. A lord could select a wife _for_ his serf and force him to marry her. A serf who refused… Well, they didn't refuse."

"In the case of a 'permitted' marriage, the lords often called for jus primae noctis, the first night, as droit de seigneur, the lord's right, requesting the virginity of the bride on the first night of marriage."

I gasped and Edward let out a breath loudly. "Dad! I don't think we need to get into the gory details, do we?"

"Yes, I do. Because here, at the Coates Estate, the lord changed the rules in the fifteenth century. You see, he had a son, that he loved more than anything. And this son had fallen in love with a serf. Which, for all intents and purposes, was an unthinkable offense to the family's status and honor."

"So, the lord came up with a solution. He changed the droit de seigneur to represent the lord's right to choose his son's wife as being anyone from their estate. But, he had to perform the ceremony, since the Church disagreed with him wholeheartedly, because they had traditionally received a portion of the bride's dowry. Since this bride was a serf, there was no dowry so, no Church-sanctioned marriage could be carried out."

"Now we come to you and Edward. Since I'm the Lord of the Coates Estate I can marry you, but we are no longer an autonomous medieval estate, and the laws of the land hold sway, even over this Lord and this manor. And, of course, it wouldn't be a Church-sanctioned marriage, since I'm not a priest or vicar." He smiled gently at me and continued. "Therefore, you will not be legally entitled to any of Edward's holdings, finances, or property and since you're not an Anglican or a Protestant, it doesn't really have any bearing on these proceedings that I'm not a vicar."

"Basically, this union ties you together in the most fundamental way—not legally or religiously. So, I ask you again, Isabella, are you completely agreeable with this?"

I felt my back straighten, "Yes." I was so sure, in fact, that I might have said 'yes' a little too loudly. I blushed.

Carlisle tried to suppress his smile at my response. "Alright. Let's head to the back patio, to the rose garden. That's the traditional location for these ceremonies."

Carlisle headed towards the music room. The back patio butted up to the room's large, French doors and the rose garden was only a few steps beyond that patio. I felt Edward tug on my hand. I noticed quickly, however, that Esme had not followed her husband out of the kitchen…

I turned to her, tugging back on Edward's hand. "Esme?" I asked her questioningly. She smiled at me reassuringly and I saw her eyes dart to Edward's. I couldn't understand her sudden reluctance. I had felt so strangely close to her since meeting her, I couldn't imagine her not being with us during this momentous event in her son's life.

I felt Edward tense next to me, and I realized I was missing something. I turned to look up into his deep green eyes but he wasn't looking at me, he was looking away from me rather uncomfortably.

"Edward…?" I now felt confused. He suddenly turned to me and bent down to give me a quick kiss. "Love, could you give my mother and myself just a moment? We'll be right out. Perhaps you could head to the music room rather slowly?" He smiled reassuringly at me.

"O.k. ..." I turned away from him, letting go of his hand, and headed towards the music room alone. I was still confused but felt better, since I'd discerned a sudden change in Edward's demeanor from just a few moments ago that made me feel more at ease. I trusted him so I would do as he asked. I sighed and slowly began walking towards the music room, the rose garden, and my destiny.

~~:::~~

My mother looked… Hurt. There was no other word to describe the look on her face. "Son… I don't…"

"I know. You don't understand because I haven't explained it… And, honestly, I don't think I can discuss it with you." I said this rather curtly, which did not help.

My mother now looked wounded. "Edward! Bella obviously expects me to be there for her. How can you deny her that? You told me about her mother's death. She lost her so young… And we've… We'll we've become close in such an incredibly short time. I _want_ to be there for her…"

"I know." I felt defeat coming. I would have to tell my mother something or she'd wonder if I hadn't lost my mind. I ran my hands through my hair and then dropped them to the kitchen counter.

"Mother, something happened between Bella and I… Well, actually, it's more about something that didn't happen between us… God! I don't think I can talk to you about this…" I was so embarrassed. I was fairly certain I'd start reddening soon. What would Bella think of _that_? An uncalled for smile crossed my lips. I quickly stifled it to be able to finish speaking with my mother.

"Mum, I'm 29 years old and I should not be talking to you about… About _intimate_ things." I looked up at her, pleading with my eyes, for her to understand without me having to get detailed. I shuddered.

"Oh." She looked a little shocked. Then she tried to cover her smirk with her hand. "Oh! That's what you two were talking about when we came in… That wasn't just playful banter. You two were serious. And _she_…"

"Yes! Yes. Can we please stop talking about it now? I'm sorry that I didn't want you to be here for the ceremony, it was just… Embarrassing. I _knew_, after watching us during it and the party tonight, you'd figure out why we were suddenly in such a rush." God. My face _was_ reddening. I looked up at the ceiling so I wouldn't have to watch my mother laugh at me. I closed my eyes. "Mum, _please_ don't laugh. This is embarrassing enough without that."

I opened my eyes and looked over at my mother, since I suddenly noticed that it was very quiet.

She was not laughing.

She walked over to me by the island to place her hands over mine. "Edward, I think it's wonderful that you're waiting… Until your married. I'm very proud of you. But if it's not what Bella wants… I don't understand why…" She looked puzzled but then she became quite still.

"But… It's none of my business. You're right. This isn't a conversation a grown man should have with his mother. You both know what's best for your relationship. And we've kept your father and Bella waiting long enough." She looked up into my eyes, the same deep green as her own, and I saw her love for me there. "I love you Edward, you really are a good, kind and decent man. And Bella is a beautiful, honest and caring woman. I couldn't be happier for you both."

She tugged on my hands and we left the kitchen, to go and marry me to my love, my heart, and my soul.

~~:::~~

We came out onto the back terrace arm in arm. I was sure no one could have better parents than I did. They had always been there for me, never wavering, never being anything but supportive and loving. They had been hard on me when it had been necessary, which, luckily, wasn't very often.

Bella was standing in front of my father, slightly to my left. She was so… Beautiful, radiant, shy, strong… She was so many things to me. And I loved her all the more. I felt my pace quicken and my mother's did too. She went to stand next to Bella, on her left, and I saw them exchange a knowing look as they held hands briefly.

I was now standing in front of my father, slightly to his left and Bella's right. He asked us if we had rings to exchange, and I began to panic slightly. I hadn't gotten a ring for myself… But Bella startled me when she announced that we did. I glanced over at her for a brief moment and she gave me one of her little quirky smiles, the one where she's looking like she's trying not to break into laughter.

I gave a small chuckle under my breath and she reached for my hand. I hadn't even realized that my father had begun speaking and had asked us to hold hands. I looked back at my father, as did Bella. He cleared his throat to continue.

"As the Lord of the Coates Castle Estate, it is my privilege and honor to marry those that reside at the estate, when said couple are in mutual consent, and have requested that I do so on their behalf."

"I have recently discerned that the couple that stand before me this day indeed have agreed to join together, to exchange words promising the union of their two families."

"I must ask at this time, whether there are any known impediments to this marriage." He looked at us expectantly, and we both shook our heads to indicate that we did not. So did my mother.

"Fine. Thank you." He looked between Bella and me twice before continuing with a slight smile on his lips. "A wedding is the celebration of a finalized union between a man and woman, and traditionally, objects, normally rings, are passed from hand to hand to symbolize this transfer from individuality to a mutual bond."

My mother reached for Bella's hand and placed a band of what I assumed was white gold into it. At the same time, Bella attempted to stealthily give me her engagement ring, so I had it to place on her hand as part of the ceremony. I suppressed a chuckle and squeezed her hand for just a second.

We both held our right hands up, palms forward, to show my father we both did indeed have rings for each other.

"The spoken consent and exchange of said rings by the couple will now take place. Do you, Edward Anthony Cullen, take Isabella Marie Swan to be your wife?"

"Yes." I spoke clearly and concisely, as I placed her ring back on the third finger of her left hand.

"Do you Isabella Marie Swan, take Edward Anthony Cullen to be your husband?"

"Yes." She sounded shy but strong and took my left hand in her right, placing my ring on my finger. It was indeed a white gold band, with an intricately carved pattern on a central panel, with the two outside edges being polished smooth. I realized that the pattern matched the one on hers. My ring was a perfect fit. I flexed my hand and carefully, lovingly took her right hand back into my left, trying not to squeeze too tightly.

"I now ask that the groom and then the bride, make their required statements."

I'd almost forgotten about this part but Bella and I had luckily discussed it in detail earlier that morning, so I recovered quickly.

"I, Edward Anthony Cullen, give my body to you, Isabella, in loyal matrimony."

"And I receive it." She suppressed a giggle and I sighed. _Silly girl._

Her voice grew strong again, and there was no longer even a hint of a giggle. "I, Isabella Marie Swan, give my body to you, Edward." I felt myself melt a little at the sound of her voice.

"And I receive it." I couldn't help myself. I turned quickly and wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up off the ground, with my face buried in her hair to find her neck, to speak against it reverently. "Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world." I then kissed her warm, soft lips as passionately as I could.

She kissed me back just as passionately. "I love you more than my own life, Edward."

I should have known, right then, what that could mean to us. What she would be capable of. That she would, quite literally, do _anything_ for me. But at that moment, I had three of the most important people in my life smiling and talking excitedly to me. I didn't think of the future at all, except that Bella would always be in it. One way or the other. I _was_ sure of that.

~~:::~~

Edward's parents hugged us each in turn to say goodbye and told us that they had some business over at the estate manager's cottage. I didn't really think too much about that. They left after only a few more minutes and I was too euphoric, too happy to dwell on what anyone but Edward and I were doing at that point.

He lovingly took my hand in his, gazing down at me just as intently as I was gazing up at him. He held my right hand with his left and kept his other hand lazily in his pants pocket. I reached up with my left hand and placed it against his chest, with my ring catching the morning light on the blue diamond in a way that I found fascinating. But only for a second. My ring held a brand new meaning to me. "Edward, we're really married now…" I could hear the awe in my own voice.

He laughed. So brightly, so cheerfully, I glanced up at him again with one eye slightly closed and my nose a little scrunched up. The sun was hitting the side of my face and I wanted to go back inside with him…

"Ohhh, no. We're waiting. There is no way, after everything that's transpired between us in the last two days, that we're changing our plans now." He looked so handsome but so mischievous at the same time, that I started laughing too.

I hadn't really been thinking of _that_… Or had I? Perhaps a little. "Fine. I wasn't actually thinking that, but fine." I stated with a little pout. He knew me too well.

As we walked slowly back into the music room, he led me over to the piano and sat us down at the bench with me on his right side. He looked over at me, letting go of my hand to play the piano for me. I couldn't stand the loss of contact so I placed my hand on his forearm, leaning against his shoulder in a way that I wouldn't interfere with his playing.

He'd only played for a few minutes and he'd been playing haltingly, when he stopped completely with his fingers still held against the keys.

"Bella," He sounded very thoughtful as he spoke. "Where did you get this ring? It fits me perfectly and it matches the band of your engagement… Well, wedding ring now, which happens to be over almost one hundred years old."

I sighed against his upper arm and leaned back from him. I did not remove my hand from his arm, however. "When your mother came up to me before the ceremony, she told me that she had a ring for you and would I be o.k. with giving it to you. I only had time to nod my head in thanks, since you were right behind us at that point. So, I can't really answer your question completely, since I have no idea where she got it from. It's interesting… I hadn't really had time to study it but it _does_ match my band, except for the diamonds…"

We both looked down at his left hand to stare at the ring. I had my left hand on his arm and he reached over and placed his left hand next to mine on his right arm. We both sighed. And then laughed quietly.

I squeezed his arm as tightly as I could. "It's amazing. We'll have to talk to her about it, find out what the story is. I'm sure there's a Cullen family secret here to work out."

He laughed. "You're probably right." He moved his hand back to the keys and began playing more earnestly. His playing was, of course, beautiful, even haunting. I leaned back against his shoulder, closing my eyes in complete contentment. I loved him so much, I couldn't believe it… Could I really love him more than I had that morning? Yes, yes I could. I wanted it to always be this way, us, being together, so adoringly.

I sighed against him again and he paused his playing. "Are you alright?" He had reached up and caressed the side of my face with his fingers.

"My love, if I were any better, I'd explode from happiness." I quickly turned my face into the palm of his hand and gave a big, wet kiss against it.

"Ew." He pretended to wipe his hand off and laughed whole-heartedly as he kissed the tip of my nose. He continued to play, with little interruption from me, for almost an hour. I realized that I was getting a little numb and told him that I'd like to take a drive with him to some part of the estate I hadn't seen yet. He thought that was a fantastic idea so we agreed to meet in the kitchen for an early lunch.

I'd get ready first and then he'd come up after. Just in case. We were determined to wait until after the party to be together, wholly, as a married couple.

As I was heading for the stairs, I stopped and called after him. "Oh! I'll fix a different kind of omelet for you. Does that sound alright?"

He snorted. "Much more than alright, my dear wife." It looked like he was heading for the library as he turned back around.

I marveled at how much he reveled in calling me that. It was as if he'd been waiting to call someone his for such a long time, but he could never find the right fit, not even close.

And then I suddenly appeared in his life. And now he was beside himself that he'd found someone to be together forever with. I felt bad for him, for the fact that he'd felt so alone for so much of his life. That was not an issue we shared. I felt so much more blessed than he.

I knew it couldn't always be this easy, this carefree. But I was o.k. with that. We had each other at least—isn't that all that really mattered? Anything could be worked through if you had each other to count on.

I sighed contently looking forward to fixing him a meal today and for all our tomorrows. I also realized that for the first time in my life, it didn't feel like there was anything that could break us, that forever really did mean just that. I wondered if breakfast, lunch or dinner was served 'on the other side' because I had no doubt we would be together there, too.

I smiled at myself, amazed at how Edward had changed me for the better. Forever meant to me now what it was supposed to mean; an eternity of loving someone.

~~:::~~

As I headed for the library to check into some of my family's history to see if I could find some information on my wedding band, I couldn't help but think about Bella. After all, I wouldn't have the band to research if it weren't for her.

I grinned involuntarily remembering _how_ she'd said 'yes' to my father's inquiry regarding if she was agreeable to marrying me in the Coates traditional ceremony. She truly, deeply loved me.

I marveled at this fact; that, with everything she'd been through, she had a big enough heart to give love another chance. To give her love to _me_, that she was actually willing to make the attempt at forever _with me_.

I grew thoughtful. I'd never considered myself a particularly religious person but I had dutifully attended church with my parents at our local parish when I was a child. I had attended church at least once a month as an adult even, except when I'd been in college and for most of my time with Lauren. It ended up being just holiday's through those time periods… I would have to discuss with Bella soon, before we planned our 'real' wedding, her feelings on attending church with me.

Because, now I understood a little about what must be meant when one speaks of forever. It must be to love someone so completely, so thoroughly, that you are willing to do anything to carry that love with you into the eternities.

That's definitely how I felt about my Bella. I heaved a sigh and relaxed a little more deeply into my chair, fingering my wedding band.

I stared out the large bay window in the library, looking out over the frontage of our property thinking of all the things I had left to show her, amazed that I couldn't wait to show her _everything._

My hand went to my face, to cover my mouth and chin, as I thought about everything I wanted to show her tonight. Only approximately twelve more hours until I could show her _exactly_ how much I adored her, wanted her, revered her… Loved her.

My stomach rumbled right about then and I realized that as hungry as I was for _her_, I had to take care of myself. Not much point in passing out from lack of food on our wedding night. I laughed out loud and got up to head upstairs to change my clothes, so I could go and see what she'd fixed for us.

~~:::~~

She'd changed back into just her jeans and a t-shirt but she still looked radiant. Marriage seemed to agree with her. I came up behind her, resting my hands on her hips, watching her quietly as she fixed our meal.

I'd have to talk to Bella and then we'd have to discuss with Mrs. Bailes about how we were going to be working this out as a family. I was hoping Mrs. Bailes could impress upon Bella that she had been taking care of the Cullen's for quite awhile and wasn't planning on relinquishing those responsibilities anytime soon. Knowing my Bella as I did, I knew she wouldn't accept not being able to do _any_ cooking, so perhaps we could compromise with weekends or something.

She shouldn't be cooking every day. I had other designs on my wife's time. I smirked at myself while thinking about exactly what those designs might be.

I smiled, bent down, and licked her with the tip of my tongue up her neck by her ear. She jumped slightly as she scolded me. "Edward! Don't! I could've burned myself or something." She sounded really, really annoyed. I was a bit taken aback by her reaction.

"Unlikely, my lovely wife, since you cook like a pro." I hugged her tightly but let her go before she could hit me with something. "Um, you have a little bit of a temper, don't you." I made this statement as I grabbed one of the bar stools to sit next to the island just out of her reach, with my arms folded across my chest.

She turned to me, deftly sliding an omelet on a plate, sliding the plate over to me and handing me a fork, all while glaring at me through her gloriously liquid chocolate eyes.

"Harrumph. No. Well, yes, but only when…" Her eyes grew wide and I felt mine scrunch.

"Sweetheart, was is it?" I had a bite of her delicious omelet only inches from my mouth and the smell alone was fantastic, but she had seemed to freeze in place.

"I…" She looked into my eyes with panic. "I feel… So _domestic_." She'd said the word as if it was something distasteful. She must have seen my eyes waiver in their intensity, because she suddenly felt the need to explain herself. "Um, I just… Haven't felt like this since…" Her eyes closed tightly to fight off her tears.

I realized then that she'd taken care of Jacob, too.

I dropped my fork and went to her to encircle her with my arms. "Bella, don't. Nothing's going to happen to either of us. And, honestly, if something does happen, I know we're in a slightly different situation than you were then." She looked up into my eyes with confusion showing on her face and tears falling down her slightly flushed cheeks. "Bella, my love, we will _always_ be together. Forever. Whether here or…"

She suddenly gasped and buried her face in my chest, grasping my shirt tightly in both her hands. "Oh! _I know!_ I had the same realization this morning. I can't believe you feel it too…" She began to quietly sob.

"Bella… It's o.k. I love you and I always will, no matter what. Please… Don't be so upset. It's o.k." I rubbed her back, trying to calm her, and she clung to me more tightly. Her breathing began to slow and she looked up at me through her eyelashes.

"I can't believe it. You even _think_ the same things I do…" She said this to me with nothing but awe showing on her face.

"Bella, we belong together. Always. We were _made_ for each other." I told her this with a big smile on my face, actually showing her my teeth I smiled so widely.

"Oh. I know. It's so… Amazing." She let go of my shirt, absentmindedly smoothing it down with one hand as she wiped her face with the other. "I'm sorry, it just… Never mind. I'm o.k. now." She nodded her head to herself, as if to move forward in our day without any further comment on what had just transpired.

I thought I should say something but she seemed determined to move on. I decided I'd better let this one go. What more was there to say, anyway? She had loved him, she had taken care of him, and something insidious had happened to him. It hadn't been her fault. And it didn't mean that history would repeat itself just because she'd found love with someone for a second time in her life.

She did seem very, very comforted that we were always on the same page, even on the same wavelength. As was I.

We were like interlocking elements, neither could work quite right without the other.

As I ate my delicious lunch and watched her eat hers, I did however ask her exactly what she'd been mad about when she'd given me my omelet. "Oh. I just thought you were making fun of me for taking care of you."

It was my turn to get annoyed. I stopped eating, dropping my fork unceremoniously to my plate, and had dropped my hands down to my thighs. "I would never…"

She walked over to me and stood between my knees as I sat on the bar stool. She reached out with her hands to run them down my shirt, down my stomach, to rest her hands on top of mine on my thighs. "Oh, I know that _now_." She looked into my eyes, a little bashfully but a little seductively too. I sighed down at her and the room seemed to get too warm, it felt too confining. I wanted to escape out of the room immediately with her, I wanted her so badly… And she knew it.

"Um, we should probably get going now." She winked at me.

I thought I would choke. "Bella. You're… You are a _very_ dangerous creature." I said this in the most reproving voice I could manage and I felt my eyes narrow at her. She stepped away from me and laughed.

The tension that had been in the room moments before simply disappeared. We finished up the dishes together.

As we left the house through the mudroom, we were heading across to the garages and she grabbed my hand and swung herself around to face me, walking hazardously backwards towards the Land Rover. "Love you." She actually batted her eyelashes at me.

"Definitely dangerous." But I was laughing along with her now.

We went about our afternoon exploring the estate together, enjoying each others company. And, of course, I loved her that much more.

~~:::~~


	16. Chapter 16—Unbearable Pain

_"Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things."  
><em>_Henry Ward Beecher_

CHAPTER 16: UNBEARABLE PAIN

…_Several weeks after Edward's break up with Lauren…_

My father was a monster. What other word could I use to describe James? I'd always known it but he'd spoiled me so… Or, at least, I had _thought_ he was spoiling me. Until I met Riley.

He was kind, loving and treated me like I was the most important thing in the world to him. He's truly amazing.

He'd had a very rough upbringing but he never let that stop him from getting what he wanted. But, unlike my father, he took other people's feelings and desires into account. He would never do something to improve his own situation that would hurt someone else's chances. He also took amazing care of his younger sister, Bree. She was slightly handicapped, as there had been a car accident right after she'd been born… The accident had killed their mother.

He was loving and caring, and never tried to blame anyone else for what had happened to them. Their father had tried his best to take care of them both but he ended up dying of a heart attack when Riley was only seventeen years old.

I knew what my father would have done. He would have abandoned his sister and gone to 'make his fortune,' telling himself she'd be 'better off in the long run.' I cringed in disgust. But…

Even knowing that about my father, I still showed tendencies of his. It was pathetic, really. I had come to the realization that I loved Riley while I was still in a relationship with Edward. Instead of doing the right thing and breaking things off with Edward, I behaved like my father.

When Riley and I were still only friends, I basically threw myself at him in the market not far from Alice's home, Edward's sister. I secretly hoped someone would see me with him. And I'd lucked out—big time. Edward's best friend Rosalie had been the one to witness my 'betrayal.'

I'm not sure exactly how it can be classified as a betrayal when Edward and I weren't even in love. There hadn't been any real love between us for over a year. But still, I now understood better why what I did wasn't a good thing. It was something my _father_ would have done. I shuddered…

Riley had realized after watching Edward and myself at several different parties that Edward was not in love with me. But even though Riley was beginning to have feelings for me, he did nothing. Even when he knew that I was falling in love with him, he did nothing. Riley was too good for me. As had been Edward, I knew that now.

I now feel nothing but shame. Edward and I may not have been in love but he deserved my respect. I should have just broken up with him…

I felt so guilty, in fact, that I told Riley what I had done. Told him that I had manipulated Edward's family to get out of my relationship with him, that I had used _him_ as an excuse, and forced Edward into breaking up with me. That I was a coward.

He didn't judge me. This was _why_ I'd fallen in love with Riley. He'd shown me other possibilities, other ways to love and be loved. I had never known that kind of love, not even with Edward.

I hadn't known about Riley's wealth until much, much later.

Of course, my father didn't know _any_ of this. I was certainly not going to tell James how truly successful Riley was. He was actually quite rich. Not to the level that the Cullen's were, of course, but good enough for me.

By not introducing them to each other, I also was trying to hide my father's insidiousness from myself and Riley. I knew deep down, subconsciously, how sick and twisted he really was. I handled the explanation of my breakup with Edward to my father the only way I thought he would understand.

I knew I couldn't break up with Edward without some other excuse than 'I don't love him anymore, papa.' I knew that wouldn't fly. My father could care less about _my_ feelings. All he wanted was the Cullen's money. So, I'd gone the dramatic route, as if I couldn't control myself or my feelings for Riley. It had worked. I had tricked my father into believing I was just as heartless and cold as he was.

It was rather unsettling. But then I thought of Riley and I instantly felt better.

My father had come to me several weeks after Edward had broken up with me, to confront me about it.

"I don't know why you've done this, Lauren. But it _can_ still be salvaged." He was the most greedy and selfish man I'd ever known. He was looking at me as if I were an object, something to control… I had to get away from his influence once and for all.

But something stopped me. As if my life would be in danger if I wasn't very, very careful in how I dealt with James regarding this situation.

"How? He broke up with me, demanding that I never speak to him or anyone in his family _ever again_." I rolled my eyes to try to make it more dramatic. It had hurt my feelings but I understood why Edward had asked that of me. Now that I was with Riley, I knew I would have done the same thing if I'd been in Edward's shoes. Keep those you love away from those that could hurt you… I now knew right from wrong emotionally. Not James, though. He would _never_ understand.

I wondered if Edward had any idea what true love was… I hoped, perhaps in my guilt, that he would one day. He was owed some happiness. If only to thwart my father's plans.

"They always encouraged you to attend that Music Conservatory, on _their_ dime. Perhaps you could still get his parents to do that… You'd be closer to where he lives, to his flat, if you went to the Conservatory…"

"No, I wouldn't." I'd stopped calling him father long, long ago. He hadn't even noticed. "I've heard that he's moving back to the estate. Permanently."

James grew very, very angry. I was actually truly frightened of him for the first time in a very long time. But, he'd taught me to be a very good actress. He hadn't even noticed my reaction. "WHAT? Ohhh, that can't be good… What are those _stupid_ Cullen's planning now?" He started to pace the room, the living room of my childhood home.

"I don't know." I knew I had to respond to all his questions, even the ones that weren't really directed at me. It was safer that way, to prove I was indeed listening to him.

When I was very little, and he had just started working for the Cullen's, my parents rented this small home in London. He ended up spending weekdays at the estate in West Sussex, traveling back and forth from the estate to London only on the weekends. This was where my mother had mysteriously disappeared from, after I had moved away from home to attend boarding school.

James had purchased it several years ago and I could never figure out why. I certainly wasn't going to _ask_ him.

He always had me meet him here when he wanted to talk. He left it empty, none of my childhood furniture had survived. Not my mother's piano or her favorite pieces of furniture, either. I tried to ask James once what he had done with everything… That was a mistake I wasn't going to repeat.

"Never mind. That's a puzzle for another day." He glowered at me and then his features suddenly morphed into something more thoughtful. "The important thing now, is how to get you back in with them. And I think we can use your relationship with Riley to do it…"

I felt my eyes narrow. This didn't sound good, not _at all_. "I'm sorry, how is that going to help me get back in with the Cullen's good graces?" I sounded confused… And I was. _Where is he going with this?_

"It's simple, really. Edward is the oldest child, their only son. He has the responsibility of producing an heir, to carry on their _name_." He practically spit that part out. "So, if you were to get pregnant, then we could pass the baby off as _his_." His features had changed again, becoming… Sinister.

I felt physically ill. "Edward and I haven't been _together_ like _that_ in weeks and _weeks_, how would that work?"

He stared at me. "Then we'll just have you _tell_ him that you're pregnant. Knowing him, he'll get all _noble_ and want to marry you right away. This will work… I _know_ it." He got a strange glint in his eyes. "As a matter of fact, the Cullen's will most likely have a party at the estate in the next few months, and since you're my _daughter_, they can't refuse me inviting you." He spun on his heel, heading towards the front door. "You'll tell him then."

This is how he normally ended our meetings, so I wasn't too surprised by his sudden exit. I stood in what was once my living room, hoping against hope that the Cullen's would _not_ have a party this fall.

I took a quick glance around as I prepared to leave my childhood home and got despondent.

Looking back, thinking of my childhood, I thought that this might be when his hatred for the Cullen's had begun. He'd blamed them for my mother leaving him, as if his absences were the cause of all their marital problems, as if he'd had no choice in the matter. Edward had absentmindedly told me once that he could never understand why James had not taken his father's offer to move my mother and me to the estate when I'd been very young. I'd mumbled something about how much my mother loved London.

But I knew better. I had vague memories of how much my mother had seemed to enjoy her few visits to the Cullen estate. But I also knew, when we were at home in London, how happy she seemed that James was gone so much.

Little did I know at that precise moment in time, but we would soon all find out exactly how ghastly and vile James really was.

~~:::~~

…_Back to the present day…_

I sighed. Again. Edward was… Stunning. He was in a black suit, and everything was black. His pants, shirt, jacket and even the tie. I couldn't believe he was with me. He loved _me_.

We were dancing at the party and he had begun to twirl me. I thought my stomach was going to lurch straight out through my throat, I was so surprised. I was even more surprised when he was successful without even skipping a beat. "Oh! Edward!" I scolded him. He laughed at me with his musical, bright laughter.

He brought me back in to him to hold me against his chest. He wasn't laughing now. "You're so, so amazing, my Bella."

I did look very pretty, even beautiful, there was no doubt of that. Alice and Rosalie had done their magic with me but it had taken almost two hours.

From the look in Edward's eyes, it was apparently time well spent.

My skin was velvety-smooth and they had brought out my paleness in a very positive way, it was almost translucent. I had on very smoky eye shadow and slightly cool red lips. My hair was in dozens of soft, large curls, all pulled together at the crown of my head to cascade down my back. Not quite a ponytail, it was more dramatic than that. There were two, slightly curled strands of hair that fell from the front, just in front of my ears.

The black cocktail dress that Rose had found was perfect. I was even managing to work with the shoes pretty well. I noticed that Edward's eyes kept drifting down to stare at my thigh, which was slightly exposed through the slit of my dress every time he turned me.

He leaned his face close to mine, slightly to the left of my cheek. "I don't think I'm going to make it much longer, my love. I _need_ you… Desperately." I felt my skin get hot. I couldn't respond. I knew if I did, I might accidentally moan in response to him. Instead, I bit my lower lip.

_He_ moaned instead. "God, Bella. Don't _do_ that… I can't take it." Luckily, the music had stopped to give everyone a chance to breathe. Edward swiftly moved me off the dance floor to hold me close to him while he closed his eyes and hummed softly into my ear.

There was no possible way I could feel any happier than I did right at that moment. Earlier I had thought I was going to die from embarrassment, however.

Before the non-family guests had arrived that evening, he'd requested that his entire family, along with Rose and Emmett, meet us in the library. He'd then announced to them all that we were now engaged to be married. We'd decided on a New Year's wedding, towards the end of January specifically, to be held at his grandmother's home in Connecticut. That way my family and friends could be there too without breaking their bank accounts.

I thought Alice was going to squeal so loud that the glass in the room would shatter. But instead, her hands flew to cover her mouth and she just stared at us for several minutes. Jasper, Emmett and Rose recovered faster, and quickly came to Edward and me to hug and congratulate us. Of course, Edward's parents were aware of what had transpired earlier in the day but they did nothing to curb everyone's enthusiasm. Alice began to cry and came to me slowly to pull me into a tight hug. "I'm so, so glad. You two were _made_ for each other…" She gave a little sob and then… Squealed. We all laughed.

As we all headed to the music room, which had been turned into a ballroom for the night, Esme put her arm around my shoulders and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Where does Edward have his wedding ring?" I whispered back to her in a conspiring tone. "He has it on a chain that I gave him, which belonged to my mother, around his neck under his shirt." We both smiled at each other.

"You'll have to tell us where that ring came from, Esme… We're both very curious." She just laughed and promised that she would tell us after we'd been married—officially. I felt my face flush slightly.

"Don't worry. He didn't tell me exactly why you two wanted to be married in the Coates tradition today. But I am Edward's mother… And Carlisle's wife." She smiled at me and I couldn't help but giggle and blush deeply.

The Cullen's autumn party had been rapidly turned into our engagement party and was quite lovely. However, I could tell that Edward was beginning to get very impatient. He also seemed a tad bit nervous. I thought this was odd, until I realized the pressure he must be putting on himself to live up to his promises to me—to make our first time the most memorable ever. I suddenly felt bad for him.

I'd been talking to Alice about the wedding since she was going to be my primary helper by planning and preparing most of it. I was glad. It wasn't the kind of thing I thought I could really do that well, and I wanted it to be done _very_ well but very intimate. I wanted it to be on the beach, very simple, with lots of white flowers and candles. It was mainly the weather that we needed to be worried about…

She already had several great ideas but I did have to ask her to reign in her enthusiasm a bit. I didn't want her to go crazy with it. I reminded her about the intimate part. Again. We both laughed.

I told her that I was feeling a bit tired and immediately made a beeline for Edward. I don't think I fooled her… I was walking pretty fast to be so 'tired.'

He'd been standing by the piano a few moments before so that was where I headed off to. I wanted to tell him that I just wanted to be with him, that there really wasn't any pressure and that I loved him.

However, when I reached the piano he was no longer standing by it. I noticed that one of the French doors that headed out to the back courtyard was ajar and I automatically went over to it. Perhaps he'd taken a step outside because it had gotten too warm in the ballroom…

As I reached the door, I heard a frantic voice, one that I didn't recognize.

"Edward, I'm sorry. But you had to be told. You needed to know."

"You're lying, Lauren. There's _no way_ that you could be pregnant with my child!" It was Edward. With Lauren. And she'd just told him… She was pregnant?

"Well, I'm not lying. And I'm keeping the baby, just so there's no misunderstanding. What are we going to do, Edward?"

My world felt like it had just crashed down around me. I actually took a sudden, ragged breath, as if this would save me from falling into oblivion. The thoughts that ran through my head were almost impossible for me to keep up with… Almost.

I knew Edward. I immediately knew what he would do. He would marry her. It would be the gallant thing to do, the _right_ thing to do under the circumstances.

He was no ordinary man. He was the son of a Lord, he was the last of the Cullen's... He would need to produce a heir for their name to go on, for the estate to continue to exist as it did right now. The only other option for things to continue as they were would be to wait until Alice's and Jasper's son was old enough to take over the estate... If he would even want to. Edward's father hadn't wanted it... But Edward did. He valued the Estate greatly. And he certainly wouldn't tolerate any scandal to mar it or his family's name.

_I_ couldn't stop that from happening. Besides the fact I would want him to be a good father, the best husband he could be… I held back my sob. I knew that he would be a wonderful father, that even though he didn't love Lauren, he would love his child with all his heart.

I needed to leave. Now. Was I running away? Yes. Was I discounting his love for me? Most definitely. But I knew I needed to be strong for _him_. I knew he would try to keep me in his life but that it would be a distraction to him and his duties as the future Lord of the estate, a father and… A husband.

I could not, _would_ not, be a distraction.

I felt the sobs coming faster. _I_ had wanted to be the woman to bear his children. Now that could never happen.

I mastered my emotions long enough to be able to reason that if the child were a girl, he would want to give her the engagement ring he'd given to me. I knew that under no circumstances would it go to Lauren but if he had a girl… It was a family heirloom, not some expensive bauble he'd given to me carelessly. It meant a great deal to his family. I had to find Alice.

I gave Alice the ring, telling her that it had been a mistake, that I'd spoken to my father and that he'd talked me out of marrying Edward and leaving my home, the States. I was going back the next day but I would be leaving the estate tonight to stay somewhere else. I did not tell her where. She was so traumatized that she let me go.

I ran to… Our room. The sobs started coming faster than I could keep them at bay. I changed into jeans and a sweater, and quickly put a few clothes into my carry-on case. I grabbed my purse and headed back downstairs, to head out through the kitchen.

I had no idea where I was going, I was crying so hard now. After about twenty minutes, I realized I had ended up at the stables. I dropped my things by the front barn door and entered, deciding to go to Alabaster to say goodbye.

He gave a whiny as he saw me. I opened his stall door and went in to put my arms around his neck. I was sobbing uncontrollably now… He whinnied again and went down on his front knees and then his back legs went down.

He laid down in his stall, as if to tell me 'I'm here for you'. I laid down next to him in the hay, laying my head against his warm neck feeling strangely comforted, especially after my emotional breakdown. After a few moments I passed out, falling into a fitful sleep.

~~:::~~


	17. Chapter 17—Devotion

_"Gallantry to women - the sure road to their favor -  
>is nothing but the appearance of extreme devotion to all their wants and wishes,<br>a delight in their satisfaction, and a confidence in yourself  
>as being able to contribute toward it."<br>__William Hazlitt_

CHAPTER 17: DEVOTION

This was impossible. Ridiculous. Lauren and I hadn't been together in _months_… I knew she was lying. I just didn't know why.

"You betrayed me with someone _else_. It's his child, not mine." I gave a dismissive wave of my hand towards her. I felt cold, even hateful. I couldn't help it.

"No. I just haven't had the courage to tell you, since I found out only a few weeks after you'd broken up with me." She was a good actress, I'd always known that. But this… Was different. She was pleading, begging almost, for me to believe her. Something didn't add up. Perhaps there was a way I could get the truth out of her.

"I am the son of a Lord and I have responsibilities, duties. More is expected of me than of most. I cannot take your word for it. I'll take a paternity test." I had crossed my arms across my chest as I'd spoken, making sure there could be no argument on this point.

She looked taken aback. I had changed since she'd spoken to me last. She knew it. And I knew why. I could no longer be manipulated.

Because of the strength that Bella had instilled within me.

Before she could say anything more, I jabbed a finger in her direction. "Understand _this_, Lauren, I'm engaged to someone. I'm getting _married_ in just a few months and _not_ to _you_. _If_ I'm the father of your child, I will support the child _only_. You will not get your hands on my _or_ my family's wealth, do you understand me?"

She blinked. "Who… Who is she?" She was genuinely taken aback.

"She's my soul mate, my better half, and I will _not_ lose her or give her up because of _you_. She will be the mother of all my _other_ children. Do you hear me? You will _never_ be my wife." I was almost shouting now.

Something snapped in her features, as if someone had removed a mask from her face. "Edward… I had no idea… That's… Well, that's wonderful."

"What?" I was incredulous. She was trying to trick me! That was the only explanation for her words and actions now.

She tentatively stepped towards me and gently touched my arm. I flinched quite dramatically but she wasn't deterred. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean… To hurt you or your fiancé." She was so sincere, her voice was so strong, that I was completely disarmed. _What the hell?_

Before I could react or respond to her, Alice was grabbing me from behind, trying to turn me to face her. "Edward! Oh, Edward! We've been looking all over for you! Bella's gone!" She was sobbing, waving Bella's engagement ring and, from our secret affair from that morning, her _wedding_ ring in the air.

I thought I might pass out from the shock. But of course I didn't. Instead, I slowly turned to face Lauren. "What… Have… You DONE?" I roared at her.

Suddenly my father was standing next to me with my mother close on his heels. "Edward! James has just told us the most shocking news…" They both saw Lauren standing in front of me, scared out of her wits by this point.

I just didn't know at that moment that she wasn't scared of _me_, she was terrified of _James_.

I ran my hands violently through my hair, leaving them on top of my head. "What the _hell_ is going on, Lauren?"

She suddenly looked very small. And I felt… Very strange. Not just from the anger, either. I suddenly had to get away, from the house, from Lauren, from my family.

I heard Alice's small voice to my right. "Edward, Bella left you. She was heading out the back door, I think towards the stables… I didn't realize what was happening until she was already gone… I came to find you right away!"

At that, I started running. Down through the manicured lawns and gardens, past the garages, and out towards the stables. I just kept running…

_I've done this before—running after my Bella._ I thought pitilessly. I was starting to feel strangely thirsty and a little nauseous at the same time. It was probably just from the erratic emotions that had been flooding my brain over the last half an hour.

As I came through into the stables, I skidded on some hay, reaching out and stopping my forward momentum against the door. Directly in front of my feet were Bella's small carry-on case and her purse.

I felt intense relief. But I also felt confused and agitated, to the point that I held my hand suddenly to my head and shook it slightly, as if to try and shake out the emotions that were coursing through my body now.

_She must be here…_ I was starting to feel disoriented and was having a little trouble swallowing… _She HAS to be here!_ I jerkily headed for Alabaster's stall…

~~:::~~

My eyes came open and after a second of confusion, I realized I was laying against Edward's horse, Ali. I thought I'd heard someone run into the door of the barn.

I tentatively sat up with one of my hands still resting on Ali's neck, to have his stall door fly open and away from me.

Edward was standing in the stall's doorway, panting and licking his lips nervously. "Bella!" He croaked out. He reached for me, yanking me by my arms off of the stall's floor. I had straw all over me and he looked… Terrible. I instantly felt guilty. I had done this to him. But I'd only been trying to make things easier for him… Stupid. Ignorant. I closed my eyes and he was suddenly shaking me, hard.

"Bella, how could you _leave_ me?" He seemed to be having trouble focusing on me, as if his vision was blurred. "You're gone… How will I cope? I can't _survive_ without you…"

_Wait… What? I'm standing right here, with you practically ripping my arms out of their sockets…_ "I'm right here, Edward… I can explain why I left…" He wasn't listening to me.

It was as if I hadn't even spoken.

"How could you do this to me? How will I ever get you back…" A sob escaped from his chest. He dragged me away from the stables and towards the back wall of the barn, almost throwing me against it. I was now truly frightened. Something was horribly, terribly wrong. Edward was acting like he'd completely lost his mind.

He was mumbling almost incoherently but I did catch part of what he was saying as he suddenly grabbed me around the waist. He deftly lifted me up so that he could step into me, pushing my legs apart with one of his knees while holding me against him tightly. "I should have just made love to you when you'd wanted me to…"

He began kissing me roughly, pulling my shirt up with one hand while continuing to hold me against him with his other hand, still pressing me hard against the wall. He gasped and bent down to place his mouth against my now exposed left breast. "I love you… So, so much Bella. Come back to me…" I thought for a split second he was going to bite me he was so rough.

He was acting as if… As if he was on some sort of hallucinogenic drug. I knew he took care of himself—exercised regularly and ate well. He certainly didn't do illegal drugs—no cocaine, no heroin… I didn't think he'd ever even touched pot.

Someone had done something to him. There was no other explanation for what was happening to him.

And me now.

I realized that I had to get his attention, had to make him realize I was real, I wasn't some kind of hallucination. I knew if I said his name, things could suddenly get much worse for me. He would think I was saying his name in passion. I had to stay calm…

"You. Are. Hurting. Me." I didn't shout. I said this with as much force as I could, without yelling at him, saying each word distinctly and clearly, so that he would hopefully hear me.

He slowed but didn't stop his assault on my body.

I tried again. "You are hurting me." I still didn't say his name. I couldn't associate his name with the person that was attacking me now, he was not my Edward.

He stopped grasping at my breast and slid me part way to the floor. I could almost reach it with my toes now.

"You are hurting me!" I hissed.

He dropped me the rest of the way and I fell in a heap to the ground. His knees buckled and he slid to the floor next to me.

"Bella…" He was crying almost uncontrollably now. "My Bella… Come back to me…"

I had to get help. I started to get up off of the floor, pulling my bra and sweater back down and realized that there appeared to be someone standing by the main door of the barn, by my luggage and purse.

The lights that illuminated the main walkway down the middle of the building had automatically come on by this point, and I could see that it was James that was now standing only a few feet from me.

I was about to shout in joy that someone was there to help Edward, when it simply died in my throat. The look on his face could only be described as elation.

"It worked…" He breathed.

My blood ran cold in my veins. James was the one that had done something to Edward. He was the one that had possibly been trying to kill him.

If I'd thought I'd been in danger a few moments ago, that was _nothing_ compared to what was in store for me now.

"In case Edward survives my little addition of Datura Stramonium to his wine tonight," He was smiling at me now. "I'll of course need to dispose of you, since if I don't, he won't ever consider marrying Lauren." He sounded… Apologetic. "Of course, if I just get rid of _both_ you, Lauren will be able to pass off her child as Edward's, and we won't need _either of you _to take over the estate at that point."

He looked at me with hooded lids. "I'll tell you what, I'll make it look like Edward killed you, then himself, that way we can make it all very tragic… Like Romeo and Juliet. Isn't that sweet?" He looked strangely cheerful.

James was insane. And Edward and I were going to die…

I was no match for him. He was much bigger and stronger than I was.

He was walking over to a cupboard attached to the wall that looked like a large medicine cabinet. "This way, you'll get to be together forever." I felt the air whoosh out of my lungs.

This was not what I'd had in mind when I'd thought of spending an eternity with Edward.

He turned back to me. "Luckily, the Cullen's are very thorough. They keep their own horse tranquilizers handy here at the barn in case a horse gets panicky or hurt." He was speaking to me very conversationally. But I didn't think I was supposed to respond.

"Did you know, that Acepromazine is even deadly to _horses_ if they are given an overdose? Amazing…" I was starting to feel bile come up.

He had removed a large syringe and two small bottles, and had filled the syringe with a clear liquid from both bottles. As he walked towards me nonchalantly, he gave a small push to the plunger to make sure the tranquilizer was ready for immediate injection.

I reached my hand out for Edward and felt the heat emanating from his arm. It felt like he had a fever… I ignored the sensation and grasped him tightly. "I'll love you throughout all eternity, Edward." A small sob escaped my lips after I'd spoken carefully in his direction. I knew he couldn't hear me but it made me feel better that his name and my declaration of my love for him would be the last words spoken from my lips.

I felt like a coward but I couldn't watch as James reached for me to plunge the needle from the syringe into my arm. I turned my head towards Edward's prone body and closed my eyes.

But… It wasn't forced into me. He had been less than a foot from me when I chose to look away and… He hadn't reached me yet? I reopened my eyes in confusion… And beheld the most amazing sight. My ears could now hear the most wonderful sounds also. I had lost all my senses in the few seconds between when I had uttered what had almost been my last words to Edward, and James suddenly being removed from his path of intent to destroy us.

Emmett had crashed into James knocking him sideways to the ground. He was shouting and pummeling James with his fists. "You bastard! You sick son-of-a…"

"Emmett! Stop! If you kill him it will be as if he's gotten away with it! He must be tried and punished by the authorities, not us!" Carlisle cried out in alarm.

Emmett stopped screaming and hitting James. He simply sat on him so he couldn't get away, holding his neck with one of his large hands and holding his legs down with the other.

Carlisle reached me a few seconds later. "Isabella! Are you hurt? He didn't touch you with that syringe, did he?"

"No… No he didn't. But something's horribly wrong with Edward, Carlisle!" I was starting to hyperventilate, when the possibility of Edward being beyond help fluttered through my consciousness. "He… He gave him some kind of plant extract or drug."

Carlisle held my hands in his, forcing me to look up into his eyes. "Tell me his symptoms, Bella." I told him everything I'd witnessed but I did _not_ tell him what Edward had done to me. I knew he had been completely out of his mind, delusional, incoherent. There was no reason for anyone to _ever_ know about that.

Everything started to appear to be happening in slow motion to me. It was taking too long for someone to come and help Edward. It was taking the police too long to come and take James away. It was taking too long for someone to explain to me what had happened with Lauren…

These thoughts had me shaking almost uncontrollably.

Then, things seemed to speed up to a level that I almost couldn't keep up, like a film projector had been put on fast-forward.

The police came, taking statements from everyone present, talking to me first. I have no idea what I said to them. Emmett was getting belligerent and if it hadn't been for Carlisle's diplomacy, Emmett might have been carried off to jail as well as James. Jasper thankfully appeared on the scene and seemed to be able to calm everyone down… Probably due to his experience working with mentally ill patients.

The ambulance came and took Edward and me to the hospital in Chichester. Luckily, the police had managed to get a description out of James as to what he'd put in his wine that evening, so the hospital was ready for Edward when we arrived. Jimsonweed. I found out later that they had to pump his stomach and even administer physostigmine, a drug that was used as a nerve agent and only used in severe cases of poisoning.

I was taken to a different room and examined carefully. There were already bruises forming all over my ribcage and thighs, and the hospital staff assumed it was from James. I knew it was from Edward but I didn't correct them. I didn't say anything, in fact, so I couldn't be accused later of withholding evidence or something. This would forever ONLY be between Edward and myself.

I discreetly discovered from one of the nurses that Jimsonweed was a very strong hallucinatory drug, derived from a plant in the Nightshade family. Symptoms that I had witnessed could last for up to 48 hours and there was no antidote. Edward had been lucky in the extreme.

As I was resting in my hospital bed after his family and Emmett and Rose had left after visiting with me for almost an hour, I frantically called for the nurse. I had remembered Edward's and my promise to each other. To never sleep apart, ever, for any reason.

I threw such a fit that they were forced to put a gurney in his room for me to sleep on. It wasn't comfortable but I didn't care. At least I was sleeping next to my love… And I did sleep, mercifully without dreaming. Probably because of the drugs they had given me to calm me.

As I drifted off, I startlingly felt for the second time that evening that there was no possible way I could feel, if not happier, then at least more grateful, than I did right at that moment.

I would not lose my best friend, my betrothed, my almost-lover.

Not today and hopefully not ever.

~~:::~~

I felt… Groggy. And too hot. My eyes seemed sensitive to the light. I was confused. And then I gasped, sitting straight up in my… Hospital bed? _Oh. That's right._ James had attempted to poison me.

"Bella…" I didn't even recognize my own voice it was so raspy.

I was abruptly aware of Alice sitting on the end of my bed. "Carlisle took her back home, Edward."

I stared at her for a long time. "But… I thought she'd left me…"

"She had." Alice spoke matter-of-factly. "But you found her in time." She was now smiling broadly at me.

I felt content, almost relaxed. I laid back down in the bed and Alice came up to me to place the covers over my chest. "It's o.k. Edward. She's o.k. and you're o.k. We'll have that wedding yet." She'd left her hand on my chest and I covered hers with one of mine. "Thank you, Ali."

My hand involuntarily tightened over hers. "What the devil happened to Lauren?" My eyes had turned hard.

"Well, I know this will sound like an absolutely insane explanation for her actions towards you, but… Hear me out, o.k.?" She was staring into my eyes pleadingly.

"Fine. I will try." I think I even gave a small huff.

"James will be going away for a very, _very_ long time." She sighed. "Edward, he had threatened his own daughter's life if she didn't comply with his wishes. She's not even pregnant. It was a scheme he came up with to try and get your inheritance from you."

"That's… Just sick." I _felt_ sick.

"Yes. It is. And, apparently, he isn't just into _attempted_ murder. It's been discovered, after the police went to the only property he showed ownership of, that he had _murdered_ Lauren's mother and _buried_ her under the floorboards of the home." We both gave involuntary shudders. "They found that grisly fact out because they used a special scent-detecting police dog at the home to search for evidence of the drug he used on you. Bingo. A trail of blood was found by the animal instead."

"That's…" There were no words. I couldn't have imagined anything more horrible.

"It actually does get worse." She looked at me with the saddest look on her face. "He'd apparently been planning his actions for a long while. After he discovered how easy it was going to be to poison you, he had decided to eventually murder you outright, with or without the inheritance as retribution against our family for his wife _attempting_ to leave him, because he was working so many hours at the estate, and he... _Blamed us for that_. He blamed _us_ for _him_ killing his own wife." She shook her head and closed her eyes. "As you well know, mum and dad offered to move his wife and Lauren to the estate to live with him, but he'd refused."

When she opened them again to stare into my eyes, we both had tears on our cheeks. But there was nothing to say. What could possibly be said to combat such hatred, such insanity… Such evil?

I gave a shudder and looked back into Alice's eyes. "Where did you find Bella?"

She suddenly grew uncomfortable. "Edward… We didn't find her. Apparently _you_ did but the poison James had given you incapacitated you before you could bring her back to the house." She fidgeted as she had spoken to me. "He apparently had attempted to kill her, but Emmett and dad got to him in time to stop him."

"Oh my God…" I was almost hyperventilating. My hands had gone from holding hers against my chest to become fists and fall rigid at my sides. Some of the monitors in the room started to beep loudly.

"Calm down, Edward!" She hissed at me. "If you want to get out of here today to be with Bella, you'll have to calm down_ immediately_." I tried to force my breathing to become even. I closed my eyes to breathe in through my nose and out my mouth. I forced my hands open, to lay flat on the bed sheets next to me. I calmed myself quickly in that way.

"Good, Edward." She patted my chest. I suddenly felt exhausted. Alice noticed and got up to leave, promising that she would be back by 3:00 p.m.

I became aware of the fact that I had no idea what day it was, let alone what the current time was. "Al, you'll be coming back later than that, won't you? What _day_ is it?" I felt confused and disoriented again.

"It's Tuesday, dear brother." She smiled hesitatingly at me, quickly reaching out and placing her hand on top of my chest again. Even I could tell my eyes had gone wild… But I remembered what she'd said to me just moments before and worked on my breathing again to stay calm.

"Does she… Does she know the details about Lauren?"

Alice paused for only a few seconds but in those few moments, I wondered what she wasn't telling me. "Yes. Carlisle told her this morning."

Something about the way she'd hesitated… Made me turn inward and realize that I was feeling as if there'd been a small barrier placed in my brain. I seemed unable to breach it to remember the events of the previous two days. Then… Memories began to flood my mind.

Absently drinking the glass of wine James had given me. Wondering over to the piano, thinking over the new composition I was arranging for our wedding reception. Getting a glimpse of Lauren through the French doors of the ballroom. What she'd told me… Finding out that Bella had heard us. Running… Finding Bella at the stables…

No amount of control over my breathing was going to stop the sobs that wracked my body at that moment. The exquisitely tortuous feeling of my chest being ripped open and my heart being forcibly removed.

I remembered _everything_ I'd done to her. Every pull, every push. The way I'd shoved her into the wall… The way I'd… Assaulted her. I'd… I'd almost raped her. My own wife… My love… My life.

Through my sobs, I asked Alice what to me was the simplest of questions. "Alice, how could she _ever_ forgive me?"

Alice was at a complete loss. "Edward, there was nothing to forgive you _for_… She left you because she thought you'd want to do the _noble_ thing and marry Lauren if she was pregnant with your child. She stupidly didn't think she should stop you from doing what she deemed to be the 'right' thing."

Alice wasn't answering my question to the correct set of circumstances.

She started to sound slightly panicky. "Edward, she hasn't left this room for almost _two days_. She's been sleeping right next to you almost the entire time you've been in this room." She paused as if to gauge my reaction. She didn't understand… She had no idea what I'd done… _To my own wife._

Her voice grew sharp, since my breathing hadn't steadied and my sobs had not subsided. "Edward, she felt that she'd _abandoned_ _you_ when she'd overheard what Lauren had told you. She was so distraught that finally, this morning, after we explained what had actually happened with Lauren, she suffered a breakdown from mental exhaustion."

The machines in the room were beeping crazily and it wasn't long before a nurse came in to sedate me.

_How would she ever find it in her heart to forgive me?_ Mercifully, I quickly sank into a dreamless sleep. But… I knew it wasn't right that I should be able to do so. I should suffer. Suffer horribly for what I'd done. To my sweet, precious love. My Bella…

~~:::~~

Alice had been right. They released me that day and she came to take me home at around 5:00 p.m.

The pain killers and other drugs the hospital had given me were still fairly strong in my system. I only had vague impressions of getting into hers and Jasper's car, getting to the manor house, and being put into my bed… Overall, everything seemed fuzzy and vague to me, I couldn't even remember a lot of the conversation that I'd apparently had with Alice just hours before.

I couldn't understand why I hadn't seen Bella…

Something was nagging at me, things I didn't really want to remember but was sure were critical items for me to recall. However, because of the drugs, I fell asleep as soon as I had laid down in our bed.

Some time later, I awoke suddenly. I realized quickly that I was back at home, in my own room, and I was not at the hospital any more. I was apparently _finally_ a little more aware of myself and my surroundings.

My skin prickled slightly. I didn't feel alone in the room... I automatically assumed it was Alice that had come to check on me, so I sat up groggily.

However, I didn't see anyone standing in the room. It was very quiet and it was dark outside. The room had an unexpected glow from a fire someone had lit for me. I glanced over to my bedside table to see that the time was just after 3:00 a.m. I gently rubbed my eyes and then dropped my hands into my lap.

I gradually became aware that I wasn't in the middle of the bed. I anxiously looked over to my right to see... Bella, lying next to me, dressed in… Well...

She was wearing hardly anything at all. My eyes grew wide.

She had a royal blue slip on with spaghetti straps, which had both fallen down from her shoulders… I could easily see her tantalizing breasts. The hem of her slip had slid up almost to her hips. I could just see her black, lace panties... She was gorgeous, beautiful, and enchanting. She held a tender look on her face, as if she were peacefully dreaming.

I leaned over, drawn to her like a moth to a flame, wanting only to kiss her forehead, her closed eyes, her lips… As I leaned in, I felt something swing from my neck and realized I had a silver chain on with something hanging from it. I leaned back away from her to hold my wedding ring up to the light of the fireplace.

And then I remembered what I'd done.

I gripped the ring so tightly in my fist, I almost broke the chain.

I felt the air escape my lungs and I couldn't seem to get any back in. I realized I was beginning to panic when I felt warm, soft hands on either side of my face.

She forced me to look into her eyes. "Stop it. I'm here. I will never, _never ever _leave you again." It was her turn to begin to cry and try to hold back her sobs. "I'm so sorry, Edward…"

I felt confused, shocked, so stunned that I dropped my ring back to my chest. "Bella…" I began to choke on the emotions coursing through me. I reached for her, running my hands over her face, her shoulders, up and down her arms… But I didn't touch her intimately. I was afraid, terrified she would remember what I had done to her.

She could tell I was holding back. "My beloved… What's wrong?" _She_ was worried about _me._ I felt more confused.

"How can you forgive me for what I _did_ to you?"

She looked confused now. "Edward, how could I be mad at you for what Lauren's _father_ tried to do? It wasn't even Lauren's fault and it certainly isn't yours! I don't understand why you're so upset, my sweet, sweet man."

She didn't remember. I felt elated but guilty at the same time. Before I had decided whether to say anything or not, my mouth opened of its own accord. "I… I _hurt_ you Bella. At the stables…"

She looked surprised, and then… I couldn't read her. I don't know if it was because I was so scared or what but I just couldn't figure out the look that had flitted across her face.

Her hands were frozen in midair by my head and she leaned away from me slightly. "You… You remember what happened." She'd whispered it and she wasn't asking me, she was making a statement. I could not for the life of me figure out what she was thinking.

"Please, _please_ tell me what's going through your head right now." I reached for her, touching her shoulders lightly and my touch was enough.

She looked up into my eyes with a tortured expression, and whispered her reply to me. I could barely hear her. "You… You weren't supposed to remember that. They told me that you'd probably _never_ remember the events of that night." She tentatively reached back up to touch her fingertips to my eyebrows, around to my cheekbones, to rest on my lips.

Her voice was now stronger. "Edward, it wasn't you. _Please_ don't worry. I know you want me to forgive you but there's _nothing_ to forgive you for. You weren't… You." She smiled reassuringly at me and I felt my eyebrows pull together. Before I could say anything, she spoke again, sounding more desperate this time to convey how she was truly feeling.

"Edward, you were _poisoned._ It was a hallucinatory drug he gave you. You were delusional, incoherent. You thought I wasn't even really _there_ with you…" Her eyes closed slowly and I saw the tears leak from behind her lids, to slide slowly down her cheeks.

She repositioned herself so that she could place her hands to the back of my neck and gently began to pull her fingers through my hair. "Please, Edward… Don't be upset for what happened. I know you love me more than anything else in this world." Her eyes suddenly opened, she was only inches from my face and her eyes blazed like fire. "I love you more than my own life!" Her lips crashed into mine.

She was hungry for me.

As I was for her.

Our hands were all over each other's bodies and I heard her suddenly gasp, calling out my name in passion. I was completely undone. I had to have her. She rolled over on her back with me slightly hovering over her. We both stopped unexpectedly at the same time, with our breathing too loud, to stare into each other's eyes.

"I love you, Isabella. You are mine. Forever." I had planned on bending my head down to kiss her as passionately as I possibly could, when she placed her hands on my chest.

"Edward, there's something we need to do first." She was still a little out of breath from our shared passion. She quickly reached up to my neck and moved the chain around until she found the clasp. She undid it and removed it from me, sliding my wedding ring from it and turning her head, reaching her arm back to place the chain on her bedside table.

Her face came back to mine and she stared into my eyes, seeming to get lost in them, as she tentatively reached for my left hand. I moved my hand to hers and smiled as she placed the band on my ring finger.

"I will never remove it. _Never_." I held myself up with one arm and without taking my eyes away from hers, I slowly moved my left hand to her hip, to drag my fingers up and under the edge of her slip along her ribs, reaching for her breasts.

Unfortunately, I looked away from her eyes... And saw the marks on her side, that matched my hand all too perfectly.

I had actually bruised her beautiful body with the violence of my attack against her.

All the passion I was feeling at that moment, all the desire and longing, simply vanished.

I fell back to the bed and practically sobbed. "I'm sorry Bella… I can't…" I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, as if that would stop the vile, violent images from flipping through my head of what I had done to my love.

~~:::~~

I realized quickly that I was pushing him too hard. He had only been home from the hospital for less than twelve hours. And here I was, acting like a sex addict again. I sighed quietly.

I knew what he'd seen.

The bruises on my rib cage.

The bruises that would correspond with his hand and fingers. It didn't hurt, they were only bruises. I had been frightened of his actions but he hadn't really hurt me. Nothing like what it could have been if I hadn't realized there was something wrong and hadn't been able to stop him.

But I had no idea what he saw in his mind as he remembered that night.

I needed to be a loving, understanding, and supportive wife and partner to him. We would have the rest of our lives to make love daily, _hourly_, if we wanted to.

I stretched my body out next to his, placing my right arm across his chest and my right leg over his legs, wrapping around him. I whispered into his ear, "I will always love you, Edward. Always. I know you think that you hurt me but your memory is skewed, inaccurate. We will be together forever, so I will not push you into anything physical with me if you're not ready. I'm here for you. Always… Always…" I rubbed my nose against the part of his jaw right below his ear, giving him small kisses along it. I breathed his scent in deeply, smiling gently against his shoulder.

He gave a shuddering breath and placed his arms around me to squeeze me carefully but tightly into his side. His lips were in my hair, I could hear him slowly breathing in my scent, "I don't deserve you. But I will do everything in my power to do so, to be the husband you need and want." He let out a small sigh. "I love you more than my own life, Bella."

We laid like that, wrapped in each other's arms, until we both fell back asleep.

~~:::~~


	18. Chapter 18—Fulfillment

_"There are exactly as many special occasions in life  
><em>_as we choose to celebrate."  
><em>_Robert Brault_

CHAPTER 18: FULFILLMENT

We both awoke to light streaming through our bedroom window. I was still next to him but not quite as intertwined. I noticed that he was apparently more awake than I was, because he was watching me intently. I smiled brightly at him. "Hey sexy."

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head at me. "You're extraordinary, you know that, right?" He reached over hesitantly, running one of his fingers across my cheek, to stop at my lips. His eyes altered and I could see the want and devotion deep within them. His hand curved around my face, to gently hold me in place while he leaned over to kiss me lightly. "I love you, Bella. Never doubt that."

"I would _never_ doubt your love for me." I felt my eyes sharpen and he shook his head again.

"You were talking in your sleep last night. You sounded frightened." I started to protest, thinking he was bringing up what had happened between us Saturday night. He kissed me again to still me. "It wasn't about the other night. You were afraid I wasn't going to ever make love to you." He looked concernedly at me.

I gasped and turned away from him. I was embarrassed to the ninth degree. I felt the heat emanating from my own face and tried to cover it with my hands.

He carefully pulled my hands down from my face, searching for any hint of anger or fear. There was none, of course. He then held his left hand up in front of my eyes, his palm away from me. "Do you see this, my love? It's my wedding band. It means that I belong to you for eternity. That's why we wear rings, you know. Because they are in the shape of eternity—a circular band that has no beginning and no end, emphasizing the absolute and unending power of love."

He took my left hand and picked it up, to stare at my wedding ring. "See? Forever." His eyes came back to mine and I felt time stretch out, as if we were experiencing a small taste of eternity.

He blinked and the moment drifted away…

"Um, I'll be _right_ back." He swiftly got up, reaching for his cell phone from his bedside table and headed for the door, selecting a number as he went. As he reached his hand out to take the doorknob, he turned and winked at me with a huge, silly grin on his face. "Alice, hi…"

I was unbelievably confused and curious about this turn of events. He was only gone for about five minutes however and when he returned, he locked our bedroom door after himself.

Walking slowly back towards me, he turned off his phone and tossed it onto one of the chairs by the fireplace. I noticed his look had altered, he seemed… Very relaxed. Continuing his stroll back towards our bed, he unbuttoned his pajama top, taking it off and unceremoniously dropped it to the floor.

I felt the surprise color my face as I stared at his contoured chest. He was lean but muscular, with a very chiseled 'V' heading towards his nether regions, below his bellybutton. Even though I had seen him without his shirt on before, I'd never studied him as intently as I was now. I felt myself flush and sat up nervously.

He reached the bed and slowed down. Never taking his eyes off of me, looking at me very, very seductively, he bent down and placed his hands on the bed, then his knees, and sensuously moved towards me. He moved like a jaguar or a cougar. It was fascinating to watch him.

I tilted my head to the side and licked my lips. He smiled, wide and cheerfully, and then his smile turned into my favorite crooked grin, and then into something else…

Hunger. Desire. Longing. I felt my breath hitch…

He whispered to me, "We will not be disturbed, my precious Bella." As he reached me, he sat back on his legs, placing his hands on his knees and gazed down at me. I felt my head tilt back up straight and I started to get a little bit nervous. Was I supposed to do something now?

He gave a small laugh. "My love, I told you I was going to make it so wonderful that you would _never_ want anyone but _me_ to ever touch you again, remember?" I slowly nodded my head. "Well, that time is now. And I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do, so you don't continue to look at me like a deer that's been caught in someone's headlamps." As he'd finished speaking, he gave me a silly grin.

I laughed then. It sounded like bells to me. I was so happy. Not because he was about to fulfill his promise to me—though I _was_ very excited about that fact—it was actually because we had been through so much in such a short period of time, so much pain and heartache, so much love and devotion shown by both of us to the other… But we could still laugh at ourselves.

He started to laugh along with me and then we both slowly stopped our laughter, taking each other's measure, taking stock of how much we wanted each other. "I don't think I want you to explain it, Edward. Please just… Be with me." I was going to do whatever it took to not take my eyes away from his.

He gave me a seductive smile, nodded his head and leaned forward towards me, moving his hands from his knees to place them on each of my shoulders, gently pushing me back into the pillows. I obediently followed his lead, and relaxed into them.

While leaving his right hand on my left shoulder, he then very lightly and very, very slowly traced the fingers of his left hand across my forehead, over my eyebrows and eyelids, down my nose… He took his right hand off of my shoulder and then continued to lightly trace my features with his fingertips—my cheekbones, my chin, along my jaw—moving my hair slightly to run his fingers around my ears.

He carefully shifted his weight so he wouldn't become uncomfortable from maintaining the same position... After getting repositioned, and still using his feather-light touch, he ran his fingers down each side of my throat, stopping at the base of my neck. Turning his fingers and hands away from each other, so that his thumbs were tracing along my collarbones, he traced them out to my shoulders. He then trailed down the outside of my arms all the way out to each fingertip, tracing back along the inside of each arm… Still so, so slowly…

He moved his eyes from mine, to watch his own hands tracing over my skin. He moved his fingers down my sides and, for the first time, I squirmed at his touch, trying not to giggle.

"Ticklish, love?" He looked back up into my eyes and gave me a small grin. He didn't torture me with tickling, however… As his eyes and smile went back to a look of deep concentration, he went back to staring at his hands moving over my body, and kept moving his hands down my sides to reach the bottom of my slip.

My breathing hitched again as he looked up into my eyes, with need and desire held in their beautiful green depths. He gradually lifted my slip and when he had exposed my breasts, his breathing caught in his throat as well as mine. I sat up slightly so he could remove it from me more easily and he went back to tracing my features, starting at my bellybutton, moving up along my ribs, to stop before he reached my chest.

He bent his face low, tenderly kissing the faded bruises on my ribcage. He was speaking so low I could just barely hear what he was saying as he kissed each one. "I'm sorry…"

He wasn't telling _me_ he was sorry, he knew there would be no point to that since I would have only gotten upset with him. He was apologizing to my _body_.

I knew he needed to do this, to get over what he perceived as his assault on me. I knew he wasn't himself when these bruises had occurred but he needed to make it better, in whatever way he could. It was so tender and, strangely, extremely erotic.

As he reached my breasts, he stopped kissing my body and went back to tracing my skin with his fingers. "I love you, Bella."

I thought I was going to explode with longing.

How could he touch me so tenderly? How could he not want to kiss me there? I started to put my hands in his hair, to pull him back to my breasts but he stopped me. He pulled my hands from around his neck and placed them on the covers by my sides. He was shaking his head. "I have to do this my way, Bella. Please, be patient. I will make it _all_ worth it, I promise you."

A tiny moan escaped my lips and his eyes met mine. I was holding my lower lip between my teeth and he smiled soothingly at me. "I promise." He mouthed to me.

I couldn't watch him anymore and closed my eyes. It was already too much. I gave a ragged sigh as he continued to run his fingers along my skin, back to my sides, around my waist to my hips, tracing the outside of my legs, my thighs, my calves, my feet… He went back up on the inside of my legs, and as he reached my inner thighs, I accidentally let out another moan.

This one not so tiny.

His fingers left my body and I felt my eyelids tightly scrunch closed. I felt myself yearning for him, for his touch. For him to touch me in the most intimate ways possible. _I'd rather he tickle-tortured me than this..._

But then suddenly his lips were lightly dragged across my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, cheekbones… Along my jaw… He even kissed each of my ears... Down each side of my throat, along my collarbones… He continued to kiss me, licking me slightly with his tongue every so often, in the exact same pattern along my body as he had with his fingers.

When he reached my inner thighs, kissing each in turn, I felt myself open more to him, moving my legs to make room for him and I whimpered. "Please, Edward, I can't take much more…"

I had reached down to touch the hair on the top of his head and had, I thought, only slightly tugged on some of it. He gave a grunt and I realized it must not have been so slight. I started to whimper. "_Please_ Edward…"

He came up from my thighs and with one hand on my hip, he cupped my face with the other. "Shhh, my sweet Bella. I love you. You know that." I nodded and closed my eyes again, feeling the tears squeeze out from between my lids. "I'm not trying to torture you." I could hear the proud smile on his lips, the happiness in his voice.

He was succeeding in making it memorable. He was becoming a little _too_ successful. At this rate, I wasn't going to make it to anything else without having a heart attack. I told him as much. "Shhh…" He was trying to sooth me but his quiet laughter was a little more obvious now.

I squeezed harder on my eyelids and he was suddenly kissing me fervently. _Thank God! _I had honestly believed, for just a moment, that I would spontaneously combust from his ministrations. _My_ eyes opened to see _his_ closed, kissing me as passionately as he could manage. The hand that had been at my left hip was now at my chin. My arms and hands had automatically gone around his neck and I was kissing him back just as passionately.

I felt the hand that had been caressing the other side of my face move down my side to stop at my right hip. As he continued to kiss me, he added his tongue into the mix. The hand that had been cupped at my chin now moved around to the back of my neck and he braided his fingers through my hair. I felt the fingers of the hand at my hip begin to press against my skin there, so that he could get underneath the elastic of my panties. He slowly started moving them off of my body and I was sure I was going to pass out from the incredibly deep ache I was feeling for him. I squirmed again but this time to wiggle out of my panties. His hand brushed low across my stomach and we both moaned.

He stopped kissing me long enough to take his pajama bottoms off and I could now see his own intense want for me. I had of course felt his manhood pressed against me on several occasions before, but I had never actually seen him completely naked. Glorious was the word that came to mind at finally seeing him in all his lithe, sensuous maleness. To be completely honest, I was a bit taken aback.

A look of shock must have crossed my face and it didn't go unnoticed. The hand that had been on my hip went to my face, "What is it, my love?"

Well, this was going to be embarrassing as all hell. "You're… Rather well endowed, Edward." I smiled sheepishly up at him. The look of shock that I had just felt across my own face was now evident in his. "Oh, O.k. Is… Is that a good thing for you?" He sounded confused.

I answered him by sitting up from the bed with one of my hands on his chest and the other on his face. I tried to look into his eyes as deeply as I could, to convey how very, very good that was. Instead of saying anything, I leaned forward and kissed him at the hallow at the base of his neck, along his throat to his chest, licking and kissing my way back up between his pectorals. It was his turn to moan.

I reached down with one hand and touched him softly, barely holding him in my hand, keeping my eyes on his. He sucked in a loud breath and his eyes grew wide. "Bella…" I let go to stop teasing him and reached up to put both my arms around his neck, sitting up on my knees to press my body against his chest, slightly spreading my legs so I could straddle one of his thighs looking slightly down at him as I did so. He automatically wrapped his arms around my body, looking up into my eyes as intently as he could manage.

"I want you to make passionate love to me, Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, before I can't stop myself and I just make love to _you,_ _myself."_

That was all it took.

~~:::~~

Well, I'd apparently done my job correctly. I'd never imagined hearing anyone say my name quite like that. Bella was almost hoarse from… Well, not to put too fine a point on it, yelling my name. Loudly.

I was rather proud of myself.

Neither of us would ever forget that day. Or that night. And, it was… Exquisite. We couldn't get enough of each other. She even did this one thing with her tongue… God. She was incredible. And she was _mine_. MY wife. Forever.

~~:::~~

Edward was… Beautiful. I was _very_ glad we'd waited. He kept every promise he'd ever made to me… Plus some he hadn't voiced but had decided to simply show me, with the things that he did… My God he was… Amazing. Breathtaking. So, so passionate.

He had been absolutely correct. In no way, not even in my wildest imaginings, would I _ever_ in a million years want anyone but _him_ touching me ever again.

For the next week, we managed to be polite in public but we were completely unable to not be touching each other in some way, all the time. And the evenings were pure ecstasy. Even some mornings… And a couple of the afternoons.

I got a lopsided grin on my face and sighed. He was the most tender, loving and caring man I'd ever met. It would be so easy to love him forever. It would probably take me that long to show him how much I appreciated him. How much I was thankful that he was _mine._ MY husband… Forever.

~~:::~~

In between our bouts of love making we would take time to talk. To discuss our trip back to his grandmother's for a few days, to go to San Francisco to work on getting my things moved to England and him meeting my friends and co-workers, and to take a trip to Forks, Washington to meet my dad.

I'd called Charlie a few days after Edward had recovered from his poisoning. There was an eight hour time difference, so calling him at 6:00 a.m. our time was about 10:00 p.m. Washington State time.

I called to explain how I'd met the man of my dreams. The man that I would be 'officially' marrying in a small ceremony in Connecticut in less than two months. He was quiet and then… He asked me if Edward would be able to properly take care of me, what he did for a living, what his parents were like.

I told him everything. He finally sounded happy for me. Esme had taken a few pictures of us at the party, when we'd visited with the grandchildren, and at the park by their house. I emailed them to my dad as we talked. As he looked at our pictures, I thought I heard my dad choke a little bit, and then, he spoke.

"Bella, you two are really… In love, aren't you?" He sounded amazed.

"Yes, dad, we really are. And I honestly can't imagine how I could ever have found someone as sincere, kind or loving as Edward. But… I did." I knew that he could hear the contentment and surety of my words in my voice.

"I sure love you Bells. I'm happy for you." He sounded like he really meant it. But, I think he was also a little confused… I just didn't pick up on that at the time.

I smiled. "Dad, you know that I'll want you to give me away, right?" I'd asked very tentatively. Since Jacob and I had eloped, he'd never had that opportunity. I wanted him to be part of _this_ ceremony, even if he wasn't part of the one with Jake or aware that I was already sort-of married to Edward. I figured I'd let that one go unsaid… It was just too difficult to explain.

Charlie told me that he would be honored and proud to walk me down the aisle. I informed him that Edward was going to be taking care of the flight arrangements and that he didn't need to worry about it. He only needed to worry about getting the time off from work. He grumpily agreed.

By this point Edward was in our room with me, holding my hand and staring at me lovingly. When I smiled, he grinned roguishly at me.

After I'd hung up with my dad, after getting things settled as to when we'd be in town to see him exactly, I looked at Edward questioningly. As he played with my fingers he beamed at me. "You're so wonderful. But… Don't you need to take another shower… Or something…?"

He had a very seductive look in his eyes but I just laughed at him. "No, I do not, you pervert." He looked hurt.

"I am _not_ a pervert. I just really love my wife, that's all. And want to love her some more…" He leaned towards me to kiss me on the chin, beginning to trail down my neck with his increasingly tender kisses. He had started to move towards me to bring his arms around my shoulders to drag me closer to him, when I lightly jumped off of the bed.

"Nope! We've got things to do, places to go, people to see… Come on."

He actually pouted at me. "No. I don't want to."

I stared at him. Then I placed my hands on my hips. "Let's go, oh mighty Lord of the manor house. Before I have to _drag_ you off to work." I narrowed my eyes at him.

He covered his face below his eyes with one hand to hide his laughter. It didn't work. "Good lord. You're a _bossy_ wife…"

"Yeah and you love it. Let's go, lover boy." I ignored his laughter and started walking towards our bedroom door to head down to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Fine. Be that way. But I'll get you in my clutches later… Just you wait…" He sounded just like a petulant boy.

It was my turn to laugh. "Edward!" I said his name exasperatedly.

He was already following behind me however, and he looked hungry for more than just me, finally. "I guess we do need to eat every once in a while…"

"Um, yeah, before Mrs. Bailes comes up here and force-feeds us!" We both looked at each other and began laughing loudly.

We walked hand-in-hand to the kitchen and I explained what my plans were for the day. I was going to work on how I was going to change the guest room into my office. He nodded his head in agreement at several of my ideas and then told me that he had to head out to the back fields to check on the now finished sheep pens.

Things had gotten a lot busier for him around the estate since he _obviously_ didn't have James' help. Several of the older staff came to us a day or so before to tell us how happy they were that James was finally gone. He'd never done anything untoward exactly against any of them but they just knew, as the years wore on, that something was very wrong with him.

Two of the younger boys, well, they weren't much younger than Edward, but still… They offered to work with him and help him with different aspects of the estate's management. One, Thomas, would be responsible for keeping Edward well informed about the livestock, and the other, Joseph, would help with the harvests of wheat and other livestock grains.

I was so proud of Edward. He was truly in his element. I couldn't imagine why anyone would rather live in London but I kept that to myself. I knew how happy Alice and Jasper and his parents were to live there.

I was just different. I was like Edward. I enjoyed the clean smells, the natural growth happening all around us, the liveliness of the animals, the beauty… It was very invigorating. It was also like living in a Jane Austen novel, I thought ruefully.

After breakfast we sadly went our separate ways. It was becoming a little silly, really. But we deeply, truly loved each other. It was hard to be apart for so many hours… But he had duties and I had things I needed to do alone, without him. I enjoyed the time I had to myself but I did miss him, too.

My mind wondered to thinking about our conversation from a week ago, about children. I really did want to have them—_His _children.

Thoughts suddenly came swirling into my head… I'd been on the pill for many years after Jacob had passed away, mainly due to issues I'd always had with female stuff.

I started wondering if I shouldn't just stop taking it sooner rather than later. As I mulled over the idea of having children before too long with Edward, I recognized that I would need to talk to him. As I tentatively decided this, I pushed it to the back of my mind since for the moment, I needed to work on how I was going to set up my _own_ space at the Cullen estate before I could start planning a space for children.

I sat in the middle of the big four poster bed in the guest room that would soon be my office with a pad of paper and a newly sharpened pencil, and got to work on planning it. I really didn't want to change much so I drew out what I was pondering.

I would leave the bed, the two bedside tables, and the armoire. I would remove the small tables and couch. I was planning on finding a rather large desk that would match the other furniture in the room. I thought I'd turn it to face the fireplace and the door, ending up with my back to the window. I wanted to use one of the large arm chairs as my desk chair and the other as a guest chair. On the wall opposite the bed to the right of my desk, I planned on having the entire wall taken up with bookshelves.

I laid back on the bed with my head on my hand, facing towards the window and staring out at the front gardens. It was so beautiful here. My thoughts turned to Edward... _He_ was so beautiful. Inside and out. I wanted to do something special for him but I wasn't sure exactly what…

Then I formed a plan based on our actions—or to be more precise, the _lack_ of action from that morning. I could even roll my discussion regarding children into the evening's 'festivities.' _Clever girl. _I smiled to myself.

~~:::~~


	19. Chapter 19—Passion

_"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility,  
><em>_like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron  
><em>_before it can give forth its spark."  
><em>_Henri-Frédéric Amiel_

CHAPTER 19: PASSION

It was a little after 6:00 p.m. when Edward got back home. I'd left him a note on our bathroom mirror that I wanted to show him something in the guest room, now my office, at about 7:00 p.m.

I knew from Thomas that they'd had lunch really late out in the fields. It had been at least 4:30 p.m. when they'd finally gotten around to eating something. So it wasn't a big deal that we were skipping our normal dinner time. We'd gotten in the habit of eating dinner around five.

I had everything already set. Lots of candles, some flowers and, of course, a large crystal bowl of strawberries. They were cleaned and already ice cold, with the stems and tiny leaves already removed. I even had a small bowl of fresh cream. I had several warm blankets already spread out in front of the now roaring fireplace of my new 'office,' with some pillows from the bed.

I was wearing only the nightie I'd acquired earlier in the day on a quick trip over to Chichester with Mrs. Bailes… Luckily for me, she'd needed to pick up something from the dry cleaner's there and I'd told her I needed something from one of the shops nearby. If she'd recognized the 'Victoria's Secret' store packaging, she didn't comment.

I heard him knock at the door and I smiled deviously. He had no idea.

~~:::~~

I'd been surprised by Bella's request. I knew she wouldn't be able to show me much about the room since it would already be completely dark by seven that evening. Being as it was already winter-time, it would actually start getting dark _before_ five. But I did as she asked. I would do anything she asked of me.

I sighed. She was so amazing and lovely. I sighed more deeply.

As I knocked and murmured her name through what was now her office door, I could just barely hear her answer coming from the other side. "Are you alone, Edward?"

_What an odd question…_ "Yes… Why do you ask?" I felt my eyebrows come together as I leaned my head towards the door, as if that would help me decipher the strange workings of her mind. She was so fascinating to me, so different than anyone I'd _ever_ known before. I smiled involuntarily.

"O.k., I just wanted to make sure it was _just_ you. No other visitors allowed, or else!"

_Strange but enchanting girl._ "Nope. Just me, in my jeans and a white oxford shirt. Um, are you going to let me in?" I could hear the laughter in my own voice and I heard her giggle as she opened the door to me.

She wasn't standing at the doorway… At least, I didn't see her at first. The room had a wonderful glow from the fireplace and… Candles? I'd stepped into the room about two feet when the door closed quietly behind me. I turned slowly, to see her leaning against the door, with her hands behind her back and a gloriously vivacious look in her eyes. I then took in what she was wearing.

My eyes grow wide since, she was actually not wearing much.

It looked like she'd gone shopping without telling me… I'd watched her unpack several days earlier and _this_ had not come out of her suitcase. I would have most definitely remembered this little number.

It was a dark, charcoal gray nightie; very lacy and _very_ pretty. Stunningly exquisite against her almost luminous, pale skin. It flowed over her body like water, hugging her curves in all the right places and swishing around her thighs most deliciously. "You're so…" I sucked my breath in. "_Spectacularly_ beautiful, my Bella."

I went to her as she brought her hands out from behind her body and held them out to me. As I reached her and our hands clasped, she turned me and walked carefully and slowly backwards towards the fireplace. "Um, I wanted to surprise you…" She was so radiant and bashful, while somehow managing to be strong-minded at the same time.

"You know that I can deny you nothing…" I told her very lowly.

She gave a little giggle. "I feel bad that I denied _you_ this morning. So, I decided to make it up to you." She gently closed her eyes to me for a few seconds before opening them again. She had stopped in front of the fireplace, standing on some rather comfortable and plush looking blankets. "And I never did get the chance to fulfill my little fantasy of hand feeding you strawberries."

She moved me around and started dropping to the floor in front of me. As smoothly as I could, I followed her down to the floor. I reached back and took my shoes and socks off, turning back around to reach for her. She stopped me.

"Um, no. I was serious Edward. I'm going to feed you strawberries, one at time, until you beg for mercy." She giggled and then carefully reached out to my chest as I was standing on my knees in front of her, and began to slowly undo the buttons of my shirt. "Let's just get you a little more comfortable first." I'd never seen such a devious look in her eyes before, and the shock of it stopped me from simply grabbing her and ravishing her right then.

She gently pushed my shirt off of my shoulders, both of us letting it drop to the floor behind me. She sat back down on the blankets and patted her lap with her hands. "Come here, Edward. I want you to lie down and place your head right here in my lap."

I couldn't even say anything I was so captivated by her beauty. I simply moved towards her, turning around and doing as she had asked of me. As I dropped my head into her lap, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I took note of just how luscious she smelled.

"Keep your eyes closed, my love." I felt her reach across me and pick up what I assumed was a bowl of strawberries. She reached back to the same spot once more and I wondered what she was doing. _Is she going to feed me two entire bowls of strawberries?_

I felt something rest against my lips and I could smell the sweetness of the strawberry and… Something else. She caressed my face with one of her hands and I obediently opened my mouth to her. She carefully placed the strawberry with… Ahh. It had cream on it.

I rolled my tongue around it. "Ummm, that's really good, sweetheart."

I could feel her bend down and brush her lips across mine. Very silkily, she spoke against my lips. "Don't talk with your mouth full." She giggled again as she sat back up.

I sighed peacefully, grateful for her attention and love. I told her as much. She didn't say anything. She kept feeding me the strawberries with cream but I did hear her sigh a few times.

After she'd given me what I assumed was the last strawberry since I heard the bowl clink against the table by us, I decided to _not_ reopen my eyes. I just reached up with both my arms and rubbed her arms lovingly. "I love you, Bella."

She bent down again and kissed me serenely. "I love you more and more every day, Edward. There couldn't possibly be a better husband in the whole world for me." I couldn't stop myself after that statement. I sat up and turned to face her, running my hands up and down her sides. "You're sooo sexy, my darling wife." I leaned forward and kissed her. The electricity was tangible again, practically driving us into each other's arms. I didn't think I would ever get over how passionate we were with each other.

But this electricity was different. I could sense that somehow there had been some sort of shift in our relationship. I stopped kissing her and leaned back from her slightly. I thought my heart would break when I noticed the look of sadness on her face but I pressed on. I wanted to know what had changed.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? Something's… Different. I can feel it." I caressed her cheek with as much love as I could and she stared at me for a few seconds in awed silence.

"How do you DO that?" She actually gave a little huff and sat back with her arms crossed over her lovely chest. "How can you _know_ so much… It scares me sometimes. But… I also love it." She smiled up at me and then her face looked sad again.

"I… I decided to stop taking the pill this morning. I was hoping… I was hoping we could start our family… Right away." I felt my face drop in amazement. That had not been where my mind was at all. I watched her arms fall and then very gingerly reach back up to my face with her fingertips. I moved my hands to her upper arms and held her.

"Does that make you… Angry?" She asked me in the most somber tone I'd ever heard her use.

"Isabella! No. Absolutely not. But… I do wish you'd discussed it with me first."

She started to blush. Heavily. "Um, we haven't actually _been_ together since… Since I stopped." She looked up into my eyes. "That's what tonight was going to be about, so we could discuss it. I wouldn't have seduced you without telling you, Edward. I wouldn't do that to you." She sounded a little offended.

I quickly brought her to my bare chest. "I didn't think that you were trying to trick me! I was just a little stunned by you wanting to start a family right away, that's all. I'm not opposed to it in any way, believe me." I kissed the top of her head. "But just so we're clear, if you just stopped taking it this morning, it's extremely unlikely you could get pregnant right away. I believe it takes time for the hormones to work their way out of your system, love."

She leaned into me. "Oh! O.k. … I'm pretty sure I knew that, but I was just so nervous about all of this..." She leaned back slightly from me, cupping her hands around my jaw. "And I still should have talked to you _before_ I stopped, though. I'm sorry. I…" She hesitated and I kissed her nose to reassure her, smiling at her to continue. She blushed a little more. "I'm just not… I don't know if… I was married before and never got pregnant… I'm…" She started to tear-up.

I kissed her forehead as I spoke against it. "Sweetheart, what is it?"

She moved her hands to my arms and placed her face against my chest, kissing me tenderly there. "I don't know if I _can_ get pregnant..." She whispered haltingly and I wrapped my arms around her in response.

"Bella! It doesn't matter to me how we end up with children! If you're right, and even after all my gallant and valiant attempts to impregnate you…" She giggled at me. "Even if you don't get pregnant, my love, we can always adopt… Don't worry. I love you and we're in this _together_. Always. O.k.?" I gave her my best crooked smile.

She looked up into my eyes then, with the most tender and amazed look on her face. "Oh, Edward. That's so… You're… The most kindhearted and loving man in the whole world." She reached up to my face again and pulled me down to her mouth hungrily. "I love you, my beloved." She sighed into my mouth as our tongues touched. That was it. I was done for.

I carefully laid her back down on the blankets, and, without taking my eyes off hers, removed her nightie from her glorious body. As I was doing so she reached down and undid my jeans, sliding them off of me with her feet. I hadn't bothered to put my boxers on that evening since I figured they'd just come right back off rather quickly once I was alone with her again. I'd been right.

We shared ourselves completely, enjoyed each other immensely, and made love together gloriously. Christening her new office, as I'd told her the next morning. She giggled brightly.

_God, I love her so much… _I thought as we drifted off back to sleep in each other's arms back in our own bed, early the next day.

~~:::~~

Well, the previous evening had, sort-of, gone as I'd planned… I just hadn't planned on getting so upset about telling him what I wanted. I hadn't been worried about being able to have his children until I'd actually voiced my desire.

He'd been so sweet. Every time we discussed something important or personal, we just became… Closer. More in tune with each other. _Is that even possible? _I sighed thinking about how fantastic our life together was and would continue to be.

He'd already headed off earlier in the morning to get some work done at his office, which was just down the hall. I giggled. Very convenient for our lunches together. Sometimes we even managed to actually eat some food.

I laughed a little louder and Mrs. Bailes looked up at me, shook her head and sighed. I was in the kitchen by this point and I was pretty sure she thought I was crazy. Still giggling, I smiled and waved to her, heading off to the library with my cup of tea to read for a bit before Edward came down for lunch. Today we would _actually_ be eating some food together. I couldn't stop an additional giggle from escaping.

Around 11:00 a.m. I decided to give Alice a call to go over some particulars about the wedding and reminded her about Edward and I visiting my dad and friends in another week. She let me know that she, Jasper and the kids wouldn't be going to Connecticut for Christmas after all, since they'd all be there at the end of January for the wedding. _My wedding._ I sighed happily.

We ended up talking for almost an hour. I really connected with Alice, and I was very happy that we were like sisters already.

We'd decided that Alice would do as much as she could from London and then she'd fly to Lizzie's mid-January to work with her Gran to take care of the finishing touches. Edward, myself, and the rest of his, Alice's and my family would arrive during the third week of January and the wedding would be held the following week.

I'd told Edward that even though he'd promised me that he would never take his wedding ring off, he'd have to put it back on the chain around his neck for our trip. It was just too much to explain, especially to Alice and also my dad. He wasn't happy about it but he understood. I reminded him that he really wasn't breaking his promise to me, since he'd be wearing it around his neck and therefore hadn't really taken it off. He was dubious but reluctantly agreed.

Edward came into the library around 1:00 p.m. to get me for lunch and, of course, we ended up getting a little over excited in each other's company. As we parted from our rather exuberant kissing, we rested our foreheads together and started laughing uncontrollably.

"You know, this is getting a little silly. What in the world is going to happen on the honeymoon?" I stood back from him still holding his hands and looking up at him suggestively through my eyelashes.

The green of his eyes suddenly got slightly darker and he sinuously moved towards me, letting go of my hands and placing his on my shoulders. He very slowly bent down to place his lips at my ear.

My breathing actually sped up.

"My sweet, beautiful and not-so-bashful wife, we'll just have to wait and see what our imaginations can come up with, won't we?" His voice was so seductive. I gave a little whimper and he chuckled very deeply before standing up straight and taking my hand warmly in his. "Let's go have lunch, love." He winked at me as he began dragging me towards the door.

I grumbled something about him being a tease and he just laughed at me. "You didn't have a problem with me teasing you last night." He stated rather cockily.

"Edward!" I playfully hit his arm with my free hand. He just laughed louder.

After lunch he took me out to see some of the back acreage and I asked him excitedly if we could visit the sheep again. I had been introduced a few days before, and I just couldn't get enough of petting their wonderful wool coats. My hands would end up nice and soft from the lanolin of their wool and they were so cute.

After a leisurely drive through some of the estate, we finally reached the sheep pens. I immediately headed in.

As several bumped themselves into my thighs looking for some treats, I caught Edward staring at me in wonder. I came out of the sheep pen I'd been standing in, carefully closing the short gate behind me and looked up at him with my nose scrunched and one eye closed.

"What?" I asked him, surprised at the look in his eyes.

He just shook his head at me. "I can't believe you're with me. You picked _me_. You are the most amazing woman, Bella. You've told me several times that you think I'm the world's best husband, but I'm telling you now that it's only because you've made me that."

We were both pretty dirty from the workings of the estate by now since we'd been out and about for several hours by then. I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, not worrying about getting him any dirtier. Without any hesitation he wrapped his arms around my torso placing his cheek on top of my head.

"I love you, Edward." I told him simply.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

We stood like that, quietly for… Well, I don't know exactly how long. Probably at least ten minutes. It was quiet except for the baying of the sheep around us. It was sort-of surreal and not very romantic but it was… Us. Just us, being together. I felt so content at that moment, that I was surprised at the errant thought that suddenly came unbidden into my mind.

_What was I going to do with the rest of my life?_

Besides the obvious, that I would be a wife, a mother, and a helpmate to Edward with the estate… Did I really want to go back to editing manuscripts? I realized that I didn't. I wanted to write. Fiction. Badly.

I leaned back from him, reached up and took his face into my hands, looking deeply into his green pools of veneration. "Edward, I don't want to work for Libellus Publishing anymore. Unless…" His eyes changed, to show concern. He'd picked up on the change in my voice. "Unless they want to publish _my_ works." I sounded… Decided. Sure. Confident.

He stared at me for a few more seconds before a huge grin spread across his face. "Excellent. I was wondering when you were going to figure that one out."

It was my turn to look a little confused. He let out a little huff. "Um, love, I read some of your notes… On your laptop. From your 'ideas for novels' section." He looked ashamed and a little nervous. "I'm... _Really_ sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

I laughed. Hard. "Oh my God, Edward, you little sneak." I was still giggling. "What made you do that?" I was curious.

He looked awfully embarrassed. "Well, after you roundhouse kicked Rosalie, intellectually speaking, of course… I got really curious." He swallowed, loudly. "By the way, I forgot to tell you how delicious that was to watch, as you handed Rosalie her hat about the music versus poetic license stuff." He was smiling broadly at me now, hoping I was going to be placated with his obvious attempt at dodging the subject of him reading through things on my laptop.

I narrowed my eyes at him but was still laughing. "My dearest husband, it's o.k. that you peaked through stuff on my laptop. But it's only fair that you let me peak through your stuff now." As I stuck my index finger into his chest, I raised my eyebrows at him to let him know he didn't really have any choice.

He wrapped his arms more tightly around my middle and began to sway me slightly back and forth. "You know what," He became suddenly thoughtful. "I think that's an excellent idea. I need to show you where all the important paperwork on the estate and my other holdings are and I need to get you together with my father about some other family-related items. We should do it soon, before the end of the month." Apparently without conscious thought, he'd taken my index finger into his hand and turned my hand so he was now caressing it.

"Oh… O.k." I was a little surprised. That hadn't really been where my mind had been going at all. I was thinking about other things that I might find on his computer; possibly photos of old girlfriends, a secret diary, that kind of stuff. Then… I had another errant thought. This one not so easy to voice.

"Um, Edward…" No point in belaboring the point, I thought. _Best to just spit it out._ "Do you want me to sign a prenuptial agreement or anything? Because I will if that's wha…" He never let me finish the question. In fact, he even raised his voice a little.

"I certainly do NOT. Don't _ever_ ask me anything like _that_ again, Isabella." He was actually quite mad, to the point that he'd squeezed my middle rather tightly.

"Oomph. A little too tight, Edward."

He relaxed his grip a bit and stared down at me. "I mean it."

"I believe you! Dang! I'm sorry." I felt it start, the blush and then… Traitor tears. I tried to hide them by placing my head against his chest but he didn't miss it. He didn't miss anything.

He was instantly contrite. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm just so absolutely _shocked_ that you'd ask me that." He lifted my face up gently by my chin.

"Honestly, I trust you _completely_, more than any other person on the _planet_. I'd assumed you'd know that by now." He bent down slowly, to place a chaste kiss on my lips and his next words came out in a whisper. "Completely. Always. Please don't ever forget that, o.k.? It hurts me that you think I wouldn't trust you, that I would ever even entertain the thought of you needing to do something like that, alright?"

I nodded and placed my head back on his chest as he lovingly stroked my hair from the back of my head down to my waist. "I love you more than anything and anyone else, Bella. _I would give everything I have away just to be able to be with you_."

I sighed contentedly against his chest, breathing in his unique and lovely scent. "O.k. I wasn't trying to offend you Edward. I just wanted you to know that I'd do anything for you, too."

I felt him nodding his head at me and I lifted mine to see his face. "Yes, I understand." He gave me his crooked smile. "But I'm very serious about what I just told you. _Nothing_ I have is important to me… Except for you."

He gently kissed my forehead. "Let's head back to the house now, o.k.?" He took my hand to lead me back to the Land Rover, to take me back… Home.

~~:::~~


	20. Chapter 20—Everything to Each Other

_"To the world you may be one person,  
><em>_but to one person you may be the world."  
><em>_Heather Cortez_

CHAPTER 20: EVERYTHING TO EACH OTHER

The time spent up to the wedding was a whirlwind. Amazing but crazy.

The trip to see his grandmother Lizzie was short but very, very necessary. She was so happy for us that she couldn't stop her tears from falling, even though she was laughing at us at the same time.

She was very excited to start working with Alice on the wedding. I knew I could trust Lizzie completely to keep Alice 'on task' and not turn the wedding into a circus.

Lizzie knew me almost as well as Edward did.

She'd already heard some snippets of information from Edward's family and even Angela about our plans. She told us that her book was going through its final revision phase and would be published soon. I was so excited for her.

And, for the first time, Edward was too. He was so comfortable with the topic that he had excitedly told her all about my aspirations. He was so proud of me. It was really wonderful watching him describe things about me to other people, as if he'd known me longer than they had.

The same thing happened when we went to San Francisco and visited with Angela, Carolyn, and their respective families. He was so cute talking to them about how he hoped they would be supportive of my writing aspirations. Carolyn just rolled her eyes and Angela tried not to laugh at him. They could see how sincere he was and couldn't help but be touched by his obvious love for me.

When he saw my apartment, he got very quiet.

"You lived here?" He seemed to have a pained expression. "I mean, it's very nice… But… It's so _small_…"

I chuckled at him. "I don't need much, Edward. I'm a pretty simple person." He was sitting on the loveseat and I sauntered over to him, standing between his legs as I placed my hands on his shoulders. He stared up at me with a bewildered look on his face. "The only thing I can't do without, under any circumstances, is you."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. He closed his eyes and hugged me fiercely. "You're not a simple person. And I'm hoping you won't feel overwhelmed with all the things I want to do for you and give to you." He moved his hands to my waist and pushed me back slightly, so he could gaze into my eyes more easily. "I love you Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen."

I smiled widely at him and let out a little giggle. "That sounds so wonderful, I can't even tell you…" I closed my eyes, running my fingers through his hair and sighed contentedly. "And I love _you_, Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen."

I reopened my eyes and gave him a wink. "Come on. I've got to give you an idea of what I need to have shipped home." As I moved away from him to head over to one of the closets, he held me back tightly.

He was so quiet I almost didn't catch what he told me next. "_Home_. You believe it. Finally." I looked at him quickly and his eyes were closed for the briefest moment. When he opened them again, I saw all the passion, understanding and love that he held for me in his glorious sea green eyes. "I'll love you forever. But I'm so glad you've finally come to accept that the estate is your home as much as it is mine."

I gave him a quick hug and we sighed together. And of course, he chuckled and I giggled at the same time. "We're silly. But it's so… Cool!" I exclaimed.

He laughed at me in earnest. "_You're_ very cute." As he stood up he stopped at my face to touch my nose with his, Eskimo-style. "Take everything and anything you want to, Bella. You know that cost is no object." He let go of me and I continued to smile at him as I headed back over to one of the closets in the corner of the little living room.

"Um, Edward… All the furniture here belongs with the apartment. I'll only have about eighteen boxes to ship to England…" I looked over to him nervously with my hand held tentatively on the doorknob of one of the closets. "And, honestly, twelve of those will be books." I smiled at him again and he walked over to where I was standing to place his hand on my lower back.

"Wow. You don't have many personal items, do you…" His eyebrows were a little knit and I automatically reached up with the fingertips of one hand to attempt to smooth them back out.

"No. I don't." I whispered. "I told you. You're the only thing I can't live without. Everything else simply doesn't matter." My hand drifted down from his brow and stilled against his cheek, and he automatically reached up to stroke his fingers along my jaw.

We stood there, staring intensely into each other's eyes for several minutes. His eyes softened and there seemed to be a glint of humor that had appeared suddenly.

He took a deep breath and placed both his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, let's be honest with one another. I think some of your books are almost as important to you as I am." He gave me that crooked smile I loved so much and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"O.k. If we're being honest… Then… Yes. You're right." I let out my breath loudly and dramatically. We laughed and got to work.

With his help we managed to pack my meager amount of personal belongings in about two hours. Carolyn took over from that point and handled all the arrangements to have the boxes shipped to the estate.

I spent the next week with Edward acting as his personal tour guide, just as he had for me. It was fantastic. We were both awed, inspired, thrilled and just plain happy about all the things we saw and did together while we were in San Francisco.

Then the part of the trip that I'd been secretly dreading crept up on us.

It wasn't so much that I was worried about my dad. It was more that I was worried about what he might have told Billy and the rest of Jacob's family.

I wasn't sure how they would take it that I was getting remarried. And then there was the fact that Edward couldn't be any more different from Jacob if he tried.

On the plane ride from San Francisco to Seattle, Edward and I talked about it. He confessed that he was much more worried about my dad than Jacob's family but he could understand my concerns. We both came to the conclusion that it shouldn't really matter what anyone else thought. We were past those kinds of concerns after everything that had happened between us and especially after almost both _dying_.

I had a very different take on death after almost experiencing it myself. And almost losing Edward in such a violent way…

It was much more terrifying than what I had experienced with Jacob. Even though I had no more choice in the scenario that played out with Edward than I had with Jacob, it was still much more intense and frightening. That's when I realized why I was so worried about Jacob's family meeting Edward.

It wasn't Edward I was worried about.

It was that they would know me well enough to see that I simply loved Edward more than I ever had Jacob.

That realization had me gasping. We were standing at the baggage claim carousel by that point and Edward looked over at me curiously, until he saw my eyes grow wide and my hands had automatically gone up to my face.

He quickly returned to me where I was standing and placed both his arms around my shoulders. "Sweetheart, what is it?" He rubbed my back to try and calm me. He gently lifted my chin to see into my panic-filled eyes and bent down and kissed me carefully. "Come on. Tell me. It's o.k. I'm right here with you." He was so good. So loving. I immediately put my arms around his waist.

"I… I know why…" I was finding it difficult to catch my breath and, as usual, he just kept rubbing my back and being inordinately patient with me. I leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around me. I sighed against his chest.

"I know why I'm so worried about Jake's family, Edward." I felt a sob try to escape my chest. "They'll know I love you more than I ever loved their son." I'd whispered my admission, feeling ashamed, and I couldn't look into Edward's eyes because of it.

I heard his quick intake of breath and didn't know what he might say about my little revelation. I held my breath waiting for him to say something…

He held me tightly for a few seconds and then spoke in a quiet but husky voice. "Bella, if nothing had ever happened to Jacob, you would be with him still, and love him unconditionally, would you not?"

I let my breath out slowly. "Yes." I whispered.

I felt him nod his head, almost in defeat. "And, as much as I detest saying this, you would be happy and you and I… Would never… Even have met." He was so still and calm that I knew he wasn't sure if he should expect me to respond to what he'd just said. And I honestly didn't know what to say… So I didn't _say_ anything.

I looked deeply into his verdant orbs while slowly pulling my arms from around his waist but never losing contact with his body. I ran my hands along his sides, to his stomach, up his chest, to rest my fingers and hands lightly on each side of his face. Even though we were basically in the middle of an airport, I completely ignored everyone and everything around us in that moment.

I reached up on the very tips of my toes, slowly putting my hands around the back of his neck, pressed my lips to his mouth. He tightened his grip on me and I took that as encouragement.

I slid my tongue along his bottom lip and he opened his mouth for me… I then slid my tongue along his teeth and pulled myself tightly against his body as our tongues explored each other hungrily. I kissed him with everything I had, as deeply as I possibly could. He responded in kind.

When some of the people around us started clapping, we broke our kiss and our arms slowly dropped to each others waistbands. He looked… So happy. Very, very happy. He reached out and squeezed my hands. "I have to get the luggage, love." I let him go and he turned to quickly get our suitcases.

We didn't speak again until we got into our rental car. I was the one to break the comfortable silence. I knew I needed to voice what I was thinking, to make sure he understood how I felt about Jake and… _Him_.

"It doesn't matter if they know how I feel. Jacob _did_ pass away. He _did_ leave me, even if it was unintentional. This…" I pointed to him and back to me. "This was _meant_ to be. I'm _meant_ to be with you. _Always_." I gave him a fierce little look and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

He seemed taken aback. Then… He laughed. Loudly. As he quieted and saw the look of shock on my face, he explained himself in a more subdued tone.

"You are absolutely right. And seeing the look on your face right now, the way you have your body set… It reminds me of the very first time we met." The look on his beautiful face morphed and changed to one more serious. He spoke to me softly.

"I knew the moment that I saw you at my grandmother's that I wanted to be with you. I was captivated by your beauty, mesmerized by your voice, intrigued by your gorgeous, deep eyes… I just wanted to run my fingers gently down your cheekbone…" His hands were gripping the steering wheel by this point. He turned his face back towards the front of the car and his eyes were closed.

"Jacob… Is _not_ with you now. Fate had something else in store for both of us… We _did_ meet." He took a deep, shuddering breath and I realized I'd been holding mine. His next words were whispered and I barely heard them.

"We _are_ meant to be. _We always have been_." He turned his head back away from the windshield and his eyes were on me, boring into me.

Everything happened pretty quickly from that point.

At the same time he was turning in his seat to face me, I was turning to reach for him. It was awkward in the front seat of our sedan to reach each other… But we did.

Our hands were moving over each other's faces, arms, torsos. We crashed into each other to kiss fiercely, more intensely than we had before… I didn't know how that was possible but we did. I wanted him. Right there. In the car. I tried to get over the center console to climb onto his lap but he stopped me. We were both panting by this point and he simply grabbed my hands and held them tightly to his chest.

"I love you Bella. We don't have to… Do this. Right now, in the car. I know you love me more than anything else in this world and I'm so proud and honored to be the one that you want to share yourself with."

He'd controlled his breathing by this point and I was starting to come down from my 'Edward high.' I think I even giggled, sounding as if I was a little drunk. Which I was. I was drunk from his love. "I love you so much Edward."

As he stared intently and lovingly into my eyes, I felt my face flush a little bit. I looked down from his penetrating eyes to stare embarrassingly at my hands on his chest, as he held them there.

"But you're right… I shouldn't have attacked you like that." I hesitated and he tensed slightly. He should have known better by that point. I let my voice get a little husky. "I should at least wait until we're at our hotel room. To ravish you. Completely." I looked back up into his eyes to see that they'd changed from loving to sultry.

"Ohhh, Bella... What you do to me…" He closed his eyes again and I could see he was shaking a little bit. I extracted my hands from his chest and leaned back into my own seat, fastening my seat belt.

As his hands went back to the steering wheel, I watched as his chest rose and fell. He was trying to calm himself. I had done that to him. Just knowing that I _could_ do that to him made me feel empowered and… Well, sexy.

I giggled again and he slowly shook his head at me, while stealthily trying not to let me notice that he was driving rather fast, to get us to our hotel room as quickly as possible.

~~:::~~

The next morning, as we pulled up to her father's home I couldn't help but feel nervous. I knew that he was the town of Fork's Sheriff. I also was extremely aware that I had made passionate love the night before to his only child, his daughter. Multiple times. In several different positions.

I swallowed loudly.

I felt Bella's eyes on me. She gave a little 'tsk' sound with her tongue against her teeth. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you are, for all intents and purposes, my husband. He's not going to get the shotgun out." She actually sounded exasperated. I had to smile. _How had she known what I'd been thinking?_ She amazed me every single day. She was, simply, my soul mate. My other half. And I loved her completely.

"I hope not. I know you think I'm infallible but I am not bullet proof." I sighed as she giggled at me.

As I came around to her side of the car to help her out, I heard the front door to her childhood home open behind me. As I reached for her hand she looked into my eyes and gave me a seductive smile. As she got out, I couldn't stop myself from gently running the fingers of my other hand down her arm to rest on her hip. We both heard a rough cough and turned to see her father, Charlie, standing just outside the entryway watching us. I decided right then and there that she was right. I should not feel intimidated by him or really anyone.

She had chosen me. She was mine and I was hers. It was just that simple.

As she was standing next to me by the car, she began to wave towards him obviously happy to see him. I possessively placed my hand on the small of her back and walked up to the front door very close to her, so that my hip was touching her side.

I would be very polite and respectful because that's the way I was raised and that's what he deserved.

But I would make it clear with my body language that she belonged to me now. In every way.

I felt Bella tense beside me for a moment. As I reached for his hand to shake it, she relaxed slightly. "Sheriff Swan, I'm Edward Cullen. It's so wonderful to finally meet the man that raised and nurtured my future wife."

He was completely taken aback by my words but when he shook my hand he was warm and, if not friendly, accepting. "It's certainly nice to meet the man that's completely stolen my daughter's heart. Please, call me Charlie, Edward."

As we stared into each other's eyes, silently promising each other that we both loved her unconditionally, I heard Bella let out a loud breath.

"O.k., that's enough male 'bonding' for now. I'm a little tired and would like to lie down for a little bit." She huffed a little at the end of her statement and Charlie and I let go of each other's grip. We both laughed. Heartily. The ice was broken and Bella was hugging her father warmly as they moved into the small living room.

He whispered something to her that I couldn't quite hear and I saw her nod her head to him in the affirmative.

He went into what I assumed was the kitchen and asked me if I'd like a beer. I absentmindedly answered him with "That sounds fine," and quickly went to Bella's side as she reached the stairs.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?" She looked a little upset and I hoped I hadn't done something wrong…

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm just so glad you've finally met, that's all." She smiled lovingly at me and I felt my knees go a little weak. "Is it alright if you stay downstairs with my dad, I just need to lay down for a little bit… I'm really tired all of a sudden."

"Of course, love. I'll come up and check on you in… What do you think, about an hour or so?" She turned on the step she was on to face me, lifting her hands up to caress my lips with her fingers.

"Hmm, yes, that sounds good." She leaned forward and kissed me, since she was basically at my height. I smiled against her lips and gave her a little peck on the cheek. "Love you."

She looked deeply into my eyes. "I love you too, Edward. Forever." Her smile was gentle and I couldn't help but love her a little more. We both sighed and she turned to head up the stairs.

Charlie was already seated in his armchair, so I took a seat on the couch that was next to him. He gestured to the bottle of beer on the coffee table in front of me and I quietly thanked him.

"Well, Edward, I'm sure that Bella told you that she'd called me a little while back to tell me about you two. And, being told that you were British and loved soccer, I decided I had to find a game that we could watch together. What'da think?" His mustache twitched but he seemed very sincere.

"That would be great!" I was excited to see a game; I'd missed a lot of the previous season.

We ended up watching a football game. Well, soccer to him. We both had a few beers and I really enjoyed talking with him about sports. I promised him that at some point in the future, we would all go to a baseball game together. I had never been to an American-style baseball game...

He told me about his new fishing boat. About his friends at the station, in town, and on the reservation. We spoke briefly of Jacob and I think he was surprised that I was as knowledgeable as I seemed to be about that part of Bella's life. I think he began to gain some true respect for me at that point.

If Bella trusted me so completely, then maybe he could, too.

I smiled as we continued to watch the game.

I was very glad we had come and that I had this opportunity to get to know Bella's father.

I just hoped he was happy to get to know me...

We were both startled by my cell suddenly ringing. I sheepishly took it out of my pocket and was surprised by the name that had flashed across the screen. I quickly answered it as I gave Charlie an apologetic shrug of my shoulders as I leaned forward on the couch.

"Gran? Is everything o.k.?" She proceeded to tell me that she hoped I was behaving myself in her homeland. I laughed out loud and got a confused look shot my way from Charlie. "Yes, Bella's friends and family have been very welcoming, and I am _of course_ on my best behavior." Charlie grunted a small chuckle while he took another swig of his beer.

We spoke for another ten minutes, and I could tell that Gran really missed not only me, but Bella as well. "Gran, you know Bella loves you very much. We'll be at your place in no time... Yes. I'll tell Bella you'd like for her to call you tomorrow. Details about the wedding. Of course, Gran. I love you too. Yes... Yes. See you soon."

I shook my head and placed my phone back in pocket.

"Your grandmother is quite a lady, isn't she?" Charlie was staring at me intently.

"Yes. She's the most amazing woman I've ever known. Besides my mother and Bella, that is." I was no momma's boy, but neither was I ignorant of the powerful influence all the women in my life currently had over me.

I liked it. And apparently Charlie approved too.

"Good answer boy. Good answer." He nodded his head towards me while taking one last swig from his bottle. "You _might_ be alright."

I realized I might be just a bit more than alright in Charlie's book for his daughter's love and devotion. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. I lifted my own bottle in the air towards him, almost in salute. "I do try, sir, I do try."

We laughed together at my reply.

~~:::~~


	21. Chapter 21—A Man of Integrity

"_Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it."  
>David Star Jordan<em>

CHAPTER 21: A MAN OF INTEGRITY

_Good grief!_ Could either of them have been any more obvious? I rolled my eyes as I headed up the stairs to my old room. I _was_ a little tired but I had the ulterior motive of wanting to force them to talk without me being there acting as a freaking referee. _Men._ I shook my head.

I knew they would get along o.k. once they broke through their obvious need to prove to the other that they loved me.

I quickly realized that my dad was still pretty protective of me. I also was becoming rapidly aware that Edward was a little possessive. I rolled my eyes. _How about extremely possessive._

I couldn't believe he'd walked me up to the door like that… As if he owned me, like he wanted to send the message to my _father_ that he had _claimed_ me. I started feeling really, really irritated, and then… I thought about how Edward had explained to me on the plane how he felt about meeting Charlie.

He'd also seemed pretty nervous when we'd first arrived and I had tried to make him feel more certain of himself. _I obviously had been extremely successful. _I laughed to myself. _I've created a monster._ I knew that Edward respected me. Valued my opinions. Even deferred to me on things. He wasn't trying to be disrespectful; he was trying to show my dad that _he_ would be the one to take care of me now and that Charlie didn't need to worry.

I also realized that to my dad, Edward was the boyfriend, the fiancé, the 'other man.' He had no idea that Edward was basically already my husband. I decided that when Edward came up to check on me, I would ask for him to stay in my room for a little bit so I could speak with my father alone. He needed to know how completely I was in love with Edward, that there would never be anyone but him for me from now on.

~~:::~~

I was apparently a lot more tired than I'd realized, since I ended up sleeping for almost two hours. We'd arrived in the late morning and I was pretty sure my dad wasn't prepared for us to eat at the house. He probably had plans to take us to his favorite steak house in town. I smiled to myself. Edward would like that; something else they had in common—enjoying a good meal that included red meat as the main course.

As I stretched out on my old bed, wondering when Edward would be coming to check on me, I heard my bedroom door creak just a little bit.

Seeing Edward tentatively enter my room made a wide smile appear across my face. As I finished stretching out, sort of cat-like, his eyes darkened slightly.

"Hi there, beautiful." He had a smirk playing across his features. "You look comfy." I giggled as he came and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Your dad wants to take us out for a late lunch… Are you hungry, love?" He gently ran his fingers down my cheek and I felt my body begin to respond to his touch. As much as I wanted to reciprocate his obvious want for me, I knew that Charlie was just downstairs… I sat up and as I stood, I patted him on the head. He chuckled at my antics.

"That sounds great. I am pretty hungry, actually." I gave him a happy smile. "Um, could you do me a favor, though?"

"Anything, love." He was still sitting on the edge of my bed and was now looking up at me expectantly.

I felt my eyes narrow at him just slightly. I wanted to be crystal clear. "That little stunt you pulled when we walked up to my father's home? I understand that you wanted to be clear that we're together but Edward…" I softened my eyes and reached out to place my hand on his shoulder. "As far as he's concerned your basically just a man who's interested in his daughter. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

His eyes grew slightly wide and then… Just a little defensive. "You belong to me now, Bella. I just wanted to make that point clear."

He then carefully placed the hand of the arm I was resting against on my hip, as he reached across his chest to place his other hand on top of mine on his shoulder. "But yes, I understand."

He raised his other hand from my hip to run it quickly through his messy, sexy hair. "He doesn't know or completely understand the depth of our love, and therefore feels rather protective of his only daughter." Dropping his hand from his hair he turned his face to kiss my hand. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I promise I'll be more respectful."

He sighed gently against my hand, giving the area between my thumb and index finger a tiny lick with the tip of his tongue then kissed it. "I didn't mean to make you feel like an object, Bella. I promise to be more respectful towards you as well." As he'd spoken, he looked up at me through his eyelashes a little sheepishly.

"I'm not sure that little move you just did with your tongue supports that statement but…" I sighed in response to him. Not exasperatedly. Not annoyed. But in contentment. "I love you so much, Edward." I squeezed his shoulder as I closed my eyes. "Thank you."

I opened my eyes to gaze at him. He was gorgeous but he was more beautiful on the inside. And that's what really mattered. And I knew that's what would ultimately matter to my dad as well.

"Can you stay up here for a little bit? I'll tell my dad you were tired, too. I need to tell him… To explain that we're a package deal, Edward."

He seemed to consider it for what it was; a request for him help me help Charlie understand our situation, and to bring us all closer together more quickly. He nodded his head and flopped backwards onto my bed.

"I can't promise you that I'm actually going to sleep in your old room, though. Knowing that you slept here for so many years…" He raised his head up to give me a silly but sexy look.

I shook my head in exasperation at him but he knew I was happy. "Whatever! I'll come back up and get you in a little bit." We both laughed. He could read me so, so well…

And my dad could too. As I came down the stairs without Edward, he was standing by his armchair in the living room and I nervously realized that I'd sort-of forgotten that…

"Bells… What the hell is going on with you two? I understand that you're planning on getting married, I remember what you told me over the phone a few weeks ago, but you've only known each other for a _few months_, for cryin' out loud! And… He's…" He was trying to whisper but he was still a little loud.

"Dad! Calm down. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, so you don't need to yell." I walked past him and sat down on the couch slightly stiff.

He slowly dropped his frame into his armchair and stared at me for several moments. He then spoke very quietly. "You love him more than you've ever loved anyone in your life. Even Jacob." He wasn't accusatory, he was making a statement. "And, I'm not saying I _don't_ like him. Because... Well, honestly, he seems like a good guy, its just..." My dad stopped and looked up at me exasperatedly.

I sighed as I smoothed my gray, eyelet skirt out that I'd decided to wear. I'd wanted to wear something feminine and pretty. I wanted my dad to see that I was different than when I'd been with Jake, a little more ladylike and less… Well, less indifferent, careless.

My top was a simple, white short-sleeved silk blouse with a dark gray cardigan over it. Other than my engagement/wedding ring, I'd also worn the bracelet that I'd gotten when Rose took me to Emmett's store. I wore it on my right wrist, and as I'd crossed my legs and rested my right hand on my knee, he saw it.

"My God, Isabella. How wealthy is he?" Now my dad was apparenly starting to feel a bit apprehensive. I suppose between the ring and my bracelet, it would be a little shocking to him. I'd never warn anything like these pieces before in my life.

"Dad. I know you think that things with Jacob and I were perfect_ but they weren't._" I stared into my father's eyes until I could see him finally listening to me. He was confused but he was listening. I could see the wheels turning in his head, to try and decipher where I was going with this.

"I need for you to understand, that with Edward…" I closed my eyes for just a moment and let out a small sigh. "Things _are_ perfect. He's perfect for me, and I'm perfect for him."

He crossed his arms over his chest and I had to fight to not laugh at him. _Like father, like daughter…_

"Regarding the money issue... Even though it's completely irrelevant to why we're the way we are with each other… I didn't even know about Edward's financial situation until _after_ we'd gotten serious. He is… tremendously wealthy. I'm not going to even try to conceal that fact. I'm also going to do my best to not fight him on wanting to buy me things, because he only wants what's best for me. He only wants to take care of me… And, well, love me."

I leaned forward and reached over to my dad's knee to gently squeeze it. "He's everything to me Charlie, and he wants me to _be_ anything, _do_ anything that I want to." I felt the tears coming… My dad could sense it too and had moved his arms down from across his chest. He was holding my hands in his. "He's… _The other half of my soul, _dad."

He sucked in his breath tightly and looked mystified and then… Enlightened. He was finally beginning to understand. I don't think he'd fully accepted things before but now he was trying. Because he loved me. And he realized that Edward truly, deeply loved me too.

"If he's the one Bella, all's I can do is support you in your decision." He pulled me up to stand in front of him as he stood. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a tight hug. "If you're happy, then I'm happy. And, Isabella?" He looked down at me and smiled one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seen on his face. "If he ever hurts you, I'll kill him."

I laughed and rested my head against his chest for just a second before he released me. "But, honestly, Bells, I don't think he ever would."

I blushed as I responded to him, so as I spoke I took the opportunity to turn to head up the stairs to go and get Edward. "Thank you, dad. I know he wouldn't either."

As I reached the first step of the stairs, I ignored my blushing cheeks to turn and face my father again. "I suppose that we're all pretty hungry by now, so I'm going to get Edward so we can head out, o.k.?" He nodded to me and I went to get my best friend, my confidante, my lover, my conspirator, my husband… _My everything._

~~:::~~

As Bella came into her room, I wasn't sure if she'd want to know that I'd heard everything that she and her father had said. I didn't want to embarrass her but I didn't want to hide anything from her, either.

I got up from the bed with my arms open wide for her, waiting for her to enter her old room.

As she came into the room expecting me to still be on her bed, she looked a little surprised and then… She came to me and melted into my body as we wrapped our arms around each other, holding each other tightly.

"You always know exactly what I need." She turned her face to my chest, took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Though, honestly, part of what I need we can't really accomplish here and now…" She looked up into my eyes trying to look innocent but failing miserably.

I shook my head at her slowly and chuckled. I changed my face to a more serious look. "Just so you know, I heard everything that you and your dad said." She tensed a little bit but I continued quickly. "But I don't really want your dad to kill me before the wedding. Rather too difficult to explain to everyone why the groom never arrives, don't you think?"

She stifled a giggle and reached up to me on her toes to kiss me. I reciprocated, of course. "Love you." I rubbed noses with her.

"Love you…" She gave a little sigh. "We should go back downstairs. I'm kind-of hungry and I'm sure you are too. My dad's going to take us to his favorite steak house. You'll love it. Lots of red meat and manly talk."

I laughed at her. But… I suddenly wanted to know what it was that her father had asked her before she had ever even come upstairs, when we'd first arrived. I held her in my arms and looked into her eyes more seriously. "Bella… The only thing I couldn't hear was what your father asked you right before you came up here the first time, before you took your nap. Will you tell me? Or is it too personal?"

She moved her hands from around my torso to rest them on my chest. "Edward, there isn't anything that's 'too personal.' I'll tell you about anything and everything you ask me. You know that." She gave me my favorite smile. "He wanted to know if you were always… So… Intense. About me." She actually batted her eyelashes at me. _Beautiful, sexy wife of mine._

I felt a little nervous. I had probably gone overboard in setting my boundaries around Bella. Just a little bit. I suppressed a chuckle. "Yes. I am. _Especially_ when it comes to you."

She blushed. Before I could wonder why, she told me. "Um, Edward, I know I berated you a bit for that but really… It was very… Well, if not exactly romantic… It was really sexy."

The air in the room suddenly felt too warm for me… I started to get that feeling of pulsing electricity when things became passionate between Bella and I. Before I did something impulsive like ravish her right there, I attempted to calm myself by moving away from her body. So she wouldn't think anything of it, I quickly took her hand in mine. "Let's head downstairs now, love."

I wanted to carry her down the stairs but I refrained. I settled for continuing to hold her hand as we walked down to meet her father.

I ended up not letting go of her hand for almost the entire evening. Quite a feat. But I instinctively knew that would tell Charlie more than anything else I could say to him.

We had a great time. He seemed more relaxed around me by the end of our evening. I was relieved and glad.

I'd started the day out simply wanting acceptance. Then I had the overwhelming need to prove that Bella was mine. Which of course she was. But then… I wanted to be able to get to know her father as… Well, her father. Remembering what I'd told him when I'd first met him and shook his hand, _that_ really was what I wanted.

To get to know the man that had raised and nurtured my wife.

~~:::~~

We spent the next week visiting the places she had spent her childhood around. She had the cutest look on her face as she tried to explain her awkwardness during sports when she was in high school. I tried to explain to her how hard I found that to believe, with her current grace and ease. I received a beautiful deep blush to that comment.

She showed me her dad's trophy in the case at her school for Best Defensive Player in American-style football. She was very proud of him and I could see why. We'd already visited him at the Police Station for lunch and had a great time.

He'd been nothing but friendly and supportive as we'd gone around town, visiting places and people. Charlie even accompanied us on some of our excursions.

The one both Bella and I ended up being the most appreciative of his presence at, however, was our visit to La Push.

~~:::~~


	22. Chapter 22—Proving Oneself Worthy

_"Try not to become a man of success  
><em>_but rather try to become a man of value."  
><em>_Albert Einstein_

CHAPTER 22: PROVING ONESELF WORTHY

Well, this was it. The day I'd been dreading since we'd arrived. _I shouldn't feel nervous—I'm happy._

But I'd been married to their son and had endured along with them the difficult and heart-wrenching experience of watching him… Leave us. Painfully.

I knew that Jacob's family _wanted_ me to be happy. They loved me. I just wasn't exactly sure of their acceptance level. I didn't want them to judge me or my decisions since then.

I knew I was being a little bit selfish but I couldn't help it. They'd been so… Overwhelming after Jake had passed. They'd unintentionally made me feel like I was suffocating.

_Jacob_ had never made me feel that way… And how Jake's family had treated me was completely different than how Edward treated me now.

They felt possibly that I had abandoned them when I'd gone off to college. Then to San Francisco… And now I would be leaving them behind completely to live in another country. _With a new husband._ I let out a small sigh.

The Blacks and many of the tribe members that had always been close to them and Jake in particular had decided to have a barbeque at the main beach. It was really beautiful, so I was happy that Edward would get to see someplace that I'd spent so much time at during my childhood.

The trees that were prevalent all throughout this area of Washington were always green. There was always so much rain here that _everything_ was always green.

However, here, where the trees met the shoreline, where the pebbles that made up the beginnings of the beach heading out to the sand and the waves, the trees stopped. Knowing that going any farther would damage their roots, their very lives, you could say.

That's when I saw it—in my mind's eye. The Blacks were like these trees. I, and invariably my life, was like the beach, the sand, and the waves…

They were staying here, unchanging, happy in there continuity, as they were and as they would continue to be—Ancient and unyielding but still happy. Like the trees.

I, however, was moving forward, changing, like the rocks turning to sand. Through the machinations of the waves, I had been pounded, torn, broken down. But I was not staying on the beach, I was continuing out to the ocean to be polished and refined. I was heading out to sea, towards a new life, a new beginning.

Where Edward waited for me.

He kind-of reminded me of one of the Greek gods—Poseidon… But… Without all the bad traits. I smiled involuntarily at myself.

I looked for him then. I saw him standing and talking quietly to Charlie and Billy. They looked like they were laughing about something… I caught Edward's eye and he excused himself to walk over to me and sit down on the log I was sitting in the sand in front of, with my back propped up against it. I was really happy to see Charlie becoming more comfortable around Edward.

I was also really glad my dad had come. It reminded me of when I'd graduated from college. I told Edward about that day, of course. He hadn't even known me then but he was still so proud of me. It was really sweet. But he also understood the significance of my dad being a silent support of my choices to the Black's. Especially of my decision to move forward with my life so completely. Of my choice to be with Edward.

As we sat by the large, glowing bonfire that had been started right before we'd eaten a dinner of hotdogs and hamburgers, it was now time to introduce Edward to the magical art of s'mores.

As we ate our 'dessert,' he was suddenly like a little kid, trying to lick the melted marshmallow off his fingers that would leak out from between the graham crackers. It was so funny and cute.

We'd been laughing and enjoying ourselves, when Edward excused himself to go and get us some sodas. I suddenly felt someone sit down next to me, really close. I looked to my right to see Leah next to me.

"Oh! Hi Leah! I thought maybe you weren't going to be coming or something… I hadn't seen you…"

She cut me off. "I can't believe you're getting remarried. And to someone… So… _Different_." She'd said the last word with extreme disdain.

I had expected some negativity—I had received nothing but acceptance and love from Billy and everyone else, however.

I should have known that my luck had run out. But I refused to give in to her anger. I'd done nothing wrong. I decided to be brave. To be the woman that not only Edward loved but that Jacob had as well.

"I'm sorry, Leah, I didn't know you expected me to go into a nunnery after Jacob died."

I hadn't realized that I'd spoken so… Loudly.

Everyone else had stopped talking and I saw Edward across from me, only a few feet from the fire, with Billy right next to him. They, along with everyone else, were now staring at me and Leah.

Leah stood up quickly. "Of _course_ I didn't expect that. But you left… You left your home, your _family_… And now you're going to leave with _him_ to live in another _country_?" She had her arms down at her sides, with her hands balled into fists. She was visibly shaking.

I wasn't scared of her, I was more upset about how her words would affect _her_ family, my father, and… Edward.

I stood up slowly. So slowly that my father started walking over towards us. But I had something to say and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to finally get this out of me and off my chest.

"I loved Jacob. With everything I had." My voice was sharp. Cutting. _To the point._ "But it was never enough. Not for you. Not for your family. Not for his friends… It was as if you all thought I could somehow change what was happening to him. Jacob was the _only_ person who accepted what was happening to him. He accepted it much better than I ever did. He wanted me to be _happy,_ even then…" I started losing it but before I could even get a tear out or a sob started, my father was standing right next to me.

"Leah, I don't know why you would be so disrespectful to not only the love of Jacob's life but to your own family. Jake wanted nothing but happiness for Isabella. And, just so we're clear…" He swept his eyes around the fire, to take in everyone that was there. "She _is_ happy. Happier than I've ever seen her. She's come into her own, she's a woman now, and she's chosen someone that accepts her for not only who she _is_ but for whoever she'll _become_ in the future."

He put his arm around my shoulder protectively and gave me a squeeze. "She deserves no less, Leah." He let go of me and motioned for Edward who was already heading over to me by that point.

My father put his hand out to him as he reached us and grabbed it warmly. "Thank God I can let my daughter go and know that she's going to a better man than I have ever been."

Edward shook his hand tentatively. "No, Charlie. Thank you." He let go of my father's hand and turned to take everyone in before he turned to stare at Leah. "I'd like to thank all of you for helping Bella to become the woman she is now. I love her more than any of you could possibly comprehend. But she _does_ deserve to be happy. And I've made it my mission in life to make sure she always is. Forever."

He reached out for me just before he'd finished speaking and took my hand in his tightly, pulling me towards him. "Thank you for letting us visit with you. I think we'll head back to the house now." He turned to Charlie, "I assume you'll be home shortly after us, Charlie. Good night."

He turned us away from the bonfire, away from my former family.

_He_ was my family now. I felt it with every fiber in my body. And as soon as we were home, I'd tell, and show, Edward just how much he meant to me.

~~:::~~

As we boarded our flight to head home, I couldn't stop gazing at my Bella. She was very beautiful, yes… But her heart was what made her stunning.

I was surprised when we'd gotten home from the gathering with her former in-law's family at how calm she was. Especially considering how Leah, her former _sister_ had spoken to her.

She explained that it had actually gone better than she'd expected. She was almost in awe of her father. She was very, very thankful for me. She told me that her current state of happiness was strictly due to me.

I was then outright shocked at how she'd basically attacked me once we got up to her room. She was forceful, passionate, and very in control.

After we'd made love she told me that as far as she was concerned, _I_ was her family now. She owed nothing to anyone but me.

I'd wanted to claim her again right then. But her father came home and I didn't think it would be appropriate to maul his daughter after he'd so eloquently spoken up for her and had finally accepted me. Besides the fact his room was right across the hall from hers… And that pretty much stopped my advances on her immediately, knowing he could hear us. And he _would_ have heard us.

I must have had a sultry smile on my face as I was remembering, because Bella quietly reached over to me from her seat on the plane and very tenderly ran her fingers along my jaw. "I love you, Edward."

I reached over to her, trying to control my emotions as I touched her lips with my thumb. "I love you more and more every day, my Bella."

It was hard to not kiss her passionately right there on a plane full of people... _Wait, this seems familiar…_ I chuckled to myself.

It was getting a little strange—we were actually more and more amorous as time went on, not less. I thought that was a good sign. I told her my thoughts.

She snorted. I couldn't help but be a little offended by that. "What? You think that's _funny_?"

She became serious and I could see her want for me behind her hooded lids. "No, I do not, Edward. I'm just surprised that you think it's going to be any other way with us."

I had nothing to say to that. Every man's fantasy… I wife that felt the same way about intimacy as her mate? Incredible. I told her _that_ too.

I got a better reaction that time. The blushing and the giggling… _Ahh. My beautiful wife…_ She smacked my arm. "You're being overly dramatic. Besides how could I not want you all time when you love me as you do?"

I stared at her, wanting to convey all my love and affection through my eyes to her. She stared back and the electricity hummed between us. "Our eyes are windows to our souls, my love."

She kissed me softly then, "Most definitely, my beloved."

Needless to say, I was very happy and content during our flight back to England, back to our plans and aspirations, back to our home.

~~:::~~

Edward and I really were having a wonderful time touring Forks and the surrounding area, especially after the fiasco that was the La Push barbeque.

After everything that had been said at the barbeque, Charlie was now completely comfortable around Edward. Since he'd accepted Edward as being the most important part of my life, they were on pretty good terms. Better than I ever could have hoped for in such a short time.

I wasn't happy that the incident with Leah was the catalyst, but that was over now and I was just glad my dad was making such an effort to get to know Edward better.

We'd said our goodbyes to him and took a leisurely trip to Olympic National Park. In all the years I'd lived in Forks, I never once had taken the trip over to see it. It was… Spectacular. And we had tons of pictures to prove it. I shook my head remembering…

While we'd still been staying with Charlie, I'd received a package from a specialty photographic shop in Seattle. As Edward and my dad stood by and watched, I suspiciously opened the package. _Of course._ It was a brand new digital Nikon D700 camera. There were two general purpose lenses, a wide angle for landscapes, and a fisheye-style. As I slowly raised my eyes to stare at Edward, my dad made a quick escape.

"You said you'd start being accepting of the things I buy for us, Bella." I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already defensive. _I guess Charlie saw this one coming…_

I carefully put the camera down on the kitchen table and walked slowly over to Edward. He actually flinched when I reached out to touch his arm. I was a little offended by that.

"_Edward_, I'm not going to hurt you for wanting to buy me things."

He looked down at me sheepishly. "Oh."

I shook my head at him but didn't move my hand from off his arm… And I gave him a little squeeze. "But you don't need to always buy the most extravagant of the choices that are available!"

"That's not. There are three or four other cameras farther up the 'food chain' from this one…"

I stared at him incredulously. "Food chain?" I must have sounded a little shrill but I really had not been going for that at all.

He actually put the fingers of one hand to the bridge of his nose, pinched there, and squeezed his eyes shut. His other hand was now resting on his hip. "Isabella Marie, you know what I mean."

Uh oh. My _complete_ first name. And my middle name. I sighed, ready to give in. Again.

But I think I finally understood that I was only making things harder on him. I wasn't in any way 'helping' him to try and understand that he was being extravagant. Because to him, it wasn't. And it never would be.

I needed to stop berating him for being… Himself.

I stepped into his personal space and wrapped my arms around his middle. "I love you, Edward. I'm sorry I'm so ungrateful."

He let out a loud breath and wrapped both his arms around me placing his cheek against the top of my head. "You're not. I'm sorry I got so defensive. I just get so annoyed that I can't get you to understand that_ money doesn't matter to me_. Which, quite frankly, it doesn't have to since I have plenty of it."

We both chuckled. "O.k. Well, I'm still sorry I sound so unappreciative. I do appreciate you, along with everything that you do for me. It's just so hard sometimes…"

He squeezed me tighter to his body. "I know, love. But honestly, this purchase is as much for me as it is for you. I've always wanted a really nice camera and this seemed like a good time to go ahead and get it."

"I love you, Edward." I whispered into his chest.

"I love you, too, Bella." He whispered back.

As we made our way to Seattle, I realized that time was moving quickly. December was in full swing and we hadn't even discussed where we'd be spending our Christmas.

"Edward, was there anywhere in particular that you wanted us to spend Christmas together at?"

"Well, with the wedding not quite a month away and we've just spent the last couple of weeks or so with your friends and your family…" He grew thoughtful. "Can we go home?" He looked so hopeful. And honestly that sounded wonderful. But… I wanted to spend Christmas with just him. No one else.

I began to fidget and was I trying to get my thoughts together… And then Edward, was, well… Edward. "Sweetheart, we don't have to spend it with anyone else. We'll make it just you and me. How does that sound?"

I got a little emotional. I'll admit it. But it felt almost… _Supernatural_ sometimes. Like he could read my mind. "Oh! Really? That would be so… _Perfect_." Before he could say anything else, I started prattling. "Oh! I could make a traditional Christmas dinner for us, we could decorate the library… That would be so awesome! Like a Dickens Christmas or something! Oh, Edward…"

He openly gawked at me. And then… He laughed. Not at me but because he was so, so happy. "That sounds fantastic."

Once we got back home and spent some time working around the estate and getting things ready for my office, that's exactly what we did. His family was pretty understanding, considering… Even Rose and Emmett didn't get too bent out of shape about it.

We had a small tree that we decorated with only popcorn and lights. We had a wonderful meal that, of course, Edward helped me prepare. We had a small, traditional English Christmas cake—rich fruit cake with marzipan and a thick, fondant-type icing—it was so good… We watched old movies, popped Christmas crackers and exchanged gifts.

Amazingly we'd both bought simple gifts relating to the wedding. When I told Edward how completely in shock I was that we'd both been thinking similarly about our Christmas gifts, he laughed heartily, reminding me how in tune we were with each other all the time. "How could we not get Christmas right?" He'd said cheerily.

It was the best Christmas I'd ever had. And it was, I think, for Edward too.

~~:::~~


	23. Chapter 23—Intensity

_"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,  
>while loving someone deeply gives you courage."<br>__Lao Tzu_

CHAPTER 23: INTENSITY

As I stood in front of the tall mirror in Alice's and Jasper's room in Lizzie's home, staring at my own reflection, I couldn't help but feel nervous.

Even though Edward and I had been 'married' by his father almost two months previously, this was the ceremony that everyone had been invited to, to enjoy our union with us. The 'official' wedding, if you will.

As I continued to gaze at myself, I thought of my mother; not something I did lightly. I was sad that she wasn't here to share this moment with me. But I knew that she would be happy for me and accepting of our rapid escalation from romance to marriage. She'd also be secretly tickled that the 'romance' part of Edward's and my relationship would never end.

I felt sure of that insight about her. Because of my dad, I knew _that _at least about my mom. I sighed.

I also thought of Alice. She had been… Well, Alice was still Alice, but she had been so wonderful. I smiled, thinking of her exuberance.

She had accepted me from the moment she had laid eyes on me all those months ago at the airport in London. Which, I had to admit, was why I could tolerate her persnickety handling of the events. She wasn't doing it to be controlling. She just wanted everything to be perfect for Edward and me.

And, miraculously, it appeared that was exactly what we were getting. The weather was cold and rainy but no snow was expected to fall in the next two days. The tent on Lizzie's beach, with space heaters and chairs, was already set up. The flowers had shown up on time. My dad, Angela and Carolyn had arrived safely, Lizzie's home was warm and comfortable, and my dress… Well. It was perfect. _Of course_.

I sighed in happiness.

Alice had left the room to allow me to gather my thoughts as I stared at myself in my wedding dress for a final fitting. She was very adept with a needle and thread, and therefore was fully capable of handling any last minute alterations herself. As I ran my hands carefully down the front of the dress, I knew none would be necessary. _Perfect_.I sighed at my reflection in the mirror.

It was simple but elegant. Other than the light champagne color, it actually reminded me a little bit of the black cocktail dress that I'd worn to our first official party. I felt a grin creep across my face as I remembered how I kept noticing Edward's eyes would drift to my slightly exposed thigh while we'd been dancing.

No exposed thigh with this dress, however. The similarity was with the fabric and drape of the dress rather than it having any high slit.

It was silk satin chiffon, strapless, with a bodice that would subtly enhance my small amount of cleavage. The bodice had tiny roses embroidered over it in a darker color than the fabric itself. The fabric flowed down and away from a five inch band of fabric just below my breasts, which had a square cross-shaped embroidery in the middle. As the fabric travels straight down my body, there is a cascade of fabric that ends at the floor, trailing behind me into a simple train.

Tomorrow, for the actual wedding, I'd be wearing this beautiful dress with my drop pearl earrings from our engagement party, a small pearl and crystal tiara (no veil for me, thank you), and simple ballet slippers.

Even though my clumsiness had abated significantly as I'd gotten older, I wasn't going to take any chances, especially since I'd be walking on a thin tan carpet over sand.

I would also have two garters on my right leg, one to keep and one for Edward to toss away. I started daydreaming about him removing the keepsake one from me later the same evening… And sighed deeply. I was truly, exceptionally blessed. He was so perfect for me.

I had planned on wearing my hair down, in dozens upon dozens of soft, simple curls. I was pretty sure Rosalie planned on helping me do my hair, so we could spend some more time together before Edward and I left for our honeymoon.

Rose and I had become very close over the last several weeks, in part due to my surprise announcement that I wanted her to be a bridesmaid along with Alice. It was also because I felt like she was the sister I'd never had. We thought alike and had a similarly biting sense of humor.

She'd told me that she had been in awe over how I had handled things with her when we'd first met. _We always would remember the words to that particular song of Sting's… _I also remembered how proud Edward had been of me. It was as if I'd jousted for him or something. He was loving, intelligent, determined and even silly. He was amazing.

Looking back over myself once more in the mirror, I could actually see my love for him reflected in my eyes. I was beautiful because of his love for me, it was that simple.

As I thought about him, I again puzzled over the one item that Edward had insisted on being involved with. My bouquet. He promised to explain why he was so adamant about his choices to me before we left for our honeymoon.

It would be a hand gathered, garden style arrangement of gardenias, white and lavender freesia, procelina spray roses, blue hydrangea, accented with green dendrobium orchid blooms and sprigs of lavender. I shook my head… He could be so _stubborn_ sometimes.

My mind wandered back to thoughts about the next day and our impending 'official' marriage. I was aware of the fact that Alice had kept her promise to me and Edward about the wedding being intimate. The tent actually had canvas walls on three sides, with the open side facing out to the ocean. There was seating for thirty people, even though we'd only have about twenty in attendance.

The chairs were placed four rows deep on each side of a center aisle, which had a runner of thin, tan carpeting to walk down. At the end of each row of chairs, were tall, carved, wooden single candelabras in a light-colored wood, with large, ivory candles in the scent of lavender ready to be lit the next day.

For tomorrow all along the runner, around the chairs, and even all over the sand, tiny gardenia blossoms would be strewn. They would become more pronounced and appear almost as tiny snow drifts around where the pastor would be standing to marry us. I had no idea how or where Alice had found them but they were now safely tucked away in a large refrigeration unit in Lizzie's garage, ready to be strewn all over everywhere.

As I turned away from my reflection in the mirror to carefully take my wedding dress off, I took note that I was feeling nervous, excited and sad all at the same time. Nervousness about the ceremony, excited about being Edward's wife and partner in _every_ way, and sad about the family that would not be here to celebrate with me.

Jacob's family.

Before the disastrous situation that had occurred on La Push beach with Leah, I had thought I would ask her to be a bridesmaid. I had wanted them to somehow be a part of my life forever.

But, like Jacob, that was not going to happen—I was painfully aware now that it was simply not meant to be. They had their lives and I had mine. We were simply not destined to be anything other than memories to each other in this life.

My _true_ destiny was now to be with Edward.

As I placed the wedding dress back into the garment bag that Alice had draped over one of the sitting chairs in her's and Jasper's room, I remembered the promise that Edward and I had made to each other. That we would never sleep apart, for _any_ reason.

Knowing Alice as I did, I knew this was going to be an almost impossible task. She wanted everything to be perfect and traditional. Which meant that after the wedding dinner tonight, Edward and I were not supposed to see each other again before the wedding tomorrow.

Alice was very… Intuitive. She had been keeping a close eye on Edward and me for the last two days. I was overwhelmed with the wedding and hadn't been able to come up with a feasible plan on how we were going to get around her to be able to be together tonight.

I needn't have worried.

As usual, Edward had everything well in hand and planned to a tee.

~~:::~~

The dinner had gone fantastically. Much to Alice's chagrin.

She had been livid that Lizzie refused to let her do any of the food for either the dinner or the reception. But, as was normal for Lizzie, she and George outdid themselves. It had been a simple dinner, with shrimp salad, lobster bisque soup, and filet mignon steaks with roasted vegetables; including miniature red potatoes—my favorite. Even Alice had begrudgingly admitted that things had worked out well. She really could be scary when she chose to be but she had a heart of solid gold. I loved her like a sister.

Everyone except for neighbors of Lizzie's had been invited to the dinner. With such a small wedding party, it hadn't really been a big deal.

We'd laughed and laughed, with Esme sharing embarrassing stories about Edward, and Charlie sharing some about me. I watched them throughout the evening, catching several times where Charlie would lean over to Edward and whisper something that would make them both laugh loudly.

I was amazed at the bond that had formed between my dad and Edward. It was very comforting to me, since I knew how difficult it would be for Charlie to have to let go of me again emotionally. I was fairly certain that the time I'd spent in San Francisco had been a good preparation for us both. We were pretty good about sharing stuff over the phone with each other now.

I'd also made him promise me that for his next vacation, instead of taking a fishing trip, he would come and visit us in England. He promised that he would work on getting his passport as soon as he got back to Forks the following week.

I think it helped his resolve to come over to visit us when Edward told him that he kept the largest lake on the estate fully stocked. The two of them could go fishing for carp and pike together.

My dad was suitably impressed.

As the evening was winding down, Edward was about to get up to get something from the kitchen. As he'd gotten up, he very distinctly and slowly ran his pinky finger up the side of my leg, all the way from my knee to my hip. Even though we were always touching in some way when we were together, this was something different.

I looked up into Edward's eyes questioningly and I watched as his eyes furtively danced around the table. My father was talking animatedly with Esme, and Carlisle and Alice was being distracted by her twins and Jasper. Everyone else's attention was engaged elsewhere except for Lizzie, who I thought was in the kitchen. He looked back into my eyes for several long seconds and I realized he was trying to communicate something to me.

I was certain it had something to do with our sleeping arrangements for the evening.

I turned my head away from him as he finished getting up to leave and started a conversation with Rose and Emmett. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that even though Alice was busy, she was still keeping an eye on Edward and me. Since I appeared to be busy as Edward was walking away from the table, she went back to what she'd been doing.

After a few minutes, Alice got up from table to take the twins to her room to put them to bed. I mentioned to Esme across the table that I still wanted to talk to her about some of the furniture in Lizzie's front sitting room—there were some fantastic pieces that she'd picked out before she'd left to live in England with Carlisle.

Charlie sounded interested in seeing the small gun collection that Lizzie had, which was located in the same sitting room. So, as Alice was leaving with the twins, Esme, Carlisle, my dad and myself headed out also. Rose mentioned that she and Emmett were going to help Lizzie and George clean up, which pretty much left Jasper alone. After we all stopped giggling and laughing over the look that had crossed Jasper's face, he went to follow Alice to help her with the twins.

As our group headed for the front room, Esme touched my arm gently with one hand and as I turned to see what she wanted, she held the index finger of her other hand up to her lips.

Esme was in on the plot.

My dad didn't notice us stop behind him and Carlisle and as I watched, a small, knowing smile crossed Carlisle's lips. He took Charlie's elbow and pulled him into the room towards the gun case. As they began talking animatedly, Esme pulled me towards the library.

"O.k., you're going to be meeting up with Edward in the library." She said slowly and conspiratorially.

I quickly stifled a giggle. "O.k.!" I whispered back.

When we reached the library door she pulled me into a tight hug. As she let go, she gazed lovingly into my eyes and nodded her head towards the door. I broke from her embrace and reached my hand out to touch the knob. Esme walked towards the kitchen then, leaving me alone and slightly shaky at the library door.

I wondered at that. Why was I feeling so anxious, even nervous? Was it just because I was afraid of Alice's wrath?

No. It was because I was about to be with Edward in a different way than I ever had before. It felt like it should have the first time we'd planned on making love together. All the anticipation, nervousness, and excitement was there but without the hurt and misunderstandings of the first time I'd _thought_ we were going to be together.

This was his way of making it up to me.

He had tried before of course, with our Coates Estate marriage ceremony but even that had been marred. By James.

This time was different because this time it would _remain_ special and untainted. Even if it wasn't as unbelievably earth-shattering as the first time we had made love, it would still always be very special.

Just like Edward.

~~:::~~

I had, of course, planned everything. Even working out in my mind every possible contingency I could think of, just in case.

It had gone much more smoothly than I had anticipated. Mainly due to my parents, Lizzie, and Bella's quick mind and easy going manners.

She was standing in front of me now with her back to the closed and locked door of the library, her hand still on the doorknob, putting her left arm behind her back to maintain that connection, with her right arm relaxed at her side. Her head was slightly titled as if she was studying me. After a few moments I began to feel a bit nervous, wondering why she wasn't coming any farther into the room…

But I caught on quickly that she was now perusing the room, taking in the roaring fire, the fact that there was no furniture in the middle of the room and in its place was a feather futon mattress, with pillows and a light comforter all in white. Dozens and dozens of candles enclosed in cylindrical glass, all of varying heights, lit the room directly around but several feet away from where I'd set up our makeshift bed.

As her eyes caught sight of a silver bowl filled with ice, with a second, smaller bowl contained within it holding strawberries, she smiled at me.

"I see you've planned this evening out very thoroughly." She gave me my favorite little grin.

"Of course." I smiled in response. "The important thing about this evening is that we keep our promise to each other, to never sleep apart."

Her eyes narrowed. "Somehow, I don't think _sleeping_ is all that's on your agenda, Edward." She stated shrewdly.

"I'm shocked, Bella! How could you suggest such a thing with this being the eve _before_ our wedding night?" I gave her a indulgent smile.

We both laughed quietly. There was a feeling of warmth and love that was always present between us. I hoped and prayed that I would never take it for granted.

With that thought, I remembered my previous promise to her and myself, that we'd wait until we were married to be together completely. Even though we were technically already married, and because of that had already made love many times, the fact that this was the eve before our legally binding one made me feel suddenly uncomfortable with what I was about to do. As if I was taking advantage of her in some way…

"Bella, I know this may sound silly to you but I wanted to remind you that the marriage ceremony tomorrow only binds us legally, allowing you access to my property and finances... The marriage we are currently bound under already ties us together in the most important ways, allowing you access… To… Well, me. Completely."

We began to stare deeply at each other. The only sound in the room was our breathing and the fire. As our eyes roamed over each other's faces and bodies, the teasing and lighthearted tone that we'd just been experiencing morphed and changed into something else.

"I know, sweetheart." She stated very quietly.

I reached both my arms straight out from my body towards her, curling my fingers towards myself. "My love, please come here."

She hesitated.

It was only for a split second but it made my heart skip and I felt the nervousness return quickly. However, she bent down to her feet and removed her shoes, lightly tossing them in the direction of one of the chairs.

She then came towards me, and quite honestly, I'd never seen her like this before. She looked almost… Predatory.

She reached her arms and hands out. As she got to where I was standing, right in front of our romantic sleeping area, she slowed. As she finally reached me and our fingers touched, the electricity that was ever present between us when things turned to desire sparked dramatically.

I heard her sharp intake of breath. "This is… So magical Edward…" Her eyes, while lust danced within them, were still bright and happy.

I did something I had never, in my entire life, done before. I felt it begin at my toes and head straight up to the center of my chest. I _growled_ at her. "Come here." I commanded.

She swiftly came to me, erasing the space that had existed between our two bodies.

It was as if we'd never been together before. As if we would never be together again. It was raw and passionate as we groped over each other's bodies to remove our clothing as quickly as possible, kissing deeply and thoroughly.

We found ourselves naked and on our knees on the feather mattress facing each other with our hands intertwined between of us, breathing heavily.

"You are the most beautiful creature I have _ever_ seen." I told her—my need for her shaking me to the core.

She still had that predatory glint in her eyes and as I watched her, she released my fingers from hers. I felt my growl return but she quickly stilled it when she reached up with both her hands to run her fingers along either side of my face at my jaw line.

"I was made for you. As I am yours, you are mine. Always."

She'd barely finished speaking when she suddenly closed the space between our bodies completely. Her arms had gone around my neck and mine had gone around her waist. Our fingers were digging into each other's skin.

Our tongues were dancing together and our moans of pleasure were not very loud, as if we both wanted our passion to remain under our tight control. I knew if she became too loud, I _would_ lose control… And I did not want to lose control. I wanted it to be passionate between us, yes, but not frenzied. I wanted her to feel my love for her, not my overpowering urge to covet her, to possess her.

She seemed to feel exactly the same way.

She was still kissing me but I could feel her hands drift away from my neck, slowly down my chest, carefully around to my back from under my arms, tenderly along my spine… Her hands felt like she was trailing fire along my skin.

And then _she _growled.

"Make love to me as if you never have before. Make me yours." She whispered intensely.

I growled again in response to her, feeling my fingers tighten around her waist. I slowly pushed her down onto her back into the soft mattress and while doing so, reached behind her knees to pull her legs out from under her. I moved her thighs apart with my legs and she raised her knees slightly. As she lifted her upper body slightly off the mattress to place her hands back around my neck, she pulled on my hair as if she was going to try and pull me bodily into her.

"Edward." She implored me, not desperately but commanding.

I had never, ever felt this kind of burning desire and outright _need_. Not for anyone or anything.

I possessed her quickly but then I began to move as slowly as I could. Even though we'd been on the edge of it being frenzied and manic, I slowed us down as we got to the actual act of making love.

We went from speed and furor to passion and delight.

As I held myself up with my elbows, just barely above her, I watched her reaction to our change in pace. I brushed her hair back, leaving my hands on each side of her face as I tenderly caressed her ears and her jaw with my fingertips. She looked up at me while placing her bottom lip between her teeth. I bent my head down to her slightly, gently kissing her lips to encourage her to release her bottom lip and whispered how much I adored her. I then languidly tangled our tongues together as I changed my angle just enough to increase my depth into her glorious body. She responded by wrapping her legs around me and moving with me.

I could see her begin to unravel, slowly losing her control, even though she was trying so hard not to. She began to breathe more shallowly, then more rapidly, until… I felt the extreme intensity of her grip on the hair at the back of my neck during her release. I kissed her on her nose, her eyes, her forehead…

I had begun to feel proud of myself but a single tear rolled down her cheek and I was about to stop because of it.

She gathered enough air into her lungs to quietly tell me she loved me as she beamed up at me with a contented smile.

I realized that we were completing each other in a way that was both astonishing and beautiful at the same time... This realization almost took my breath away. My body's response to this thought and the knowledge that I had just given her so much pleasure was to move more deeply and with a slightly increased tempo...

I was trying to concentrate on what I was doing and as the feeling of completeness enveloped me, as I felt myself let go, I somehow maintained enough control to tell her in a whisper that I loved her too.

There had been so much intense pleasure but we had remained quiet—no shouting or screaming. It simply would have broken the sanctity of our moment.

We'd managed to go from an animalistic lust for each other to sharing our love and completing each other magnificently.

I was hovering over her body and Bella was quietly but happily crying. I gently kissed her nose and she giggled as her face took on a warm glow. She rubbed her nose to mine and we sighed at the same time. We were both out of breath and smiling at each other.

However, we still didn't speak. There were no words necessary.

I did not want to move. But I knew we could not sleep in our current, _connected_ positions. I carefully rolled away from her, pulling her with me as I laid down next to her. She had both her hands on my chest as she nestled her head into the crook of my arm. I reached behind me and pulled the comforter over our bodies to keep us warm… I barely brushed my lips across her forehead, kissing her, then holding my lips against her for several minutes, before I tucked her against my body a little more tightly so we could drift off to a peaceful slumber together.

We'd been completely in tune to each other's bodies, our wants and our needs for each other. It was… Perfect. She was perfect. She'd told me later that I'd been perfect for her.

I reminded her that we now had two very different experiences to pull from later in life, and that we also had two wedding anniversaries to celebrate. I'll never forget the look on her face, her eyes big as saucers and then the enormous grin that had spread across her face… And then we laughed together.

We really had been made for each other. There was no doubt about it.

~~:::~~


	24. Chapter 24—Adversity Then Prosperity

"_Adversity is like a strong wind.  
><em>_It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn,  
><em>_so that we see ourselves as we really are."  
><em>_Arthur Golden_

CHAPTER 24: ADVERSITY THEN PROSPERITY

The wedding was… Beautiful, peaceful, joyous, even fun. Now Edward could wear his wedding ring on his finger all the time instead of on a chain around his neck. He chose to continue to wear the chain, however. He said it was a special gift to him, a loving memory of mine of my mother that I chose to share with him.

Alice had been a little difficult on the morning of our wedding. But when I gave her the gist of what Edward had done, she was actually a little jealous. Jasper was pretty romantic but Edward had really impressed her with his originality and creativeness.

I must have had a silly grin on my face because Edward reached over from his airline seat, in first class of course, and brushed my hair back from my face tucking it neatly behind my ear. "What are you giggling about, love?"

"Just thinking about the night _before_ our second wedding." I gave him a lazy smile. He grinned in response.

We were flying. Again. This time our destination would be for our honeymoon. Even though I hadn't picked the final destination, I had given Edward the general idea of where I wanted to go: Italy.

We were heading to southern Italy, the Bay of Naples on the isle of Capri, to a hotel perched on a cliff 1,000 feet above the sea. Edward had procured the largest suite at the Hotel Caesar Augustus, the 'Suite Cesare.'

Unbeknownst to him, I'd done a little research on this particular hotel… And I couldn't believe what Edward had set us up for. Our suite—I definitely couldn't call it a room—was filled with roman and Greek antiques, a panoramic view of the sea, a Jacuzzi, a private terrace and access to an infinity pool. In a word? Spectacular.

Even though I hadn't told him I'd researched our honeymoon destination, I knew I wouldn't be lying when I acted surprised. I knew that as fantastic as the pictures were, there would be no way they could do the place justice. I had no doubt I'd cry once the porter dropped off our luggage and left us to our own devices.

Other than touring the Island itself, there were plans to visit Pompeii, Sorrento, and even Naples. We would be in Italy for three entire weeks. After Edward had helped me get over the shock of what he'd planned for our honeymoon, I ruefully decided maybe it _wasn't_ so bad to be married to someone wealthy.

We would be seeing this part of Italy during the 'off' season, since technically it was winter. It was one of the reasons he'd picked the area, since he'd really wanted to take me to Tuscany but he wanted me to see it in all its glory in the spring or summer.

He admitted to me that he wanted to take a second honeymoon around his birthday in June to Tuscany. He said we deserved two honeymoons since we had two wedding dates. _I_ thought he was just making excuses to take me away to exotic locals…

He thought it would be fun to stay at a northern Italian villa that offered local and regional cooking lessons, since he loved my cooking and thought it would be great to learn some new recipes together, especially with my Italian ancestry. He didn't think I knew enough Italian dishes. I'd rolled my eyes at that comment. I actually surprised him when I told him that I'd be happy to do that, as long as it was close to Lucca. It was a traditional, 'typical' Italian town and was very charming and peaceful. I'd actually had a friend in college that had spent one summer there, hence my intimate knowledge of the locale.

As we were lounging in our honeymoon suite's four-poster bed with its white, gauzy canopy after another love making session, Edward began to rub small circles into my shoulder.

"Love, you looked so amazing in your wedding dress." He gave a small sigh and kissed my temple.

"Oh Edward… It was only because I was so happy getting hitched to you."

"Hitched? That's not very… Romantic." Sometimes his British-ness would come out at odd times. But I knew what he meant. I giggled.

"Don't be difficult." I huffed at him, pretending to be annoyed.

"Hey, since we're an old married couple now…" I gave him a poke in the ribs. "Ow! Stop that! Anyway, don't you think when we get back home I should teach you how to drive the English way?"

"Oh… Um. O.k.?" I answered him sounding like I was asking his permission.

"Well it's just that as I get busier with the management of the estate, Mrs. Bailes won't always be able to take you places that you need to go… And it just makes sense." He gave me a little squeeze. "You told me once you were an independent woman and to me, having your own transportation is an important part of being independent."

"You. Are. Correct." I sighed. "I think I'll be o.k. after a while but it's still pretty nerve wracking, you know?" I craned my neck upwards so I could give him my scrunched face with one eye closed.

He chuckled. "_God_ you're so _cute_." He kissed me wetly on the forehead. "Well work on it as soon as we get back. You'll be fine. I do suggest, however, that we get you a vehicle that's an automatic."

"I don't need you to bu…" I felt him tense and so I did too. But I'd actually done my research on this particular subject. "Look, I was just going to say that I don't need you to buy something crazy like an Aston Martin or anything. I'd be happy with a BMW, actually."

He looked at me through his eyelashes. "Hmmm. Since when do you…"

I pushed myself up off the mattress and leaned over his head to reach the bedside table. I was so comfortable with him by this point that I didn't even think about the fact that I was still naked.

As I came back to sit next to him on the bed with the notes that I'd taken, I noticed that his eyes had slightly glazed over. "Ummmm, that was rather distracting…" He started rolling over to reach for me and pull me back to him to be closer to his body. "You can't do things like that without there being consequences…"

I swatted the top of his head. "Stop that. I have something important to tell you! I did some research. I know exactly what car I want!" I was really excited to share this with him.

He apparently was rather miffed that not only had I rebuffed him but had actually smacked his head. "I don't care. That wasn't necessary." He sounded really pouty and had even crossed his arms over his chest. It was a little difficult to take him seriously however, since he was still laying on his back with the bed sheet barely covering his legs and hips.

I leaned away from him and spread my legs a little bit. While keeping my eyes glued to his, I reached down to rest my hand against my inner thigh. I placed my other hand very suggestively against my neck, and began running one finger down towards my breasts, with my head slightly tilted to one side. "I'm sorry…" I said this with as much lust in my voice as I could manage.

He actually gulped. "O.k." And his voice was suddenly whisper quiet.

I immediately went back to sitting cross-legged and looked at my little piece of paper that I had dropped next to me on the bed. "Yeah, so, I would like to test drive a X6 xDrive35i. They've got several really nice shades of blue, too. You'll have to help me with the accessories but this particular model is all wheel drive, which I thought would be good for winter driving. You know, safer and stuff."

I was so excited and he was so shocked that we both started laughing uncontrollably.

After the laughter had died down some, I went back to lying beside him on the bed though not as close to him as I had been before. He slowly reached over to me and ran his index finger from my knee up to my hip, across to my bellybutton and up to my breasts. He leaned over to me, resting his head against his other hand as he did so, and carefully placed his once trailing hand over my right breast without actually touching my skin.

I watched as his eyes darkened. "I'm very happy you've put some thought into a vehicle that you'd like me to buy for you. However, that really wasn't very nice. I think I'm going to have to teach you a lesson."

He suddenly moved from the front of my chest to placing both his hands on my sides… And began tickling me mercilessly. "Apologize!" I almost couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. "Say you're sorry… Come on!"

"I… I'm… sooorry…" I almost couldn't get the words out at all. He immediately stopped tickling me.

He fell backwards onto his back with his hands resting on my hips. "That's better. Oh, and by the way, that was incredibly hot the way you sat and posed for me like that." His eyes were back to their dark green depths of lust and passion.

I suddenly didn't feel like playing games with him anymore—even innocent ones. I sat up again balancing myself on my slightly spread knees and then leaned my body forward, resting my hands on his shoulders and pushed my chest slightly towards him arching my back as I did so. I took the hand that he had hovered over me and pulled it down to rest high against my inner thigh. "Who's posing?"

He gave me a little growl, pulled me to himself and immediately started kissing and touching me all over.

As we both paused to try and catch our breath, he placed his lips against the skin below my right ear. "Bella… Someday you will give me a heart attack… But at least we'll both be really, really happy while it's happening…" He whispered against my skin seductively.

He almost gave _me_ a heart attack that afternoon. My loving, joyful, passionate husband.

~~:::~~

Our honeymoon had truly been like living a dream.

When I was at college, people would talk about some exotic trip they'd taken to Belize or Fiji or Europe—take your pick of far away locations—and they would describe the water, the sky and the land with sharp, focused color names. Even with their photographs as a guide, I could never quite picture what it _really_ looked like, what it would look like to me if I were there in person.

Until our honeymoon.

I knew from kindergarten that there were some very descriptively named colors: midnight blue, indigo, cerulean, aquamarine, burnt sienna, forest green… But even with an unlimited supply of paper and all those different crayons available to me growing up, nothing could have prepared me for _experiencing_ those colors for myself.

It was exquisitely beautiful.

I was, however, not at all sad to be back home. We had our memories, our photographs, and the ability to go back.

With Edward's wealth it wasn't a question of ever having any difficulty in going wherever we would like. It was simply a matter of timing.

We both loved to travel but the estate was important to both of us also. It was actually the most important thing in both of our lives—well, except for each other.

However, it was a strange feeling to be reading 'Sense and Sensibility' in the library while gazing out the large windows, picturing how life felt similarly to me from Ms. Austen's descriptions, only to have a tractor drive by. I always had to laugh at myself when things like that happened.

It had been feeling fairly routine around the estate for several months after our return from our honeymoon. But as winter became spring, Edward had become busier and busier. It looked like it was time for me to spread some wings and fly—or at least be able to fly around the countryside by myself when necessary.

After several weeks of practicing driving on English country lanes, roads and even the expressway, Edward took me to Chichester to purchase my brand new BMW crossover. It wasn't really a wagon nor was it a full SUV. We were both really happy with it. Instead of the sea blue I had picked out in my mind, I ended up with a blue gray one—sort of an ice blue. I loved it.

As I 'spread my wings' so to speak, I made many discoveries. The nearest towns were Midhurst and Petworth. The nearest large town, really a small city, was Chichester. Even though Chichester had a bit of everything, even a McDonalds, I enjoyed shopping in the more local towns much better. I had a soft spot for Petworth especially. There was an actual bakery shop, butcher shop, and even a candlestick maker. Well, candle maker, anyway. It was an ancient and charming walled village. If I wanted to be more 'modern,' I could hit the Budgens grocery store in Midhurst. It reminded me of the 'Fresh & Easy' markets in the U.S.

Midhurst also had a Boots Pharmacy, similar to a Walgreens in the States. Which is where I had found myself on a fine summer's day in June, only a few days before Edward's 30th birthday.

I had nervously made my purchases that day, and was now waiting and pacing by our bed in our bedroom, staring at my bedside clock every few seconds.

After the required amount of time had been reached, I looked down at my hands with my eyes closed. As I slowly opened them, I could see the results for myself. I had already performed this test twice before this one, with the same result each time. I sighed.

I was finally pregnant.

I would have been overjoyed, excited beyond belief and even giddy, if it wasn't for the fact that Edward and I hadn't spoken much to each other in almost five days. Not for lack of wanting to, of course. He was just overwhelmed with managing the estate. Even with Thomas' and Joseph's immense amount of help, he was drowning. I knew this. I could see it taking its toll on my husband.

So, even though I wanted to give Edward the happy news right away, I knew I needed to help him with his current problems first. I knew I could only be a few weeks pregnant, probably only four or five, so it could technically wait another day.

As I started pacing again, I had the thought that perhaps I could just wait until his birthday and give him the most unexpected and wonderful present. I decided right then that's what I would do. I would tell no one. I would simply brightly wrap a now empty pregnancy test box and give it to him first thing on his birthday on the 20th.

With that settled, it was now time to step into my role as Lady of the estate. Since Edward was overwhelmed, the estate couldn't possibly be getting his best or fullest attention, so I would start with that tact when speaking with him.

I was already dressed in black dress pants and a small white oxford shirt—one of Edward's favorite outfits on me. I had spent some extra time on my hair that morning so that it was very shiny and sleek looking. I also decided to throw him for a little bit of a loop and wear my black dress shoes that I'd worn for our first official party, with the three inch heels and rhinestones, which would make a nice clicking noise as I crossed from the door of his office to his desk. I thought of Alice and Rosalie and smiled. They would be so proud of me.

As I reached his office door, I could hear him practically yelling at someone on the phone. I didn't want to eavesdrop but I was concerned for him. I didn't think I'd ever heard him so angry.

"I'm doing fine and NO, I do not need to… Now, look here… I will not continue this conversation! Goodbye." I heard him slam the phone back into its cradle.

As I tentatively opened the door I could see that he was standing in a very defensive posture. His shoulders and arms were stiff as he held the bridge of his nose between the long fingers of his right hand. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

As I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me, I looked back to see his face had only slightly changed. He had dropped his hand from his face and his eyes were now open and boring into me as he looked at me suspiciously.

I instantly felt self-conscious. I reminded myself that I was here for him, for the estate, and for our child. If he killed himself over work before I'd even been able to tell him that we were expecting, I didn't think I'd survive it.

With that thought, I pushed my shoulders back and confidently strode toward his desk. I had to suppress my smirk when his eyes flickered down to my feet as my shoes clicked against the wood flooring. As I reached one of the deep leather guest chairs that sat in front of his massive wood desk, I gracefully sat at the edge of the seat and crossed my legs at the ankle, tucking them slightly under the chair. I stared at his face as I placed my hands lightly into my lap and waited.

He leaned forward, placing his now fisted hands on top of his desk, with his arms ram-rod straight and his head bowed slightly towards his chest. He let out a noisy breath. "Isabella, now is not a good time." He looked back up at me and I felt slightly intimidated.

And then… I remembered why I was here in the first place.

After I had decided that I would go away to college, I had a hard time speaking up for myself, with Jacob's family, my dad, even my classmates. Over the last few years I had discovered that if I didn't speak up for myself and for the things I believed in, no one else was going to do it for me. I gained even more confidence in myself after college and as I began making strides at my job.

However, it was with Edward that I learned that sometimes you must speak up for not only yourself but for those that you love too. Even if they would have difficulty in listening to you.

Their difficulty in hearing you did not change the fact that in certain instances you would have to speak up, that you would have absolutely no choice no matter how painful it would be for you and them.

This was one of those times.

I gazed into his eyes deeply as I spoke. "Edward. You are my husband. You are the Lord of this estate. I am therefore the Lady of this estate." I didn't hesitate or drop my eyes from his.

He was now staring at me with a strange expression on his face. It wasn't exactly anger but it wasn't happiness either. I continued on before he could interrupt.

"Due to my love for you as well as our estate, in my capacity as the Lady of said estate, I must make you fully aware that you are currently overwhelmed and under staffed. You have taken on too much and therefore are unable to put your fullest and best attention towards the needs of the estate. You must hire a new Estate Manager. Immediately."

Now I could see the anger.

"You presume too much Isabella." His voice was deep and rich. But not in a seductive way... I hid my gulp well.

There had been two previous times that Edward had looked at me with anything other than either curiosity or love in his eyes.

The first time was when we were still at his grandmothers and he'd told me that I hadn't ever experienced loss, the second was when he'd thought that I had discounted his feelings when he'd told me that he wanted me to be his wife.

This was much worse.

He was dismissive.

As if, nothing I had said meant anything. As if, I didn't mean anything to him.

I knew of course that he was being incredibly unreasonable and that he previously had been very angry with someone else on the phone, who had obviously been saying something similarly to him as I just had.

I also knew that deep down, he loved me. _That_ would never change.

However, I realized that I had three options at this point. I could get angry back. I could get upset and cry. Or I could ignore his outburst.

I choose door number three.

"I will ignore that statement. I am neither presumptuous nor will I be dismissed. I have told you what needs to be done. If it is not, then by the end of this week I will take matters into my own hands."

I was now afraid to continue looking into his eyes. As I'd finished my rebuke and dropped my eyes, I caught a look of utter fury on his face.

I rose gracefully from my seat and walked stiffly and purposefully from the room. I was nervous enough, however, that I headed straight for the stairs, gripping the banister tightly and continued on to the kitchen rather than to my own office or to our bedroom.

I only hoped that as he cooled down, he would seriously think over the things that I had said. I prayed fervently for it.

~~:::~~

After my disastrous telephone conversation with Rosalie about a new estate manager, Bella came to see me. At first, I was slightly taken aback by her appearance. She was absolutely stunning. The heels she was wearing were just sexy as hell. However, I was too angry to tell her.

Mistake number one.

She then told me in a very poised and ladylike manner, that I was overwhelmed. In over my head. Drowning.

I was, of course. She was absolutely correct. But to have Rosalie tell me what I should do, and then my own wife tell me almost the same thing… With the stress I was under and the lack of communication Bella and I had been having lately, I snapped.

Mistake number two.

Then to have Bella give me a solution to the current difficult situation I was in and to have her basically give me an ultimatum—I was livid. She was correct in her assessment but I was a man and was therefore prideful. I completely came unhinged.

Mistake number three.

I sighed. I was now sitting in my large, heavy leather desk chair, wondering how in the world I could tell her she had been right without losing my dignity.

She had only left me in my office fuming thirty minutes before. She had been genteel and professional. I loved her but had dismissed her and her help. I sighed again.

What the hell was I going to do?

I could go and find her, most likely in the kitchen, and tell her that I was sorry, grovel for her forgiveness and tell her that Rosalie had not only told me something similar but even had someone for me to consult with.

I rubbed my hands over my face and almost laughed at my own stupidity. Rather than try to carry the weight of the estate completely on my own shoulders, I should have spoken with Bella months ago.

Instead, I had my best friend threatening to castrate me and my wife probably wishing for her to succeed.

I thought again over exactly what Bella had said. I shook my head at her honesty, intelligence and forthrightness.

She was the brightest spot in my universe.

She was the reason the estate even continued to matter to me any more at all. Without her, it was all pointless. Useless. Hopeless.

I hung my head and dropped them into my hands as I rested my elbows on my knees. I suddenly felt giddy and stood straight up out of the chair. I had had an actual all out epiphany.

I would do three things to make up for my three very big mistakes.

One: I would apologize. As part of my apology, I would give her an enormous bouquet of wildflowers from the back garden that I would pick out myself momentarily.

Two: I would tell her that I had not been honest with her or myself over the last few months and had needed her guidance and judgment. I would ask her to begin doing so immediately.

Three: I would give her the person's resume to peruse and request that she give me her assessment of the individual Rosalie had suggested, and that I agreed that a decision would be required from us both before the end of the week.

As I headed downstairs for the music room to head out the back doors to go out among the flower beds, I thanked God that I hadn't yelled at her. The thought alone almost brought me to my knees. I knew that she wasn't fragile and would probably yell right back at me, but just the thought of taking my anger out on someone so beautiful and kind was actually painful. I felt a constriction in my chest that almost stopped me in my tracks.

As I collected blooms for her arrangement, I felt only gratitude for her obvious and intense interest in the success of the estate. More importantly, she proved once again how deeply and thoroughly she loved me. I knew that she had only spoken to me at all because of her love and concern for me.

I now had a sizable bouquet and I knew I needed to soften my stance before I approached her. I of course still felt prideful but it was now tempered with humility.

I only hoped she would allow me to at least complete the first part of my attempt at apologizing to her… My wife. My love. _My everything._

~~:::~~

I'd made it to the kitchen before I began to cry in earnest.

I wasn't sure what to expect from him now. Would he come looking for me? Would he apologize? Should I? Had he been right, and I really had presumed too much?

No.

I knew that as his wife, his mate, his partner, I had done the right thing. I would not doubt myself now. I couldn't undo it anyway.

I would wait and hope that our first real fight would be the anomaly it felt like. A rarity.

But what if it wasn't? Or, _worse_, what if he couldn't see my attempted involvement for what it was? An honest effort to help him and look out for him?

I shuddered.

I tried to dry my tears with the backs of my hands rubbed over my face. I dropped my hands and placed them on my hips as I looked around the kitchen for something to keep my hands and mind busy.

Mrs. Bailes had of course taken care of cleaning up after breakfast. I knew that she had gone into Chichester for some shopping and I didn't expect her back until later that afternoon. I sighed and decided to head for the library, since there really wasn't anything for me to do in the kitchen.

I felt a few tears break free as I walked towards the library but I held my head high and walked purposefully.

I heard my name softly spoken behind me like a vow and froze. "Bella?"

I couldn't turn around. I couldn't stop my hands from moving quickly to my face, as the tears came more swiftly than I could wipe them away.

He swiftly came to me and one of his arms was around me quickly from behind. "Oh… My love." He gently turned my body so I was facing him.

He had a pained expression on his face but he also had a huge bouquet of wildflowers held tightly in his other hand. He tentatively held them towards me. "My dearest, sweetest love… Can you forgive me?"

I tried to stifle my sob but he was too quick. "My love… Please… I'm truly sorry." He held on to the flowers but wrapped both his arms around me, holding the flowers at my back. He pulled me to his chest and slowly rocked me back and forth, almost like we were dancing in place. "Shhhh. I'm so sorry." He whispered.

Feeling my tears slow, I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist as he'd pulled me to himself. "I love you Edward." I whispered back.

I heard him suck in air suddenly and he squeezed me even tighter.

I don't think he really knew what to say at that point. But, being the ever practical person that I am, I released his waist and moved my hands to rest on his chest.

I looked up into his deep emerald eyes as he continued to rock us back and forth. I reached one hand back behind me to pull his arm slowly around between us. I touched the hand that was holding the flowers, "These are so beautiful. Thank you."

He gave me a tentative smile and nodded once in recognition of my sentiment, and gripped my waist with his other hand.

"Let me take these and put them in a vase, o.k.?" I smiled tentatively up at him. He nodded his head again in acquiesce as he released his grip on them.

I held his hand in mine for a few seconds longer and we both seemed to hold our breath and release it at the same time. I took the flowers from him and slowly headed back towards the kitchen. I took the hand that was resting on my hip and held it tightly, pausing for a second so he would understand that I didn't want to lose contact with him. He squeezed my hand to let me know he understood.

After I'd found a large vase to place them in, I carefully filled it with water from the kitchen sink and set them on the island counter. I gave his hand a little squeeze and released it to straighten the blooms.

I was fidgeting now, avoiding looking into his eyes. Obviously he'd apologized but we still had to discuss what had happened and what he was going to do about what I'd told him.

I was not going to back down on my ultimatum regarding the estate. I wasn't sure if he understood that.

He came to stand right next to me, invading my personal space in an intimate and loving way. He reached up and softly brushed my hair over my shoulder, away from my face.

He ran his fingers back along and down my cheek. "I hope you can forgive me, my love."

I nodded my head without looking up into his eyes. His stance seemed to relax slightly. I hadn't even really noticed how tense he was until he wasn't any longer.

"We need to discuss what you told me. About… Me and the estate. Will you come with me to the library?" I nodded to him again. He sighed as he took my smaller hand into his large, warm one and pulled me towards the library.

As we passed the vase of beautiful sunny flowers, I dropped his hand and picked it up off the counter. "I think we'll put these in the library." I smiled up at him.

He gave me a slightly faltering smile back. "O.k."

As we headed for the library with awkward steps, I pulled the vase of flowers tightly to my abdomen so I could see over the tops of the flowers. I heard a small chuckle from just behind me and couldn't help but giggle in response.

"As usual you've gone all out. Thank you, again. They're very beautiful."

I could hear his laughter change cadence. "Not as beautiful as you, however." As we continued to walk towards the library, he placed his hand on the small of my back.

A sense of peace enveloped me and I knew then that we would be alright. We could have disagreements and even all out arguments but as long as we came back together to discuss them, I knew we would always be o.k.

As we reached the library door, however, I hoped that we would be discussing what I had told him and not having another argument so soon after the first.

As I looked at the flowers he'd given me, I became hopeful when I realized the effort he must have gone to, to collect them for me. I sighed. Even though we'd been married for such a short time, I truly felt that we had a strong marriage. A strong partnership.

These thoughts helped to relieve some of my apprehension about our upcoming conversation. As I headed to one of the round side tables to set the vase down, I felt his hand ghost up my spine from my lower back and when he reached my neck, he gave it a slight massage.

_Here we go…_ I thought, as we both reached the loveseat by the window, sitting down and turning to face each other slightly while holding hands between us.

He loved me. And I certainly loved him. We would be alright. We had to be. It was just that simple.

~~:::~~

I stared down at her slight frame next to me on the loveseat. I glanced down at our intertwined hands—her left to my right.

She was beautiful, strong and loving. I still had trouble believing she had chosen me to spend the rest of her mortal life with, and that she and I both dreamed of spending our eternities together.

I felt shame for how I had treated her. She must have noticed my sudden fallen countenance, because she reached up and caressed my cheek with the hand that wasn't holding mine. I closed my eyes to savor the feel of her soft hand against my slightly stubble-covered jaw. "Bella… Have you… Have you forgiven me?" I swallowed hard, awaiting her response but I couldn't stop myself from looking at her to gauge her reaction to my question.

She did not remove her hand from my face. "Yes." She stated simply.

She let out a long breath. "However…" She began slowly. I winced internally awaiting what she would say next. "I truly believe that you are overwhelmed and it has affected our relationship. Let alone the fact that the estate couldn't possibly be getting your best or fullest attention right now."

She brushed her fingers around my eyes and then held them lightly to my lips. "I really, truly believe that it would be best if you hired someone to be the estate manager, and you took on a roll as more of an overseer."

I reached up with my free hand and took hers away from my face and held it tightly. _Best to make this simple._ "I agree." I then gave her my most winning smile.

She laughed and squeezed my hands. "O.k., well… _That_ was easy. Would you like to discuss your ideas on solving world peace now?" She looked at me with her eyebrows raised but I could see the playfulness of her tone in her eyes.

"Bella, that's the point. This _should_ have been easy. There shouldn't even have been a fight about this. There are several things that I need to tell you." I re-set myself on the couch as I looked at her a bit gravely.

She nodded her head and smiled generously at me to continue. "One, I am very thankful that you have accepted my apology." I paused for only a moment.

"Two, I have not been honest with you or myself over the last few months. I've needed your guidance and judgment and should have been seeking for it earnestly. I would like to ask that you immediately begin doing so."

She giggled again. "I sort of just did."

I had to laugh with her. "Hmmm. I suppose you're right." I sighed. "Well, that's good. I've got one more item for discussion though. When you came into the office this morning, I had just gotten off the phone with Rosalie. She had basically told me something very similar to what you ended up telling me."

"She emailed me a person's recommendation and I'd really like for you to look it over and give me your assessment of the gentleman. When we agree on someone, I would like that decision to be acted upon immediately, as you'd requested."

I took a deep breath and let it out noisily. "Well, what do you think, my love?"

She had a mischievous glint in her eye as she responded to me. "I feel sort of let down. That was _way_ too easy. We've had our first major fight and it was solved quickly and without too much fuss." She gave me a rather seductive pout. "Does this mean we can't have make-up sex?"

I barked out an edgy laugh. "Mrs. Cullen, we can make love whenever you'd like. But right now, we need to go back up to the office and decide on how to proceed regarding finding a new estate manager." I gave her a serious shake of my head with one eyebrow cocked at her.

She scooted over towards me on the loveseat and wrapped her leg around my calf. "Ummm. O.k. If you _say_ so…" She giggled at me.

I chuckled along with her. How does she do it? Make me feel all silly and happy?

By loving me unconditionally, that's how.

I shook my head at her and she took my hand in hers to play with my fingers. We got up and headed out of the library hand in hand.

We went upstairs but took a detour from the office to our bedroom. "My sexy wife—you know you have me completely wrapped around your finger, right?"

She just laughed at my comment. "Yep!"

~~:::~~

As we walked into our bedroom, I had the sudden sinking feeling that I might not have put the pregnancy test box away to wrap it up later, to give to him on his birthday.

I gritted my teeth and kept chanting in my head: _'Don't let it still be sitting on the bed, don't let it still be sitting on the bed…'_

Since I had walked into the room first, I waited until he had turned to close the door behind us before I quickly stood on my tiptoes to rake my eyes across the bedcovers. Nope. I hadn't left it there.

But… I no longer felt that it was right to wait to tell him.

We'd had our first major fight and he now realized that he needed to make some serious changes in how the estate was being run. He needed some really good news. About us. About our future.

Before he could sweep me up in his arms to take me to our bed, I touched his forearm lightly with my fingertips. "Edward… I need to talk to you about one other thing…" I trailed my fingers along his arm as I headed slowly to the armchairs by the fireplace. I took my shoes off and sat down while folding my legs under me, with my hands resting on my lap.

As he walked over to sit in the chair across from me, I picked up on a look of confusion that flitted through the green depths of his eyes. "Oh. O.k. …" He sat down slowly and crossed one of his ankles over the top of his other knee, leaving one hand resting on his bent knee and his other on the heel of his shoe.

I reached out to him, clasping and unclasping my fingers so that he would reach out to me and hold my hands. He hesitated for only a moment, and as he held my hands in his I saw the look of apprehension in his eyes change to one of wonderment. I realized that he must have picked up on the fact that I was ready to burst with happiness.

"Sweetheart…?" His dark eyebrows came together a little bit as he spoke his term of endearment for me but he also gave me his crooked grin, smiling encouragingly at me.

I pulled in an obvious, big breath and gave him my biggest smile. "Edward, I'm pregnant!" I let all the air out of my lungs as I'd spoken.

There were a few seconds where I could actually see his mind processing this bit of information. His eyebrows shot up and his eyes grew impossibly large. "You're… You're pregnant?"

He was suddenly kneeling in front of my chair, grasping my legs tightly in his iron grip. "Truly?" As he asked me this small but immensely important question, he tenderly placed one hand on my abdomen.

The look of adoration and devotion that spread across his face as he stared at my stomach covered with his large hand was magical.

I immediately placed both my hands over his. "Yes, truly." I could feel tears of happiness and elation slowly trickle down my cheeks. And I had been planning on waiting to tell him? Insane, that's what I was…

He tore his eyes away from my currently flat belly and worshipfully brushed his fingers over both my cheeks, gently wiping away my tears.

"My sweetest Bella." He leaned in as close as he could to me while leaving his one hand on my stomach, kissing my eyelids, my nose, my chin and then with his eyes roaming over my face, he whispered. "You are my world. My entire world. And I promise that I will work at being the best husband… And _father_, that I possibly can be."

"I know…" As soon as I had the words out, he tightened his grip around my body, picked me up and took me to our bed.

Incredibly, unbelievably, he reverently loved me in ways that he hadn't before.

Every few moments during our lovemaking he would whisper words of love, devotion, even respect to me. It was different but the same… I didn't think he could love me any more than he had already. But he did and I _knew_ he always would.

The love we had for our child was strong and unwavering.

The love we had for our families, our friends, and even the estate was never ending.

In the grand scheme of things, it may not have taken us long to reach this place of nirvana and happiness but it was just as real as if we'd known each other our entire lives.

As if we'd already loved each other… Forever.

THE END

~~:::~~

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><p><strong><em>AN: Whew! That was fun. MAN I love these two characters. Hope ya'll enjoyed the ride! Please let me know your thoughts via a review. Thanks sooooooooooooooooooo much for reading!_**


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